Happy Friday...

garym
garym Member Posts: 1,647
Burma Shave

REMEMBER THESE ? ? ?
>
> For those who never saw any of the Burma Shave signs, here is a quick lesson in our history
> of the 1930's, 40s, and '50's. Before there were interstates,
> when everyone drove the old 2 lane roads,
> Burma Shave signs would be posted all over the countryside in farmers' fields.
> They were small red signs with white letters.
> Five signs about 100 feet apart, each containing 1 line of a 4 line couplet......
> and the obligatory 5th sign advertising BurmaShave, a popular shaving cream.
> Here are more of the actual signs:
>
> DON'T STICK YOUR ELBOW
> OUT SO FAR
> IT MAY GO HOME
> IN ANOTHER CAR.
> BurmaShave
>
> TRAINS DON'T WANDER
> ALL OVER THE MAP
> 'CAUSE NOBODY SITS
> IN THE ENGINEER'S LAP
> BurmaShave
>
> SHE KISSED THE HAIRBRUSH
> BY MISTAKE
> SHE THOUGHT IT WAS
> HER HUSBAND JAKE
> BurmaShave
>
> DON'T LOSE YOUR HEAD
> TO GAIN A MINUTE
> YOU NEED YOUR HEAD
> YOUR BRAINS ARE IN IT
> Burma Shave
>
> DROVE TOO LONG
> DRIVER SNOOZING
> WHAT HAPPENED NEXT
> IS NOT AMUSING
> BurmaShave
>
>
> BROTHER SPEEDER
> LET'S REHEARSE
> ALL TOGETHER
> GOOD MORNING, NURSE
> BurmaShave
>
> CAUTIOUS RIDER
> TO HER RECKLESS DEAR
> LET'S HAVE LESS BULL
> AND A LITTLE MORE STEER
> BurmaShave
>
> SPEED WAS HIGH
> WEATHER WAS HOT
> TIRES WERE THIN
> X MARKS THE SPOT
> BurmaShave
>
> AROUND THE CURVE
> LICKETY-SPLIT
> BEAUTIFUL CAR
> WASN'T IT?
> BurmaShave
>
> NO MATTER THE PRICE
> NO MATTER HOW NEW
> THE BEST SAFETY DEVICE
> IN THE CAR IS YOU
> BurmaShave
>
> A GUY WHO DRIVES
> A CAR WIDE OPEN
> IS NOT THINKIN'
> HE'S JUST HOPIN'
> BurmaShave
>
> AT INTERSECTIONS
> LOOK EACH WAY
> A HARP SOUNDS NICE
> BUT IT'S HARD TO PLAY
> BurmaShave
>
> BOTH HANDS ON THE WHEEL
> EYES ON THE ROAD
> THAT'S THE SKILLFUL
> DRIVER'S CODE
> BurmaShave
> THE ONE WHO DRIVES
> WHEN HE'S BEEN DRINKING
> DEPENDS ON YOU
> TO DO HIS THINKING
> BurmaShave
> CAR IN DITCH
> DRIVER IN TREE
> THE MOON WAS FULL
> AND SO WAS HE.
> BurmaShave
> PASSING SCHOOL ZONE
> TAKE IT SLOW
> LET OUR LITTLE
> SHAVERS GROW
> BurmaShave
> CATTLE CROSSING
> MEANS GO SLOW
> THAT OLD BULL
> IS SOME COW'S BEAU
> Burma Shave
>
>
> Do these bring back any old memories?
> If not, you're merely a child.
> If they do - then you're old as dirt... (like me)
e
«13

Comments

  • garym
    garym Member Posts: 1,647
    Can you read this?
    I've seen this with the letters out of order, but this is the first time I've seen it with numbers .

    Good example of a Brain Study: If you can read this OUT LOUD you have a strong mind.

    And better than that: Alzheimers is a long, long, ways down the road before it ever gets anywhere near you.



