scanxiety.....never ceases to amaze me *UPDATE*

maglets
maglets Member Posts: 2,576
edited October 2012 in Colorectal Cancer #1
I absolutely was NOT going to post ....was going to get CAT scan today and do CEA's and keep my mouth shut. I have been so blessed and so many people here are struggling right now.

So here I sit sunk in fear, completely convinced of more cancer....just took .5mg of ativan to get through....i have never had a scan booked so late in the day....3pm...usually get the morning.

Hubby is a writer and he is volunteering to do a fund raiser for residential hospice for our town....I think this is wonderful.....BUT NOT TODAY....I just don't want to talk about it for a couple of hours anyway...

so only two more hours to stew....point I guess is....is it even possible to get over this wretched fear and anxiety about cancer....can we ever escape and find some peace....?

love to you all

mags


my gp just phoned me at home.....how late do they work to say liver and lungs look good....waiting for CEA

tired .....talk tomorrow
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Comments

  • abrub
    abrub Member Posts: 2,174 Member
    We're both in the stew pot...
    Should make for some pretty rich stew. I'm busy obsessing over my surgery tomorrow, and tho assured that the likelihood is that both lumps are benign, I won't be happy until I get my path.

    I'm also dreading the Frankensteinien aspect (placing of 2 wires in my breast to mark the lumps - the wires are placed during compression of a mammo, and the ends hang out. Yuck! Bothers me more than the surgery.)

    I'll hold your hand if you'll hold mine!

    Hugs,
    Alice
  • Grace14
    Grace14 Member Posts: 65
    I hate the fear of scans and
    I hate the fear of scans and tests! I have to have blood work next week and yearly scans in January and already the anxiety is setting in! I hate the unknown of this disease its so frustrating, and nobody understands this fear unless your a cancer patient. I always get oh don't worry everything will be fine! Really I hope so it's so easy for them! This is so mean to say but I wish they could walk in our shoes for one day so they could see that fear that I feel! I wake up in the morning thinking about cancer and go to bed thinking about it. Yes sometimes I can forget it about for a while but for the most part it never leaves my mind! I wish we had a switch in our brain that we could just turn off and then turn back on when it was time for scans. I so know how you feel! Good Luck with your scans! Sorry i needed to vent a little!
  • johnnybegood
    johnnybegood Member Posts: 1,117
    Grace14 said:

    I hate the fear of scans and
    I hate the fear of scans and tests! I have to have blood work next week and yearly scans in January and already the anxiety is setting in! I hate the unknown of this disease its so frustrating, and nobody understands this fear unless your a cancer patient. I always get oh don't worry everything will be fine! Really I hope so it's so easy for them! This is so mean to say but I wish they could walk in our shoes for one day so they could see that fear that I feel! I wake up in the morning thinking about cancer and go to bed thinking about it. Yes sometimes I can forget it about for a while but for the most part it never leaves my mind! I wish we had a switch in our brain that we could just turn off and then turn back on when it was time for scans. I so know how you feel! Good Luck with your scans! Sorry i needed to vent a little!

    dont think
    we ever get over that fear but just want to wish you luck and sending prayers and good vibes your way(((HUGS))) Godbless...johnnybegood
  • maglets
    maglets Member Posts: 2,576

    dont think
    we ever get over that fear but just want to wish you luck and sending prayers and good vibes your way(((HUGS))) Godbless...johnnybegood

    oh dear friends
    yes alice we have both cooked up a nice big stew. I have had the wires Alice and it is a bit creepy but not too bad....really it isn't.....HERE hold my hand

    Grace 14 you just vent away there girl....no probs....I can't really tell how far ahead I start clickin into the fear place....one month? one week? in it now for sure.....

    does anyone else start to feel lumps and pains the second scanxiety hits??? for instance I feel my liver weighs about 80 pounds this afternoon, definitely short of breath....here comes lung cancer....oh sore in armpit.....that's invovlment for sure!!! craziness!!!!!!!

    Johnny hearing from you soothes my soul....thanks for your note and prayers and vibes

    it's a long old dirty old path no matter how you look at it....

    mags
  • jen2012
    jen2012 Member Posts: 1,607 Member
    Yours is one of the stories
    Yours is one of the stories that has brought me hope for my husband in the last several weeks. Sending positive thoughts and many prayers for great results. Hang in there!
  • smokeyjoe
    smokeyjoe Member Posts: 1,425
    jen2012 said:

    Yours is one of the stories
    Yours is one of the stories that has brought me hope for my husband in the last several weeks. Sending positive thoughts and many prayers for great results. Hang in there!

