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Just A Little Teary Eyed Today

wolfen's picture
Posts: 1313
Joined: Apr 2009

Hello All,

I'm afraid I've been hit with the "What If's" today. I guess it doesn't make sense, but I just keep thinking "What if I had only given permission to remove my hubby's vent, but continue with dialysis & all the meds for infection, heart & diabetes? Would he ever have recovered enough to even fight the cancer, or did I make the right decision to discontinue everything?"

I know there is no definitive answer for this, but it just eats at me. Just the fact that he woke long enough to say "I'm alive", but then went to sleep again. All the doctors & even my son tell me that he would never have survived or been able to continue the cancer treatments and the end result would have been the same, but with much more pain & discomfort. I guess, at least this way he was able to retain a glimmer of dignity.

Sorry to post a "downer". Just looking for a little comfort, I guess.



osmotar's picture
Posts: 1005
Joined: Jul 2011



What your going thru is natural, and understandable.


Be safe be well.



rachel12yrsuv's picture
Posts: 435
Joined: Feb 2013

Poor baby.  No need for what ifs, if it wasnt his time when you stopped the stuff he wouldnt have past, God would have sustained him. The reason he did go that night is because Jesus came and got him and maybe for a brief moment when he told you he was alive he was, he was already walking with the Lord to his new home to wait for you.  I would look at it as final proof that life exsist after death!

Rest easy on yourself, your husband and God are both with you right now!

God Bless Wolfen, i love you,


longtermsurvivor's picture
Posts: 1845
Joined: Mar 2010

there is never a reason for "what if's".  You did all the right things.


be well



Ingrid K's picture
Ingrid K
Posts: 813
Joined: Mar 2011

Dear Wolfen

Please don't second guess yourself.  You did ALL the right things.  And you saved him from even more pain and suffering.

It's very common to feel the way you do, just try not to dwell on it.

Stay strong !


Skiffin16's picture
Posts: 8292
Joined: Sep 2009

You did everything you could, and he passed the way he would have wanted....

Prayers your way, John

Posts: 28
Joined: Feb 2013

Please know that you did everything right.  No need for what ifs or regrets.  You did just what he needed, as difficult as it was for you.  



CivilMatt's picture
Posts: 4372
Joined: May 2012


You did fine, no what ifs needed.  Time cut short by illness, there  never seems to be enough time.  From where I was sitting you both lived the impossible.

Never a downer,


wolfen's picture
Posts: 1313
Joined: Apr 2009

For slapping me back into shape! I just have too much "thinkng time" on my hands right now and those thoughts have a way of creeping in. I'll try to put my stiff upper lip back on & forge ahead.

Luv You Guys,


debbiejeanne's picture
Posts: 3095
Joined: Jan 2010

wolfen, these days r 2 b expected.  when u have them do just as u did today, come here and let us help you.  we will always be here for u.



alligatorpointer's picture
Posts: 131
Joined: Jul 2012

There are no "What If's" in that place.  Each of us has a time of passing.  Most of us hope that it will be gentle and comforted by the love of those who are dearest to us.  You made that possible for your husband.  Please try to be gentle with yourself now and listen to the assurances of your son and the doctors that you made the very best decisions.

D Lewis's picture
D Lewis
Posts: 1577
Joined: Jan 2010

This is a lovely response. It warmed my heart. I hope it warmed others, as well.


jim and i's picture
jim and i
Posts: 1788
Joined: May 2011

Praying for your comfort and peace.


Posts: 132
Joined: Oct 2009

I would probably feel the same but as others said it was his time...the pain and suffering are over...now it is time for you to Grieve and move ahead take as much time as there is no time period for anyone...we each Grieve differently and for different amounts of time.  May you know you did the best you could and God was ready for another Angel.  I know it is not Fair when I think of the BAD people in this world but everything happens for a reason....or so I have been told many times we just don't understand why or whta we are supposed to learn from it.  Some f us have more on our tables than others do in a lifetime. 

Hang in there

Take care of yourself....


phrannie51's picture
Posts: 4678
Joined: Mar 2012

I was gone when it got posted, and must have missed it in my catching up.

I think second guessing oneself is a natural part of losing someone.....a phase that we bump into and then pass through.  I'm glad to hear that you took yourself off of that merry-go-round quickly. 



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