    7H15 M3554G3

    53RV35 7O PR0V3

    H0W 0UR M1ND5 C4N

    D0 4M4Z1NG 7H1NG5!

    1MPR3551V3 7H1NG5!

    1N 7H3 B3G1NN1NG

    17 WA5 H4RD BU7

    N0W, 0N 7H15 LIN3

    Y0UR M1ND 1S

    R34D1NG 17

    4U70M471C4LLY

    W17H 0U7 3V3N

    7H1NK1NG 4B0U7 17,

    B3 PROUD! 0NLY

    C3R741N P30PL3 C4N

    R3AD 7H15.

    PL3453 F0RW4RD 1F

    U C4N R34D 7H15.
  • garym
    garym Member Posts: 1,647
    garym said:

    Can you read this?
    I've seen this with the letters out of order, but this is the first time I've seen it with numbers .

    Good example of a Brain Study: If you can read this OUT LOUD you have a strong mind.

    And better than that: Alzheimers is a long, long, ways down the road before it ever gets anywhere near you.



    7H15 M3554G3

    53RV35 7O PR0V3

    H0W 0UR M1ND5 C4N

    D0 4M4Z1NG 7H1NG5!

    1MPR3551V3 7H1NG5!

    1N 7H3 B3G1NN1NG

    17 WA5 H4RD BU7

    N0W, 0N 7H15 LIN3

    Y0UR M1ND 1S

    R34D1NG 17

    4U70M471C4LLY

    W17H 0U7 3V3N

    7H1NK1NG 4B0U7 17,

    B3 PROUD! 0NLY

    C3R741N P30PL3 C4N

    R3AD 7H15.

    PL3453 F0RW4RD 1F

    U C4N R34D 7H15.

    Some Interesting Origins in Word Usage...
    Q: Why do men's clothes have buttons on the right while women's clothes have buttons on the left?
    A: When buttons were invented, they were very expensive and worn primarily by the rich. Since most people are right-handed, it is easier to push buttons on the right through holes on the left. Because wealthy women were dressed by maids, dressmakers put the buttons on the maid's right! And that's where women's buttons have remained since.

    Q: Why do ships and aircraft use 'mayday' as their call for help?
    A: This comes from the French word m'aidez -meaning 'help me' -- and is pronounced, approximately, 'mayday.'

    Q: Why are zero scores in tennis called 'love'?
    A: In France , where tennis became popular, the round zero on the scoreboard looked like an egg and was called 'l'oeuf,' which is French for 'the egg.' When tennis wasintroduced in the US , Americans (mis)pronounced it 'love.'

    Q. Why do X's at the end of a letter signify kisses?
    A: In the Middle Ages, when many people were unable to read or write, documents were often signed using an X. Kissing the X represented an oath to fulfill obligations specified in the document. The X and the kiss eventually became synonymous.

    Q: Why is shifting responsibility to someone else called 'passing the buck'?
    A: In card games, it was once customary to pass an item, called a buck, from player to player to indicate whose turn it was to deal. If a player did not wish to assume the responsibility of dealing, he would 'pass the buck' to the next player.

    Q: Why do people clink their glasses before drinking a toast?
    A: It used to be common for someone to try to kill an enemy by offering him a poisoned drink. To prove to a guest that a drink was safe, it became customary for a guest to pour a small amount of his drink into the glass of the host. Both men would drink it simultaneously. When a guest trusted his host, he would only touch or clink the host's glass with his own.

    Q: Why are people in the public eye said to be 'in the limelight'?
    A: Invented in 1825, limelight was used in lighthouses and theatres by burning a cylinder of lime which produced a brilliant light. In the theatre, a performer 'in the limelight' was the centre of attention.

    Q: Why is someone who is feeling great 'on cloud nine'?
    A: Types of clouds are numbered according to the altitudes they attain, with nine being the highest cloud. If someone is said to be on cloud nine, that person is floating well above worldly cares.

