For the Newbies/comments on OLD threads

herdizziness
herdizziness Member Posts: 3,624 Member

Please look before posting on old threads.  If you look at the dates and its more then a couple of months old, then it is an old thread.  Many of us have lost good friends, and when you comment, especially comments as if that person is alive it hurts a bit.

Please  DO look at the older threads, the advice might be helpful to you, just try not to comment on them.

If it is something you have a question on or want to talk about, please feel free to start a NEW thread, there are many that can help you out.

Welcome to our site, and thank you for being considerate.

Winter Marie

«1

Comments

  • janderson1964
    janderson1964 Member Posts: 2,215 Member
    Well said.

    Well said.

  • Annabelle41415
    Annabelle41415 Member Posts: 6,728 Member
    Sorry

    Sorry that this happens but it's going to continue to happen.  Most new people coming on this board are in a fog and their head is reeling with the "C" word and your explanation of what they should look for will eventually drop to page three.  When they put something in the search box it brings up the oldest first and of course people just want an answer, they aren't looking at the date.  What would be better for us older posters is to ignore the ones brought to the forefront, or just scroll down real fast to the end to see if this new person needs help starting a new treat of their own on that subject.  It's a sad thing that happens on message boards of this type, but it's going to happen and we should accept that there are some on this board that have died but we all here posting are survivors and we can still love and mourn the ones we lost.  The spammers on the other hand bringing these posts to the forefront are just scumb.

    Kim

  • Trubrit
    Trubrit Member Posts: 5,670 Member
    Opposite

    When I first arrived here I was told,( not too politly) NOT to post new threads but search old threads and post to them. I was told that i was wasting space.

    Many good people came to my defence, of which I appreciate. 

    I must admit, I rarely read the dates on posts I open, so its a good idea to keep an eye on that. 

    It is sad to read post of those who have passed, and I don't even know them. 

  • Annabelle41415
    Annabelle41415 Member Posts: 6,728 Member
    Trubrit said:

    Opposite

    When I first arrived here I was told,( not too politly) NOT to post new threads but search old threads and post to them. I was told that i was wasting space.

    Many good people came to my defence, of which I appreciate. 

    I must admit, I rarely read the dates on posts I open, so its a good idea to keep an eye on that. 

    It is sad to read post of those who have passed, and I don't even know them. 

    You Wasting Space

    I've never heard that and I'm sorry if you got that told you.  These message board is for searching and asking and the questions that you want.  Some of these threads go back to 2006 and just from that date forward so much progress has been made.  It's good to look back to the old ones, but never feel intimidated to ask a question that might have been asked 1,000 times before just months before.  Glad your still posting :)  Not too sure what "space" they are talking about (maybe server, but they got a new one)

    Kim

  • PhillieG
    PhillieG Member Posts: 4,866 Member
    It Hurts...

    ...but no one can know who's passed away. Already there are numerous threads on the same topic that are visible on the first page so I can see maybe checking that first. Posting on a thread that is 5+ years old may not be good because so many things have happened as far as treatments go but again, that's not always the case.

    While it hurts, death is part of life...

    dandy

  • jen2012
    jen2012 Member Posts: 1,607 Member
    Trubrit...i think i remember
    Trubrit...i think i remember that and if i remember correctly that person was from another board completely...it was pretty rude as i recall. Yet you stuck around...so thats good!

    I dont think anyone does this with bad intentions (except the scammers) and i worry that calling them on it may scare them away. Honestly i dont really understand why its so hurtful. If you lose a family member or friend do you throw away all memory of them? I still have pictures of my grandparents on my fridge and they have been gone for decades.
  • herdizziness
    herdizziness Member Posts: 3,624 Member
    jen2012 said:

    Trubrit...i think i remember
    Trubrit...i think i remember that and if i remember correctly that person was from another board completely...it was pretty rude as i recall. Yet you stuck around...so thats good!

    I dont think anyone does this with bad intentions (except the scammers) and i worry that calling them on it may scare them away. Honestly i dont really understand why its so hurtful. If you lose a family member or friend do you throw away all memory of them? I still have pictures of my grandparents on my fridge and they have been gone for decades.

