OK, I need to lighten the mood.

foxhd
foxhd Member Posts: 3,181
This grizzly old biker is sitting in McDonalds having some lunch. He watches as an older couple enter. She goes and sits down near the biker as her husband goes up to the counter and orders some food. He comes back and sits with her. First she takes a napkin, carefully rips it in half, places 1/2 next to her husband and 1/2 next to her. He opens the bag removes the small soda and pours 1/2 into a cup for his wife and 1/2 for himself. Then he separates the french fries into 2 even piles.1/2 for her and 1/2 for him. Then he takes the hamburger, cuts it in 1/2 and gives 1/2 to her and 1/2 to himself. The biker thinks that such a loving old couple must be quite poor so he introduces himself and says that he would be very happy to purchase a meal for each of them. The lady says "Thank You, but we always share everything." So the biker goes back and sits down. As he looks over, the husband is merrily chomping down on his hamburg, then some fries, sipping his soda. The lady is just sitting there, food untouched. Confused, the biker again approaches the couple and says that he understands their desire to share everything but doesn't understand why she hasn't eaten her food. She looks at him and again thanks him for his interest and then says, "I'm just waiting for my turn to use the dentures!"
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Comments

  • angec
    angec Member Posts: 924
    That was hysterical!! Both
    That was hysterical!! Both my mom and dad got a kick out of it! They are always taking their dentures in and out. The funny part is, they take the OUT to eat! Go figure!! Thanks for starting the day with laughter, it is the best medicine! Hope you are doing well...xo
  • ClaraW
    ClaraW Member Posts: 64
    Who's the grizzly old biker?
    Is this account by any means anecdotal Mr Fox? =)
  • Texas_wedge
    Texas_wedge Member Posts: 2,798
    ClaraW said:

    Who's the grizzly old biker?
    Is this account by any means anecdotal Mr Fox? =)

    Must be. Seems Fox is happy
    Must be. Seems Fox is happy as Larry now!
  • foxhd
    foxhd Member Posts: 3,181

    Must be. Seems Fox is happy
    Must be. Seems Fox is happy as Larry now!

    Fox is happy
    I know that you all know, that I am so fortunate. I am feeling good. Radiation over. Fatigue and pain are essentially gone. I've started exercising and running again. Golfing tomorrow. Who woulda ever thunk it? Yes,I am happy! Thinking positive.
  • alice124
    alice124 Member Posts: 896
    foxhd said:

    Fox is happy
    I know that you all know, that I am so fortunate. I am feeling good. Radiation over. Fatigue and pain are essentially gone. I've started exercising and running again. Golfing tomorrow. Who woulda ever thunk it? Yes,I am happy! Thinking positive.

    Happy, happy!
    I woulda thunk it Fox! Thrilled!!!
  • foxhd
    foxhd Member Posts: 3,181
    alice124 said:

    Happy, happy!
    I woulda thunk it Fox! Thrilled!!!

    Thanks
    Thanks Alice! Sometimes I just shake my head.
  • Texas_wedge
    Texas_wedge Member Posts: 2,798
    foxhd said:

    Thanks
    Thanks Alice! Sometimes I just shake my head.

    Thanks
    Count me as thrilled as Alice an' I woulda thunk it too - it couldn't have happened to a better man or been more richly deserved. Thank God you continue as the beacon for us all here for all the foreseeable future.
  • angec
    angec Member Posts: 924

    Thanks
    Count me as thrilled as Alice an' I woulda thunk it too - it couldn't have happened to a better man or been more richly deserved. Thank God you continue as the beacon for us all here for all the foreseeable future.

    Count me as thrilled as
    Count me as thrilled as Alice and TW! It is so wonderful to read the good news isn't it? You go out and have a great run and a fun game of golf! You earned it! WLF We love Fox!
  • icemantoo
    icemantoo Member Posts: 3,359 Member
    angec said:

    Count me as thrilled as
    Count me as thrilled as Alice and TW! It is so wonderful to read the good news isn't it? You go out and have a great run and a fun game of golf! You earned it! WLF We love Fox!

    These posts should be requires reading for those of ue going thru surgery. Then again our stiches can only take so much,

    Icemantoo
  • garym
    garym Member Posts: 1,647
    foxhd said:

    Fox is happy
    I know that you all know, that I am so fortunate. I am feeling good. Radiation over. Fatigue and pain are essentially gone. I've started exercising and running again. Golfing tomorrow. Who woulda ever thunk it? Yes,I am happy! Thinking positive.

    Two stories with teeth in them...
    You lighten the mood with your humor and brighten the mood with your story, I take my hat off to you.

    Rock on,

    Gary
  • angec
    angec Member Posts: 924
    garym said:

    Two stories with teeth in them...
    You lighten the mood with your humor and brighten the mood with your story, I take my hat off to you.