    Q: In golf, where did the term 'Caddie' come from?
    A. When Mary Queen of Scots went to France as a young girl, Louis, King of France, learned that she loved the Scots game 'golf.' He had the first course outside of Scotland built for her enjoyment. To make sure she was properly chaperoned (and guarded) while she played, Louis hired cadets from a military school to accompany her. Mary liked this a lot and when she returned to Scotland (not a very good idea in the long run), she took the practice with her. In French, the word cadet ispronounced 'ca-day' and the Scots changed it into �caddie.�

    Q: Why are many coin banks shaped like pigs?
    A: Long ago, dishes and cookware in Europe were made of a dense orange clay called 'pygg'. When people saved coins in jars made of this clay, the jars became known as 'pygg banks.' When an English potter misunderstood the word, he made a container that resembled a pig. And it caught on.
  • garym
    garym Member Posts: 1,647
    garym said:

    Some Interesting Origins in Word Usage...
    Q: Why do men's clothes have buttons on the right while women's clothes have buttons on the left?
    A: When buttons were invented, they were very expensive and worn primarily by the rich. Since most people are right-handed, it is easier to push buttons on the right through holes on the left. Because wealthy women were dressed by maids, dressmakers put the buttons on the maid's right! And that's where women's buttons have remained since.

    Q: Why do ships and aircraft use 'mayday' as their call for help?
    A: This comes from the French word m'aidez -meaning 'help me' -- and is pronounced, approximately, 'mayday.'

    Q: Why are zero scores in tennis called 'love'?
    A: In France , where tennis became popular, the round zero on the scoreboard looked like an egg and was called 'l'oeuf,' which is French for 'the egg.' When tennis wasintroduced in the US , Americans (mis)pronounced it 'love.'

    Q. Why do X's at the end of a letter signify kisses?
    A: In the Middle Ages, when many people were unable to read or write, documents were often signed using an X. Kissing the X represented an oath to fulfill obligations specified in the document. The X and the kiss eventually became synonymous.

    Q: Why is shifting responsibility to someone else called 'passing the buck'?
    A: In card games, it was once customary to pass an item, called a buck, from player to player to indicate whose turn it was to deal. If a player did not wish to assume the responsibility of dealing, he would 'pass the buck' to the next player.

    Q: Why do people clink their glasses before drinking a toast?
    A: It used to be common for someone to try to kill an enemy by offering him a poisoned drink. To prove to a guest that a drink was safe, it became customary for a guest to pour a small amount of his drink into the glass of the host. Both men would drink it simultaneously. When a guest trusted his host, he would only touch or clink the host's glass with his own.

    Q: Why are people in the public eye said to be 'in the limelight'?
    A: Invented in 1825, limelight was used in lighthouses and theatres by burning a cylinder of lime which produced a brilliant light. In the theatre, a performer 'in the limelight' was the centre of attention.

    Q: Why is someone who is feeling great 'on cloud nine'?
    A: Types of clouds are numbered according to the altitudes they attain, with nine being the highest cloud. If someone is said to be on cloud nine, that person is floating well above worldly cares.

    Q: In golf, where did the term 'Caddie' come from?
    A. When Mary Queen of Scots went to France as a young girl, Louis, King of France, learned that she loved the Scots game 'golf.' He had the first course outside of Scotland built for her enjoyment. To make sure she was properly chaperoned (and guarded) while she played, Louis hired cadets from a military school to accompany her. Mary liked this a lot and when she returned to Scotland (not a very good idea in the long run), she took the practice with her. In French, the word cadet ispronounced 'ca-day' and the Scots changed it into �caddie.�

    Q: Why are many coin banks shaped like pigs?
    A: Long ago, dishes and cookware in Europe were made of a dense orange clay called 'pygg'. When people saved coins in jars made of this clay, the jars became known as 'pygg banks.' When an English potter misunderstood the word, he made a container that resembled a pig. And it caught on.

