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rachel12yrsuv's picture
Posts: 435
Joined: Feb 2013

Hey guys,


summer is over :(!  I still go to the lake house on weekends but last week full week there for this summer!  Next year should be different since we are planning to move to Orefield Pa. Sometime in June!  Very excited for Faith and I to start our new chapter with Chris.  Praying disability comes through, i need to help pay the mortgage!  

On that note, my Primary finally recieved request for information and has requested I come in for physical and conversation on Thursday, no worries very little anxiety with this doctor!  However, he will listen to my lungs and during the summernInhave tried to eat few things, ie: Pizza, bread dipped in Pesto(one of my favorites, ice cream...so hopefully they are still clear, been couple months literally since last listen, just want to make sure what i did try isnt sitting around waiting to build up And hospitalize me again!  Mainly using tubes for feedings since leaving hospital in dec. I am down almost 10lbs(not complaining) i think its just that the Ensure Plus is just full of healthy stuff so what i was doing prior to getting sick kinda leveled off to here.  Still need to drop another 10-15 so gotta step up exercises not really anyway to adjust diet! Lol

13 years is coming around the corner, September 28th, my cousin is getting married that day so i will have 2 reasons to celebrate! Missex catching up with all of you!  I head to my therepist on Thursday for second appt. sure alot more crying will happen, but hopefully her and the physc. Can whip me out of my slump depression, its weird i am happier than have been in years and now i decide to feel bad for lost identity with what cancer has taken from me through the years and my job of 22 yrs. and not able to work anymore and this damn peg tube and host of old crap id like to fix.  God sure does have a funny way of making things happen, i will trust Him and walk where He leads me!  Hope your all well!  Soooo many new guys, its sad, all the money raised through so many organizations and yet this beast still thrives, i do certainly believe it is the devil and thats why the disease itself cant be stopped!  It can be beaten with Faith. Positive attidude, great team of doctors and drive in many, but tomorrow it will catch someone else.  This devil has to be stopped, i dont want anymore people walk where we walked or become abi-normal like us, i just want it to go away and not take another soul off this earth!  Not too much to hope or pray for right!


Love you guys, sorry for ramble just missed you all 



CivilMatt's picture
Posts: 4320
Joined: May 2012


Hi Rachel,

At your request I am here (and doing fine).  So you are all laked out for a while?

You keep working on getting yourself all jazzed up, even though life has dealt you a few blows, don’t let life get you down, there is plenty of time to improve your position.  Eating a little is an improvement.  There are a few prominent H&N folks who get along without eating (by mouth) at all

A girl with your big smiley face has 13 years to be happy about and figure out what you want to get back.

Are you going to change your name (12 year/13 year).

Take care,



Posts: 1914
Joined: May 2012


So glad to hear you've had a wonderful summer !  State fair time here in Mn., and by george I'm gonna be in the mix of things this yr.  Your right....cancer changes us.  I think you're absolutely amazing ..... your strong beliefs make me smile.  Continue being you, and congrads on the 13th yr. coming soon !  Hugs sent !  Katie  

debbiejeanne's picture
Posts: 3095
Joined: Jan 2010

rachel, welcome back.  i'm glad summer has kept u busy do'n fun things!  its probably b/c u r so happy that u r feeling down.  thinking f ur life is this good now, it could have been even better b4 cancer took so much.  that sad feeling won't last long and you'll be back to being happy.  now its time for school and that will keep you busy.  glad u r still trying to eat.  i hope it gets easier w/each attempt.  congrats on 13 yrs!!!!  i pray you have many more.


Ruben and Jude's picture
Ruben and Jude
Posts: 155
Joined: Apr 2013

If nothing else... one thing we've learned through this journey (well, a few things we've learned) is: What doesn't kill you makes you(r Faith) stronger; Life is a journey, not a destination;  make everyday a joyous one; Two steps forward, one step back; Eat what you can, when you can; Most everyone gets down, faith in God builds you up; One day at a time.

13 years of one day at a time IS success; you are beating the beast. After Ruben was diagnosed, he met several people who were treated successfully, one of which is a 20 year survivor.

I remember when I was much younger and worked for a now prominent dermatologist. He blatently stated that if he were to 'cure' someone, they wouldn't need him any more. If that were to happen, he'd have no income. He had to keep them coming back.

You're stronger than you know, or maybe you do know!

Take care, God Bless.

Posts: 839
Joined: May 2013

That's awesome!!  Congrats on hitting such a huge number :)  Prayers for you to continue with a healthy life and improvements in areas you wish for.  I'm different, too, and I always say that it's God's improvements to me.  I may look/feel/act different, but HE has made me better.  Maybe not in how I look, but in my heart.  ((HUGS))

fishmanpa's picture
Posts: 1217
Joined: Jan 2013

Hi Rachel,

Sounds like you had a nice relaxing summer. Wow... 13 years... that's reason to celebrate. The trials and tribulations are of the past. Mourn them if you must and move forward with renewed faith and a positive attitude. Besides, is there really much we can do to change what has been? Other than come to grips with it that is ;)  Glad you're addressing your depression. Talk about things from the devil! 

I agree with Matt in changing your screen name to reflect 13 years... it's insprirational to us all!

Positive thoughts and prayers



Skiffin16's picture
Posts: 8286
Joined: Sep 2009

Hey you...., I like being abi-normal..., LOL.

Thoughts and prayers your way and for a promising and exciting future on your new adventure...


rachel12yrsuv's picture
Posts: 435
Joined: Feb 2013

Lol John, T, Matt, katie, Jude and anyone else i missed!  I do embrace some of my abi-normal like my scar on my neck, never been ashamed never will be its my battle wound and I won!  Thanks for all the congrats, when September 28th arrives i will change my name to rachel13yrsuv!!!!  I get that life has to go the way it does i just said to Faith this morning about life and what we choose and mistakes and i said do you think mommy wishes i met Chris years ago and had a happier better life for us and she said yes... And i said that if my path didnt go through marrying your dad i wouldnt have you to met Chris and have a new life waiting to begin!  I do know all that, thats why i want to deal with the skelitons of emoitions locked in my mind before that life starts.  My favorite song is Blg Joel's The Stranger, there are masks that we only show ourselves and ones we have for others.  Being a cancer survivour and abuse survivoir i am a pro at putting on the happy mask and hiding behind it.  Dont think you dont know me cause you do, i just dont always(until recently) share my down side.  I really think Wolfen and Vivian really triggered that block for me and it came down then dec it was like open flood gates.  But I am a fighter and i will be all of this!


love you guys!

donfoo's picture
Posts: 1649
Joined: Dec 2012

Welcome back Rachel,

Sounds like you had a great summer. Look forward to seeing you around again. bye don

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