All The Single Ladies

Editgrl
Editgrl Member Posts: 903 Member

This is kind of a weird question/topic but...  as a single woman, divorced for many years, I have always been very independent and self-sufficient.  As I continue my cancer journey, it has become apparent that I cannot do everything on my own anymore and I do need to ask for help.  I have a great network of friends and family who are willing to help, but I still hesitate to ask. If someone offers something specific, i.e., can I bring you dinner?  it is easy for me to accept and say yes.  It is much harder for me to call someone who has offered to run errands even though I know I can.   Anybody else have this issue and if so, how did you get over it? 

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Comments

  • NoTimeForCancer
    NoTimeForCancer Member Posts: 3,113 Member
    I'm single too.  I am very

    I'm single too.  I am very independent and my friends know it.  I will tell you this: allowing your friends to do for you is the GIFT you give them.  

    They really care about you and want to do things for you.  I will also tell you many will SAY they will do anything, and when you ask them, you will see they didn't mean it.  That's ok.  I accept that people do have their limits.  I also treasure the ones who KEPT ON COMING.  

    THOSE are the amazing people in your life.  So while you think you need something, you really are GIVING to those people as well.

  • pam0422
    pam0422 Member Posts: 25
    Accepting help

    I have been in several situations where the person who is going through the illness has someone step in and spread the word and schedule help for them. Like a best friend or favorite cousin who could spread the word and be the go to person to for people to contact to see what they can do to help you. On some days it is too hard to even answer the phone or door and be pleasant, let alone pick up the phone to ask for help. I have a minister friend with a brain tumor who had an entire church wanting to help, but that involved being ready and willing to have guests dropping in all day every day. The problem was solved by having one person coordinate the help and putting a cooler on their front porch where food, pkgs etc could be left. Do you have someone who could start an email or communication thread for you, using your contact list to let people check in and help out? Facebook is fantastic for that too if you are a facebookie.

  • Editgrl
    Editgrl Member Posts: 903 Member
    pam0422 said:

    Accepting help

    I have been in several situations where the person who is going through the illness has someone step in and spread the word and schedule help for them. Like a best friend or favorite cousin who could spread the word and be the go to person to for people to contact to see what they can do to help you. On some days it is too hard to even answer the phone or door and be pleasant, let alone pick up the phone to ask for help. I have a minister friend with a brain tumor who had an entire church wanting to help, but that involved being ready and willing to have guests dropping in all day every day. The problem was solved by having one person coordinate the help and putting a cooler on their front porch where food, pkgs etc could be left. Do you have someone who could start an email or communication thread for you, using your contact list to let people check in and help out? Facebook is fantastic for that too if you are a facebookie.

    I have an email contact list

    I have an email contact list with everyone who has offered to help through which I have been giving updates on my progress and treatment.  It's easy to manage one email to all. In the last day, since I posted, things may have started to take on a life of their own as I am now getting offers of food to be dropped off.  Early on, before surgery when people wanted to know what they could do to help, I told them that I thought I would need more help during chemo because of the fatigue and side effects.  Friends are remembering that now.  The cooler on the porch is a great idea; I have a friend who often drops by and just leaves things because she doesn't want to ring if I might be sleeping.

    NoTimeForCancer, I do understand that allowing friends to help is a gift.  I know how helpless they feel and giving them something to do allows them to feel a little less helpless.  It's just a new experience for me, and a lesson that I am now learning.  Too bad that cancer had to be the teacher.

     

  • molimoli
    molimoli Member Posts: 514
    Editgrl said:

    I have an email contact list

    I have an email contact list with everyone who has offered to help through which I have been giving updates on my progress and treatment.  It's easy to manage one email to all. In the last day, since I posted, things may have started to take on a life of their own as I am now getting offers of food to be dropped off.  Early on, before surgery when people wanted to know what they could do to help, I told them that I thought I would need more help during chemo because of the fatigue and side effects.  Friends are remembering that now.  The cooler on the porch is a great idea; I have a friend who often drops by and just leaves things because she doesn't want to ring if I might be sleeping.

    NoTimeForCancer, I do understand that allowing friends to help is a gift.  I know how helpless they feel and giving them something to do allows them to feel a little less helpless.  It's just a new experience for me, and a lesson that I am now learning.  Too bad that cancer had to be the teacher.

     

    Saddened

    Editgrl your post and the responses caused me some sadness as I realize that locking my family and friends out of this  cancer drama that keeps me in rehearsal all by myself, robs me and  is also robbing them .

    There are friends and family that I see  or speak with everyday, There is no physical changes on me for them to see so they haven't a clue.They are very happy that my grieving is minimized , because now I do a lot more than I did since my daughter's death. They are happy that I " found myself again".They dont know that I am catching up on living in my effort to outfox dying.

    I don't know how I will explain myself ,especially having surgery under everyone's noses without their imput and suggestions. Wow ! daunting task ahead explaining why I decided on going on a vacation with no one else.AAH!!!      I have lied everytime some one ask where I was all day (Cancer Centre of course) I  usually find an answer depending on who is asking.  For now I am stuck on lying and lying is stuck on me.

