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Warning...negative ranting post

jen2012
Posts: 1607
Joined: Aug 2012

I just hate hate hate cancer and wanted to let out some of the anger.  Like many of you, I go through my days with a smile and try to keep life normal and when people say how are things, I say fine.  But they aren't fine.  My oldest is a senior in hs and while others are choosing colleges she resigned to the fact that she's going to community college because we just can't know what the future holds, financially or otherwise.  Second kid is okay but both of them feel different than the other kids.  they get annoyed listening to kids complain about stupid things that mean nothing when they worry if dad will be able to get out of bed this weekend to do family activities.  And the youngest, the sunshine of my days...he knows  nothing else and I think that's so sad, but I thank God for him every day.  He keeps us all going and smiling.

im sick that Sandy's grandson lost his mommy...a bright, positive and beautiful woman.   I'm sad that Pepe was always here to cheer others on and didn't give us an opportunity to thank him for being a light for many of us.  I hate that our dear Craig is in pain and not here with his eloquent words to give hope to the new folks that unfortunately have joined us, and also just to keep things real.   I am so sorry that so many of you have lost such dear, important people in your lives and hope the memories comfort you.  So sorry that so many of us have to deal with this ugly horrible disease either in treatment or watching those that we love go through it.  

I just hate cancer but continue to pray and think of all when I read posts, even if I don't respond often.

janderson1964
Posts: 2215
Joined: Oct 2011

I wouldn't call your post negative. To me everything you said are just the facts which happen to be negative. We ALL hate cancer and what it does to us and our families. I feel that a person dealing with cancer would have to be superhuman to not have negative moments and thoughts. I want to rant everytime we loose someone here. I too really miss Craig and Phillieg even though they are still with us but not present most of the time. They helped me so much when I first joined this forum. I can imagine what some of the oldtimers on this forum feel. I have only been on here 3 years and there are very few folks left that were on here when I first joined.

UncleBuddy
Posts: 1019
Joined: Aug 2013

it's not an easy thing to go through with family. We all have a right to rant once in a while, whether we are patients or caretakers. I have days where I just want to scream. I am constantly running back and forth to doctors with my dad and brother, worried about who is going to get sick first, and all the while I'm taking care of my own family. My hubby gets mad because I am doing the majority of caretaking and my one sister does nothing and the other helps, only when I ask. It's really tough! Just hang in there! Take care of YOU, too or you'll be no good to your husband.

Lin

JanJan63's picture
JanJan63
Posts: 2482
Joined: Sep 2014

You did great! You should see some of the rants I put on facebook. I hate, hate, hate it and wish it would go back to the hell it came from. I can't remember if I posted this before on here but there's a wall at the cancer centre I go to with a treemade out of cardboard and there are black leaves that people can write things on such as 'stay strong' or 'you can beat this'! Every time I walk by I want to write F*** CANCER on a leaf and stick it up there.

Helen321's picture
Helen321
Posts: 1428
Joined: May 2012

I hate when people tell me to stay strong, sure easy for you to say, I'm talking about cancer and you're talking about some trivial thing like a vacation or your kid who's not behaving as if I wasn't just talking about cancer.  I'm NED but my life is not moving on the way I wish it would, mounting medical bills, a disfigured body, it actually all fell apart at the worst time so I join you in saying F*** CANCER!  Add an extra leaf for me please!  Hell take over the whole tree.

Trubrit's picture
Trubrit
Posts: 5487
Joined: Jan 2013

I am reminded of the word of Gandalf the Grey in Lord of the Rings: Fellowship of the Ring.

Frodo is lamenting the ring (Cancer) and says he wishes that it had never come to him.

Gandalf's reply is 'So do all who live to see such times, but that is not for them to decide. All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given us.'

I try to think of this when I go through a dark times. I can control very little abuot this disease, but I can control how I react to it (at least when I'm feeling healthy).

I pray that you can recieve strenght here and from others, as you face your darkest thoughts, and know that we love and support you. 

Sue - Trubrit

annalexandria's picture
annalexandria
Posts: 2573
Joined: Oct 2011

I was also struck by his words when I was reading the books to my son while I was sick.  I guess a guy who experienced the horrors of WWI had some insight into suffering.

Momof2plusteentwins's picture
Momof2plusteentwins
Posts: 508
Joined: May 2012

Ditto!

 

Phil64's picture
Phil64
Posts: 838
Joined: Apr 2012

Ditto too. <3

 

tanstaafl's picture
tanstaafl
Posts: 1302
Joined: Oct 2010

Not negative, coping with reality.  