    I can't believe I said that...
    Here are the top nine comments made by NBC sports commentators during the Summer Olympics that they would like to take back:

    1. Weightlifting commentator: "This is Gregoriava from Bulgaria. I saw her snatch this morning during her warm up and it was amazing."

    2. Dressage commentator: "This is really a lovely horse and I speak from personal experience since I once mounted her mother."


    3. Paul Hamm, Gymnast: "I owe a lot to my parents, especially my mother and father."


    4. Boxing Analyst: "Sure there have been injuries, and even some deaths in boxing, but none of them really that serious."


    5. Softball announcer: "If history repeats itself, I should think we can expect the same thing again."


    6. Basketball analyst: "He dribbles a lot and the opposition doesn't like it. In fact you can see it all over their faces."


    7. At the rowing medal ceremony: "Ah, isn't that nice, the wife of the IOC president is hugging the cox of the British crew."

    8. Soccer commentator: "Julian Dicks is everywhere. It's like they've got eleven Dicks on the field."

    9. Tennis commentator: "One of the reasons Andy is playing so well is that, before the final

    round, his wife takes out his balls and kisses them... Oh my God, what have I just said?"
  • garym
    garym Member Posts: 1,647
    garym said:

    I can't believe I said that...
    Here are the top nine comments made by NBC sports commentators during the Summer Olympics that they would like to take back:

    1. Weightlifting commentator: "This is Gregoriava from Bulgaria. I saw her snatch this morning during her warm up and it was amazing."

    2. Dressage commentator: "This is really a lovely horse and I speak from personal experience since I once mounted her mother."


    3. Paul Hamm, Gymnast: "I owe a lot to my parents, especially my mother and father."


    4. Boxing Analyst: "Sure there have been injuries, and even some deaths in boxing, but none of them really that serious."


    5. Softball announcer: "If history repeats itself, I should think we can expect the same thing again."


    6. Basketball analyst: "He dribbles a lot and the opposition doesn't like it. In fact you can see it all over their faces."


    7. At the rowing medal ceremony: "Ah, isn't that nice, the wife of the IOC president is hugging the cox of the British crew."

    8. Soccer commentator: "Julian Dicks is everywhere. It's like they've got eleven Dicks on the field."

    9. Tennis commentator: "One of the reasons Andy is playing so well is that, before the final

    round, his wife takes out his balls and kisses them... Oh my God, what have I just said?"

    David Lettermans Top 10 Reasons why Golf is better than Sex...
    #10... A below par performance is considered damn good.

    #09... You can stop in the middle and have a cheeseburger and a couple of beers.

    #08... It's much easier to find the sweet spot.

    #07... Foursomes are encouraged.

    #06... You can still make money doing it as a senior.

    #05... Three times a day is possible.

    #04... Your partner doesn't hire a lawyer if you play with someone else.

    #03... If you live in Florida , you can do it almost every day.

    #02... You don't have to cuddle with your partner when you're finished.

    And the NUMBER ONE reason why golf is better than sex......

    #01... When your equipment gets old you can replace it!

    My #11 would be...Your partner(s) actually encourage you to play a new course.
  • NewDay
    NewDay Member Posts: 272
    garym said:

    David Lettermans Top 10 Reasons why Golf is better than Sex...
    #10... A below par performance is considered damn good.

    #09... You can stop in the middle and have a cheeseburger and a couple of beers.

    #08... It's much easier to find the sweet spot.

    #07... Foursomes are encouraged.

    #06... You can still make money doing it as a senior.

    #05... Three times a day is possible.

    #04... Your partner doesn't hire a lawyer if you play with someone else.

    #03... If you live in Florida , you can do it almost every day.

    #02... You don't have to cuddle with your partner when you're finished.

    And the NUMBER ONE reason why golf is better than sex......

