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Turkey Day - Just Remember They Love You

Pam M's picture
Pam M
Posts: 2196
Joined: Nov 2009

If some of the folks you're gathering with today seem to be watching you and trying to not let you catch them at it, or talking quietly, and peeking your way - please try to tell yourself that they love you, and are concerned, and don't want to ask you about your cancer or treatment, because they don't want to wreck your day.

OK - some are just nosey. Some are nasty and are gossiping ("I can't believe she's eating that - she's supposed to be building up her immune system, I heard". "He's just wanting attention - my neighbor's cousin's landlord's sister had that cancer, and you'd never know it."). Some want to ignore it, to keep up their comfort level. But chances are they care about you, hope you're not dying, and wish you could pig out like you used to today.

I remember being weak and sick and tired and having no appetite, but wanting to eat to please them, and only eating a few bites buried in gravy on THanksgiving during treatment (induction chemo after biopsies and tonsillectomy). I got the looks, and saw some smiles when I put food in my mouth, and concerned looks of some checking my plate to see if I'd taken enough food.

THEIR happiness does not depend on you. Don't feel like you've failed if you are tired, or can't eat enough to make them happy. The vast majority of our group in treatment will be able to be a full member of the tight waistband club next year.

Have as Happy a Thanksgiving as you possible can today - a little faking is fine, but worry about your own wellbeing before worrying about pleasing others.

Posts: 660
Joined: Mar 2012

they indeed love us. So when the In-Laws and Out-Laws show up and many are on there way I will just try to absorb every bit of whats going on around me. I will try to cherish knowing how precious life is and family. So hopefully they will eat until they are full and enjoy their day. For me I will keep an eye on Diane to know when to wipe my chin. Happy Thanksgiving Pam

CivilMatt's picture
Posts: 4297
Joined: May 2012

Hi Pam,

I just got a phone call, ‘they want me to carve the turkey”. I’ve only done it a few times; I guess I’ll bone up in the next 30 minutes on Youtube. I really think the family is trying to fill what they think should be my “Bucket List”. Why couldn’t it have been mashing the potatoes?

Have fun today and remember H&N warriors, eat all you want (that is a joke).



Skiffin16's picture
Posts: 8286
Joined: Sep 2009

Matt, I'm a turkey craver too...., I love turkey day...

Oh, you sid carver..., I'm that also... and I still love and crave turkey for Thanksgiving...

Have a good one...., oh and lots and lots of gravey for you.


Posts: 344
Joined: Sep 2012

You guys always make me smile. And, Matt every year ( except this year because I didn't make dinner because of Johns situation) I have to watch how to carve a turkey on you tube. I can cook the turkey just fine , but the carving is just pure mutilation, no matter how many times I do it or watch a video or follow pictures in the cookbook. So, this year I don't have to carve the turkey and I'm not really missing it. Instead, John is having spaghetti for dinner, go figure, darn Italians. But, I will miss the leftovers but not the clean up.

Hope everyones day is great.

Billie67's picture
Posts: 843
Joined: Jul 2012

We are having the ever so quiet Thanksgiving this year. Just me, the hubby and my 2 boys. We decided on ham this year, no messing with the turkey this time. All the sides will be there tho and I'm finally starting to have a better sense of taste so this should be interesting.
Happy Thanksgiving to you all, I'm thankful for each one of you!

phrannie51's picture
Posts: 4672
Joined: Mar 2012

me for a LONG time...long before I got sick....so the greetings were boisterous and wonderful...I was glad to see them, and tho they knew I'd had cancer, nobody had a real handle on what type. I just ate along side them, chose things that I knew would be easy peasy to get down (man, there sure are a lot of nice whipcream/fruitish salads this time of year)...not so sweet you can't taste them, they slid down wonderful...and lots of gravy to put on everything else. Wasn't long before people were automatically passing the gravy my way...LOL.

I live a pretty anti-social life...I'm sleeping when everybody else is working, and working when they are sleeping, so getting out and socializing is SO FUN FOR ME! I can feel how healthy it is, too...I forget how good it feels to make people laugh...I forget that I was born a clown, and an audience is what a clown needs. I feel totally engergized.


Posts: 1914
Joined: May 2012

Thank you for reminding us of these positives ! Katie

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