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Billie67's picture
Posts: 843
Joined: Jul 2012

You've been on my mind a lot lately, how are you? It is my hope that you are doing well in the healing process. Please if you have a minute, drop us a little line to let us know how you are doing.

peggylulu's picture
Posts: 375
Joined: Dec 2012

I too have been thinking about her and wondering how she is . Hopefully she is on a trip or busy doing something she likes to do .


cureitall66's picture
Posts: 911
Joined: Aug 2012

How are you doing, Vivian? Thoughts are always hoping that you're hanging in there.



fisrpotpe's picture
Posts: 1349
Joined: Aug 2010

i also have hade you Vivian in my daily thoughts. 


#4 in line


rachel12yrsuv's picture
Posts: 435
Joined: Feb 2013

I also am in line?  Hope you went on a nice peaceful trip!


ToBeGolden's picture
Posts: 695
Joined: Aug 2010

You are in my prayers and in my thoughts. Hang on to whatever thin line you may have at your side. Rick.

VivianLee5689's picture
Posts: 546
Joined: Aug 2012

Thank you for wondering about me.  To be honest I have been really depressed until the last couple of days.  I hate being alone and having to pick up the pieces of my life alone and move forward.  I finally called the mortgage company today and waiting to hear back from them.  I also went to the social security office to take my marriage certificate since they have decided David is indeed disabled (LOL).  I get one month of his disability so at least that is something.  I want to travel desperately because I am so lonely, but I am paralyzed with fear to actually do it.  I have never travelled alone.  It is overwhelming to me, but a change in scenery would do a lot for me.  I miss everyone on CSN and still pray for everyone daily, but I can't seem to find my way to getting on every day since I feel like I would just bring everyone down and with all that you brave people have been through I don't want to be a joy kill.  I am so lucky to have everyone here behind me, but sometimes I feel so alone.  I know people say it gets better, but right now it sucks big time.

Tim6003's picture
Posts: 1511
Joined: Nov 2011

...You should also know by now you can't bring down a H&N bunch, we've seen a been trough the worst, or at least know someone who has :)

Nothing to be afraid of on the trip.  I am leavin tomorrow to go out in my Suburban to the Idaho Wilderness.  I'm targeting a spot that is about 100 miles from my door into (get this) "The Wilderness of No Return" ...lol...that just sounds exciting.  I'm hunting bear and turkey, but the goal is the bear.  Lots' of meat for the family if I can get one.  I will be sleeping in my Suburban (middle seat has been removed, that's my sleep area, food storage area, back is all the gas / water supplies and extra gas and ammo.  I leave Friday AM and will be back for sure by Monday.....I'm excited!  And you will be too once you just make the leap and go! 

Sorry you do have to struggle so with all the things you are dealing with....I know you already know we care...so keep us posted.



Ingrid K's picture
Ingrid K
Posts: 813
Joined: Mar 2011

Hi Vivian

ditto what everyone else has already posted.   we certainly want to keep hearing from you....and Tim is right...you can't really scare any of us, we have pretty much been through the worst in our own fights.

Perhaps you could start off with a small weekend trip....and just see how you do.  I think that once you actually do get out a bit, you will get braver and braver about traveling and come to enjoy it....

THEN you can set out to make your CSN around the country visit.  A change of scenery might be just what you need.

Skiffin16's picture
Posts: 8286
Joined: Sep 2009

You are one of the inspirations for starting a CSN Contact List, LOL... don't leave us whom ran with the idea hanging... Send me a PM and I can send you your own personal copy of contacts. Those willing and wanting to be available for a quick chat when in need...


Duggie88's picture
Posts: 703
Joined: Feb 2010

I believe this site was created to help individuals who chose to come on board while fighting cancer and afterwards to lend support for new comers. You were right at the forefront beside David with his battle. As you know this site requires input from the worriers and the cargivers because they become one in the battle. I believe we all understand you need some time for healing and to try and jumpstart your life back into a moving lane because at present you feel as though your standed at the side of the road. Give it some time, it is like the healing process with this f----- up desease, it doesn't happen over night. You have to know your loved and missed by many on here and there are many shoulders to lean on. I hope this all makes sense because God knows I have some weird ways in conveying my thoughts.

Enjoy the day


Billie67's picture
Posts: 843
Joined: Jul 2012

I'm so happy to hear from you! You had me scared when we didn't hear from you. Please know that I pray that you will very soon find the peace that you need to move forward with your life. It will happen it just takes time...how much time? I wish I could tell you. I'm really sorry you are struggling so much but I know without a doubt that David would be so sad to know you are stuck in this place of darkness. Do it for him, he's with you so take him on this journey with you. You deserve to be happy, you have to give yourself permission to "just do it" (I called Nike and they said I could use that slogan). Please check in more often so we know you are ok. You have no idea how much we all care and just how valuable you are to all of us. Take good care girl! XO Billie

VivianLee5689's picture
Posts: 546
Joined: Aug 2012

Thank you for rallying around me as I try to put my life back together. I want to start living again.  I get excited and think I am ready and then something happens and I get stuck in my tracks.  Spinning my wheels is taking its toll on me.  I am so thankful I have you to hold me up right now because I am so weak and weary.  I sometimes cry and don't know why.  Right now I am crying because of the blessing CSN is to my life.  I do want to meet as many of you as I can.  Face to face to give and receive some of the many hugs I have been missing.

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