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Stage 4 colon ca with mestastasis

Rsdmk's picture
Posts: 8
Joined: May 2014

My fiancé has just been diagnosed has has surgery for colostomy and chemo port I am so scared have searched till my eyes hurt does anyone know if there is anything short of a miracle out there for him his ca has gone to just about every other organ he is only 50 he still has a lot of living to do I've been off work for 2wks basically forcing him to get out of bed,eat and ect... 

Trubrit's picture
Posts: 5504
Joined: Jan 2013

I am so sorry to hear about your fiance's diagnosis. Everyone here knows the shock, horror and fear assosiated. I can tell you, and this may come as a shock, that it gets better. The diagnosis or seriousness of it, stays the same; but once your fiance starts treatment, the stress level diminishes drastically. There is something about starting to do something that just takes the strain off. 

This is how I personally handle the situation I find myself in (stage IV with mets to the liver).  I just think that I will live a full and happy life, with maybe some tough times in-between. I have set a goal to live until I'm at least 88, as that sounds like a good age.  I will do all I can to achieve that goal, and leave the rest up to the Lord (my own personal faith).  But the key for me is to live until I die. I'm going to be happy and positive until I take my last breath. True, it may get a little tough at times, but thats true for everyone. 

Your fiance really needs you to be strong. Its hard, but get yourself up and about, and I promise you, it will start to get better as he starts treatments. 

Be careful what you read on the web. Check dates if you are researching, as allot of information out there is out of date. Even these last ten years great strides have been seen. 

This is a WONDERFUL forum, filled with people who are travelling the same road as you. Caregivers are here who can see things from your perspective, patients, like myself, who can give information on this end. 

Visit often. Ask questions, vent, cry, laugh (we do laugh, honestly). We are here for you and your man. 



Rsdmk's picture
Posts: 8
Joined: May 2014

Thank you thank you thank you what you wrote was a blessing it really made a difference I just had to take him back to the hospital his belly was distended couldn't eat was very dehydrated will see oncologist in just a few hours until I read your msg I was so anxious and couldn't stop cleaning we have both quit smoking so the house has been cleaned from top to bottom to get rid of awful stench all I can say is your awesome and I will be on here quite often

fatbob2010's picture
Posts: 467
Joined: May 2012

Cancer care has come along way in the last few years.  I too believe in miracles and hope that you have a personal experience as well.  

It has been important for me that the family has been positive in dark moments.  And, IMHO, it is important for your Fiancee that you keep as positive as possible in the face of his doubts and depression.

I may have read already but forgot...What variety or varieties of cancer are the two of you dealing with?

Anyway, Trubrit is offering a good suggestion.  This is a good place to come and share not only your happiness but your pain as well.

Best wishes, Art

Rsdmk's picture
Posts: 8
Joined: May 2014

It is colon cancer IV with mets to lung,liver,lymph nodes ,abdominal wall and kidney I don't let him see me upset and I haven't let the drs or any family tell him expentancy he's so positive and wants to fight and live I don't want that to be another crushing blow to him this whole ordeal came within days he just one day a few wks ago started getting really tired he blamed it on turning 50 went to the dr scheduled a colonoscopy then from a fri to wed went from being a mass in colon to a very revealing CT scan of it engulfing his whole abdominal area I trust that god will heal him 

Trubrit's picture
Posts: 5504
Joined: Jan 2013

Your sweet man has quite the battle ahead of him, and I am so happy to know that he is being positive. 

Nobody can tell him how long he has to live. People are beating the odds left, right and centre, and he may be the one. But we also know that his time may come sooner than later, the later he deserves. 

He will be the one to know if he can do what it takes to fight the fight. Sometimes though, when you and he council with the Oncologist, you (he) have to decide if the side effects will make those precious days of life too misreable. Its a hard, hard choice. 

My thoughts and prayers are with your man, and with you. May you continue to be strong for him, because it will make all of the difference.  There's no fluffing over the fact that with all of the mets, it is going to be a rough road. 

We are here for you. 

marbleotis's picture
Posts: 715
Joined: Mar 2012

This forum is the best place for support, encouragement and venting.

I was Dx'ed Jan 2012, with stage 3 colon cancer/signet cell...... by the way I was 49.

It is now 2.5 year NED (No evidence of disease) and I am doing good.

I had the right-hemi colon surgery, then the port then 6 months of chemo.

It was a tough road at times but you need to decide you will charge up that hill - encourage your fiance to do so (together).

