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Jun 25, 2015 - 1:47 pm
I just told my wife the bad news... And she started crying over the phone. I've been riding a remission now for six months. I know, six months is hardly that long of a time, but for me it was the longest stretch of <1.0 CEA results and clear scans. Ever since my liver surgeery on December 5th I have been clear. And we were all confident that today would be another <1.0 CEA. My wife was so confident that this is the first doctor visit she decided to skip (e.g. she went to work instead of going with me to chemo). My fifteen-year-old son went with me this time (e.g. instead of sleeping in now that he is out of school). My doctor was so confident that he suggested skipping this Erbitux treatment, in hopes that my face would clear up for my daughter's upcoming wedding. Yes, my daughter is getting married on July 4th. [I really don't have time to deal with this right now.] So my son and I came back from the hospital a lot sooner than planned. And since I didn't have a treatement I decided to jump on my computer and start working. Then my phone rang a little bit ago. My doctor's all too familiar words "I've got bad news." My CEA was 8.0. Just two weeks ago it was <1. My doctor explained - "It could be a false read." "We need to retest. And we need to speed up the scan. And add an MRI in addition to a CT Scan." I was going to have a scan at the end of July but I guess it might be next week instead. And I'm devistated. I am really sad. It was going so good. And we are all looking forard to Anna's wedding. Sometimes I feel like getting hit by a bus would be a lot easier to deal with. Why does my family and I have to suffer through this agonizing battle with cancer? I know there is not an answer. And I know that happiness is a choice. And somehow, someway, I have to choose to be happy. To be thankful for now. To be joyful for my daughter, wife, family, friends. I hope the tear track on my face will fade away... Phil64
**
Update: This morning started out gloomy. However, the sun is shining brightly for us now. I received updates from my doctor, from Friday’s tests. The Thursday 6/25 8.0 CEA test was NOT confirmed. The Friday 6/26 retake came in as <1.0. This was the result we have received for some time now. This is the result that indicates NO CANCER. Furthermore the Scans are showing clear as well (e.g. no cancer). We are still waiting for the CT of the abdomen but the MRI and CT of Chest are showing ALL CLEAR. And my doctor expects that the CT of the abdomen will show clear as well, given these other results. Who knows what the 8.0 CEA was? Maybe it was just a glitch? Maybe it was supposed to be 0.8 instead of 8.0? Whatever it was it sure sent us on an emotional rollercoaster ride. And it sure reminded me of how lucky I am to be NED (No Evidence of Disease). The remission continues! Praise the Lord, Halleluiah! And THANK YOU for your many Prayers. You all are awesome prayer warriors. And I am so thankful to have you all praying with me. Now we are looking forward to the Anna’s wedding and ready to truly celebrate! Thanks be to God! Love and Light to each of you on this beautiful Monday! Sincerely, Philip |
Joined: Aug 2012
Oh Phil, I'm crying with you
Oh Phil, I'm crying with you guys. This just sucks. Cancer is so horrible...I hate it. I don't understand why life is this way.
lets hope for a lab error. they do happen.
Hugs and prayers. Please keep us updated.
Joined: Jan 2013
Dear Phil
My heart just sank into my toes. I feel sick to my stomach, hearing your news.
last year, when my CEA jumped, I prayed so hard that is was false, I almost convinced myself, and then it was even harder to find out that it wasn't.
I want to tell you it could be a false positive, but I don't want you to even go there. If you prepare for what is ahead, and then find out that it was read wrong, then how wonderful that will be. I don't want you to hurt if it comes back high again.
Why oh why? So many good men and women. So righteous, so giving. It is unfair. I don't care what people say. IT IS UNFAIR.
You know you have my prayers and thoughts.
Cyber hugs, my friend.
Sue - Trubrit
Joined: Oct 2011
I am so sorry to hear this
I am so sorry to hear this Phil.
Joined: Apr 2012
MRI, and CT scheduled for
MRI, and CT scheduled for tomorrow. I guess we'll find out soon enough what we're dealing with.
Joined: Jan 2013
Good!
I am glad they have got you right in.
Please keep us posted.
Sue - Trubrit
Joined: Oct 2011
I agree with Sue. I am glad
I agree with Sue. I am glad you and your doctors are on top of it.
Joined: Apr 2012
Tests
Hope they all come back the way you want. Good luck!
Joined: Jan 2010
Dear Phil
I am so sorry that you are now in another of the lows of the cancer battle.