    Rock on,

    Gary

    A little more mood lifting??
    A little more mood lifting?? MRS. Brown gets a bikini wax. Warning.. don't watch if you just had surgery, you might bust a gut.. This will surely lift your mood!


  • Texas_wedge
    Texas_wedge Member Posts: 2,798
    angec said:

    A little more mood lifting??
    A little more mood lifting?? MRS. Brown gets a bikini wax. Warning.. don't watch if you just had surgery, you might bust a gut.. This will surely lift your mood!


    Uplifting video?!
    Thanks Ange - it worked for me. Is this from a regular TV show?
  • garym
    garym Member Posts: 1,647

    Uplifting video?!
    Thanks Ange - it worked for me. Is this from a regular TV show?

    Vern...
    Vern works hard at the Phone Company but spends
    Two nights each week bowling, and plays golf every Saturday.

    His wife thinks he's pushing himself too hard, so for his birthday she takes him to a local strip club.

    The doorman at the club greets them and says, "Hey, Vern! How ya doin?"
    His wife is puzzled and asks if he's been to This club before.
    "Oh no," says Vern. "He's in my bowling league ."

    When they are seated, a waitress asks Vern if he'd like his usual and brings over a Budweiser. His wife is becoming increasingly uncomfortable and says, "How did she know that you drink Budweiser?" "I recognize her, she's the waitress from the golf club.
    I always have a Bud at the end of the 1st nine, honey."

    A stripper then comes over to their table, throws her arms around Vern, starts to rub herself all over him and says..."Hi Vern. Want your usual table dance, big boy?"

    Vern's wife, now furious, Grabs her purse and storms out of the club. Vern follows and spots her getting into a cab. Before she can slam the door, he jumps in beside her.
    Vern tries desperately to explain how the stripper must have mistaken him for someone else, but his wife is having none of it.

    She is screaming at him at the top of her lungs, calling him every 4 letter word in the book..

    The cabby turns around and says, "Geez Vern, you picked up a real witch this time."


    VERN'S FUNERAL WILL BE HELD THIS COMING FRIDAY...
  • Texas_wedge
    Texas_wedge Member Posts: 2,798
    garym said:

    Vern...
    Vern works hard at the Phone Company but spends
    Two nights each week bowling, and plays golf every Saturday.

    His wife thinks he's pushing himself too hard, so for his birthday she takes him to a local strip club.

    The doorman at the club greets them and says, "Hey, Vern! How ya doin?"
    His wife is puzzled and asks if he's been to This club before.
    "Oh no," says Vern. "He's in my bowling league ."

    When they are seated, a waitress asks Vern if he'd like his usual and brings over a Budweiser. His wife is becoming increasingly uncomfortable and says, "How did she know that you drink Budweiser?" "I recognize her, she's the waitress from the golf club.
    I always have a Bud at the end of the 1st nine, honey."

    A stripper then comes over to their table, throws her arms around Vern, starts to rub herself all over him and says..."Hi Vern. Want your usual table dance, big boy?"

    Vern's wife, now furious, Grabs her purse and storms out of the club. Vern follows and spots her getting into a cab. Before she can slam the door, he jumps in beside her.
    Vern tries desperately to explain how the stripper must have mistaken him for someone else, but his wife is having none of it.

    She is screaming at him at the top of her lungs, calling him every 4 letter word in the book..

    The cabby turns around and says, "Geez Vern, you picked up a real witch this time."


    VERN'S FUNERAL WILL BE HELD THIS COMING FRIDAY...

    Vern
    Just too good - still hurting!

    So glad we don't always have to wait until Friday though, Gary.
  • angec
    angec Member Posts: 924

    Uplifting video?!
    Thanks Ange - it worked for me. Is this from a regular TV show?

    Glad it worked! Yes, it is
    Glad it worked! Yes, it is in the UK I believe. We don't get it in the States. I retrieved this bit from Youtube.com. They have plenty of others. Everyone of their clips brings me tears! You can't be sad watching this. ;)

    We have more jokes below about Vern! Keep them coming!
  • Texas_wedge
    Texas_wedge Member Posts: 2,798
    angec said:

    Glad it worked! Yes, it is
    Glad it worked! Yes, it is in the UK I believe. We don't get it in the States. I retrieved this bit from Youtube.com. They have plenty of others. Everyone of their clips brings me tears! You can't be sad watching this. ;)

    We have more jokes below about Vern! Keep them coming!

    Mrs. Brown's Boys
    Ange, how embarrassing is that - it's actually a current BBC1 show that my Wife and I had each noticed but which neither of us has ever watched - looks like another treat I've been missing - I'll have to catch up from the archives!
  • angec
    angec Member Posts: 924

    Mrs. Brown's Boys
    Ange, how embarrassing is that - it's actually a current BBC1 show that my Wife and I had each noticed but which neither of us has ever watched - looks like another treat I've been missing - I'll have to catch up from the archives!

