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Got to vent, can't tell anyone yet.

2ndtymeround
Posts: 8
Joined: Mar 2013

I have been cancer free for 15 years.  I had Colon Cancer when I was 36 years old.  I had not been going to my annual exams as I should.  The last 5 years I have been dealing with a lot of family issues.  Today was my exam.  I stayed awake through the exam as I usually do.  The doctor and I saw the polyp at the same time.  It was a large mass 40mm in size.  It was removed piecemeal using a hot snare.

I can't tell anyone.  My wife and I are no longer together and my son is not emotionally stable enough to deal with it.  I am really feeling alone.  I have friends, just don't want to put this onto anyone.  The pathology will be avail in the afternoon tomorrow.  The size alone makes me feel I'm in for another ride.

 

 

tachilders's picture
tachilders
Posts: 313
Joined: Jun 2012

We are here for you so vent away. Did they do a CT or PET scan to look for any metastasis?  

Tedd

Chelsea71
Posts: 1170
Joined: Sep 2012

You're not alone. You have the support of everyone here. Don't freak out yet. Wait for the pathology report. Even if it's cancer, it could be a quick fix. You've done it before, you can do it again. Some benign polyps grow quite large. Please let us know once you get the results.

Chelsea

2ndtymeround
Posts: 8
Joined: Mar 2013

I actually think I'm more scared now.  I only have 1/3 of my colon so they did a Flex-Sig.  The mass was collected and then they cotarized the base.  

My last tumor was about the same size and it was stag 3.  I can't believe I waited so long.  I thought it had only been a couple of years till they told me the date of the last one.

My mind is racing with the "what ifs".  I know I have to wait for the results, feelings may not be warranted.  I think being alone is really making this difficult.  I even called my ex just to hear her voice, she was so supportive last time.  I just can't burden anyone with this right now.  

Waiting has got to be the worst thing.

AnnLouise's picture
AnnLouise
Posts: 276
Joined: Mar 2013

Please don't feel alone because we are all here for you and have played the waiting game.....I am new to the site but ready to be a supportive member. Please update ASAP ......sending positive thoughts your way!  ~Ann

2ndtymeround
Posts: 8
Joined: Mar 2013

I decided to go out buy some funny movies.  It helped.  Going to try and have a movie night with my son.

 

jen2012
Posts: 1598
Joined: Aug 2012

Glad you were able to take your mind off of things! Hoping for good results for you. Hang in there!

hippiechicks
Posts: 509
Joined: Sep 2012

That was a very good idea!! Good for you!! Try not to worry too much...and don't forget...you can live without a colon.  It is not so bad. I lost all of mine at my initial surgery. The first thing I said when the surgeon told me was..."well I guess it won't come back there again!" Best of luck to you...sending positive energy and thoughts your way.

YoVita's picture
YoVita
Posts: 590
Joined: Mar 2010

I'm sorry about the polyp.  For what it's worth, I was told by my doctor that larger wasn't necessarily worse than smaller.  Keep us posted.   

Sundanceh's picture
Sundanceh
Posts: 4408
Joined: Jun 2009

First, congratulations on 15-years!

Sometimes, Life can get in the way of even our best intentions...I had a trying time all of last year and still some residual left this year in a non-cancer arena and I know how hard it is to keep all the balls in the air when you're being torn in several directions at once.

It happens...

I'm concerned at the size of that mass...I found a chart and did a conversion...it told me that 40mm = 4cm. 

I remember the scope that revealed my cancer...I woke up from the sedation in the middle of the procedure...it was running longer than usual, because the gastro was also using a hot rod trying to burn that tumor out.  All he did was make a big ol' mess...it was so big that he couldn't really eliminate too much of it.

I woke up and said "What's happening?" and they hit me with the juice and back down I went....but before I left, I saw the screen...and it looked like this great big ol' bright red sun....he had poked around so much he could no longer see due to the blood flow.

Anyway, I'm sorry you have nobody to talk to.  Are you and your wife still friends at all?  Can you confide in her?  Do you want to?

I can understand protecting your son with his condition....it is hard to go through cancer alone...I've done much of that during my 9-years....I totally get it.  You have to be really strong upstairs in your head to weather the storm on your own.

But hey, you do have an outlet up here...guaranteed!  Plenty of folks to talk with up here...and that's a good thing for everyone involved. 

Talking about this will free up the emotional trauma and pop the cork on those feelings you've got bottled up inside you right now...

We'll wait with you as you await the path reports...we'll have lots to talk about.

Your story already points to the fact that we must never let our guard down - even when we think we've safely slipped out under the fence under the cover of the night.  I've never gotten that far out clear, so I can't say that I would have not begun to take things for granted.  I'm sure it is much easier to do the further you get removed from the disease. 

But today is today...and we'll worry about tomorrow....tomorrow. 

Best wishes as you move forward!

ron50's picture
ron50
Posts: 1600
Joined: Nov 2001

I am sorry to hear your news. I can understand the way you feel. I reached 15 years ca free in Jan this year. I can remember when I was told by my surgeon that I was cured of THAT CANCER. He then went on to say that I have fulfilled the criteria for cells to turn cancerous. Stay vigilant there will be more. I have had regular scopes ever since. About half found polyps and on one occassion one of the two polyps removed had pre cancerous cells. I too rarely go to sleep during scopes (I can never remember the trip home) and have watched them remove polyps. It is scary. I was st3c into 6 lymph nodes with my original ca. I was lucky then and I hope you have the same luck this time. Don't beat yourself up because you slacked of with the checkups ,sometimes life just gets in the way. All the best Ron.