    Best wishes to both of
    Best wishes to both of you.....I'm stressing right now over having to go back on chemo. after a year of none of that nonsense, and it's really messing with my head. Yesterday didn't want to get up from lying on the sofa, ended up going out with friends to celebrate my birthday early, but all I wanted to do was crawl into bed.
  • Lovekitties
    Lovekitties Member Posts: 3,364 Member
    Dear Mags
    I am not sure it is possible to get over any of the fears that come from having had a cancer diagnosis. I think the best that we ever do, from then on out, is to try to manage that fear.

    Whether it is scanxiety, waiting on blood work or just feeling what others might call the normal aches and pains of living, all those naturally wear on our minds.

    The best we can do is say..."ok, cancer, you might make me fearful today, but not tomorrow!".

    Praying that your fears turn out to be unfounded and that all results are good news.

    Hugs,

    Marie who loves kitties
  • maglets
    maglets Member Posts: 2,576
    jen2012 said:

    Yours is one of the stories
    Yours is one of the stories that has brought me hope for my husband in the last several weeks. Sending positive thoughts and many prayers for great results. Hang in there!

    jen
    jen that is so very nice of you to say....there is always hope....sometimes it just seems to get misplaced for a minute :)

    ahhh smokey.....I hear you....sometimes bed retreat is so attractive....hang in and take this big hug......

    mags
  • maglets
    maglets Member Posts: 2,576

    Dear Mags
    I am not sure it is possible to get over any of the fears that come from having had a cancer diagnosis. I think the best that we ever do, from then on out, is to try to manage that fear.

    Whether it is scanxiety, waiting on blood work or just feeling what others might call the normal aches and pains of living, all those naturally wear on our minds.

    The best we can do is say..."ok, cancer, you might make me fearful today, but not tomorrow!".

    Praying that your fears turn out to be unfounded and that all results are good news.

    Hugs,

    Marie who loves kitties

    Marie
    Marie ....you are a kind angel....could you just slip up north here and come to the hospital with me....it's pouring rain and about 40 degrees...

    okay going to go and do it.....

    hugs to you Marie....

    mags
  • janderson1964
    janderson1964 Member Posts: 2,215
    I know what you mean. I just
    I know what you mean. I just got the date for my next scan which is almost 3 months from now but just getting the actual date set gave me an uneasy feeling. That is why i said in another post that we will never be fully cured. Some of us might be cured in the physical sensa but never the mental and emotional sense.
  • Grace14
    Grace14 Member Posts: 65

    I know what you mean. I just
    I know what you mean. I just got the date for my next scan which is almost 3 months from now but just getting the actual date set gave me an uneasy feeling. That is why i said in another post that we will never be fully cured. Some of us might be cured in the physical sensa but never the mental and emotional sense.

    Oh what I would do to not
    Oh what I would do to not have had this cancer! The sad part is that in the beginning I changed me eating habits swore that I would not put one more bad thing in my mouth and here I am more than 2 years later eating sweets not eating enough vegetables. What is wrong with me? I feel like I was given a second chance having been diagnosed at a stage 2. I just feel like life is so short and I see so many people that are healthy and still get cancer. I just wish that I would take better care of myself. Every time I get the all clear I swear I'm gonna eat better, exercise and it just never happens. I'm just in this funk right now and I really have to snap out of this! Does anybody else feel the same way?
  • ketziah35
    ketziah35 Member Posts: 1,145
    So Sorry
    Mags,

    I am so sorry that you are going through this. In just a few hours everything will be over with and you can have scanclosure.

    When I get supper stressed, I close my eyes and imagine that I am in your cabin drinking a nice cup of coffee or having friends over for a barbeque, with wildflowers and birds about. Forgive me for invading your cabin, but the relaxation technique really works. Take yourself to a happy place.

    This may sound stupid, but it really works.

    I am praying for you!

    Ketz
  • Doc_Hawk
    Doc_Hawk Member Posts: 685
    Fear
    I think that fear is probably a specter that walks beside each of us every moment of every day. But, it is something that we can defeat by first acknowledging its presence and then dismissing it like sending an unruly child into time out. In Frank Herbert's sci-fi classic "Dune" there is a litany against fear and I think of it frequently. "I must not fear. Fear is the mind killer. Fear is the little death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when it is gone I will turn the inner eye to see its path. Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain."

    It's natural to dread scans and that horrible waiting period before we get the results. What I try to do (emphasis on try!) is let fear have it's hold for a few seconds and then push it away and tell myself "I can handle this, no matter what happens." Sometimes it even works.

