WHAT KEEPS YOU GOING?

lp1964
lp1964 Member Posts: 1,239 Member

Hi Everyone,

My name is Laz I am a 48 year old man with a pretty bad rectal cancer. I just started my treatment with Xeloda and Radiation, will have surgery in September ending with a permanent colostomy.

Mentally my days are like a roller coaster: sometimes I feel strong and optimistic, because I still have so much to offer to my patients, friends and my family (I am a very good and compassionate dentist), I have a 15 year old daughter and a beautiful, supportive wife. Other days I lose this optimism and start doubting the reason to fight and stay alive no matter what.

The reason I'm starting  this topic is to ask all all of you about what keeps you motivated, what keeps you going? I believe it would be very insprational to share and give strenght to each other.

I am sure we all ask ourselves these questions a lot so it would be great to write down answers for ourselves and for each other.

Thank You an God bless you,

Laz

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Comments

  • Annabelle41415
    Annabelle41415 Member Posts: 6,715 Member
    God and Family

    God first and family second.  I'm so tired right now and I'll give a better post tomorrow but the first thing upon waking is praying.  It's hard getting through this but you will and you'll come out a stronger person.  I'll repost tomorrow.

    Kim

  • thxmiker
    thxmiker Member Posts: 1,278
    Dwell on the positive

    No doubt having cancer is a new way of life, but do not let Cancer define you.  

     

    Let's see, You are a business man, a community leader, a Dentist, a Father, etc....  These are the things that define you.  Cancer is just an annoying disease that gets in the way.  

     

    When ever I have got down, the powers that be, God, or how ever you want to define it, has introduced and let me help someone who is much worse off then me, I feel stupid that I even got down on myself.  I do not have it that bad. (If you do not know me, I got told in Nov 2012 to get my affairs in line,) I seeked better Doctors that were having better results with their patients. I now have a plan, and so far it is working for me. We just met a family who the brother has wide spread cancer. We met with them and gave them a bunch of books that have motivated us to Juicing and a better Diet to improve our immune systems. Introduced them to this site, and keep them in our prayers.

     

    Hold your head up high and Live Life!  

    Best Always,  mike 

  • johnnybegood
    johnnybegood Member Posts: 1,117
    thxmiker said:

    Dwell on the positive

    No doubt having cancer is a new way of life, but do not let Cancer define you.  

     

    Let's see, You are a business man, a community leader, a Dentist, a Father, etc....  These are the things that define you.  Cancer is just an annoying disease that gets in the way.  

     

    When ever I have got down, the powers that be, God, or how ever you want to define it, has introduced and let me help someone who is much worse off then me, I feel stupid that I even got down on myself.  I do not have it that bad. (If you do not know me, I got told in Nov 2012 to get my affairs in line,) I seeked better Doctors that were having better results with their patients. I now have a plan, and so far it is working for me. We just met a family who the brother has wide spread cancer. We met with them and gave them a bunch of books that have motivated us to Juicing and a better Diet to improve our immune systems. Introduced them to this site, and keep them in our prayers.

     

    Hold your head up high and Live Life!  

    Best Always,  mike 

    Hello

    first  i want to welcome you to our unique community.we are very supportive of eachother(most of the time)as with any family we do have some conflicts on here but i usually stay out of it.i see you are the same age i am.i was dx sept 2008 stage 3 went thru xeloda chemo and radiation was able to be reconected in feb 2009 did 10 treatments of oxy and 5fu pump that almost killed me.i have permenant neuropathy in hands and feet.then in jan 2011 when i thought i was still all clear WHAM i got the news it was in my liver and one lung.soo back to different chemo irrinatecan and had liver resection in sept2011.then more hard chemo with avastin until my platelets went south and would not come back up enough to get back on avastin.started taking xeloda pills and tried different options to get my platelets up nothing worked so in feb2013 had my spleen taken out because it has a reserve of platlets.now i am on xeloda pills and avastin will be on chemo for life as i now have at last count in feb 38 spots in my lungs.the reason for all this info is first i want to say ,What keeps me going is our gloryous Lord,He holds my hand everyday and carries me thru everything.then my family and church friends.another important one that gets me thru each day is i have been blessed to be able to have 2 horses.as you see in my avatar picture this is my baby she is 4 years old now but i have had her since she was 4 months old.i dont ride but all i do is love her and she gives me love back.pets are one of Gods gracious gifts i hope you have a few.this disease is doable just dont give up.good luck and ...Godbless....johnnybegood

