My Brother has Stage 4 Brain Cancer

Good Morning, I guess I need a little emotional support this morning. I'm feeling weepy after spending the holiday weekend with my family and witnessing a major change in my brother. We are in year two since my Brother's diagnosis of Glio Blastoma. His doctors said it's extremely rare in adults. He has had two brain surgerys and has, so far, been treated with chemo in pill form and a round of radiation treatments. After his second surgery earlier this year his team of doctors put him on Lomustine. It was horrible. He started suffering from migraines and became very confused. He developed excess fluid on the brain as well. He started having trouble with his left side. He had lost some of his peripheral vision on the left side but recently has lost some of the motor skills on the left side too. It's very difficult, as all of you who are caregivers can relate too, to see my older brother deteriorate. He tries to be as independant as possible but we are slowly having to take over things for him. This weekend was the first time I had to cut up his food for him. While I was cooking he shuffled into the kitchen and stood in front of the cabinet just staring. I asked him what he was looking for. He said, "I need a mug. Mom keeps moving stuff around." I just said, "It's okay, here you go." and handed a mug to him from the cabinet where the mugs have been for 40 years. My Mom wears most of the weight of responsibility as he is living with my parents. I am most concerned about her. My father is blind so she now has two very stubborn men who are dependant on her. She is a retired nurse and a very strong woman but she's getting worn out. I work full time and go down on the weekends to help as much as I can but I see her growing more fatigued. She needs a break to recharge but we don't have the time right now so we hug a lot and read a lot and try to giggle as much as possible (wine really helps with that). My Brother was taken off of the Lomustine and given steriods for a bit, which helped relieve his migraines and bring him out of bed. This past weekend is the most mobile and interactive he has been in a while but tomorrow he starts a new chemo drug thru an IV. We have no idea what to expect from this. We're hearing the first treatment is the roughest. I can't imagine what he's going through. He's not very communicative and can be difficult to love but we are doing our best to ralley around him. My Mom and I are stubborn too. I'm not sure what I'm looking for here. Maybe I just need to know that I'm not alone. That there are other caregivers out there who get sneak attacked by there own emotions. That there are others who are so tired that no matter how much sleep you get it's never enough. If you are feeling this way too I wish I could hug you and tell you I know what your going through. It's hard to talk to friends about this experience because there aren't words adequate enough to descibe the 'black hole' that is cancer. My Mom and I try to focus on the good things and we count the number of smiles my brother shares and if we can get a laugh or even a chortle from him it lifts our spirits because we know that in that moment there was no cancer there was only joy. All we can do is Just Love him. That has to be enough. Writing this post helped too. Thank you for listening.