My George - RIP

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geotina
geotina CSN Member Posts: 2,111 Member
in Colorectal Cancer #1
Well, it was not to be and my precious husband George Chris Gerges passed away cradled in my arms today like a newborn baby, 10/29/12 at 3:22 p.m. Our hearts are broken and we are totally devastated and lost. You come home knowing it is over and just walk from room to room not knowing what to do, it is heartbreaking, touches of him are everywhere.

I had the monitors disconnected an a couple of hours or so before his passing and when I saw that he was only taking a few breaths, put the sides of the bed down, got in the hospital bed with him and just cradled him talked to him, kissed him to pieces. He had his eyes closed all day and no sounds except for breathing. About 3 to 5 minutes before he died, he opened his eyes staring at me and moved his mouth as if to say something then it was all over. No gasping, no aggitation, he closed his eyes and it was over. A very peaceful and loving environment. I then called the nurse in to pronounce him.

On Sunday I made the decision to move on to palliative care. George did receive fluids and a very slow morphine drip which aided with his breathing and to insure he was comfortable. All week whenever he was asked if he was in pain he said no and he was not in any pain and I am thankful for that. I did give the hospital our 5 page Durable Power of Attorney regarding Medical Decisions and they adhered to it to the letter. Nothing was given to him without asking me first. They did tell me what they were giving him, what it was for and asked if it was ok to do. There were no extraordinary things done, just comfort care. I could have changed my mind and told them to throw everything they had at him but truly felt that would have been the wrong decision so I have no regrets.

The last words he mumbled late last evening when I was leaving were I love you so very much too. I will carry that forever.

Love and hugs to all - Tina
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Comments

  • Lovekitties
    Lovekitties CSN Member Posts: 3,364 Member
    #2
    Dearest Tina
    My heart breaks for you as you struggle to deal with this great loss.

    I am so glad that you were able to be with George to the end and feel certain that your presence comforted him greatly.

    I am glad that you have no regrets about your decisions for his final care. As much as we hate it, there does come a time for just comfort and love, with no extreme efforts taken.

    Please know that you and the others who loved George are in our thoughts and prayers. May the memories of the wonderful years you had together bring you some comfort.

    Hugs and love to you. Please stay in touch to let us know how you are doing.

    Marie who loves kitties
  • Nana b
    Nana b CSN Member Posts: 3,030 Member
    #3
    Lovekitties said:

    Dearest Tina
    My heart breaks for you as you struggle to deal with this great loss.

    I am so glad that you were able to be with George to the end and feel certain that your presence comforted him greatly.

    I am glad that you have no regrets about your decisions for his final care. As much as we hate it, there does come a time for just comfort and love, with no extreme efforts taken.

    Please know that you and the others who loved George are in our thoughts and prayers. May the memories of the wonderful years you had together bring you some comfort.

    Hugs and love to you. Please stay in touch to let us know how you are doing.

    Marie who loves kitties

    I'm so sorry to read this
    I'm so sorry to read this and for your loss. Cancer is so evil.......

    Big Hugs to you and your family!
  • Cathleen Mary
    Cathleen Mary CSN Member Posts: 827 Member
    #4
    Nana b said:

    I'm so sorry to read this
    I'm so sorry to read this and for your loss. Cancer is so evil.......

    Big Hugs to you and your family!

    So very sorry

    Dear Tina,

    I am so very sorry to hear of your dear George's death. What a wonderful caregiver you have been. My prayer is for strength mad peace for you. I would love to have met George.

    Hugs,
    Cathleen Mary
  • Patteee
    Patteee CSN Member Posts: 945
    #5
    You were a wonderful,
    You were a wonderful, wonderful caregiver for George and so many of us on this board! George and Tina have become
    part of our journey, past, present and future. My prayer for you Tina is that in time the wonderful memories overwhelm
    the loss. Absolutely precious years and times that can never be taken from you. Yes, he wanted you to carry those last words
    with you- as if to say, if this is the last time you hear me speak, let me speak of the joy and love I have for you and our life together.
    What a fabulous gift he gave you in those last moments!

    Please keep coming back- don't leave. You have given us so much and not one of us want to lose you!

    *hugs*
  • maglets
    maglets CSN Member Posts: 2,576 Member
    #6
    Nana b said:

    I'm so sorry to read this
    I'm so sorry to read this and for your loss. Cancer is so evil.......

    Big Hugs to you and your family!

    oh tina
    how my heart breaks for you. thank you for sharing the details of George's last hours.

    Tina you have been a wonderful wonderful spouse in this battle....with great love

    maggie
  • tommycat
    tommycat CSN Member Posts: 790 Member
    #7
    Oh Tina..............! You
    Oh Tina..............! You wrote this letter while in shock, yet it conveys so very much. Very very sorry for your loss.
    At a loss for words, but with much sympathy and concern,
    Tommycat
  • pepebcn
    pepebcn CSN Member Posts: 6,331 Member
    #8
    Lovekitties said:

    Dearest Tina
    My heart breaks for you as you struggle to deal with this great loss.