Do not do the "Dr. Google" routine.  There are only a few good/true souces of cancer info on the internet - some data is out dated and there have been great strides in colon cancer treatments over the last 10 years or so.

If your fiance is having a bad day, let him have it, but get up the next day and kick cancer's a##.

Keep us updated.

Rsdmk's picture
Posts: 8
Joined: May 2014

Thank you we will kick it's butt

Sandi1's picture
Posts: 278
Joined: Aug 2008

Hi, I am the caregiver to my husband. He was diagnosed in Aug. 2008 - stage 4 with mets to his liver, lungs and a few lymph nodes. He was 46 when he was diagnosed.  He had the diseased part of his colon removed and has had chemo every 2 to 3 weeks since he was diagnosed.  He lived a full life, continuing to work 80 hours a week up until his company decided to cut back and he retired 2 1/2 years ago.  

We just decided at the beginning that we were not going to lay down and wallow in our pity, that lets the cancer win.  you have to get up every morning, shower, get dressed and do something.  Always set a goal for the day and finish it. As his body gets used to the chemo, he will be able to do more.

Yes, it is hard on you to watch -knowing what he needs to do to feel better and you just can't get him to do it.  You have to be patient, always be on his side. Always let him make the decisions about his health care - they need that control. If you don't feel as though that is the way to go, sit down and explain to him why?  Ultimately, the decisions are his to make.  I never presumed to dictate how my husband should handle his illness, i don't believe it is my place to tell someone what they should do with their own life.  We have been married for 15 years; and i know how my husband thinks and what he wants; and this is good, because at some point i will be the voice and decision maker when he cannot make the decisions. but in the beginning, it is important to let them make the decisions.

Always ask questions, if you are in an appointment with your husband and the doctor says something you don't understand - ask him to explain it again, if you still don't understand ask him to explain it again. You have the right to understand and sometimes the doctors forget that you are just an ordinary person.  Honestly, they don't mind explaining things, and if they do - then you need a new doctor.  You also have the right to have a copy of every report and test that has been done on your husband.  Start a file and keep it where you can get it, take with you to appointments. It is much faster for you to hand it to the doctor then for him to have to go get the report sent to him.  I know, this is alot of information - but these are things you need to know about.

Being a caregiver is a full time job.  I work full time and then i come home and look after my husband, the house and the kids.  it's nerve racking at first, but you get in a routine and it becomes easier.

If you have any questions, please do not hesitate to contact me or start a new discussion on here and someone will help you.  It was this site that got me through many a hard and scary time. They still help me to this day and it's been 6 years.  There is alot of information floating around this board. I promise you, if you have a question - someone on here has either experienced it or can get you an answer.  


Rsdmk's picture
Posts: 8
Joined: May 2014

Thank you sandi it is true that he should make all decisions but what's so hard is knowing he needs to take in more fluids and he just won't he went from being jaundice to ashy gray in just hrs I knew he was dehydrated I have got ton all different things for him to stay hydrated and it took me taking him to the hospital and put on IV fluids for him to realize it even before all this I would say something and he wouldn't listen and then have to come back and say I should've listened to you he is a fighter but very stubborn I will remember everything you and anyone else shares with me it's a very scary place

thxmiker's picture
Posts: 1282
Joined: Oct 2010

Welcome to the forum.  We are sorry to hear about his RX, at the same time this group is a wealth of support and information.

We are sending our thoughts and prayers.


Do not read anything about cancer dated 2007 and before.   Things have improved that much and are much happier to read!

Do not believe the numbers.  Good attitude, diet, exercise, mental strength will become such a huge factor, that the numbers mean little.


Diet, mental health, attitude, exercise are large factor to one's health.   They will also make fighting cancer a lot easier!   I was up walking 1.5 miles after my last cancer surgery. (Resection of the colon, resection of the small intestine in multiple places, 20 mets removed, 2 pelvic tumors removed.) I was in great shape and not in a hurry. lol I also wanted to be out side.  I sat down every chance I got. My wife and I watched the birds every time we sat down. We talked about life and being happy. Do not knock yourself out, the message is to get out and enjoy what you have.  Sometimes we forget that the simple things are the most important things.  Spouse, Family, and friends.