    #01... When your equipment gets old you can replace it!

    My #11 would be...Your partner(s) actually encourage you to play a new course.

    Great way to start a new day
    You're on a roll. Everybody keep 'um comin'.
  • Bubbs21
    Bubbs21 Member Posts: 47
    NewDay said:

    Great way to start a new day
    You're on a roll. Everybody keep 'um comin'.

    It'a all in a a WORD
    Found this one recently....not sure of your rules here, so trying to keep it clean.

    BEAUTY PARLOR:
    A place where women curl up and dye.

    CANNIBAL:
    Someone who is fed up with people.

    CHICKENS:
    The only animals you eat before they are born and after they are dead.

    COMMITTEE:
    A body that keeps minutes and wastes hours.

    DUST:
    Mud with the juice squeezed out.

    EGOTIST:
    Someone who is usually me-deep in conversation.

    GOSSIP:
    Never tell a lie if the truth will do more damage.

    KLEENEX:
    Cold Storage.

    INFLATION:
    Cutting money in half without damaging the paper.

    MOSQUITO:
    An insect that makes you like flies better.

    RAISIN:
    Grape with a sunburn.

    SECRET:
    Something you tell to one person at a time.

    SKELETON:
    A bunch of bones with the person scraped off.

    TOOTHACHE:
    The pain that drives you to extraction.

    TOMORROW:
    One of the greatest labor saving devices of today.

    YAWN:
    An honest opinion openly expressed.

    WRINKLES:
    Something other people have. You have character lines.
  • garym
    garym Member Posts: 1,647
    Bubbs21 said:

    It'a all in a a WORD
    Found this one recently....not sure of your rules here, so trying to keep it clean.

    BEAUTY PARLOR:
    A place where women curl up and dye.

    CANNIBAL:
    Someone who is fed up with people.

    CHICKENS:
    The only animals you eat before they are born and after they are dead.

    COMMITTEE:
    A body that keeps minutes and wastes hours.

    DUST:
    Mud with the juice squeezed out.

    EGOTIST:
    Someone who is usually me-deep in conversation.

    GOSSIP:
    Never tell a lie if the truth will do more damage.

    KLEENEX:
    Cold Storage.

    INFLATION:
    Cutting money in half without damaging the paper.

    MOSQUITO:
    An insect that makes you like flies better.

    RAISIN:
    Grape with a sunburn.

    SECRET:
    Something you tell to one person at a time.

    SKELETON:
    A bunch of bones with the person scraped off.

    TOOTHACHE:
    The pain that drives you to extraction.

    TOMORROW:
    One of the greatest labor saving devices of today.

    YAWN:
    An honest opinion openly expressed.

    WRINKLES:
    Something other people have. You have character lines.

    Keepin it clean...
    Maybe that's why fox offered my services doing laundry...hmmmm


    Good list Bubbs...LOL
  • Bubbs21
    Bubbs21 Member Posts: 47
    garym said:

    Can you read this?
    I've seen this with the letters out of order, but this is the first time I've seen it with numbers .

    Good example of a Brain Study: If you can read this OUT LOUD you have a strong mind.

    And better than that: Alzheimers is a long, long, ways down the road before it ever gets anywhere near you.



    7H15 M3554G3

    53RV35 7O PR0V3

    H0W 0UR M1ND5 C4N

    D0 4M4Z1NG 7H1NG5!

    1MPR3551V3 7H1NG5!

    1N 7H3 B3G1NN1NG

    17 WA5 H4RD BU7

    N0W, 0N 7H15 LIN3

    Y0UR M1ND 1S

    R34D1NG 17

    4U70M471C4LLY

    W17H 0U7 3V3N

    7H1NK1NG 4B0U7 17,

    B3 PROUD! 0NLY

    C3R741N P30PL3 C4N

    R3AD 7H15.

