CSN Login
Members Online: 0

You are here

Still Here

Posts: 389
Joined: Mar 2013

Sorry it has been a while since I have posted, I hope I did not create any un-needed worry. I am a week out of the first cycle of IL2 and FootStomper you are right the staff handling me are incredible.  I am still very ill from the IL2 even though I have been home for nearly a week.  This has to be the worst thing I have ever experienced in my life.  Now I am in radiation for a few more days and then I get a break for a few days and it is back to the hospital for more IL2.  The doctors said my body reacted just they way they were hoping but we won't know if it is working on the tumors until a few weeks after the second session, I hate to think that it isn't working after all that I have endured.  

I finally broke down for the first time this week, to this point I have never really felt sick for the most part now I realize that I am living with cancer the financial burden, the physical burden and mental burden became to much for me.  I was sitting on the radiation table and I just started to cry the staff were quick to be by my side but I must admit I am tired of all of this.  I want my old normal back.  

Thank you for all your prayers and support and thank you for letting me vent.  God bless everyone of us tonight who share in the fighting of this disease and God Bless our families for enduring all of the pain that goes with this disease along side of us.  I will try and right after session two when my strength gets back.  



Jojo61's picture
Posts: 1310
Joined: Oct 2013

Mark, thank you for posting. We all think about you and are behind you 100%! Stay strong. I am keeping you in my thoughts and prayers that this treatment is successful and not too hard on your poor body.

Look forward to hearing any updates!

Big hugs


hardo718's picture
Posts: 853
Joined: Jan 2016

You have been through SO much.  I will continue praying for you and that the treatments are successful.  I'm looking forward to some good news from you soon.  I tend to be resistant of "letting go" of my emotions (it's probably a control thing for me I'm told), and yet I realize that it can be very cleansing, so to speak.  All those tears can really clean things up.  Altho I need to practice what I preach, feel free to let the river flow, for it has little to do with strength.  The toll is undoubtedly a lot to deal with, for all involved.

Keep the faith Sir,



Allochka's picture
Posts: 969
Joined: Nov 2014

Good luck, Mark. As Donna said, tears do help. Don't be ashamed, it is so understandable, and good for you. Sorry to hear about side effects, but I've heard that when you feel bad due to medicine- that means ir is working!

icemantoo's picture
Posts: 3353
Joined: Jan 2010

Sending good Karma for you to fight back with.



Footstomper's picture
Posts: 1238
Joined: Dec 2014

Its do-able isnt it? It certainly had a profound effect of my tumours and , as you say , the staff are a breed apart. Well done and good luck. We will be thinking of you, and dont forget that self-sorrow is a brief madness. Good luck for the next ride.

JerzyGrrl's picture
Posts: 761
Joined: Jun 2016

Thanks for checking in, letting us know how things are going.  Sounds like you have a good team -- medical team, family / friends, and us here.  All the best on this next round.

Posts: 123
Joined: Jun 2014

Sending positive vibes and good karma that the IL2 brings you to NED. Take care and stay strong, Panda

marosa's picture
Posts: 333
Joined: Feb 2015

and when I say this, It has nothing to do with tears, they too have their healing effect.  Sending loving healing thoughts your way.

APny's picture
Posts: 1998
Joined: Mar 2014

Sending you hugs and prayers. I'm so sorry IL2 is so hard on you. Hoping that as bad as it is now, it will have great results for you. Hang in there xo

foxhd's picture
Posts: 3183
Joined: Oct 2011

it is the worse thing you'll ever experience. I know. Il-2 feels like it may be killing you. I could not eat, or sleep for all 5 days of each cycle. Dry heaves, diarrhea, and hallucinations. Near psychosis when I got home. This is an exclusive club my friend. That's why I suggested on focusing on getting to the end date of treatments. When it is over, you will say that you would do it again. I've also experienced 2 weeks of radiation when I was at my sickest a couple years back. I had lost the use of my arms and needed a wheelchair. So I know that you can do it. Tell yourself that you can recover from anything. Just hang in therre. Have faith in your care team and yourself.

danbren2's picture
Posts: 311
Joined: May 2013

I do remember when Fox was going through that and I thought how can anyone survive that!  You guys have done all the work for us, when and if we have to go through it.  We know what to expect and know it is a huge battle!  Thank you for all your doing, may God Bless you and help keep you strong! 



Footstomper's picture
Posts: 1238
Joined: Dec 2014

Dont forget you dont have to be a hero. Be honest! And the best of luck my friend.

Subscribe to Comments for "Still Here"