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CheeseQueen57's picture
CheeseQueen57
Posts: 936
Joined: Feb 2016

Hi Dear Ones,

I have follow up with my surgeon tomorrow following March 27 DaVinci and abdominal hysterectomy. I'm eager to resume my sex life, but it's been 5 months and I was 20 years post menopausal before the surgery so I'm thinking it's pretty cramped, thin, and dry down there. I'm going through 18 weeks of weekly chemo (on week 3 now) and will chase that with external and internal radiation. I'm feeling pretty well so far and I feel this is really important for my relationship although my husband has not mentioned a thing. I intend to bring the subject up with my surgeon. 

How did you all handle this?  I'm intrigued by those cone things but are they appropriate to use when on chemo?  Any info you could share I would greatly value  

 

 

EZLiving66's picture
EZLiving66
Posts: 1479
Joined: Oct 2015

My oncologist's PA said I'm good to go but so far, we haven't tried anything.  I had no pain during the examination and since I didn't have any radiation, I think that would continue.  Like your husband, my husband hasn't said a word except "I don't want to hurt you."  We're going to be at our lake house this weekend by ourselves and I thought maybe I'd bring up the subject.  Prior to the cancer we had a pretty good sex life, at least for a couple of old farts, and I miss it.  

Love,

Eldri

molimoli
Posts: 514
Joined: Aug 2014

'Hon. although we are old farts I am missing sex with you, how about you my love ? 

He will surely know that cancer has not replaced him in your head and that's a good thing.

Ps. Don't say this to him at the mall or any place like that, don't be wearing a wig, nothing about wigs are ever sexy.

Get yourself in the right 'tude ,right place, right time ,and love each other, with  inhibitions banished to another location. All will be well, you'll see. 

Moli -with more unsolicited advice, LOL

 

Sandy3185's picture
Sandy3185
Posts: 228
Joined: Oct 2013

I think this is something we have all worried about. Brachytherapy can sometimes do a number "down there" but usually regular sex or using dilators regularly keep things in good working condition. There are also creams/ointments that help with lubrication. But this is also a difficult subject for our husbands. They are afraid of hurting us and can be reluctant to make the first move.

My first symptom of uterine cancer was when I had heavy bleeding after sex. It really traumatized my husband and  it took us quite a while to get back to a regular sex life. Things are good now, but it took us quite a while to relax and enjoy sex again. Definitely talk with your doctor, just to make sure everything is "up and running"!

love and hugs, Sandy

daylady's picture
daylady
Posts: 122
Joined: Dec 2014

I had radical hysterectomy (DaVinci), chemo, and brachytherapy radiation as well.  After the brachytheraphy, they provided a dilator and I used it regularly the first year.  It helped.  My husband has the patience of Job and we went very slow.  I went out and bought myself several different kinds of lubricants and they are wonderful on lots of levels.  My husband really liked that I took that initiative.  We started out manually stimulating each other and found there are lots of ways to satisfy each other that we really hadn't tried, so once we got past our fear of what might happen to me, it slowly worked its way back to wonderful.  Good luck!!  Be patient, I was very nervous while I was going through therapy and for awhile after, and I didn't feel very sexy while I was bald.  There's lots of stuff we're dealing with, so just love each other and be patient.  It gets better!

Kvdyson's picture
Kvdyson
Posts: 789
Joined: Jan 2016

We waited for 6-weeks after surgery the first time. The gyn-onc had already given us the go-ahead. We were careful but everything worked fine. During chemo, we try to wait at least 3 days after the last day of each round so that most of the drugs are out of my body. I don't know for a fact that there would be any transfer but we've both decided that this works for us. During radiation (external), there were no limits placed at all. In fact, the rad-onc encouraged as much activity as possible. I loved that doc! ;) 

BabyCoach's picture
BabyCoach
Posts: 95
Joined: Mar 2016

I'm over it!

molimoli
Posts: 514
Joined: Aug 2014

Too funny, how did you master that ? I need lessons as :

I am tortured by anticipated thoughts of it (whatever 'it' is) but belly have to go first. This belly and I are spending time together for only 1 more day, and I am going to beg , borrow or steal some groove , Yep!

Cancer cramps our style and robs us of groove if we let it.

Moli-hugging

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Soup52's picture
Soup52
Posts: 906
Joined: Jan 2016

I'm with you baby coach! It's nice to know that I'm not alone.

TAyers's picture
TAyers
Posts: 86
Joined: Aug 2012

Astroglide, best thing ever and weekly session. Best of blessings to keep hubby happy!!!!