Best Always,  mike

Rsdmk's picture
Posts: 8
Joined: May 2014

Oh how true that is he is a bit upset he was the chef of the house I was very spoiled now I've cut out all red meat and he loved his steaks but he understands the necessity of how his diet has to change and my priorities have changed his every need comes first we never argued and never will I want him to stay happy and stress free this man is my life as well as my children and grandchildren he's become a papaw and loves every min of it all the kids have rallied around him it's been a beautiful and sad last few wks but I know we will be victorious thank you all 

lilacbrroller's picture
Posts: 412
Joined: Jun 2012

Welcome to the board, and I wish you and your husband the best during this difficult time.

I'm a patient, and have about the same amount of cancer mets that your husband has - Stage IV, rectal primary tumor, mets to liver, lungs, and adrenal glands.  I am single, and am my own caregiver so to speak but I have very supportive family and friends nearby, and I lucked out and found a fantastic primary oncology group.  

I hope for miracles, but am also realistic about my odds - reading other peoples' stories on boards such as this one has helped me get a good handle on how this disease runs.  there are a lot of variables. The best advice given to me was "you're not dying til they tell you you are" (from a very wise oncology nurse) and to keep on living until that time. It took awhile to sink in because the initial post-diagnosis period is a lot like shock. 

I've been alive two years since diagnosis and have tried to enjoy every minute of it, so my advice to your husband is to balance the "fight" with enjoying his remaining days, weeks, months, years.  Let him eat red meat! For one, if he goes on chemo, he'll need the protein to keep his red blood cell levels up, and sometimes chemo takes away appetite so it's easier to force down fun food than, say, ensure which is slimy and gross. Two, if steak gives him great satisfaction and joy, don't take it away. Denial and austerity hurts.  I'm with you on the smoking cessation since he has lung mets, but as for other changes in routine, particularly eliminating things that used to give him pleasure and satisfaction, I'm not so sure about that, but whatever gives him a sense of control and comfort. I've stopped drinking alcohol altogether, but some of my other cancer patient friends can't do this so they limit themselves to, like,  one drink a week (great source of satisfaction for them!)  Not to sound corny but the more love and connection he can get from family (kids, grandkids, etc) the better, and will give him strength to handle all the treatments and keep on going each day.

Glad you found this board - it has really helped me these past few years - we all help each other in our own unique ways.



Trubrit's picture
Posts: 5504
Joined: Jan 2013

What a WONDERFUL post.  What a great blessing you are here on the forum. I just had to tell you that. Thank you. I know the post is for our new friend, but it has touched my heart and given me strenght. Thank you again. 

Posts: 43
Joined: May 2014

The numbers you find on the internet are meaningless (at least in my head). There are so many factors and groups of people who have situations completely different from your fiance's.

My husband's oncologist stated that peole with Stage III colorectal cancer have a 40-50% survival rate in 5 years. When mentioned this to his surgeon, he would have rolled his eyes if he would have remained professional. The numbers are outdated and treatment has changed so much. Listen to the doctors; they know better than any statistics on a website.

Annabelle41415's picture
Posts: 6720
Joined: Feb 2009

I'm sorry that you've joined a club that no one wants to be at, but you've found a great bunch of people that can help you through a lot of your questions.  You are at a place right now that most of us has already been.  It's going to be hard going through this journey but it does get easier as mentioned above.  There will be some days that will seem like a complete defeat and others where there is a glimmer.  Please just take one day at a time.  He's lucky to have you helping him through this.  Also, as mentioned above, do not look at stats on the internet.  Treatment has come a long way in 10 years and most of that is outdated.  Please don't hesitate to come to the boards to get support, help, to rant, questions, etc.  We have a lot of experience of our own that we can share with you both.


annalexandria's picture
Posts: 2573
Joined: Oct 2011

and that I hope we can provide you and your fiance with some support as you walk this path.  It's not an easy journey, but it can be a little less tough when you have the support of people who've been there.  We have a lot of people with stage 4 cancer on this board (including me), as well as caregivers, so hopefully we can provide you with lots of info as you go along.

Hugs to you both~AA

Posts: 1019
Joined: Aug 2013

None of us know when our time is up. His dr told us (my brother has stage 4 rectal cancer) that the stats are old and to just live for today. Stay healthy, enjoy life and make sure you have a lot of support. This is a great forum for love and support. I am a caregiver, too, and was overwhelmed in the beginning. Many wonderful people on here have helped me accept what is coming and given me the iformation to live for today for my brother. He is currently doing a low dose of chemo because of complications, but we take one day at a time.

I wish you stregth in this arduous process.

Keep the faith. His doctor told him she has seen things she never expected.


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