    PL3453 F0RW4RD 1F

    U C4N R34D 7H15.

    wow...cool
    At first glance, I didn't think it made sense, or that I would be able to figure it out. And then I just started to read and it all made sense and flowed so easily. So my question is what defines the certain people can read it?

    Bubbs
  • garym
    garym Member Posts: 1,647
    Bubbs21 said:

    wow...cool
    At first glance, I didn't think it made sense, or that I would be able to figure it out. And then I just started to read and it all made sense and flowed so easily. So my question is what defines the certain people can read it?

    Bubbs

    Can you read this?
    You don't have to be demented...but it helps!
  • alice124
    alice124 Member Posts: 896
    garym said:

    Can you read this?
    You don't have to be demented...but it helps!

    oops

    oops
  • alice124
    alice124 Member Posts: 896
    garym said:

    Can you read this?
    You don't have to be demented...but it helps!

    Can you read this?
    Bubb's right; at first it looks like nonsense, then you brain and/or eyes adjust, and whamo. Great job Gary. Here's one I just received. I loved the factual info too!

    _______________________

    A guy walked into the local welfare office to pick up his check. He marched straight up to the counter and said, “Hi.. You know…., I just HATE drawing welfare. I’d really rather have a job.”

    The social worker behind the counter said, “Your timing is excellent. We just got a job opening from a very wealthy old man who wants a Chauffeur and bodyguard for his beautiful daughter. You’ll have to drive around in his 2011 Mercedes-Benz CL, and he will supply all of your clothes.”

    “Because of the long hours, meals will be provided. You’ll also be expected to escort the daughter on her overseas holiday trips. This is rather awkward to say but you will also have as part of your job assignment to satisfy her sexual urges as the daughter is in her mid-20’s and has a rather strong sex drive.”

    The guy, just plain wide-eyed, said, “You’re bullshitin’ me!”


    The social worker said, “Yeah, well … You started it.”
  • foxhd
    foxhd Member Posts: 3,181
    alice124 said:

    oops

    oops

    Now Alice
    That's twice I've read naughty thoughts and words from you. I'm so embarassed. COOL!!!!!!!!!
    Bubs....Funny stuff. Gary has competition.

    Gary, hold the starch!

    I've got no jokes. I'm ashamed.
  • alice124
    alice124 Member Posts: 896
    foxhd said:

    Now Alice
    That's twice I've read naughty thoughts and words from you. I'm so embarassed. COOL!!!!!!!!!
    Bubs....Funny stuff. Gary has competition.

    Gary, hold the starch!

    I've got no jokes. I'm ashamed.

    Phone call?
    Fox-

    Any word about MRI? Sorry to interrupt this thread but didn't want to start new thread.
  • foxhd
    foxhd Member Posts: 3,181
    alice124 said:

    Phone call?
    Fox-

    Any word about MRI? Sorry to interrupt this thread but didn't want to start new thread.

    no answer yet
    I can wait.I don't need to spoil a nice long weekend. The results aren't that important to me. Except that my pain has been a little less. Maybe that means no radiation?
  • alice124
    alice124 Member Posts: 896
    foxhd said:

    no answer yet
    I can wait.I don't need to spoil a nice long weekend. The results aren't that important to me. Except that my pain has been a little less. Maybe that means no radiation?

    Love that attitude
    You're like a young Clint Eastwood daring those cancer cells to try and stop you with your "MAKE MY DAY" attitude. Love it. Have a wonderful Labor Day weekend.
  • Texas_wedge
    Texas_wedge Member Posts: 2,798
    alice124 said:

    Love that attitude
    You're like a young Clint Eastwood daring those cancer cells to try and stop you with your "MAKE MY DAY" attitude. Love it. Have a wonderful Labor Day weekend.

    Attitude
    Gary, Kathy, Clint, Celia ... all over that side of The Pond, y'all have a great Labor Day weekend!
  • garym
    garym Member Posts: 1,647
    Going golfing tomorrow so Friday comes early this week...
    How Adam got Eve;


    Adam was hanging around the garden of Eden feeling very lonely.