  • steveandnat
    steveandnat Member Posts: 886
    Making it to milestones

    Since being dx with stage 4 colon I've been blessed to see my daughter and son get married. I also wassupper blessed to welcome my first grandbaby to this world.Celebrated manyspecial birthdays, holidays and othere special events. I must admit after four years of treatments and side effects the mental battles are getting tougher. I have to pray harder and really appreciate every good minute. I also pray that new medicines will help this terrible illness. I've seen new chemos that have helped me stay around. Pray you do well with everything. Jeff

  • MaryCarol5
    MaryCarol5 Member Posts: 102
    Laz,
    Like most, God and

    Laz,

    Like most, God and family are my motivation.  In addition to that, I just feel like I haven't fulfilled my purpose here.  I wish that I could offer you more "words of wisdom" but I am still finding my way through this myself.  I can, and will, keep you in my thoughts and prayers.

    This board has been a source of great comfort and strength as I have read through the trials and tribulations. 


    Mary Carol

  • ron50
    ron50 Member Posts: 1,723 Member
    Nothing much
    I survive because I do. No great philosophies , no religion. Basically I survive because I knew I would. Right from the start I knew with certainty that ca did not kill me. It has been 151/2 years since my stage3c diagnoses. Several things have come close to killing me since but not ca. Just one of those unexplainable things. Ron.
  • Trubrit
    Trubrit Member Posts: 5,643 Member
    ron50 said:

    Nothing much
    I survive because I do. No great philosophies , no religion. Basically I survive because I knew I would. Right from the start I knew with certainty that ca did not kill me. It has been 151/2 years since my stage3c diagnoses. Several things have come close to killing me since but not ca. Just one of those unexplainable things. Ron.

    Yay!

    Keep on going Ron. Always an inspiration. 

    When people see me ( and right now, it ain't a pretty sight), they say, "I'm sorry that you have cancer" and I tell them "I look and feel this way because of the chemo. The cancer was Excised back in November"  

    And that's part of my motivation. 

  • pete43lost_at_sea
    pete43lost_at_sea Member Posts: 3,900
    life is magnificent

    of course god mafe it all, my day starts and ends with gratitude prayets.

    all these beathes a joyous bonus.

    its a great question to ask ourselves.

  • Annabelle41415
    Annabelle41415 Member Posts: 6,715 Member
    My Second Post

    Thought I'd add a little more to my first post but besides God and Family knowing that you have a great team of doctors on your side is a very important part of your getting through.  If you don't like or trust them, then you will not be able to move forward with a confidence that you need for the upcoming events and appointments that will be facing you.  Don't be afraid to lean on people either.  I'd always try to do things for myself, but when you need help or you just don't feel like doing it "yourself" ask.  Write down how you are feeling even if it is a weekly log, you can write whenever you what, whatever you want.  It helps you express yourself and it will be there for later when you can look back and say, I've been through all this and I'm still going.  You can get through this, and some days will seem like forever.  We are here for you so ask what you need, and express what you need.  Glad that you found us.

    Kim

  • PhillieG
    PhillieG Member Posts: 4,866
    Sex, Drugs, and Rock & Roll

    I've heard they're all fun! What motivates me and keeps me going? I'd have too answer that with:

    • On a personal level, my kids and family
    • what motivates me? Helping others deal with their cancer and with other things
    • what keeps me going! A sense of humor and a great medical team. Also, I'm too busy and have too much to do.
  • marbleotis
    marbleotis Member Posts: 720 Member
    What keeps me going......

    It is easy

    1. My family
    2. My faith
    3. I want to stay around a long time and be a little old lady..........
  • annalexandria
    annalexandria Member Posts: 2,571
    PhillieG said:

    Sex, Drugs, and Rock & Roll

    I've heard they're all fun! What motivates me and keeps me going? I'd have too answer that with:

    • On a personal level, my kids and family
    • what motivates me? Helping others deal with their cancer and with other things
    • what keeps me going! A sense of humor and a great medical team. Also, I'm too busy and have too much to do.
    I'm with Phil...