    All I know for sure is that I am hoping that this kind of lying is not an unforgivable sin or Moli's goose will be cooked. Oh Lord, I suddenly feel heat.hope Satan dislikes me and eject me from his place. That's my hope for my lying self today.

    My hope for you all today is uplifted spirit and courage to continue on your quest to make your selves well. I am hugging. Nuff love.

     

  • TeddyandBears_Mom
    TeddyandBears_Mom Member Posts: 1,811 Member
    molimoli said:

    Saddened

    Editgrl your post and the responses caused me some sadness as I realize that locking my family and friends out of this  cancer drama that keeps me in rehearsal all by myself, robs me and  is also robbing them .

    There are friends and family that I see  or speak with everyday, There is no physical changes on me for them to see so they haven't a clue.They are very happy that my grieving is minimized , because now I do a lot more than I did since my daughter's death. They are happy that I " found myself again".They dont know that I am catching up on living in my effort to outfox dying.

    I don't know how I will explain myself ,especially having surgery under everyone's noses without their imput and suggestions. Wow ! daunting task ahead explaining why I decided on going on a vacation with no one else.AAH!!!      I have lied everytime some one ask where I was all day (Cancer Centre of course) I  usually find an answer depending on who is asking.  For now I am stuck on lying and lying is stuck on me.

    All I know for sure is that I am hoping that this kind of lying is not an unforgivable sin or Moli's goose will be cooked. Oh Lord, I suddenly feel heat.hope Satan dislikes me and eject me from his place. That's my hope for my lying self today.

    My hope for you all today is uplifted spirit and courage to continue on your quest to make your selves well. I am hugging. Nuff love.

     

    Moli

    Moli,

    You are way too hard on yourself. Nothing you are doing needs forgiveness.

    I do think though, that you might be realizing that it is time to pull others in? This truly is not a journey to take alone.

    I wish you could recognize the wonderful spirit that you are and what you bring to others. Sharing yourself may be just what you need.

    Take care of yourself my friend Moli. Be as kind to You as you have been to others on this board.

    We will support you in your decisions.

    Love,

    Cindi

  • Sandy3185
    Sandy3185 Member Posts: 228
    Keeping family in the loop

    Moli, I've been in your shoes and I know your heart is in the right place. I too tried to protect my daughters from what was happening. I didn't tell them that I was sick at first and when I finally told them I still didn't tell them about UPSC just said it was endometrial cancer. That frightened them enuf! They did find out everything when they spoke to my gyn/onc after my 7 hour surgery. I'm still glad that I didn't tell them the whole truth from the beginning but I was so thankful for their care and concern during my recovery and treatment.

    My husband was aware from the beginning and was my rock. But it really took a toll on him. His fear and grieving pushed me to do my best to recover quickly. I really had a hard time with chemo and I was ill most of the time, so I know I couldn't have hidden everything from my family( and especially the surgery and the 6 days in the hospital!), but I often wish I could have. That being said, I would still suggest that you seriously consider letting your children know what's going on. Sure they'll be frightened but they will also want to be there for you and, I think, grateful that they COULD be there for you. They will understand why you hesitated to inform them but also relieved that you allowed them to help you. This deception is also taking a toll on you just when you need to be at your strongest. 

    Whatever you decide, I know you will be doing what feels right to you and for your family,

    Sandy

  • molimoli
    molimoli Member Posts: 514
    Sandy3185 said:

    Keeping family in the loop

    Moli, I've been in your shoes and I know your heart is in the right place. I too tried to protect my daughters from what was happening. I didn't tell them that I was sick at first and when I finally told them I still didn't tell them about UPSC just said it was endometrial cancer. That frightened them enuf! They did find out everything when they spoke to my gyn/onc after my 7 hour surgery. I'm still glad that I didn't tell them the whole truth from the beginning but I was so thankful for their care and concern during my recovery and treatment.

    My husband was aware from the beginning and was my rock. But it really took a toll on him. His fear and grieving pushed me to do my best to recover quickly. I really had a hard time with chemo and I was ill most of the time, so I know I couldn't have hidden everything from my family( and especially the surgery and the 6 days in the hospital!), but I often wish I could have. That being said, I would still suggest that you seriously consider letting your children know what's going on. Sure they'll be frightened but they will also want to be there for you and, I think, grateful that they COULD be there for you. They will understand why you hesitated to inform them but also relieved that you allowed them to help you. This deception is also taking a toll on you just when you need to be at your strongest. 

    Whatever you decide, I know you will be doing what feels right to you and for your family,

    Sandy

    I appreciate

    Well said and well taken Sandy,I  intend to tell I really do, I don't yet know how the interupted lives will move forward  yet another time, Oh me ,oh my.

    I will work on it,I promise.  Yes the deception is draining mentally.Thank God I have the knack of shutting things off  sometimes.One problem is that my kids rushes to the internet for everything ,There is  nothing good or hopeful  about upsc on the internet,nothing at all. , Yes Sandy it must feel right , it will come. My youngest will be going to live in her dream city,New York  in a month ,so I will allow her to settle in first  , for a while, and I dare not tell the chatterbox daughter of mine who has no concept of the word secret,lol.Some mothers do have em.

    How was chemo hard for you ? ,I shouldn't ask but I must, and you mustn't  sugar coat it , ok ? 

    Love you all with your caring selves, I am hugging.