    I am so glad that you were able to be with George to the end and feel certain that your presence comforted him greatly.

    I am glad that you have no regrets about your decisions for his final care. As much as we hate it, there does come a time for just comfort and love, with no extreme efforts taken.

    Please know that you and the others who loved George are in our thoughts and prayers. May the memories of the wonderful years you had together bring you some comfort.

    Hugs and love to you. Please stay in touch to let us know how you are doing.

    Marie who loves kitties

    I feel so sorry for the loss of our beloved George Tina.
    Please accept my deepest sympathy and love, You both will be in my thoughts forever.
    Praying for you , have a big and truly hug !.
  • devotion10
    devotion10 Member Posts: 623 Member
    #9
    George was a very lucky man to have you
    all these years by his side, right up to the last moments of his passing. May you be comforted by all the wonderful memories that you have shared. I am very sad for you, but I am grateful that his passing was peaceful and that you were with him on his journey. I will be thinking of you in the difficult days that lie ahead. I wish you courage and strength.

    Sincerely,

    Cynthia
  • Momof2plusteentwins
    Momof2plusteentwins CSN Member Posts: 509 Member
    #10
    Tina
    I am crying as I read your words. I have so much respect for you and wish every family member could be this way. I know it was hard for you but know you did the right thing. The humane way. I wish all the best for you as you go through these hard times, just know you were the best caregiver that George could have.
    Sandy
  • Paula G.
    Paula G. Member Posts: 596
    #11
    Tina so sorry
    Tina,
    I haven't logged on to this site in months. I got your e-mail and was moved to look tonight.
    I understood everything you wrote about moving from room to room and having touches of him everywhere. I am so sorry. It is so very hard to watch a loved one go through the chemo the emotions that cancer dishes out.
    Please keep those last words up front and close forever they will help you in the months to come.
    You have my heartfelt sympathy. Love and hugs back to you. Paula
  • Sonia32
    Sonia32 CSN Member Posts: 1,071 Member
    #12
    i am so sorry
    you are in my thoughts and prayers tina
  • Kathleen808
    Kathleen808 CSN Member Posts: 2,342 Member
    #13
    My Dear Tina
    My Dear Tina,

    My heart breaks for you my friend. You have been a beautiful wife, support, friend and more to your dear husband. George was so blessed by you and your love and I know you were so blessed by his.

    I am so very sorry Tina. I will hold you in my prayers.

    Aloha,
    Kathleen
  • scared99
    scared99 Member Posts: 72
    #14
    I was shedding a tear as I
    I was shedding a tear as I read that. You are both in my prayers! This horrible disease needs to be destroyed!
  • Annabelle41415
    Annabelle41415 CSN Member Posts: 6,742 Member
    #15
    Oh My Goodness
    My heart is breaking and I'm just wanting you to know that you are in my prayers. Please let me know what the arrangements are. I'm glad you were with him.

    Hugs! Kim
  • wolfen
    wolfen CSN Member Posts: 1,324 Member
    #16
    Annabelle41415 said:

    Oh My Goodness
    My heart is breaking and I'm just wanting you to know that you are in my prayers. Please let me know what the arrangements are. I'm glad you were with him.

    Hugs! Kim

    Tina
    Please know how very sorry I am to read this news. My thoughts are with you.

    Luv,

    Wolfen
  • taraHK
    taraHK CSN Member Posts: 1,952 Member
    #17
    Deeply sorry
    I am so deeply sorry to hear this. My heartfelt condolences to you and to all who knew and loved George. You have been such a wonderful caregiver to him.

    I hope that all of us have such a wonderful 'leaving taking' when our time comes. Thank you for sharing that with us. It is exactly what I would have wished for myself -- and I think many of us.

    Thinking of you.

    Much love,
    Tara
  • here4lfe
    here4lfe CSN Member Posts: 306 Member
    #18
    Sounds like a peaceful passing
    Tina,

    It sounds like you did the best you could for George, and you have my condolences and prayers that your days ahead are filled with love and happy remembrances.

    Best.

    BTW, my wife's nickname was Tina.
  • thxmiker
    thxmiker CSN Member Posts: 1,278 Member
    #19
    We are so sorry for your
    We are so sorry for your loss of George! We are sending our prayers and good thoughts to help you through this time.

    Words escape me to tell you how much the words of encouragement have meant from you two!

    Best Always, mike
  • plh4gail
    plh4gail CSN Member Posts: 1,238 Member
    #20
    Tina, hugs to you and your
    Tina, hugs to you and your loved ones. Your story made me sad but also gave a sense of peace at the same time. Thank you my dear for being such a support on here to all of us with this one thing in common, the touch of crc diagnosis. Love you sweet Tina!

    Gail
  • herdizziness
    herdizziness CSN Member Posts: 3,624 Member
    #21
    Dear Tina
    I'm so sorry for your loss of George, but I am grateful that you have his "I love you" to carry you through.
    Right now, I'm doing a lot of tears and not thinking well. I'll write you more later.
    Love to you,
    Winter Marie

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