    Why is it hurtful?

    i'd say when someone is congratulating the person that is DECEASED on how well they're doing and keep up the good work that hurts.  When you have pictures of your dead relatives around your house you don't have people talking to them about keeping up the good work on their fight to survive, there's a difference there. 

    and of course the newbies don't have bad intentions, no one would think that, but a warning of looking at dates so they're not giving words of encouragement to dead people seems prudent to post.

    Winter Marie

  • annalexandria
    annalexandria Member Posts: 2,571 Member
    jen2012 said:

    Trubrit...i think i remember
    Trubrit...i think i remember that and if i remember correctly that person was from another board completely...it was pretty rude as i recall. Yet you stuck around...so thats good!

    I dont think anyone does this with bad intentions (except the scammers) and i worry that calling them on it may scare them away. Honestly i dont really understand why its so hurtful. If you lose a family member or friend do you throw away all memory of them? I still have pictures of my grandparents on my fridge and they have been gone for decades.

    I tend to have the same reaction as Jen...

    it doesn't bother me, and in a way, I kind of like seeing people pop up who are no longer around.  I read the old comments, and think about that person for a few minutes.  It helps to keep them alive in my heart.  I keep hoping Buckwirth, whose spirit I greatly admired even though I know he rubbed some people the wrong way, will show up.  AA

  • coloCan
    coloCan Member Posts: 1,944 Member

    I tend to have the same reaction as Jen...

    it doesn't bother me, and in a way, I kind of like seeing people pop up who are no longer around.  I read the old comments, and think about that person for a few minutes.  It helps to keep them alive in my heart.  I keep hoping Buckwirth, whose spirit I greatly admired even though I know he rubbed some people the wrong way, will show up.  AA

    Maybe, some how old posts containing some no longer here

    can be made to be read by whoever clicks on them but additional comments are prevented from bringing that post to everyone's screen....You can read on your internet device but not be permitted to continue that post with additional comments and have such a notification when the post appears on person's screen. That way the info,comments of that old post remains for newly Dxed people or others to read and perhaps learn from....I don't think anyone just finding this site after being told they have CRC has any intention of causing pain of any sort when adding their own comments,concerns or questions to an old post that includes members who will never participate again.......As for spammers..........(must censor myself here)

  • renw
    renw Member Posts: 282 Member

    Why is it hurtful?

    i'd say when someone is congratulating the person that is DECEASED on how well they're doing and keep up the good work that hurts.  When you have pictures of your dead relatives around your house you don't have people talking to them about keeping up the good work on their fight to survive, there's a difference there. 

    and of course the newbies don't have bad intentions, no one would think that, but a warning of looking at dates so they're not giving words of encouragement to dead people seems prudent to post.

    Winter Marie

    I think the difference is

    I think the difference is being reminded that 'This could be me in 12 months'.

  • PhillieG
    PhillieG Member Posts: 4,866 Member
    renw said:

    I think the difference is

    I think the difference is being reminded that 'This could be me in 12 months'.

    Also

    It could be anyone we know today from being in a car accident...
    Death happens...I do think it's harder on the living though

    I have fond memories of seeing the faces on here but that's me.

  • herdizziness
    herdizziness Member Posts: 3,624 Member
    renw said:

    I think the difference is

    I think the difference is being reminded that 'This could be me in 12 months'.

    It isn't "but for the grace of God, there go I", it's more Jennie (Idlehunter) was my good friend, and I am still mourning her.  We have feelings here, feelings of sadness and hurt when a friend dies.  Their death matters to us.  So before we are ready, to have their faces brought to the foreground is painful, not because we have impending death (I don't but thanks anyway) but because we cared and loved our friends.  It isn't decades old photos and words of hope we are looking at, but recent death, hope taken from them, and sorrow that we are feeling.

    Winter Marie

  • LazrTekr
    LazrTekr Member Posts: 4

    Sorry

    Sorry that this happens but it's going to continue to happen.  Most new people coming on this board are in a fog and their head is reeling with the "C" word and your explanation of what they should look for will eventually drop to page three.  When they put something in the search box it brings up the oldest first and of course people just want an answer, they aren't looking at the date.  What would be better for us older posters is to ignore the ones brought to the forefront, or just scroll down real fast to the end to see if this new person needs help starting a new treat of their own on that subject.  It's a sad thing that happens on message boards of this type, but it's going to happen and we should accept that there are some on this board that have died but we all here posting are survivors and we can still love and mourn the ones we lost.  The spammers on the other hand bringing these posts to the forefront are just scumb.