  • molimoli
    molimoli Member Posts: 514

    Moli

    Moli,

    You are way too hard on yourself. Nothing you are doing needs forgiveness.

    I do think though, that you might be realizing that it is time to pull others in? This truly is not a journey to take alone.

    I wish you could recognize the wonderful spirit that you are and what you bring to others. Sharing yourself may be just what you need.

    Take care of yourself my friend Moli. Be as kind to You as you have been to others on this board.

    We will support you in your decisions.

    Love,

    Cindi

    Yup lonely journey,but could I stand the daily inquisition

     and the pitying looks even though  in my head my glass is half full,will they see it so, I wonder,If not I am gonna have to grin and bare the inquisition. (eyes rolling at the thought)

      Whatever kindness I give it's only a fraction of what I have received from the members here, you guys never fail to talk me out of a stumble.

    I will my friend I will ,Thanks for the support,really glad you found us, I wish you  success and comfort.Your strong positive attitude will serve you well, you'll see.

     Moli, nuff love Cindi.

  • It happened to Me
    It happened to Me Member Posts: 206 Member
    Here's my thoughts

    I am just like you.  Single, and independent.  When I received the news I had cancer, I told my family and asked my aunt to attend all appointments with my mom and me.  Then, I told the people closest to me who I wanted to tell myself.  Then, it was announced at church as a prayer request.

    I had a friend who was single, independent and had breast cancer and didn't want to talk about it at all.  She went through her treatments and people offered her help and sometimes she took it.  I had decided that I needed to be open and talk about it because people around her didn't know what to say to her.  I didn't want that.  I wanted to be an educator and I was very upbeat.  When people saw how upbeat I was and even made fun of "being spayed", it broke the ice with alot of them and people were more at ease.  People felt sorry for me but I would turn it into a positive and found a reason to be thankful.  Through my whole cancer journey, I found things to laugh about and be thankful for.  People volunteered to help in all sorts of ways.  The first time I had to ask for help was agonizing for me, but it got easier.  People had to mow my lawn and shovel my snow and rake my leaves.  They enjoyed helping, just like I enjoy helping others.

    All that to say, it is a blessing that goes both ways.  Trying to do it alone doesn't work.  As my brother-in-law says, "It takes a team"  I used Caring Bridge and facebook to let my family and friends know what I needed.  My mom and dad took care of me most of the time, so there was little except for the yard work that needed.  I did have friends take me for rides to get me out of the house.

    Everyone has to find their own way.  If you have been lying, better come clean because each lie needs another lie and another one etc. and pretty soon you get caught and you're in a whole lot more deep water.  If people show you pity, give them a reason to change their mind.   I think people react to news like this the way the person who has cancer reacts.  That's what I've experienced with my friend and I.  Totally different ways we handled it and totally different ways people reacted.

    Ask for help.  Give someone a blessing.

    Jeanette

  • txtrisha55
    txtrisha55 Member Posts: 693 Member
    molimoli said:

    Yup lonely journey,but could I stand the daily inquisition

     and the pitying looks even though  in my head my glass is half full,will they see it so, I wonder,If not I am gonna have to grin and bare the inquisition. (eyes rolling at the thought)

      Whatever kindness I give it's only a fraction of what I have received from the members here, you guys never fail to talk me out of a stumble.

    I will my friend I will ,Thanks for the support,really glad you found us, I wish you  success and comfort.Your strong positive attitude will serve you well, you'll see.

     Moli, nuff love Cindi.

    Think about it.

    When I was told I had cancer I was at work and it was April 1st 2011.  I shut the door to my office and looked on line to read about the cancer the dr told me I had.  MMMT or  carcinoma sarcoma.  What I read set me off crying. What was I going to do. I had a 50% chance of living more that 5 years depending on what stage it was. Stage could not be determined until after surgery. I called my sister, whom I share a house with and told her. I lied to my daughter who worked in the same company but different area. I sat down with both of them after my grandson had been put down for the night and told my daughter the truth.  To say that she was pissed off is an understatement. That was just after 12 hours of lying.  It is your choice and I wish you all the luck in the world and will pray for you to have the strength you need to go through this alone.  I cannot think of going through the journey without a backup. My daughter stayed with me at the hospital for a week except for one night when my best friend of 40 years stayed. My sister held my power of attorney. Both still go to my follow up appointments with my gyn onc dr. My daughter and best friend went to my chemo infusion treatment days. We watched tv, movies, played card games and laughed a lot. A burden shared is half the load. Chemo (carbo/taxol) for me was a breeze. I had 6 rounds every 21 days. Yes I lost all my hair, I did get tied, my taste buds changed and I had aches and pains on days 5-7 but I survived. My hair grew back, taste came back but to this day four years later I still cannot eat peanut butter.  Which ever way you go alone or with family/friends, the ladies on this board will be here for you. This is the place to come, cry, vent, yell, ask questions or get a cyber hug (hug)!! :-)Best wishes for you and all the women fighting this battle. Trish

  • molimoli
    molimoli Member Posts: 514

    Here's my thoughts

    I am just like you.  Single, and independent.  When I received the news I had cancer, I told my family and asked my aunt to attend all appointments with my mom and me.  Then, I told the people closest to me who I wanted to tell myself.  Then, it was announced at church as a prayer request.