    Mags and Alice, good luck and you have the prayers of myself and many with you. God Bless.
  • wolfen
    wolfen Member Posts: 1,324
    ketziah35 said:

    So Sorry
    Mags,

    I am so sorry that you are going through this. In just a few hours everything will be over with and you can have scanclosure.

    When I get supper stressed, I close my eyes and imagine that I am in your cabin drinking a nice cup of coffee or having friends over for a barbeque, with wildflowers and birds about. Forgive me for invading your cabin, but the relaxation technique really works. Take yourself to a happy place.

    This may sound stupid, but it really works.

    I am praying for you!

    Ketz

    Mags
    I'm just gonna have to be one of those people that Grace mentioned. Just breathe and everything is going to turn out fine.

    Luv Ya,

    Wolfen
  • danker
    danker Member Posts: 1,276
    anxiety
    Being an optimist I never have any worry about tests. I just assume all will be well- and it usually is. So cool it, enjoy life!!!
  • abrub
    abrub Member Posts: 2,174 Member
    maglets said:

    oh dear friends
    yes alice we have both cooked up a nice big stew. I have had the wires Alice and it is a bit creepy but not too bad....really it isn't.....HERE hold my hand

    Grace 14 you just vent away there girl....no probs....I can't really tell how far ahead I start clickin into the fear place....one month? one week? in it now for sure.....

    does anyone else start to feel lumps and pains the second scanxiety hits??? for instance I feel my liver weighs about 80 pounds this afternoon, definitely short of breath....here comes lung cancer....oh sore in armpit.....that's invovlment for sure!!! craziness!!!!!!!

    Johnny hearing from you soothes my soul....thanks for your note and prayers and vibes

    it's a long old dirty old path no matter how you look at it....

    mags

    I've got your hand, too.
    Mags, I'm right there with you, holding you up.

    Despite the scanxiety, we somehow get through.

    Hoping for a nice, clean scan,
    Alice
  • Grace14 said:

    Oh what I would do to not
    Oh what I would do to not have had this cancer! The sad part is that in the beginning I changed me eating habits swore that I would not put one more bad thing in my mouth and here I am more than 2 years later eating sweets not eating enough vegetables. What is wrong with me? I feel like I was given a second chance having been diagnosed at a stage 2. I just feel like life is so short and I see so many people that are healthy and still get cancer. I just wish that I would take better care of myself. Every time I get the all clear I swear I'm gonna eat better, exercise and it just never happens. I'm just in this funk right now and I really have to snap out of this! Does anybody else feel the same way?

    Grace
    I know what you mean. Cancer is on my mind every second of the day. I was diagnosed 4/11/12 and that's all I have thought of. Stage IV rectal cancer with mets to liver. Had surgery to remove rectal tumor and single liver met. Ned sept scan, but I feel like I need to be scanned every week to keep an eye on everything. Next scan in December and I am already worried. My family that sees me occasionally sees me not sick and no one really understands unless they live it. I feel like I have a death sentence that is torturing me slowly.
    Sandy :)
  • Mags
    Good luck with scan. I wish we could all hold each other hands for these scans. Looking forward to your NED results tomorrow.
    Sandy :)
  • ron50
    ron50 Member Posts: 1,723
    maglets said:

    oh dear friends
    yes alice we have both cooked up a nice big stew. I have had the wires Alice and it is a bit creepy but not too bad....really it isn't.....HERE hold my hand

    Grace 14 you just vent away there girl....no probs....I can't really tell how far ahead I start clickin into the fear place....one month? one week? in it now for sure.....

    does anyone else start to feel lumps and pains the second scanxiety hits??? for instance I feel my liver weighs about 80 pounds this afternoon, definitely short of breath....here comes lung cancer....oh sore in armpit.....that's invovlment for sure!!! craziness!!!!!!!

    Johnny hearing from you soothes my soul....thanks for your note and prayers and vibes

    it's a long old dirty old path no matter how you look at it....

    mags

    Big hug
    From Ron who can never quite decide if the glass is half full or half empty,Good luck Mate...Ron.
  • Lovekitties
    Lovekitties Member Posts: 3,364 Member
    maglets said:

    Marie
    Marie ....you are a kind angel....could you just slip up north here and come to the hospital with me....it's pouring rain and about 40 degrees...

    okay going to go and do it.....

    hugs to you Marie....

    mags

    Dear Mags
    You know I would if I could!

    Sounds like the weather is your biggest challenge today...I really hate a cold rain.

    I am with you in spirit.

    Love to you,

    Marie