Just A Little Teary Eyed Today

wolfen
wolfen Member Posts: 1,324 Member
in Head and Neck Cancer #1

Hello All,

I'm afraid I've been hit with the "What If's" today. I guess it doesn't make sense, but I just keep thinking "What if I had only given permission to remove my hubby's vent, but continue with dialysis & all the meds for infection, heart & diabetes? Would he ever have recovered enough to even fight the cancer, or did I make the right decision to discontinue everything?"

I know there is no definitive answer for this, but it just eats at me. Just the fact that he woke long enough to say "I'm alive", but then went to sleep again. All the doctors & even my son tell me that he would never have survived or been able to continue the cancer treatments and the end result would have been the same, but with much more pain & discomfort. I guess, at least this way he was able to retain a glimmer of dignity.

Sorry to post a "downer". Just looking for a little comfort, I guess.

Luv,

Wolfen

Comments

  • osmotar
    osmotar Member Posts: 1,006
    #2
    Hugs and More

    Wolfen,

     

    What your going thru is natural, and understandable.

     

    Be safe be well.

     

    Linda

  • rachel12yrsuv
    rachel12yrsuv Member Posts: 435
    #3
    Poor baby.  No need for what

    Poor baby.  No need for what ifs, if it wasnt his time when you stopped the stuff he wouldnt have past, God would have sustained him. The reason he did go that night is because Jesus came and got him and maybe for a brief moment when he told you he was alive he was, he was already walking with the Lord to his new home to wait for you.  I would look at it as final proof that life exsist after death!

    Rest easy on yourself, your husband and God are both with you right now!

    God Bless Wolfen, i love you,

    Rachel

  • longtermsurvivor
    longtermsurvivor Member Posts: 1,842 Member
    #4
    when you've fought the good fight

    there is never a reason for "what if's".  You did all the right things.

     

    be well

     

    Pat

  • Ingrid K
    Ingrid K Member Posts: 813
    #5
    Don't worry, you did everything right.

    Dear Wolfen

    Please don't second guess yourself.  You did ALL the right things.  And you saved him from even more pain and suffering.

    It's very common to feel the way you do, just try not to dwell on it.

    Stay strong !

     

  • Skiffin16
    Skiffin16 Member Posts: 8,305 Member
    #6
    No Regrets..

    You did everything you could, and he passed the way he would have wanted....

    Prayers your way, John

  • ILMM13
    ILMM13 Member Posts: 28
    #7
    Hugs to you, Wolfen

    Please know that you did everything right.  No need for what ifs or regrets.  You did just what he needed, as difficult as it was for you.  

     

    Trish

  • CivilMatt
    CivilMatt Member Posts: 4,724 Member
    #8
    Heartfelt

    Wolfen,

    You did fine, no what ifs needed.  Time cut short by illness, there  never seems to be enough time.  From where I was sitting you both lived the impossible.

    Never a downer,

    Matt

  • wolfen
    wolfen Member Posts: 1,324 Member
    #9
    CivilMatt said:

    Heartfelt

    Wolfen,

    You did fine, no what ifs needed.  Time cut short by illness, there  never seems to be enough time.  From where I was sitting you both lived the impossible.

    Never a downer,

    Matt

    Thanks, You Guys

    For slapping me back into shape! I just have too much "thinkng time" on my hands right now and those thoughts have a way of creeping in. I'll try to put my stiff upper lip back on & forge ahead.

    Luv You Guys,

    Wolfen

  • alligatorpointer
    alligatorpointer Member Posts: 131
    #10
    Trust where love has led you.

    There are no "What If's" in that place.  Each of us has a time of passing.  Most of us hope that it will be gentle and comforted by the love of those who are dearest to us.  You made that possible for your husband.  Please try to be gentle with yourself now and listen to the assurances of your son and the doctors that you made the very best decisions.

  • debbiejeanne
    debbiejeanne Member Posts: 3,102 Member
    #11
    wolfen said:

    Thanks, You Guys

    For slapping me back into shape! I just have too much "thinkng time" on my hands right now and those thoughts have a way of creeping in. I'll try to put my stiff upper lip back on & forge ahead.

    Luv You Guys,

    Wolfen

    wolfen, these days r 2 b

    wolfen, these days r 2 b expected.  when u have them do just as u did today, come here and let us help you.  we will always be here for u.

    prayers,

    dj

  • jim and i
    jim and i Member Posts: 1,788 Member
    #12
    Great Big Hug

    Praying for your comfort and peace.

    debbie

  • D Lewis
    D Lewis Member Posts: 1,581 Member
    #13
    alligatorpointer said:

    Trust where love has led you.

    There are no "What If's" in that place.  Each of us has a time of passing.  Most of us hope that it will be gentle and comforted by the love of those who are dearest to us.  You made that possible for your husband.  Please try to be gentle with yourself now and listen to the assurances of your son and the doctors that you made the very best decisions.

    Alligatorpointer

    This is a lovely response. It warmed my heart. I hope it warmed others, as well.

    Deb

  • backachedp
    backachedp Member Posts: 132
    #14
    jim and i said:

    Great Big Hug

    Praying for your comfort and peace.

    debbie

    Wolfen

    I would probably feel the same but as others said it was his time...the pain and suffering are over...now it is time for you to Grieve and move ahead take as much time as there is no time period for anyone...we each Grieve differently and for different amounts of time.  May you know you did the best you could and God was ready for another Angel.  I know it is not Fair when I think of the BAD people in this world but everything happens for a reason....or so I have been told many times we just don't understand why or whta we are supposed to learn from it.  Some f us have more on our tables than others do in a lifetime. 

    Hang in there

    Take care of yourself....

    Deb

  • phrannie51
    phrannie51 Member Posts: 4,716
    #15
    I feel horrible I missed this post

    I was gone when it got posted, and must have missed it in my catching up.

    I think second guessing oneself is a natural part of losing someone.....a phase that we bump into and then pass through.  I'm glad to hear that you took yourself off of that merry-go-round quickly. 

    Love,

    p

Discussion Boards