    I had a friend who was single, independent and had breast cancer and didn't want to talk about it at all.  She went through her treatments and people offered her help and sometimes she took it.  I had decided that I needed to be open and talk about it because people around her didn't know what to say to her.  I didn't want that.  I wanted to be an educator and I was very upbeat.  When people saw how upbeat I was and even made fun of "being spayed", it broke the ice with alot of them and people were more at ease.  People felt sorry for me but I would turn it into a positive and found a reason to be thankful.  Through my whole cancer journey, I found things to laugh about and be thankful for.  People volunteered to help in all sorts of ways.  The first time I had to ask for help was agonizing for me, but it got easier.  People had to mow my lawn and shovel my snow and rake my leaves.  They enjoyed helping, just like I enjoy helping others.

    All that to say, it is a blessing that goes both ways.  Trying to do it alone doesn't work.  As my brother-in-law says, "It takes a team"  I used Caring Bridge and facebook to let my family and friends know what I needed.  My mom and dad took care of me most of the time, so there was little except for the yard work that needed.  I did have friends take me for rides to get me out of the house.

    Everyone has to find their own way.  If you have been lying, better come clean because each lie needs another lie and another one etc. and pretty soon you get caught and you're in a whole lot more deep water.  If people show you pity, give them a reason to change their mind.   I think people react to news like this the way the person who has cancer reacts.  That's what I've experienced with my friend and I.  Totally different ways we handled it and totally different ways people reacted.

    Ask for help.  Give someone a blessing.

    Jeanette

    A brother-in-law and a half, give that gem a hug from me.

    Hi Jeanette, Thanks for your post, I will be giving your advice a lot of thought as I go through the decision phase,that's when I allow myself to ponder cancer and it's trappings again.

    I have always made sure that my lies are not gigantic ones that will bite me we all know where,lol

    My conversations  are like this:  "I called you this morning,where were you" ?

                                                   ' Down Town'

                                                    " Doing ?

                                                     " stuff'''     (Of course the stuff is usually scans, or blood work,and the hospital is down town.  ( that's stuff right? )

                                                     " Ok wanna go out to eat later "

    I see it more like none disclosure or teeny weeny lies if you look at it with technical scrutiny. (That statement is  me pleading not guilty,and asking for a pass.I am totally shameless.)

    Thanks for keeping me in your thoughts and prayers, all of you keeps be sane, kind-of-sane   ( kinda sane)

    Nuff nuff love, Moli.

                                                   

                                                    

  • molimoli
    molimoli Member Posts: 514

    Think about it.

    When I was told I had cancer I was at work and it was April 1st 2011.  I shut the door to my office and looked on line to read about the cancer the dr told me I had.  MMMT or  carcinoma sarcoma.  What I read set me off crying. What was I going to do. I had a 50% chance of living more that 5 years depending on what stage it was. Stage could not be determined until after surgery. I called my sister, whom I share a house with and told her. I lied to my daughter who worked in the same company but different area. I sat down with both of them after my grandson had been put down for the night and told my daughter the truth.  To say that she was pissed off is an understatement. That was just after 12 hours of lying.  It is your choice and I wish you all the luck in the world and will pray for you to have the strength you need to go through this alone.  I cannot think of going through the journey without a backup. My daughter stayed with me at the hospital for a week except for one night when my best friend of 40 years stayed. My sister held my power of attorney. Both still go to my follow up appointments with my gyn onc dr. My daughter and best friend went to my chemo infusion treatment days. We watched tv, movies, played card games and laughed a lot. A burden shared is half the load. Chemo (carbo/taxol) for me was a breeze. I had 6 rounds every 21 days. Yes I lost all my hair, I did get tied, my taste buds changed and I had aches and pains on days 5-7 but I survived. My hair grew back, taste came back but to this day four years later I still cannot eat peanut butter.  Which ever way you go alone or with family/friends, the ladies on this board will be here for you. This is the place to come, cry, vent, yell, ask questions or get a cyber hug (hug)!! :-)Best wishes for you and all the women fighting this battle. Trish

    Thanks a million, sorry about the journey ,glad I found you.

    Hi Trish ,I appreciate  your super positive and upbeat  take on the whole cancer journey. A special thanks for the comforting assurance that I'll have you all in my corner ,win or lose. I am indeed blessed.I can feel the hug and I embraced in return.

    Yes we will fight on in many different ways but fight none the less.. Plenty love and good wishes coming back at you, Moli.

  • ConnieSW
    ConnieSW Member Posts: 1,626 Member
    molimoli said:

    A brother-in-law and a half, give that gem a hug from me.

    Hi Jeanette, Thanks for your post, I will be giving your advice a lot of thought as I go through the decision phase,that's when I allow myself to ponder cancer and it's trappings again.

    I have always made sure that my lies are not gigantic ones that will bite me we all know where,lol

    My conversations  are like this:  "I called you this morning,where were you" ?

                                                   ' Down Town'

                                                    " Doing ?

                                                     " stuff'''     (Of course the stuff is usually scans, or blood work,and the hospital is down town.  ( that's stuff right? )

                                                     " Ok wanna go out to eat later "

    I see it more like none disclosure or teeny weeny lies if you look at it with technical scrutiny. (That statement is  me pleading not guilty,and asking for a pass.I am totally shameless.)