    I keep going for my kids and my husband, and my extended family (who really don't need to lose another member to cancer).

    Beyond that, it's the little things that keep me sane...a good book, an engrossing movie, some time spent on our boat or sitting at the beach, a really well-made martini...

    not long ago I was sitting in the sun on a bench at the park, reading my magazine while my son played, and even that moment was enough to give me a little more strength to keep moving forward.  AA

  • YoVita
    YoVita Member Posts: 590
    What keeps me going?

    During surgery and treatment what kept me going was my husband reminding me that I wanted to live to see our son on his own, happy, and in a relationship.  I almost quit my treatment - many, many side effects- it was very hard!  But my goal kept me going.  This September  - 3 and a half years out from initial diagnosis, I will see my son walk down the aisle with his love.  I'm pretty sure I'll make it until then - well cancer won't stop me.

    Now, post-treatment, goals keep me going, and appreciation of life's little things - one of the bonuses of being a cancer survivor.  

    Good luck to you Laz.  Surgery and treatment are a challenge and a roller coast ride - just keep thinking ahead to the end.  It helps.

  • Nana b
    Nana b Member Posts: 3,030
    YoVita said:

    What keeps me going?

    During surgery and treatment what kept me going was my husband reminding me that I wanted to live to see our son on his own, happy, and in a relationship.  I almost quit my treatment - many, many side effects- it was very hard!  But my goal kept me going.  This September  - 3 and a half years out from initial diagnosis, I will see my son walk down the aisle with his love.  I'm pretty sure I'll make it until then - well cancer won't stop me.

    Now, post-treatment, goals keep me going, and appreciation of life's little things - one of the bonuses of being a cancer survivor.  

    Good luck to you Laz.  Surgery and treatment are a challenge and a roller coast ride - just keep thinking ahead to the end.  It helps.

    I have no control over my

    I have no control over my illness, it is what it is.  I make the most of the day,  If I'm tired I wastch great movies, if I have energy I go ot in the yard.  If I want to work on a hobby I do that.  I do take care of me first now.  I don't do as much as I used to, I was a super Mom and Wife, now I'm probaby average but I don't over do any more.    I sit with family, I don't drink my daiily wine anymore, too scary thinking about my liver, so I miss that.  But I  have so much to keep me busy that I don't have time to dwell on anything.  

     

    I'm not giving into this cancer........it's going to have to drag me out the door. 

  • danker
    danker Member Posts: 1,276
    laz

    my wife of 56yrs is in a nursing home for alzheimers.  She needs me, so I have to keep going.  God doen't give us any choiice.  

    Onlly He will determine which is to be my last day.

  • Easyflip
    Easyflip Member Posts: 588
    We're lucky
    Laz,
    I approach each day with gratitude. Family, friends, grateful patients have already shown you what matters. I'm sure you've experienced the outpouring of support we all have, you know why? Because we"re loved! That seems to me to kick the a$$ out of having stupid cancer! We owe it to them and ourselves to fight to create more of that every day! There are people way worse off and you now have a choice to live well and be an inspiration for your family, kids, friends and us here at the network or not. What's the alternative? Feel sorry for yourself? It's not even close if you ask me, get busy living!!
  • Sonia32
    Sonia32 Member Posts: 1,071
    Hugs

    My faith, family, friends and my csn family they are what have kept me going. Oh and I forgot me, you are also what keeps you going because you are a fighter.

  • tachilders
    tachilders Member Posts: 313
    Family and friends are what I

    Family and friends are what I use as my motivation to fight this damn disease with all I have.  The same family and friends support me in the fight.  I'm not particularly religious, (my wife is and she is Catholic), but I do pray on occasion for help to fight this disease. 

    Tedd

  • joemetz
    joemetz Member Posts: 493
    What keeps me going?????? --- Great Question!

    I have to say, after reading everyones posts that past few days, I've been thinking each night if I was going to reply. 

    And, then i thought... "joe if you reply will you be honest, or 'say what everyone wants to hear?'.

     

    Well, I have to say it... 

    Fist let me appologize for "sniping" the post as this might go off in an unexpected direction.