    Well, now you have a new
    Well, now you have a new goal! Please do watch it, I know it will keep you laughing. I wish I can see them but they are not here. I think I may be able to order the cd. Enjoy!
  • garym
    garym Member Posts: 1,647
    garym said:

    Vern...
    Vern works hard at the Phone Company but spends
    Two nights each week bowling, and plays golf every Saturday.

    His wife thinks he's pushing himself too hard, so for his birthday she takes him to a local strip club.

    The doorman at the club greets them and says, "Hey, Vern! How ya doin?"
    His wife is puzzled and asks if he's been to This club before.
    "Oh no," says Vern. "He's in my bowling league ."

    When they are seated, a waitress asks Vern if he'd like his usual and brings over a Budweiser. His wife is becoming increasingly uncomfortable and says, "How did she know that you drink Budweiser?" "I recognize her, she's the waitress from the golf club.
    I always have a Bud at the end of the 1st nine, honey."

    A stripper then comes over to their table, throws her arms around Vern, starts to rub herself all over him and says..."Hi Vern. Want your usual table dance, big boy?"

    Vern's wife, now furious, Grabs her purse and storms out of the club. Vern follows and spots her getting into a cab. Before she can slam the door, he jumps in beside her.
    Vern tries desperately to explain how the stripper must have mistaken him for someone else, but his wife is having none of it.

    She is screaming at him at the top of her lungs, calling him every 4 letter word in the book..

    The cabby turns around and says, "Geez Vern, you picked up a real witch this time."


    VERN'S FUNERAL WILL BE HELD THIS COMING FRIDAY...

    Gone fishing...
    Four guys have been going on the same fishing trip for many years.



    Two days before the group is to leave, Ron's wife puts her foot down and tells him he isn't going.



    Ron's mates are very upset that he can't go, but what can they do.



    Two days later the three get to the camping site only to find Ron sitting there with a tent set up, firewood gathered, and dinner cooking on the fire.


    "Damn Ron, how long you been here, and how did you talk your missus into letting you go?"


    "Well, I've been here since yesterday evening. I was sitting in my chair and my wife came up behind me and put her hands over my eyes and said, "Guess who?" I pulled her hands off, and she was wearing a brand new see through nightie. She took my hand and pulled me to our bedroom.

    The room had candles and rose petals all over. On the bed she had handcuffs, and ropes! She told me to tie and cuff her to the bed, so I did. And then she said, "Now do whatever you want."



    So, here I am. You guys want a beer?
  • alice124
    alice124 Member Posts: 896
    garym said:

    Gone fishing...
    Four guys have been going on the same fishing trip for many years.



    Two days before the group is to leave, Ron's wife puts her foot down and tells him he isn't going.



    Ron's mates are very upset that he can't go, but what can they do.



    Two days later the three get to the camping site only to find Ron sitting there with a tent set up, firewood gathered, and dinner cooking on the fire.


    "Damn Ron, how long you been here, and how did you talk your missus into letting you go?"


    "Well, I've been here since yesterday evening. I was sitting in my chair and my wife came up behind me and put her hands over my eyes and said, "Guess who?" I pulled her hands off, and she was wearing a brand new see through nightie. She took my hand and pulled me to our bedroom.

    The room had candles and rose petals all over. On the bed she had handcuffs, and ropes! She told me to tie and cuff her to the bed, so I did. And then she said, "Now do whatever you want."



    So, here I am. You guys want a beer?

    Gone Fishing
    Good laugh Ron!
  • garym
    garym Member Posts: 1,647

    Vern
    Just too good - still hurting!

    So glad we don't always have to wait until Friday though, Gary.

    Poor Vern...
    Breeding bulls...

    Vern and his wife went to the State Fair and one of the first exhibits they stopped at was the breeding bulls. They went up to the first pen and there was a sign attached that said,...


    'THIS BULL MATED 50 TIMES LAST YEAR'

    His wife playfully nudged him in the ribs ......Smiled and said, 'He mated 50 times last year, that's almost once a week.'

    They walked to the second pen which had a sign attached that said,...

    'THIS BULL MATED 150 TIMES LAST YEAR'

    His wife gave him a healthy jab and said, "WOW~~~That's more than twice! a week! ............You could learn a lot from him Vern."

    They walked to the third pen and it had a sign attached that said,...

    in capital letters,...

    "THIS BULL MATED 365 TIMES LAST YEAR"

    His wife was so excited that her elbow nearly broke his ribs, as she said,...

    "That's once a day ..You could 'REALLY' learn something from this one Vern."

    Vern looked at her and said,...

    "Go over and ask him if it was with the same cow."

    Vern's condition has been upgraded from critical
    to stable and he should eventually make a full recovery.