    Thanks for keeping me in your thoughts and prayers, all of you keeps be sane, kind-of-sane   ( kinda sane)

    Nuff nuff love, Moli.

                                                   

                                                    

    Moli

    I usually try to keep my strong opinions to myself on this board because it's not possible to understand all the details in the poster's life that go into making a decision but i can no longer help myself.  Do with my 2 cents as you will, but please consider how you would feel if one of your daughters kept a health issue of this magnitude from you.

    i waited till I had the biopsy results till I told my daughter.  I didn't see any need to worry her till I knew what there was to worry about.  I had to tell her on the phone as she lives some distance from me.  Despite that, she has been there for me in every way.  I think your daughter can do the same for you, even after she moves to NYC.

     

    i mean well, Connie

  • ConnieSW
    ConnieSW Member Posts: 1,626 Member

    Here's my thoughts

    I am just like you.  Single, and independent.  When I received the news I had cancer, I told my family and asked my aunt to attend all appointments with my mom and me.  Then, I told the people closest to me who I wanted to tell myself.  Then, it was announced at church as a prayer request.

    I had a friend who was single, independent and had breast cancer and didn't want to talk about it at all.  She went through her treatments and people offered her help and sometimes she took it.  I had decided that I needed to be open and talk about it because people around her didn't know what to say to her.  I didn't want that.  I wanted to be an educator and I was very upbeat.  When people saw how upbeat I was and even made fun of "being spayed", it broke the ice with alot of them and people were more at ease.  People felt sorry for me but I would turn it into a positive and found a reason to be thankful.  Through my whole cancer journey, I found things to laugh about and be thankful for.  People volunteered to help in all sorts of ways.  The first time I had to ask for help was agonizing for me, but it got easier.  People had to mow my lawn and shovel my snow and rake my leaves.  They enjoyed helping, just like I enjoy helping others.

    All that to say, it is a blessing that goes both ways.  Trying to do it alone doesn't work.  As my brother-in-law says, "It takes a team"  I used Caring Bridge and facebook to let my family and friends know what I needed.  My mom and dad took care of me most of the time, so there was little except for the yard work that needed.  I did have friends take me for rides to get me out of the house.

    Everyone has to find their own way.  If you have been lying, better come clean because each lie needs another lie and another one etc. and pretty soon you get caught and you're in a whole lot more deep water.  If people show you pity, give them a reason to change their mind.   I think people react to news like this the way the person who has cancer reacts.  That's what I've experienced with my friend and I.  Totally different ways we handled it and totally different ways people reacted.

    Ask for help.  Give someone a blessing.

    Jeanette

    Jeanette

    Good to hear from you.  I missed you.

  • TeddyandBears_Mom
    TeddyandBears_Mom Member Posts: 1,811 Member

    Here's my thoughts

    I am just like you.  Single, and independent.  When I received the news I had cancer, I told my family and asked my aunt to attend all appointments with my mom and me.  Then, I told the people closest to me who I wanted to tell myself.  Then, it was announced at church as a prayer request.

    I had a friend who was single, independent and had breast cancer and didn't want to talk about it at all.  She went through her treatments and people offered her help and sometimes she took it.  I had decided that I needed to be open and talk about it because people around her didn't know what to say to her.  I didn't want that.  I wanted to be an educator and I was very upbeat.  When people saw how upbeat I was and even made fun of "being spayed", it broke the ice with alot of them and people were more at ease.  People felt sorry for me but I would turn it into a positive and found a reason to be thankful.  Through my whole cancer journey, I found things to laugh about and be thankful for.  People volunteered to help in all sorts of ways.  The first time I had to ask for help was agonizing for me, but it got easier.  People had to mow my lawn and shovel my snow and rake my leaves.  They enjoyed helping, just like I enjoy helping others.

    All that to say, it is a blessing that goes both ways.  Trying to do it alone doesn't work.  As my brother-in-law says, "It takes a team"  I used Caring Bridge and facebook to let my family and friends know what I needed.  My mom and dad took care of me most of the time, so there was little except for the yard work that needed.  I did have friends take me for rides to get me out of the house.

    Everyone has to find their own way.  If you have been lying, better come clean because each lie needs another lie and another one etc. and pretty soon you get caught and you're in a whole lot more deep water.  If people show you pity, give them a reason to change their mind.   I think people react to news like this the way the person who has cancer reacts.  That's what I've experienced with my friend and I.  Totally different ways we handled it and totally different ways people reacted.

    Ask for help.  Give someone a blessing.

    Jeanette

    ItHappenedtoMe

    Jeanette,

    Great post! I am finding the exact reactions that you did. At first, people don't know what to say or do and kind of look at you with pity. But, I keep a smile on my face and assure them that I am doing fine and will come out of this on the other side living life to the fullest. It gives them permission to be the same around me as they always have been. I am normally a positive person and find it easier to be happy than dwell on the sad or scary. I fully plan to celebrate my 85th birthday. After that, the rest will be bonus. :-) (I'm 58 now)

    Cindi

  • Editgrl
    Editgrl Member Posts: 903 Member
    molimoli said:

    A brother-in-law and a half, give that gem a hug from me.