2ndtymeround
Posts: 8
Joined: Mar 2013

see next post

2ndtymeround
Posts: 8
Joined: Mar 2013

I am really emotional now.  The Doctor confirm that it was not cancerous. Even though it was quit large, I squeaked by.  I have to go back in 2 months for a follow up.  Thanks for all the support.

 

I want to add that I awoke during the procedure 15 years ago.  I watched as they took plugs from the tumor.  I said out loud " That doesn't look good", last thing I remember.

 

I now have Flex-Sigs and stay awake through the procedure.  This time I was joking around with the Doctor and asking questions regarding what he is seeing.  He was pulling the Flex-Sig out and viewing the colon and rectum.  Everything was looking good, I was getting relaxed.  We both noticed the Polyp at the same time, how could it be missed.  They put a pad on my hip that completed the circuit for the equipment.  I then watched as he used a snare to take chucks out of the polyp.  This took a long time and he had to clean up a lot of blood and burned flesh.  I got more worried as I began to realize the size of the polyp.  I guess everything festered from there.

 

Thanks again for all your support.  You are all truly a wonderful group of people. I've decided to stay on this board and put my two cents in when I can.  I will be changing my name (bad karma), maybe Scared Straight?

 

 

 

 

 

 

jen2012
Posts: 1598
Joined: Aug 2012

Im happy for you...you must be so relieved! Yes please stick around...and make sure you keep on top of things!

Chelsea71
Posts: 1170
Joined: Sep 2012

So relieved and happy. I have the feeling that you will be keeping up your regular exams. I'm so pleased it worked out for you. It would be great if you remained active on the board.

Chelsea

neons356
Posts: 58
Joined: Dec 2010

I'll tell you- you got my attention! It's 20 years since my visit with the beast, and I still wonder if I'll ever have to go through that again. I used to go every two years for a c'scopy, and the last time I went was 3 years ago. They also found a polyp, and I was a nutcase 'til the result finally came back negative. I really need to get back for another look in there, but lack of funds has been making me put it off. I have to bite the bullet and get it done. Thanks for the reality check!

Carl

Varmint5's picture
Varmint5
Posts: 384
Joined: Feb 2012

So thankful for your good news. Wonderful! Congrats on 15 years. Now be good and get your checkups!

Sandy

herdizziness's picture
herdizziness
Posts: 3642
Joined: Apr 2010

What wonderful news !  Time for the Happy Dance!!  Life is grand is it not?

Winter Marie

tootsie1's picture
tootsie1
Posts: 5054
Joined: Feb 2008

Praying for good health from this point on.

 

*hugs*

Gail

sailor_on_a_lee...
Posts: 52
Joined: Jun 2012

Besides gathering information and resources, venting is what we're all here for.  Sometimes it helps just to say it "out loud" to an empathetic ear.  So, vent away.  And, if you need more direct contact, drop me a note on this site's internal email and we can arrange something less ponderous to communicate. 

Regarding your present situation, I am sorry you're having to face this a second time around.  But, you've beaten the "c-monster" once, you can do it again. 

Hold fast and wishing you fair winds and following seas.

Rick

fatbob2010's picture
fatbob2010
Posts: 467
Joined: May 2012

I have a scope scheduled for early April.  Recent Liver Resection and previous colon resection 3 years ago.  Learned from the GI Doc that I have not been scoped in three years...scary stuff for sure.

fatbob2010's picture
fatbob2010
Posts: 467
Joined: May 2012

OOPS Double post

2ndtymeround
Posts: 8
Joined: Mar 2013

It seems as though it is easy to do.  I corrected my previous flub up.  This site does not seem to work with "Dumb Phones" . The screen locks up on my IPhone.  I will use my computer from now on.

I want to personally thank the people who responded to me when I most need the support.  Thanks to tachilders, Chelsea71, Annlouise, Jen2012, hippiechicks, YoVita, Sundanceh, and Ron50.  You would not believe how much it meant to me that you responded to my plea. 

Thank you, I was in a troubled place.

 

ron50's picture
ron50
Posts: 1600
Joined: Nov 2001

That you have dodged a bullet,,,again. A little luck certainly doesn't hurt now and then. I remember my first scope and I well remember the ugly mass that appeared on the monitor and the Gi's words "Well I'm not going to get the scope past that". My Gi and I get on very well . Every time I have a scope we joke about which rooms of her house I paid for... This is a pretty powerful post you know. Between us You Carl and I have 50 years of survival. That is something to cheer everyone.. Once again ,best wishes Ron.

YoVita's picture
YoVita
Posts: 590
Joined: Mar 2010

how important responses are - especially for newbies.  I'm so happy that your news was good.  I hope you do decide to stick around, Scared Straight.  

Best Vita

bspangler47's picture
bspangler47
Posts: 145
Joined: Sep 2010

you arent alone.  we all are here for you.  try not to  stay in your house.  by surrounded by family n friends.  all positive ppl

 

2ndtymeround
Posts: 8
Joined: Mar 2013

I just realized,  most of you behave included your name on your posts.  

My name is Karl, glad to meet all of you!  Two of us on here, who'd a thunk?

Sundanceh's picture
Sundanceh
Posts: 4408
Joined: Jun 2009

You'll have to create a new profile and start fresh with a new name if you want to do that:)

You're only 7 posts in....pull the rip cord and Geronimo!

2ndtymeround
Posts: 8
Joined: Mar 2013

No message

Scared Straight's picture
Scared Straight
Posts: 5
Joined: Mar 2013

OK,  thanks for the help!

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