Certainly I pray that the scans come back clear and that the rise in CEA was something else or a false rise.
The emotional roller coaster we ride is one of the worst side effects, particularly as it impacts our loved ones too.
Take care my friend and know that we are always here to support you as we can.
Hugs,
Marie who loves kitties
Joined: Oct 2011
Oh Phil
I am just so sorry. I really hope it turns out to be a glitch. I have seen that happen before.
And I hope you can go to your daughter's wedding, and put all of this awful crap behind you for that special day. I am so glad that you are here to celebrate with her. That's a very special moment in the life of a family.
Keep us posted. We will all be worrying right along with you until you find out more.
Big hugs~AA
Joined: May 2011
Oh, Phil! I am so sorry that
Oh, Phil! I am so sorry that worry has invaded this happy time for your family. Prayers for tomorrow.
CM
Joined: Apr 2009
So Saddened For You
Phil,
Just feel so sad for you that cancer won't leave you alone. I'm sure each of us here would like to learn the "why" of it. Many doctors suggest "why" to their patients, but so many patients don't fit the mold. I know each time after NED that it shows back up is so deflating. JBG had an 18 month break one time and then it reared it's ugly head again.
"Just breathe Phil, breathe" is what JBG would say. The wedding will be beautiful and I offer congrats to the bride and groom.
Hoping it is a false result. If not, somehow we turn to the next page.
Luv,
Wolfen
Joined: Apr 2012
Thank you all for your
Thank you all for your sympathy and support. I appreciatge that you all have dealt with my situation and then some. And I am humbled by your continued presence on this forum and your kind and supportive words that you all share. I know that JBG went through a tough fight. And so many others on this board have struggled with this ugly disease. I surely don't know the answer to why either.
Breathe. Thank you creator for today. For it will be a joyous day. And I will choose to celebrate with my loved ones today, tomorrow, and especially on July 4th.
Bless you all.
Phil
Joined: Feb 2008
Oh dear
I'm so sorry! Praying that things will be better than you think!
*hugs*
Gail
Joined: Jan 2007
Phil.....
Go here and read this please:
http://csn.cancer.org/node/262501
Best wishes,
John
Joined: May 2013
Phil
It is a roller coaster, isn't it? Since my diagnoses I've never been sadder or happier. This cancer is like a heavyweight boxing match that keeps switching momentum. Let's hope it's nothing or something caught very early and can be swiftly dealt with. No matter what you have a beautiful wedding coming up and I'll bet you'll be bawling tears of joy, that'll make up a little for the tears of sadness now. And that dance or toast with your daughter, well I'm telling you now there won't be a dry eye in the house. Keep us posted, enjoy the heck out of the wedding and as if you didn't know, F$&CK cancer.
Hang in there my friend,
Easyflip/Richard
Joined: Feb 2015
Thoughts With You
Fingers crossed and all the rest that the scans come back perfect for you and that you have the best 4th of July for many reasons.
Joined: May 2012
Hey Phil, I'm still voting
Hey Phil, I'm still voting for screwy bloodwork. I wish that scan results were same day. Thinking of you today. Just one more day. And I'm with you on the why is this happening. Life used to be so simple before cancer.
Joined: Apr 2012
Well, now it's the waiting
Well, now it's the waiting part. I had the scans done on Friday afternoon. Wait Saturday, Wait Sunday, Wait Monday (okay, it's only 7:30am Monday). But I don't know when I'll get the call.
Joined: Jan 2013
Hopefully today
We are waiting with you, Phil.
I hope it is today. I know that they can read scans quickly, expidite them, but sometimes I think, let them take their time, get it right. Its hard waiting, but lets hope they can go over every inch of it at leisure (so to speak) and then get back to you.
Praying.
Sue - Trubrit
Joined: Apr 2012
Sue, I emailed my doctor.
Sue,
I emailed my doctor. Here was his reply this morning
Repeat CEA less than one!!!! Very good. CT of chest very good, CT of abdomen and MRI not up yet
This emotional rollercoaster ride is crazy. I know I need to wait for the MRI and abdomen results as those were the most important. But the feeling that the 8.0 CEA may have been nothing but a glitch is unbelievable!!!
Phil
Joined: Apr 2010
That's really great Phil -
That's really great Phil - Congrats!! Smiles all around!!
Joined: Feb 2015
Big Smile From Here For You
Your July 4th is the best ever now :)
great to hear
Joined: Jun 2012
Great News!!!!