    Hi Jeanette, Thanks for your post, I will be giving your advice a lot of thought as I go through the decision phase,that's when I allow myself to ponder cancer and it's trappings again.

    I have always made sure that my lies are not gigantic ones that will bite me we all know where,lol

    My conversations  are like this:  "I called you this morning,where were you" ?

                                                   ' Down Town'

                                                    " Doing ?

                                                     " stuff'''     (Of course the stuff is usually scans, or blood work,and the hospital is down town.  ( that's stuff right? )

                                                     " Ok wanna go out to eat later "

    I see it more like none disclosure or teeny weeny lies if you look at it with technical scrutiny. (That statement is  me pleading not guilty,and asking for a pass.I am totally shameless.)

    Thanks for keeping me in your thoughts and prayers, all of you keeps be sane, kind-of-sane   ( kinda sane)

    Nuff nuff love, Moli.

                                                   

                                                    

    Moli, as a daughter

    whose mom had endometrial cancer...  I am so so glad that she told me what was going on.  Yes, it was scary, yes, it had an immediate impact on my life, and yes, I changed some plans, but I would not give back that time for anything.  Fighting that battle together brought us closer in ways I could not have imagined.  The love between us gained a dimension that I cannot even describe.  Pity?  There was no pity.  There was only a determination from everyone in my family to be there for her in whatever way we could.  And I know that that kind of support lifted her up even in her darkest days.

    I know you will do what is right for you, Moli, but I encourage you to allow you and your family and friends to experience that kind of love and support.  

    Chris

  • molimoli
    molimoli Member Posts: 514
    ConnieSW said:

    Moli

    I usually try to keep my strong opinions to myself on this board because it's not possible to understand all the details in the poster's life that go into making a decision but i can no longer help myself.  Do with my 2 cents as you will, but please consider how you would feel if one of your daughters kept a health issue of this magnitude from you.

    i waited till I had the biopsy results till I told my daughter.  I didn't see any need to worry her till I knew what there was to worry about.  I had to tell her on the phone as she lives some distance from me.  Despite that, she has been there for me in every way.  I think your daughter can do the same for you, even after she moves to NYC.

     

    i mean well, Connie

    To all my wonderful mother henning ,nurturing sisters

    I appreciate all of your comments I feel the caring upon every word,and together you had many words.Every one had a valid point. Except circumstances sometimes dictates actions and outcomes. I embrace you all with thankfulness for taking the load off of my children by being there for me through this maze, my cup is half full because I might not have found you my sisters, what a wonderful blessing the creator carved out for me/ us.Thank you CSN, Thank you Linda (wherever you are resting )Thank you Debrajo. My children will be grateful that somebody was actually there for me through my ups and downs. They will be fine with my decision.

    I have taken everything in consideration in the last 2 days, uninterrupted decision making sessions with my inner self .I have reached  final resolutions.

    1]  My second opinion surgeon after reviewing all my scans thinks that surgery is dangerous  and doable ( cancer itself is dangerous, so) I picked Doable .He will engage other surgeons and come up with the safest surgery plan possible as tumor is resting on intestine  but has not penitrated.Which makes it a little more difficult to prevent damage to the colon. but a blessing it stands on its own for now. It was left too long, should have been operated on  3 cm ago. I told him the delay was not of my doing .He understands fully, surgery will never be embraced by an oncologist ,That's not what the Cancer hospitals hires them to do , That's no news to me ,but now that's spilt milk ,I move on.

    2] I had already stopped by the Chemo Centre to cancel the Chemo session that was booked for me starting tomorrow Sept 8th. For that, another time,another place,maybe.

    3] My children and grand children : We already share a lot of love ,hugs and Kisses  without punctuating it with sneaky worry.My kids  do not have any CURE  to offer me and I already know that  I am loved so I cannot find a justifyable reason to do the  whack-a-mole on them.They are all I have ,I  need them to be continually happy for as long as I live.

    I am happy that they have begun to live again.really,really happy,We have all died before.I for one stayed dead too long.I held them back. Never again if that's in my control will I allow anything to diminish their enjoyment of the present time. Therefore,I have decided that I will not arrest their lives with this news of terminal Cancer at this time or anytime before it's absolutely necessary, neither will I arrest my enjoyment of the rest of my life with the knowledge of it.

    I Have embarked on seeking out alternative attacks on mets ,especially before they appear ,It will be mostly nutritional and herbal.with necessary surgery.  Thats my resolve .

    I will post my journey just in case I am happy with the outcome and if the outcome causes sorrow instead, you will all know never to take advice from me, so it's a win win,  lol and hug yourselves , we have lived, outlived many, be grateful.  My cup is half full inspite of cancer. I will always see it that way.

    I leave later this week for a vacation, Don't  know when I'll return ,don't care when, I'll see.  I will keep in touch until I leave and after that I will be in touch whenever I find internet.

    I didn't know it was ever possible to feel so close to  a group of people whom I  have never met, wonders never cease to happen in life, glad it happened to me.

    Nuff nuff love. Moli  

    Love the people the Creator gave you because he will need them back one day.