    Kim

    My experience as a recent "Newbie".

    This exact thing happened to me last night. Awake, in pain from chemo and searching for help. I ran across a thread, via google, when searching side effects of chemo  and avastine. In my "fog", as you so perfectly described, I didn't see the date but decided to join (first site I decided to join in the 6 months I've been reading them) and created an account and posted to the thread. I was then replied to by an admin(?), and unfortunately, like the other poster to this thread, it almost felt like an admonishment rather than a informative eeply to my post. It was short in tone (email tone) and stated i need to look at the dates and that many people on the thread had died, including the original poster. This also did not feel "right". I, as a stage 4a cancer patient, do not need to be treated like that and told such things in such a callous manner! . No "welcome to the site", no "let me give you some tips", just a very cold and unfeeling admonishment for my post!It was quite disconcerting to say the least

     At this time, I am second guessing my decision on this site. I find the posts informative and the users to be very helpful and knowledgeable, and I like the information and resources it offers, but if the administration is going to be so callous, it makes me think I should continue to search for another site?

     Just my experience as a "Newbie" who was just trying to wade through this hell called CANCER!

     Brian

  • PhillieG
    PhillieG Member Posts: 4,866 Member
    LazrTekr said:

    My experience as a recent "Newbie".

    This exact thing happened to me last night. Awake, in pain from chemo and searching for help. I ran across a thread, via google, when searching side effects of chemo  and avastine. In my "fog", as you so perfectly described, I didn't see the date but decided to join (first site I decided to join in the 6 months I've been reading them) and created an account and posted to the thread. I was then replied to by an admin(?), and unfortunately, like the other poster to this thread, it almost felt like an admonishment rather than a informative eeply to my post. It was short in tone (email tone) and stated i need to look at the dates and that many people on the thread had died, including the original poster. This also did not feel "right". I, as a stage 4a cancer patient, do not need to be treated like that and told such things in such a callous manner! . No "welcome to the site", no "let me give you some tips", just a very cold and unfeeling admonishment for my post!It was quite disconcerting to say the least

     At this time, I am second guessing my decision on this site. I find the posts informative and the users to be very helpful and knowledgeable, and I like the information and resources it offers, but if the administration is going to be so callous, it makes me think I should continue to search for another site?

     Just my experience as a "Newbie" who was just trying to wade through this hell called CANCER!

     Brian

    Hi Brian

    It certainly does NOT sound like it was an admin who wrote to you. I would contact CSN and forward the contents of the email along with the senders screen name. I've never in my 8 years on this forum ever heard of any moderator acting like that ever. It's totally unacceptable and should be reported ASAP. Moderators don't (or shouldn't) behave unprofessionally like that.

    This forum always provides varied responses but is civil 98% of the time. Use the Contact CSN link in the upper right hand corner to contact a moderator Brian... That's a heII of a lousy welcome for sure!

    -phil

  • Matta
    Matta Member Posts: 39
    coloCan said:

    Maybe, some how old posts containing some no longer here

    can be made to be read by whoever clicks on them but additional comments are prevented from bringing that post to everyone's screen....You can read on your internet device but not be permitted to continue that post with additional comments and have such a notification when the post appears on person's screen. That way the info,comments of that old post remains for newly Dxed people or others to read and perhaps learn from....I don't think anyone just finding this site after being told they have CRC has any intention of causing pain of any sort when adding their own comments,concerns or questions to an old post that includes members who will never participate again.......As for spammers..........(must censor myself here)

    Human beings, by changing the

    Human beings, by changing the inner attitudes of their minds, can change the outer aspects of their lives.  - William James

    It´s good to have the old threads to read, so much experience and knowledge, it does not hurt me to see what others wrote after they are gone, it makes me glad that they are still helping others.  It would hurt me if these thread would be deleted or hided from CSN readers.   Every time I see an old thread pop up, when a new person here is in a need of answears about our fight, then I know that our words will help others for a long time, even when we are gone.   

    image

     

  • wawaju04976
    wawaju04976 Member Posts: 316 Member
    Oldies look at original posting date before clicking on it

    Perhaps we oldies (I'm not, I've only been here since 201) should look at the original posting date and who posted it. The we have a choice as to whether to click on it or not. I know for most people, when a loved one dies, find that it hurts when those around them won't mention their loved one's name, so it's like that loved one never existed. Newbies have a chance to see what those before us have done, and I think that's important. Again, I now look at the original posting date before I click on something. Perhaps that is what we all should do, instead of making someone who is just joining this post feel like they have committed a crime.