Great News!!!!
Joined: Apr 2012
MRI is clear. Still waiting
MRI is clear. Still waiting on CT of Abdomen but expect that will be clear given MRI results.
Wow!!!!
We are so releived.
Love and Light to all today! It truly is a WONDERFUL day!
Phil
Joined: Aug 2012
Oh thank God! I am so happy
Oh thank God! I am so happy to hear this. I wonder if it was supposed to say .8 and someone just put that decimal in the wrong place.
ok, now tell us about wedding plans!
Joined: Apr 2012
She was going to have a
She was going to have a "small" wedding. Haha. That was the original plan. There are 175 confirmed guests (over 240 invited). It is at a country club on a beautiful lake in Michigan (Gull Lake Country Club). My wife and I worked on tying tags with royal blue ribbons onto 175 sparklers over the weekend. We also worked on the seating name tag tents, printing them all out and then fastening on blue, green, yellow, and pink hearts to indicate the attendee's meal choices. I think I'll be able to ask people "how did you enjoy your XXX?" Substittutting their selected meal to make the question personalized. :-)
I also mowed (3 acres) and weed-wacked and raked (pull behind lawn sweeper) in prep for family coming over. My son and wife helped with that chore. I also made a few chalk boards -- converting old pictures to chalk boards using chalk paint. My wife plans to use for sings in the hall. Right now my office is full of wedding stuff as well. A bird cage for her cards, decorations for the hall, vaces, candle holders, blah blah blah. :-)
I still need to finish my "father of the bride" speech and clean my garage. But we are looking good for being ready.
Family from out of town starts arriving on Wednesday. I expect to have about 25 people staying at our house over the weekend and many more staying in nearby hotels. The 25 includes my nephew who will be driving a very large motorhome (so they will actually be sleeping in their motorhome on our property). We will have a crazy wonderful time!
Thank you all for your sympathy and support in the highs and lows of this cancer battle. I told my doctor that this is quite an emotional rollercoaster and he suggested I read a book. I love how quickly he uses email to communicate back with me and how personable he is. I am really lucky to have a wonderful doctor and hospital in UM Health Center (UMHC). I thought I would share this book with you all as well - here is what he passed onto me:
Betsy DeParry self-published a book “The Roller Coaster Chronicles” about her journey with cancer.
Light and Love to all of you today, on this beautiful day!
Phil
Blog: http://PScamihorn.Me
Joined: Aug 2013
Woohoo! Great news! Congrats!
I'm so happy to hear this. Enjoy the wedding and keep looking forward. next stop: grandbabies??? Sorry, I'm obsessed with my two little grandbabies. They certainly brighten our day when we're having a bad one!
I wish your daughter and her future husband a long, happy, loving and prosperous life together!
Lin
Joined: Apr 2012
Grandchildren
Grankids are great! But wait til you reach my age and start having greatgrandchildren. It is awesome!!Good luck to all!
Joined: May 2013
Just
read through this whole thread. Late to the party as usual. Such awesome news Phil. God is good. God bless you and your family.
Joined: Oct 2011
YAY!!
Now you can go enjoy that wedding! Congratulations all around to you and your family!
Joined: Apr 2012
results
While awaitng lab results, if we assume the best we don't experience the anxiety most of us go through! Happy for you that you did get the results you wanted!
Joined: Jan 2013
Let us bring out the big guns for this AWESOME NEWS
Joined: Oct 2011
That is awesome Phil. What a
That is awesome Phil. What a relief.
Joined: Jun 2013
Awesome News!
Hey Phil, I'm so sorry you had to go through these few days from hell. I wish you and your family a great wedding celebration and many many healthy and happy years.
Laz
Joined: May 2011
What a wedding gift!!!
What a wedding gift!!! Blessings Galore!!!
CM
Joined: Apr 2015
Wonderful News!
I had my fingers crossed the news would be good. Now you can really enjoy your daughter's wedding without a gloomy cloud hanging over you.
Joined: May 2013
Awesome
news! Enjoy those weddings!!
Richard/Easyflip
Joined: Apr 2010
Very Happy
To hear your wonderful news. Now enjoy the weekend and have a most wonderful time at the wedding.
Winter Marie
Joined: Jul 2007
YAY, YAY, YAY!!!!
Happy happy news, now that you've been retested. Hope your daughter's wedding was fantastic!