     

     

  • TeddyandBears_Mom
    TeddyandBears_Mom Member Posts: 1,811 Member
    molimoli said:

    To all my wonderful mother henning ,nurturing sisters

    I appreciate all of your comments I feel the caring upon every word,and together you had many words.Every one had a valid point. Except circumstances sometimes dictates actions and outcomes. I embrace you all with thankfulness for taking the load off of my children by being there for me through this maze, my cup is half full because I might not have found you my sisters, what a wonderful blessing the creator carved out for me/ us.Thank you CSN, Thank you Linda (wherever you are resting )Thank you Debrajo. My children will be grateful that somebody was actually there for me through my ups and downs. They will be fine with my decision.

    I have taken everything in consideration in the last 2 days, uninterrupted decision making sessions with my inner self .I have reached  final resolutions.

    1]  My second opinion surgeon after reviewing all my scans thinks that surgery is dangerous  and doable ( cancer itself is dangerous, so) I picked Doable .He will engage other surgeons and come up with the safest surgery plan possible as tumor is resting on intestine  but has not penitrated.Which makes it a little more difficult to prevent damage to the colon. but a blessing it stands on its own for now. It was left too long, should have been operated on  3 cm ago. I told him the delay was not of my doing .He understands fully, surgery will never be embraced by an oncologist ,That's not what the Cancer hospitals hires them to do , That's no news to me ,but now that's spilt milk ,I move on.

    2] I had already stopped by the Chemo Centre to cancel the Chemo session that was booked for me starting tomorrow Sept 8th. For that, another time,another place,maybe.

    3] My children and grand children : We already share a lot of love ,hugs and Kisses  without punctuating it with sneaky worry.My kids  do not have any CURE  to offer me and I already know that  I am loved so I cannot find a justifyable reason to do the  whack-a-mole on them.They are all I have ,I  need them to be continually happy for as long as I live.

    I am happy that they have begun to live again.really,really happy,We have all died before.I for one stayed dead too long.I held them back. Never again if that's in my control will I allow anything to diminish their enjoyment of the present time. Therefore,I have decided that I will not arrest their lives with this news of terminal Cancer at this time or anytime before it's absolutely necessary, neither will I arrest my enjoyment of the rest of my life with the knowledge of it.

    I Have embarked on seeking out alternative attacks on mets ,especially before they appear ,It will be mostly nutritional and herbal.with necessary surgery.  Thats my resolve .

    I will post my journey just in case I am happy with the outcome and if the outcome causes sorrow instead, you will all know never to take advice from me, so it's a win win,  lol and hug yourselves , we have lived, outlived many, be grateful.  My cup is half full inspite of cancer. I will always see it that way.

    I leave later this week for a vacation, Don't  know when I'll return ,don't care when, I'll see.  I will keep in touch until I leave and after that I will be in touch whenever I find internet.

    I didn't know it was ever possible to feel so close to  a group of people whom I  have never met, wonders never cease to happen in life, glad it happened to me.

    Nuff nuff love. Moli  

    Love the people the Creator gave you because he will need them back one day.

     

     

    Moli, I'm so glad you found a

    Moli, I'm so glad you found a surgeon you trust to help you! I know this is the direction you wanted to go from the beginning. I pray that they are able to remove all of it and you never, ever hear the word METS again! I hope they can get you in asap so that your tumors don't have time to grow. Did they give you any kind of idea of timeline?

    Enjoy your vacation. You have a plan. So, this can be a time of relaxing and getting yourself ready for surgery.

    Posting your journey will be a gift to all that come to the board. The more we all share, the stronger we become in our knowledge to make decisions.

    Take care Moli,

    Cindi

  • AWK
    AWK Member Posts: 364 Member
    molimoli said:

    To all my wonderful mother henning ,nurturing sisters

    I appreciate all of your comments I feel the caring upon every word,and together you had many words.Every one had a valid point. Except circumstances sometimes dictates actions and outcomes. I embrace you all with thankfulness for taking the load off of my children by being there for me through this maze, my cup is half full because I might not have found you my sisters, what a wonderful blessing the creator carved out for me/ us.Thank you CSN, Thank you Linda (wherever you are resting )Thank you Debrajo. My children will be grateful that somebody was actually there for me through my ups and downs. They will be fine with my decision.

    I have taken everything in consideration in the last 2 days, uninterrupted decision making sessions with my inner self .I have reached  final resolutions.

    1]  My second opinion surgeon after reviewing all my scans thinks that surgery is dangerous  and doable ( cancer itself is dangerous, so) I picked Doable .He will engage other surgeons and come up with the safest surgery plan possible as tumor is resting on intestine  but has not penitrated.Which makes it a little more difficult to prevent damage to the colon. but a blessing it stands on its own for now. It was left too long, should have been operated on  3 cm ago. I told him the delay was not of my doing .He understands fully, surgery will never be embraced by an oncologist ,That's not what the Cancer hospitals hires them to do , That's no news to me ,but now that's spilt milk ,I move on.

    2] I had already stopped by the Chemo Centre to cancel the Chemo session that was booked for me starting tomorrow Sept 8th. For that, another time,another place,maybe.

