My Jim has passed

I am so sorry to hear of Jim's passing. He is now beyound the suffering of cancer. There is a group of wives on the CSN Facebook page that have lost their husband's to esophageal cancer. Hopefully one of them will see your post and tell you how to join. I will check in a day or so to see if they have posted here.

My deepest condolances on your loss,

Best Regards,

Paul Adams

Grand Blanc, Michigan
DX 10/2009 T2N1M0  Stage IIB - Ivor Lewis Surgery  12/3/2009 - Post Surgery Chemotherapy 2/2009 – 6/2009
Cisplatin, Epirubicin, 5 FU - Three Year Survivor

Hi, I'm so sorry for your loss.  I'm not losing my spouse but I am losing the love of my life which is my mom.  Your heart must feel so heavy now. That's the price we pay when we have such close and loving relationships to the ones we are about to lose.  I've been crying and yelling at my husband saying "it's not fair"  "why does it hurt so much?"  He explained that it wouldn't hurt as much if my mom and I were not that close.  It's because we had such a wonderful life together that it hurts so much.  It made sense but it still hurts

We've been doing Hospice at home for 6 weeks now and it's the most hellish thing I've gone through and for my mom it's even more miserable.  I didn't know there was a word for it called terminal restlessness, but my mom is up all hours of the day and night and she closes her eyes for like 5 to 10 minutes at a time.  Even w/ the anxiety medicine, benydrl, morphine pump, she can't get good rest or sleep.  We can't push highest doses of morphine or anxiety meds because it gives her very bad side effects.  She has not had iv fluids for a month so I have no idea how she keeps fighting.  Oncologyst called me and said he didn't think she would be still fighting to stay alive.  She started crying last week and said she wanted to live more.  Broke my heart.  Then me and my brother were in her bedroom together yesterday and she looked and both of us and started crying and said "my 2 beautiful children".  If I'm not crying on the outside, my heart hurts all day.  

Take care and post on this board anytime you are having a hard time.  We are here and we care.  Just tell yourself to get through the next 5 minutes.  

Heeran

I do not post much here anymore but lost my husband due to the same cancer three years ago today.  I do go on this site from time to time to see how everyone is.  I am so sorry about your husband and I believe my husband suffered the same death, I would like to talk to you more about it if you would like.  The restlessness is somewhat uncommon and it is a horrible death, my husband went through the same thing.   Please contact me if you would like to write.

Linda

lindadanis said:

so sorry about your husband

I do not post much here anymore but lost my husband due to the same cancer three years ago today.  I do go on this site from time to time to see how everyone is.  I am so sorry about your husband and I believe my husband suffered the same death, I would like to talk to you more about it if you would like.  The restlessness is somewhat uncommon and it is a horrible death, my husband went through the same thing.   Please contact me if you would like to write.

Linda

Linda,

MRuble's invite to join the FB widow's group is available to you also.  Forgive me if you have already declined an invite.  I just wanted to be sure that you knew you are welcome to join us if you like.  The support and friendship there is so amazing and so helpful!