    So, God asked him, 'What's wrong with you?'

    Adam said he didn't have anyone to talk to.

    God said that He was going to make Adam a companion
    and that it would be a woman.

    He said, 'This pretty lady will gather food for you, she will cook for you,
    and when you discover clothing, she will wash it for you


    She will always agree with every decision you make and she will not nag you,
    and will always be the first to admit she was wrong when you've had a disagreement.

    She will praise you!

    She will bear your children.
    and never ask you to get up in the middle of the night to take care of them.

    'She will NEVER have a headache and will freely give you love and
    passion whenever you need it.'

    Adam asked God, 'What will a woman like this cost?'

    God replied, 'An arm and a leg.'

    Then Adam asked, 'What can I get for a rib?'

    Of course the rest is history............!!!!
  • garym
    garym Member Posts: 1,647
    garym said:

    Going golfing tomorrow so Friday comes early this week...
    How Adam got Eve;


    Adam was hanging around the garden of Eden feeling very lonely.

    So, God asked him, 'What's wrong with you?'

    Adam said he didn't have anyone to talk to.

    God said that He was going to make Adam a companion
    and that it would be a woman.

    He said, 'This pretty lady will gather food for you, she will cook for you,
    and when you discover clothing, she will wash it for you


    She will always agree with every decision you make and she will not nag you,
    and will always be the first to admit she was wrong when you've had a disagreement.

    She will praise you!

    She will bear your children.
    and never ask you to get up in the middle of the night to take care of them.

    'She will NEVER have a headache and will freely give you love and
    passion whenever you need it.'

    Adam asked God, 'What will a woman like this cost?'

    God replied, 'An arm and a leg.'

    Then Adam asked, 'What can I get for a rib?'

    Of course the rest is history............!!!!

    4 Husbands
    The local news station was interviewing an 80-year-old lady because she had just gotten married for the fourth time. The interviewer asked her questions about her life, about what it felt like to be marrying again at 80, and then about her new husband's occupation.



    "He's a funeral director,"she answered. "Interesting," the newsman thought.

    He then asked her if she wouldn't mind telling him a little about her first three husbands and what they did for a living.



    She paused for a few moments, needing time to reflect on all those years. after a short time, a smile came to her face and she answered proudly, explaining that she had first married a banker when she was in her 20's, then a circus ringmaster when in her 40's, and a preacher when in her 60's, and now - in her 80's - a funeral director. The interviewer looked at her, quite astonished, and asked how she came to marry four men with such diverse careers.


    She smiled and explained, "Well, I guess I married one for the money, two for the show, three to get ready, and four to go."............
  • rae_rae
    rae_rae Member Posts: 300
    garym said:

    4 Husbands
    The local news station was interviewing an 80-year-old lady because she had just gotten married for the fourth time. The interviewer asked her questions about her life, about what it felt like to be marrying again at 80, and then about her new husband's occupation.



    "He's a funeral director,"she answered. "Interesting," the newsman thought.

    He then asked her if she wouldn't mind telling him a little about her first three husbands and what they did for a living.



    She paused for a few moments, needing time to reflect on all those years. after a short time, a smile came to her face and she answered proudly, explaining that she had first married a banker when she was in her 20's, then a circus ringmaster when in her 40's, and a preacher when in her 60's, and now - in her 80's - a funeral director. The interviewer looked at her, quite astonished, and asked how she came to marry four men with such diverse careers.


    She smiled and explained, "Well, I guess I married one for the money, two for the show, three to get ready, and four to go."............

    It's almost Friday
    In light of the recent posts about saving your post as you type it, I thought this was appropriate. I always remember this joke because of my personal experience with a college paper (I went back to college when I was 40) in a research class that I worked on until 1AM, including statistics, pie charts and spreadsheets. I was so proud of myself and then my computer (remember dial up and Windows 98?) froze - I hadn't saved anything!! I lost the entire paper and sat up until 6AM trying to retype it. It is never the same the second time around. Anyhow, here goes...one of my personal favorites.

