Heartbroken in Michigan to OH HAPPY DAY!

I just told my wife the bad news... And she started crying over the phone.

I've been riding a remission now for six months.  I know, six months is hardly that long of a time, but for me it was the longest stretch of <1.0 CEA results and clear scans. Ever since my liver surgeery on December 5th I have been clear.

And we were all confident that today would be another <1.0 CEA. My wife was so confident that this is the first doctor visit she decided to skip (e.g. she went to work instead of going with me to chemo). My fifteen-year-old son went with me this time (e.g. instead of sleeping in now that he is out of school).

My doctor was so confident that he suggested skipping this Erbitux treatment, in hopes that my face would clear up for my daughter's upcoming wedding. Yes, my daughter is getting married on July 4th. [I really don't have time to deal with this right now.]

So my son and I came back from the hospital a lot sooner than planned. And since I didn't have a treatement I decided to jump on my computer and start working. Then my phone rang a little bit ago. My doctor's all too familiar words "I've got bad news."

My CEA was 8.0.  Just two weeks ago it was <1.

My doctor explained - "It could be a false read." "We need to retest. And we need to speed up the scan. And add an MRI in addition to a CT Scan."  I was going to have a scan at the end of July but I guess it might be next week instead.

And I'm devistated. I am really sad. It was going so good. And we are all looking forard to Anna's wedding.

Sometimes I feel like getting hit by a bus would be a lot easier to deal with. Why does my family and I have to suffer through this agonizing battle with cancer?

I know there is not an answer. And I know that happiness is a choice. And somehow, someway, I have to choose to be happy. To be thankful for now. To be joyful for my daughter, wife, family, friends.

I hope the tear track on my face will fade away...

Phil64

**

Update:

This morning started out gloomy. However, the sun is shining brightly for us now. I received updates from my doctor, from Friday’s tests.

The Thursday 6/25 8.0 CEA test was NOT confirmed. The Friday 6/26 retake came in as <1.0. This was the result we have received for some time now. This is the result that indicates NO CANCER. Furthermore the Scans are showing clear as well (e.g. no cancer). We are still waiting for the CT of the abdomen but the MRI and CT of Chest are showing ALL CLEAR. And my doctor expects that the CT of the abdomen will show clear as well, given these other results.

Who knows what the 8.0 CEA was? Maybe it was just a glitch? Maybe it was supposed to be 0.8 instead of 8.0? Whatever it was it sure sent us on an emotional rollercoaster ride. And it sure reminded me of how lucky I am to be NED (No Evidence of Disease). The remission continues! Praise the Lord, Halleluiah!

And THANK YOU for your many Prayers. You all are awesome prayer warriors. And I am so thankful to have you all praying with me.

Now we are looking forward to the Anna’s wedding and ready to truly celebrate! Thanks be to God!

Love and Light to each of you on this beautiful Monday!

Sincerely,

Philip