Vivian???

How are you doing, Vivian? Thoughts are always hoping that you're hanging in there.

~C

I also am in line?  Hope you went on a nice peaceful trip!

Rachel

ToBeGolden said:

In My Prayers

You are in my prayers and in my thoughts. Hang on to whatever thin line you may have at your side. Rick.

Thank you for wondering about me.  To be honest I have been really depressed until the last couple of days.  I hate being alone and having to pick up the pieces of my life alone and move forward.  I finally called the mortgage company today and waiting to hear back from them.  I also went to the social security office to take my marriage certificate since they have decided David is indeed disabled (LOL).  I get one month of his disability so at least that is something.  I want to travel desperately because I am so lonely, but I am paralyzed with fear to actually do it.  I have never travelled alone.  It is overwhelming to me, but a change in scenery would do a lot for me.  I miss everyone on CSN and still pray for everyone daily, but I can't seem to find my way to getting on every day since I feel like I would just bring everyone down and with all that you brave people have been through I don't want to be a joy kill.  I am so lucky to have everyone here behind me, but sometimes I feel so alone.  I know people say it gets better, but right now it sucks big time.

VivianLee5689 said:

I am still here

Thank you for wondering about me.  To be honest I have been really depressed until the last couple of days.  I hate being alone and having to pick up the pieces of my life alone and move forward.  I finally called the mortgage company today and waiting to hear back from them.  I also went to the social security office to take my marriage certificate since they have decided David is indeed disabled (LOL).  I get one month of his disability so at least that is something.  I want to travel desperately because I am so lonely, but I am paralyzed with fear to actually do it.  I have never travelled alone.  It is overwhelming to me, but a change in scenery would do a lot for me.  I miss everyone on CSN and still pray for everyone daily, but I can't seem to find my way to getting on every day since I feel like I would just bring everyone down and with all that you brave people have been through I don't want to be a joy kill.  I am so lucky to have everyone here behind me, but sometimes I feel so alone.  I know people say it gets better, but right now it sucks big time.

Hi Vivian

ditto what everyone else has already posted.   we certainly want to keep hearing from you....and Tim is right...you can't really scare any of us, we have pretty much been through the worst in our own fights.

Perhaps you could start off with a small weekend trip....and just see how you do.  I think that once you actually do get out a bit, you will get braver and braver about traveling and come to enjoy it....

THEN you can set out to make your CSN around the country visit.  A change of scenery might be just what you need.

I believe this site was created to help individuals who chose to come on board while fighting cancer and afterwards to lend support for new comers. You were right at the forefront beside David with his battle. As you know this site requires input from the worriers and the cargivers because they become one in the battle. I believe we all understand you need some time for healing and to try and jumpstart your life back into a moving lane because at present you feel as though your standed at the side of the road. Give it some time, it is like the healing process with this f----- up desease, it doesn't happen over night. You have to know your loved and missed by many on here and there are many shoulders to lean on. I hope this all makes sense because God knows I have some weird ways in conveying my thoughts.

Enjoy the day

      Jeff

Billie67 said:

Viv

I'm so happy to hear from you! You had me scared when we didn't hear from you. Please know that I pray that you will very soon find the peace that you need to move forward with your life. It will happen it just takes time...how much time? I wish I could tell you. I'm really sorry you are struggling so much but I know without a doubt that David would be so sad to know you are stuck in this place of darkness. Do it for him, he's with you so take him on this journey with you. You deserve to be happy, you have to give yourself permission to "just do it" (I called Nike and they said I could use that slogan). Please check in more often so we know you are ok. You have no idea how much we all care and just how valuable you are to all of us. Take good care girl! XO Billie

Thank you for rallying around me as I try to put my life back together. I want to start living again.  I get excited and think I am ready and then something happens and I get stuck in my tracks.  Spinning my wheels is taking its toll on me.  I am so thankful I have you to hold me up right now because I am so weak and weary.  I sometimes cry and don't know why.  Right now I am crying because of the blessing CSN is to my life.  I do want to meet as many of you as I can.  Face to face to give and receive some of the many hugs I have been missing.