I've had two kids finish graduate schools during my wife's illness. One deferred starting ~16 months at wife's diagnosis and helped substantially with medical and home logistics in crucial periods.  One punted on a PhD perhaps unrelated after wife's second surgery but still has had scientific professional jobs.   We are fortunate because my wife has been stable almost NED during most of these periods, with two emergency periods, dx and second surgery for 2-3 months each.  

We also know a situation where both parents died of cancer under 18 months apart - a great kid midstream lost 1-2 years academically. Changed colleges closer to home and recovered with a godparent's help, then a stable other relationship.  In all cases financial arrangements have been crucial.  

If the kid looks good to a particular college, like top 10% of freshmen, it is possible for a kid to be largely self financing with financial/ merit  aid with minor residual debt at some colleges. However you have to deal with financial aid forms. Sooner is better, talk with the college recruiters and financial aid centers.   In some situations, it may be best to defer the preferred college for a year or skip a strategic semester or two and work part of it.   

The show must go on, carefully.   

annalexandria's picture
annalexandria
Posts: 2573
Joined: Oct 2011

It's horrible what cancer does to us, and to our families.  It's a thief, stealing joy, and time, and peace of mind.

I've had people talk about the positives in cancer, how there are lessons to be learned from the experience, and yeah, maybe there are, but I would have happily avoided the whole thing and stayed ignorant of that learning (esp with regards to my sister, who wasn't as lucky as I have been).

And really, your rant is quite polite!  Mine would have included way more F bombs!

 

annalexandria's picture
annalexandria
Posts: 2573
Joined: Oct 2011

Our experience has been great!  Very small classes, teachers who know your name, lots of opportunities to work in small groups and get to know other students...and the content of the first two years is identical to that of a four year college, all at a fraction of the price.  We were disappointed at first about this path, now we think it was absolutely a good move (except for oldest kid still living at home, which can be challenging at times Foot in Mouth).

jen2012
Posts: 1607
Joined: Aug 2012

Ha yeah, the 3 yr old has taught us to watch our language or we have to pay his swear jar...and swears include shut up and stupid....so with 2 adults and 2 teens in the house, the swear jar will probably fund his college!  

 

I know that community college is actually pretty smart and we may have gone that way even without the cancer diagnosis.   To reply to Tans, unfortunately her grades aren't good enough to get much in way of scholarship.   She's actually feeling pretty good about the decision as her classmates are really stressed out with college apps and essays.

jen2012
Posts: 1607
Joined: Aug 2012

Thanks all for your comments and sharing my rant.  And JanJan you should definitely write that on a leaf!   I'm sure many will share your thought.

Cathleen Mary
Posts: 827
Joined: May 2011

Jen, that is hardly a rant! :-). When I was ranting at work the other day about something trivial compared to cancer, my boss ( who is a great guy) said to me, with a smile 'Try and access your better self'. I immediately realized what I sounded like....over nothing. You are entitled to rant away and not be anywhere as nice about it as you were to us!  Everything you said is real about a really horrible situation. 

Hugs,

CM

 

Dyanclark's picture
Dyanclark
Posts: 296
Joined: Apr 2012

Hard to be positive when you have A Disease that can take down the strongest of people.  Cancer gives new meaning to the medical  term FIRST DO NO HARM.  For so many patients the treatments do so much harm.  We need a cure for cancer.  George has been thru Radiation, which lead to an Ostomey bag.  He has had a few surgeries, and is now on chemo for life.  Who knows how long that will be.  He was just stage 2 when he started out, now stage 4 and has no hope of being cured.

Hugs George & Diane

Varmint5's picture
Varmint5
Posts: 384
Joined: Feb 2012

Jen, I hear you. I hate, hate, hate it too. I am trying to let go of the anger now and move forward for the sake of my son-in-law and grandson and my husband, but it's hard. I wish cancer was an entity that I could kill with my bare hands. F cancer. I hate it. 

Sandy

janderson1964
Posts: 2215
Joined: Oct 2011

I think anger is part of the grieving process. It is understandable to hate the very thing that stole you daughter from you. I am sorry again for your loss. My stomach is in knots as I type this thinking about what you are going through. I know you deeply loved your daughter and are such a nice caring person from you past posts. It breaks my heart to see you so angry. I can feel it in your words. You do have a part of her that she left you in your grandson.

Phil64's picture
Phil64
Posts: 838
Joined: Apr 2012

I think your feelings are something we have all felt at one time or another. and I love the quote that sue posted because thst is what it comes down to. We need to control what is given to us to control.  That is our reaction to our situation. Love, live, and serve those in our lives s best we can. Hugs to you today. XO

Helen321's picture
Helen321
Posts: 1428
Joined: May 2012

I'm with you on this one!  Stupid cancer!

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