     

    I was brought Catholic. 12 years of catholic eduction. Jesuit Priest for high school teaching Be A "Man for Others" as their foundation to raising teenage boys into Men.  I am married to who has now become my best friend.... for 24 years, who was not raised Catholic.

    we have four kids and we're raising them catholic.  

    I am diagnosed stage IV colon cancer in November 2011.... I've had 2 surgeries, 50 chemo treatments and everything has been all cancer for 20 months.

    so, my family is what is keeping me going.

    Gotcha... you were thinking my faith. Instead my faith has gone to being mad. I feel like I am being punished for something. Jesus didn't deserve to die... but he did it to save the sins of others. 

    is a cancer patient taking hte bullet for the sins of those around him?

    If God is all knowing, why is there childhood cancers? He can control all things... then why do sick people continue to pray for good things... only to get a new drug to help the fight.  Its a simple question, and it disturbs me to say it...  But God, where are you?

    The devil is winning this fight and this entire battle. People raising major money for all cancer charities, events and paying all the bills to these oncologists and cancer centers.... moving lots of money, appearing to be moving lots of caring people to take care of a bunch of dying people... all for big money

    Great!

    then, I get a card from a friend that says "God only gives you what you can handle".

    I am 49 years old, and yes, i can handle a lot.... but the person who said that to me has to be the most unthoughtful person I've encountered.

     

    I hope my "quetioning of God and his presence in our lifes is something that is short lived, but that's where I'm at with my faith."

    why would God take the father away form four young kids? Kids need a month AND a father. (especially a father as cool as me)

    Why would God take the husband from a 24 year marriage, we have too many single, divorsed and/or lonely poeple in the world.

    Why would God take the youngest son from a Mom?

    Why would God take the youngest brother from 2 sisters and 1 brother?

    Why would God take the owner/leader and boss of a small business that employes 120, which is doing so many great things for our compunity and creating lifestyle for our employees and their families?

     

    Sorry, I know its a pitty party.... but I'm Pushing On and Fighting Hard for my Wife, Four Kids, My extended families of relation, work, customers and others.

    I'm waiting for the signs to help understand all of this. I'm hoping I don't stay mad at God, but it sure is hard to go to church.

    I say to my wife.... I sure am Glad everyone else goes to Church to pray for us... cuz it sure is hard for me to pray for me.

     

    So, my only prayer these days is "why God?"  "Why Cancer?"

    then, I quickly say... If you cannot help me, help everyone else who has helped me... and please please pleases God, NEVER give this terrible crap to my wife or my four kids.

     

    Hugs

     

    Joe

     

    (I look forward to everyones reply)

     

     

  • lp1964
    lp1964 Member Posts: 1,239 Member
    joemetz said:

    What keeps me going?????? --- Great Question!

    I have to say, after reading everyones posts that past few days, I've been thinking each night if I was going to reply. 

    And, then i thought... "joe if you reply will you be honest, or 'say what everyone wants to hear?'.

     

    Well, I have to say it... 

    Fist let me appologize for "sniping" the post as this might go off in an unexpected direction.

     

    I was brought Catholic. 12 years of catholic eduction. Jesuit Priest for high school teaching Be A "Man for Others" as their foundation to raising teenage boys into Men.  I am married to who has now become my best friend.... for 24 years, who was not raised Catholic.

    we have four kids and we're raising them catholic.  

    I am diagnosed stage IV colon cancer in November 2011.... I've had 2 surgeries, 50 chemo treatments and everything has been all cancer for 20 months.

    so, my family is what is keeping me going.

    Gotcha... you were thinking my faith. Instead my faith has gone to being mad. I feel like I am being punished for something. Jesus didn't deserve to die... but he did it to save the sins of others. 

    is a cancer patient taking hte bullet for the sins of those around him?

    If God is all knowing, why is there childhood cancers? He can control all things... then why do sick people continue to pray for good things... only to get a new drug to help the fight.  Its a simple question, and it disturbs me to say it...  But God, where are you?

    The devil is winning this fight and this entire battle. People raising major money for all cancer charities, events and paying all the bills to these oncologists and cancer centers.... moving lots of money, appearing to be moving lots of caring people to take care of a bunch of dying people... all for big money

    Great!

    then, I get a card from a friend that says "God only gives you what you can handle".