    Judy

    And their are nice/positive ways to speak to someone about this topic without making them feel bad. Remember, it's bad enough this newbie is going thru what the rest of us are going thru; I don't think s/he needs to have this feeling added to his/her thoughts.

     

  • johnnybegood
    johnnybegood Member Posts: 1,117 Member

    Oldies look at original posting date before clicking on it

    Perhaps we oldies (I'm not, I've only been here since 201) should look at the original posting date and who posted it. The we have a choice as to whether to click on it or not. I know for most people, when a loved one dies, find that it hurts when those around them won't mention their loved one's name, so it's like that loved one never existed. Newbies have a chance to see what those before us have done, and I think that's important. Again, I now look at the original posting date before I click on something. Perhaps that is what we all should do, instead of making someone who is just joining this post feel like they have committed a crime.

    Judy

    And their are nice/positive ways to speak to someone about this topic without making them feel bad. Remember, it's bad enough this newbie is going thru what the rest of us are going thru; I don't think s/he needs to have this feeling added to his/her thoughts.

     

    sorry but

    us oldies dont have to look at the date we know them by name and we know who has passed it still HURTS...Godbless...johnnybegood

  • annalexandria
    annalexandria Member Posts: 2,571 Member

    It isn't "but for the grace of God, there go I", it's more Jennie (Idlehunter) was my good friend, and I am still mourning her.  We have feelings here, feelings of sadness and hurt when a friend dies.  Their death matters to us.  So before we are ready, to have their faces brought to the foreground is painful, not because we have impending death (I don't but thanks anyway) but because we cared and loved our friends.  It isn't decades old photos and words of hope we are looking at, but recent death, hope taken from them, and sorrow that we are feeling.

    Winter Marie

    Winter-

    I'm pretty sure Ren was referring to himself, not you.  Although if I'm wrong about that, he can certainly jump in here and correct me!  AA

  • annalexandria
    annalexandria Member Posts: 2,571 Member

    Oldies look at original posting date before clicking on it

    Perhaps we oldies (I'm not, I've only been here since 201) should look at the original posting date and who posted it. The we have a choice as to whether to click on it or not. I know for most people, when a loved one dies, find that it hurts when those around them won't mention their loved one's name, so it's like that loved one never existed. Newbies have a chance to see what those before us have done, and I think that's important. Again, I now look at the original posting date before I click on something. Perhaps that is what we all should do, instead of making someone who is just joining this post feel like they have committed a crime.

    Judy

    And their are nice/positive ways to speak to someone about this topic without making them feel bad. Remember, it's bad enough this newbie is going thru what the rest of us are going thru; I don't think s/he needs to have this feeling added to his/her thoughts.

     

    comment won't go where I want it

    Darn it.

    Anyway, just agreeing with Judy here.

    We don't want to drive people away over a simple mistake, right when they need us most.

    Pain and loss is an unavoidable part of these forums, and there are times when maybe it's just too much.  I've taken a break form time to time when it starts to get overwhelming.  AA

  • Chelsea71
    Chelsea71 Member Posts: 1,169 Member

    Winter-

    I'm pretty sure Ren was referring to himself, not you.  Although if I'm wrong about that, he can certainly jump in here and correct me!  AA

    This is how I took it too.
    This is how I took it too. Ren keeps his posts short, sweet and to the point. It seems like sometimes they are interpreted differently. I got the impression that he was referring to himself. I agree with him. When I see those old posts it knocks the wind out of me. I think about my posts popping back up down the road...... I would much rather focus on the Phil's, Craig's, Maggie's and others who have done so well. Seeing all those people who have passed away is a real reality check.