    3] My children and grand children : We already share a lot of love ,hugs and Kisses  without punctuating it with sneaky worry.My kids  do not have any CURE  to offer me and I already know that  I am loved so I cannot find a justifyable reason to do the  whack-a-mole on them.They are all I have ,I  need them to be continually happy for as long as I live.

    I am happy that they have begun to live again.really,really happy,We have all died before.I for one stayed dead too long.I held them back. Never again if that's in my control will I allow anything to diminish their enjoyment of the present time. Therefore,I have decided that I will not arrest their lives with this news of terminal Cancer at this time or anytime before it's absolutely necessary, neither will I arrest my enjoyment of the rest of my life with the knowledge of it.

    I Have embarked on seeking out alternative attacks on mets ,especially before they appear ,It will be mostly nutritional and herbal.with necessary surgery.  Thats my resolve .

    I will post my journey just in case I am happy with the outcome and if the outcome causes sorrow instead, you will all know never to take advice from me, so it's a win win,  lol and hug yourselves , we have lived, outlived many, be grateful.  My cup is half full inspite of cancer. I will always see it that way.

    I leave later this week for a vacation, Don't  know when I'll return ,don't care when, I'll see.  I will keep in touch until I leave and after that I will be in touch whenever I find internet.

    I didn't know it was ever possible to feel so close to  a group of people whom I  have never met, wonders never cease to happen in life, glad it happened to me.

    Nuff nuff love. Moli  

    Love the people the Creator gave you because he will need them back one day.

     

     

    Keeping you in my prayers

    Moli, as I have said all along it is our individual journeys and decisions to be made are ours alone.  We may not agree but we have to respect each other's choices.  I sense peace in your post in so many ways and am happy for you.  As a friend, my job is to be supportive and wish you the very best which I do.  Enjoy your trip! Take deep and powerful breaths, feel the sand on you feet and enjoy the sound of the waves on the beach.  These are all my zen things that I do, either in person or in my head, to relax.  

    Sending many hugs and keeping you in my prayers as well as your family.  Looking forward to hearing about your amazing trip!

    as Ro would say - in peace and caring -Anne

  • Editgrl
    Editgrl Member Posts: 903 Member
    molimoli said:

    To all my wonderful mother henning ,nurturing sisters

    I appreciate all of your comments I feel the caring upon every word,and together you had many words.Every one had a valid point. Except circumstances sometimes dictates actions and outcomes. I embrace you all with thankfulness for taking the load off of my children by being there for me through this maze, my cup is half full because I might not have found you my sisters, what a wonderful blessing the creator carved out for me/ us.Thank you CSN, Thank you Linda (wherever you are resting )Thank you Debrajo. My children will be grateful that somebody was actually there for me through my ups and downs. They will be fine with my decision.

    I have taken everything in consideration in the last 2 days, uninterrupted decision making sessions with my inner self .I have reached  final resolutions.

    1]  My second opinion surgeon after reviewing all my scans thinks that surgery is dangerous  and doable ( cancer itself is dangerous, so) I picked Doable .He will engage other surgeons and come up with the safest surgery plan possible as tumor is resting on intestine  but has not penitrated.Which makes it a little more difficult to prevent damage to the colon. but a blessing it stands on its own for now. It was left too long, should have been operated on  3 cm ago. I told him the delay was not of my doing .He understands fully, surgery will never be embraced by an oncologist ,That's not what the Cancer hospitals hires them to do , That's no news to me ,but now that's spilt milk ,I move on.

    2] I had already stopped by the Chemo Centre to cancel the Chemo session that was booked for me starting tomorrow Sept 8th. For that, another time,another place,maybe.

    3] My children and grand children : We already share a lot of love ,hugs and Kisses  without punctuating it with sneaky worry.My kids  do not have any CURE  to offer me and I already know that  I am loved so I cannot find a justifyable reason to do the  whack-a-mole on them.They are all I have ,I  need them to be continually happy for as long as I live.

    I am happy that they have begun to live again.really,really happy,We have all died before.I for one stayed dead too long.I held them back. Never again if that's in my control will I allow anything to diminish their enjoyment of the present time. Therefore,I have decided that I will not arrest their lives with this news of terminal Cancer at this time or anytime before it's absolutely necessary, neither will I arrest my enjoyment of the rest of my life with the knowledge of it.

    I Have embarked on seeking out alternative attacks on mets ,especially before they appear ,It will be mostly nutritional and herbal.with necessary surgery.  Thats my resolve .

    I will post my journey just in case I am happy with the outcome and if the outcome causes sorrow instead, you will all know never to take advice from me, so it's a win win,  lol and hug yourselves , we have lived, outlived many, be grateful.  My cup is half full inspite of cancer. I will always see it that way.

    I leave later this week for a vacation, Don't  know when I'll return ,don't care when, I'll see.  I will keep in touch until I leave and after that I will be in touch whenever I find internet.

    I didn't know it was ever possible to feel so close to  a group of people whom I  have never met, wonders never cease to happen in life, glad it happened to me.

    Nuff nuff love. Moli  

    Love the people the Creator gave you because he will need them back one day.

     

     

    A final plan

    Moli, I am happy that you have come to a decision and are at peace with that.  That's really the only thing that matters.  Enjoy your vacation, however long it stretches.  It sounds deliciously decadent. We will be here for you when you return.

    Chris