    Jesus and Satan have a discussion as to who is the better programmer. This goes on for a few hours until they come to an agreement to hold a contest, with God as the judge.

    They sit themselves at their computers and begin. They type furiously, lines of code streaming up the screen, for several hours straight. Seconds before the end of the competition, a bolt of lightning strikes, taking out the electricity. Moments later, the power is restored, and God announces that the contest is over.

    He asks Satan to show what he has come up with. Satan is visibly upset, and cries, "I have nothing. I lost it all when the power went out."

    "Very well, then," says God, "let us see if Jesus fared any better."

    Jesus enters a command, and the screen comes to life in vivid display, the voices of an angelic choir pour forth from the speakers. Satan is astonished.

    He stutters, "B-b-but how? I lost everything, yet Jesus' program is intact. How did he do it?"



    God smiled all-knowingly, "Jesus saves."
  • garym
    garym Member Posts: 1,647
    rae_rae said:

    It's almost Friday
    In light of the recent posts about saving your post as you type it, I thought this was appropriate. I always remember this joke because of my personal experience with a college paper (I went back to college when I was 40) in a research class that I worked on until 1AM, including statistics, pie charts and spreadsheets. I was so proud of myself and then my computer (remember dial up and Windows 98?) froze - I hadn't saved anything!! I lost the entire paper and sat up until 6AM trying to retype it. It is never the same the second time around. Anyhow, here goes...one of my personal favorites.

    Jesus and Satan have a discussion as to who is the better programmer. This goes on for a few hours until they come to an agreement to hold a contest, with God as the judge.

    They sit themselves at their computers and begin. They type furiously, lines of code streaming up the screen, for several hours straight. Seconds before the end of the competition, a bolt of lightning strikes, taking out the electricity. Moments later, the power is restored, and God announces that the contest is over.

    He asks Satan to show what he has come up with. Satan is visibly upset, and cries, "I have nothing. I lost it all when the power went out."

    "Very well, then," says God, "let us see if Jesus fared any better."

    Jesus enters a command, and the screen comes to life in vivid display, the voices of an angelic choir pour forth from the speakers. Satan is astonished.

    He stutters, "B-b-but how? I lost everything, yet Jesus' program is intact. How did he do it?"



    God smiled all-knowingly, "Jesus saves."

    To all of my cracked pot friends...
    An elderly Chinese woman had two large pots, each hung on the ends of a pole which she carried across her neck to fetch water for the day.

    One of the pots had a crack in it while the other pot was perfect and always delivered a full portion of water.

    At the end of the long walks from the stream to the house, the cracked pot arrived only half full.

    For a full two years this went on daily, with the woman bringing home only one and a half pots of water.

    Of course, the perfect pot was proud of its accomplishments.

    But the poor cracked pot was ashamed of its own imperfection, and miserable that it could only do half of what it had been made to do.

    After two years of what it perceived to be bitter failure, it spoke to the woman one day by the stream.

    "I am ashamed of myself, because this crack in my side causes water to leak out all the way back to your house.

    The old woman smiled, "Did you notice that there are flowers on your side of the path, but not on the other pot's side?"

    '"That's because I have always known about your flaw, so I planted flower seeds on your side of the path, and every day while we walk back, you water them."

    For two years I have been able to pick these beautiful flowers to decorate the table.

    Without you being just the way you are, there would not be this beauty to grace the house.'

    Each of us has our own unique flaw. But it's the cracks and flaws we each have that make our lives together so very interesting and rewarding.

    You've just got to take each person for what they are and look for the good in them.

    So, to all of my cracked pot friends, have a great day and remember to smell the flowers on your side of the path!

    I love you guys!!!