    I am 49 years old, and yes, i can handle a lot.... but the person who said that to me has to be the most unthoughtful person I've encountered.

     

    I hope my "quetioning of God and his presence in our lifes is something that is short lived, but that's where I'm at with my faith."

    why would God take the father away form four young kids? Kids need a month AND a father. (especially a father as cool as me)

    Why would God take the husband from a 24 year marriage, we have too many single, divorsed and/or lonely poeple in the world.

    Why would God take the youngest son from a Mom?

    Why would God take the youngest brother from 2 sisters and 1 brother?

    Why would God take the owner/leader and boss of a small business that employes 120, which is doing so many great things for our compunity and creating lifestyle for our employees and their families?

     

    Sorry, I know its a pitty party.... but I'm Pushing On and Fighting Hard for my Wife, Four Kids, My extended families of relation, work, customers and others.

    I'm waiting for the signs to help understand all of this. I'm hoping I don't stay mad at God, but it sure is hard to go to church.

    I say to my wife.... I sure am Glad everyone else goes to Church to pray for us... cuz it sure is hard for me to pray for me.

     

    So, my only prayer these days is "why God?"  "Why Cancer?"

    then, I quickly say... If you cannot help me, help everyone else who has helped me... and please please pleases God, NEVER give this terrible crap to my wife or my four kids.

     

    Hugs

     

    Joe

     

    (I look forward to everyones reply)

     

     

    WHAT GETS ME GOING

    I am way to early into the process to say "What KEEPS me going". I just started chemo and radiation and besides some fever and weakness I haven't felt the effect of the cancer or the treatment. Before I told my wife I had all kinds of thoughts: I'm not telling anybody, I'm not getting any treatment go back to Europe and just die in my sister's arms.

    One early morning I had such a bad anxiety that I was 100% sure that I'm gonna die. I was walking up and down at 2 am, because I felt if I stopped I would die. I didn't sleep a bit and left for work at 6am. I must have fainted or fell asleep, because I woke up in a wreched car. I hit a tree at 80mph. the engine was next to me toucking the passenger seat. I only had a 1/4 inch cut on my pinky. Since then I did several reaserch and even a accident expert said that I'm not supposed to have survived such a deceleration, my heart should have been torn off the aorta. Still I walked way. Talking about an Omen to survive.

    That day I told my wife about the cancer, which was scary and a relief at the same time. Relif, because I didn't have to carry this weight alone. Scarry, because now I'm not the only one who is gonna make decisions about what's next.

    A couple of years ago I decided to actively seek out the good things in life, stop and appreciate them and make sure that I conclude every day as good by doing something that makes every day worth while. 

    If you think about it we only have control over one day. Something can scare you or piss you off for a few hours and you are gonna have an emotional reaction. A week is too long to have control over, but we can all make each day a good one. Well, that's how I tried to live and now that I have cancer it is ever more important to live like this. ONE DAY AT THE TIME.

    I have so much in my head that it won't always allow me to live like that, but I certainly will try every day.

    I think asking questions like Joe above ( with all the respect) is not useful and meaningless. I believe we got cancer for multiple reasons: genetic, bad diet, bad lifestyle, environmental pollution, stress etc. Maybe God gives you cancer to try you, see what you do with it. In my case maybe God gave it to me telling me: "Well son, You always wanted to live one day at the time, notice the beauty in the world. Let's see how it works for you under extremely difficult circumstances." All the great people who do so much for others had the same illness. How do you think that woman who started that big organization for breast cancer awareness and research. Either she or someone she love had breast cancer. How else is she gonna be motivated, but experiencing the dissease.

    I have a beautiful supportive wife, a teenage daughter, 3 syblings, a great profession as a dentist, a lot to live for, but only on day at the time.

    The only thing I don't know if I'm gonna be able to deal with many of you had to: recurrence, metastases, liver resection, debilitating chemo etc.

    Well, hopefully that is still far away to think about and I certainly try not to ruin my present days with those scarry thoughts.

    I try to concentrate on the things I like: work, gardening, cooking, making my home nice. Spend valuable time with my wife, daughter.

    Just keep doing things I always liked to do.

    Thank you for reading and...

    ...nothing but good days for you all.

    Laz

    .