Kvdyson's picture
Kvdyson
Posts: 789
Joined: Jan 2016

TAyers, I agree! One thing you may have already considered is that there is some concern about certain lubricants containing parabens which may act like estrogen (phytoestrogen) in your body. If you are estrogen-sensitive (I am) be sure to read the ingredients. There are plenty out there that are paraben-free so keep having fun and enjoying each other! Kim

debrajo's picture
debrajo
Posts: 1095
Joined: Sep 2011

 

I,m with Baby Coach.....sooooo very over it!

NoTimeForCancer's picture
NoTimeForCancer
Posts: 2911
Joined: Mar 2013
molimoli
Posts: 514
Joined: Aug 2014

He may not mention it any time soon, men in this position is very terrified of appearing insensitive, so many seem to tippy toe around this very issue so it is alright for you to ask for what you need and want, gone are the days when men must always be the beggars, therefore, when you feel ready, reach out and touch---literally.

Moli -hugging and of course wishing all goes well.

CheeseQueen57's picture
CheeseQueen57
Posts: 936
Joined: Feb 2016

Got the go head from doc. Probably just need a little extra lube and get rid of little hemorrhoid problem then good to go. Will have to take it slow. I mentioned it to hubby and he made some remark about not wanting to catch anything. What?  I see some education is necessary. Like Eldri, we had a nice little gig for a couple of old farts and even thoug I probably could do a pass, I think it's still important to him. So i need to make an effort to get that part of our relationship back I think. 

BabyCoach's picture
BabyCoach
Posts: 95
Joined: Mar 2016

but for my adorable husband and me sex just got too arduous! This cream. That estrogen ring. And so on. We mourned the loss of sex - also that we can no longer jump around the sailboat, also gliding down a ski slope without worry, also staying off tall ladders! But reality is best handled when faced.   There are lots of ways to express love, affection, intimacy. Do your own thing whatever that is!

CheeseQueen57's picture
CheeseQueen57
Posts: 936
Joined: Feb 2016

ona related note, did any of you experience burning on urination after chemo?  I'm finding this a couple days post chemo. If I drink a lot of water it's better. Perhaps the effect of harsh chemicals on sensitive cells in urethra. I heard someone mention Azso as a possible solution. I'm fairly sure I don't have an infection. Comments?

Editgrl's picture
Editgrl
Posts: 903
Joined: Jun 2015

Are you having this after every chemo and then it goes away?  If so, probably just a side effect. AZO will ease the discomfort, if you are absolutely sure you don't have an infection.  If you even think you might have an infection, please get checked out.  While I didn't have this problem while on chemo, I did experience some of this during brachytherapy.  Thought it was just a side effect of the radiation, but it turned out to be more than that and I ended up with a kidney infection.  Just saying you might want to check with your doctor and see if he/she wants you to pee in a cup.

pinky104
Posts: 574
Joined: Feb 2013

I've always been one who gets urinary infections two or three times a year.  During chemo, I had them almost constantly.  I had antibiotics and as soon as I finished them, I got another infection.  I refused the Neulasta shot, and I think I kept getting the UTI's because my immune system was so bad from the chemo's having knocked it down. I sometimes have some feelings of irritation a couple of days before I get the major burning and frequency symptoms that go with my UTI's.  In fact, that happened to me this week.  I happened to be going to my PCP for some 6 month labwork for my thyroid and cholesterol checks and I just felt slightly uncomfortable "down there," so I asked to be checked.  Sure enough, another UTI.  I advise you to get it checked out before it gets worse, as others have advised.

Soup52's picture
Soup52
Posts: 906
Joined: Jan 2016

Yes, I did have this after radiation and got it checked out. Fortunately I had no infection, so I did use Azo which did help. It's always worth having possible infection checked out.

CheeseQueen57's picture
CheeseQueen57
Posts: 936
Joined: Feb 2016

I tend to get UTIs when run down too.  But I think this is just another one of the whack a mole side effects of the chemo drugs.  I hyper hydrated and symptoms abated.  I did call my doctor, as advised, though and watched my temp.  I've had enough of these to know when they've gone full blown, probably.  Note to self, drink a lot during and right after chemo.  Even if I have to drag that damn IV thing in the bathroom every 1/2 hour.  Will try to avoid Azo because of darned stains. Thanks for all advice.  I actually did find some stuff online that supported the fact that chemo can cause this.  Funny how they didn't mention this along with other stuff. 

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