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My Jim has passed

Posts: 1
Joined: Feb 2013

on Sept 10 early in the am hours my Jim lost his fight with cancer,,we did the hospice for the last two weeks and i can't even begin to say how horiffying the end was,,i watched him as he battled something called terminal restlessness,,i watched the light leave his beautiful blue eyes,,my house is so empty now,,i don't know what to do with myself...what happens now? are there other wives out there that can talk to me?

paul61's picture
Posts: 1268
Joined: Apr 2010

I am so sorry to hear of Jim's passing. He is now beyound the suffering of cancer. There is a group of wives on the CSN Facebook page that have lost their husband's to esophageal cancer. Hopefully one of them will see your post and tell you how to join. I will check in a day or so to see if they have posted here.

My deepest condolances on your loss,

Best Regards,

Paul Adams

Grand Blanc, Michigan
DX 10/2009 T2N1M0  Stage IIB - Ivor Lewis Surgery  12/3/2009 - Post Surgery Chemotherapy 2/2009 – 6/2009
Cisplatin, Epirubicin, 5 FU - Three Year Survivor


Deathorglory's picture
Posts: 214
Joined: Jul 2013



I'm so sorry to hear of your loss.  I'm unfamiliar with "terminal restlessness".  It, um..., doesn't sound pleasant.  There are groups of caregivers who have lost their spouses out there.  I don't know specifics, but I hope you hook up with a good one.  Reading your post is a jolt to me.  I don't want to ever do that to my wife.  Unfortunately, it's not a matter that falls under my direct control.  I'm sure your husband wouldn't have dumped this on you if he had a choice. 


Hope you find peace,



Heeran's picture
Posts: 173
Joined: Aug 2011

Hi, I'm so sorry for your loss.  I'm not losing my spouse but I am losing the love of my life which is my mom.  Your heart must feel so heavy now. That's the price we pay when we have such close and loving relationships to the ones we are about to lose.  I've been crying and yelling at my husband saying "it's not fair"  "why does it hurt so much?"  He explained that it wouldn't hurt as much if my mom and I were not that close.  It's because we had such a wonderful life together that it hurts so much.  It made sense but it still hurts

We've been doing Hospice at home for 6 weeks now and it's the most hellish thing I've gone through and for my mom it's even more miserable.  I didn't know there was a word for it called terminal restlessness, but my mom is up all hours of the day and night and she closes her eyes for like 5 to 10 minutes at a time.  Even w/ the anxiety medicine, benydrl, morphine pump, she can't get good rest or sleep.  We can't push highest doses of morphine or anxiety meds because it gives her very bad side effects.  She has not had iv fluids for a month so I have no idea how she keeps fighting.  Oncologyst called me and said he didn't think she would be still fighting to stay alive.  She started crying last week and said she wanted to live more.  Broke my heart.  Then me and my brother were in her bedroom together yesterday and she looked and both of us and started crying and said "my 2 beautiful children".  If I'm not crying on the outside, my heart hurts all day.  


Take care and post on this board anytime you are having a hard time.  We are here and we care.  Just tell yourself to get through the next 5 minutes.  


TerryV's picture
Posts: 916
Joined: Jul 2011

I'm so sorry for the lack of peace for your mother.  I hate that she's not able to be comfortable and at ease.  Please know that I respect the way that you have cared for her since diagnosis.


You are in my thoughts and prayers.  Extra special prayers lifted for your mother!



mruble's picture
Posts: 179
Joined: Jun 2011

It always saddens me so much to another of another EC death.  My husband died almost 19 months ago (can't believe it's been that long!). I have a secret group on Facebook for EC widows (many that originally started here on CSN) and we all "get it."  Please let me know if you are interested in joining.

Posts: 267
Joined: Nov 2009

I do not post much here anymore but lost my husband due to the same cancer three years ago today.  I do go on this site from time to time to see how everyone is.  I am so sorry about your husband and I believe my husband suffered the same death, I would like to talk to you more about it if you would like.  The restlessness is somewhat uncommon and it is a horrible death, my husband went through the same thing.   Please contact me if you would like to write.


TerryV's picture
Posts: 916
Joined: Jul 2011



MRuble's invite to join the FB widow's group is available to you also.  Forgive me if you have already declined an invite.  I just wanted to be sure that you knew you are welcome to join us if you like.  The support and friendship there is so amazing and so helpful!

Posts: 1
Joined: Oct 2013

I lost my Jim on June 12th 2013,

 He battled colon cancer for 8 yrs at the end I watched him bleed to death and leave me

withen 4 hrs.My life is over for me now for I lived for him,but i have two boys who need me it hurts to go on without him 

but I live for him everyday now I take care of our home like he liked doing, take care of our boys and pets 

for him,clean his shop drive his classic cars once a month do as much as I can to keep his memory alive.

I dont have an answer for you all I can say is keep his memory alive any way you can and he will always be with you.


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