New to Kidney Cancer - dealing with new emotions

Bubbs21
Bubbs21 Member Posts: 47
edited July 2012 in Kidney Cancer #1
Good day,

I thought I understood the emotion of cancer, having lost my paternal grandfather to lung cancer, my father to multiple mylenoma and my mother to lung cancer. However, after 6 months of investigation for hypertension, an abdominal CT with and without contrast showed liver cysts and 2 solid mass tumours on the left kidney deemed likely RCC. As the cardiologist advised me that my neurological, cardiac and lung functions were normal, I was thrilled. He proceeded to read portions of the CT report to me and explain that as the CT was only of the upper abdomen, that a full MRI or CT is required to determine if there were metastic tumours. He proceeded to tell me that he would refer me to an oncologist and order the MRI. He asked if I wanted a note to be off work, while we sort things out. I didn't understand and just smiled. I took it in and am surprised that I remember any details. That was friday. I have since gotten a copy of the CT report. The masses are 2cm in size.

So here is my question. I understand the physical issues. It is the emotional. Should I be working? I feel able one moment and an emotional mess the next. I can focus for an hour and then can't remember anything the next. I can't sleep and am afraid of the dark (new experience).

Insights and advice are appreciated.
«13

Comments

  • icemantoo
    icemantoo Member Posts: 3,360 Member
    I sure was scared
    Bubbs21,

    I sure was scared Sh--less when at age 59 I was told I had Kidney Cancer from what I thought were routine tests. And with 2 separate tumors of 2 cm you are no doubt facing a left nepherectomy (removal of the left kidney) which is major surgery. Not fun. I did not enjoy it either. And likely RCC for statistical purposes means that there is a very high probability that it is cancer. So what.


    At 2 cm and even 2 cm x 2 on the same Kidney you are one lucky person. Your cure rate for a 2 or 4 cm tumor from the surgery alone is close to 100% and I doubt that the second tumor on the same kidney is going to reduce that number although it likely will reduce your option to a full nepherectomy which is what I had 10 years ago next week.


    As far as work, keep busy. you are going to have a month or 2 to rest after the surgery. Take some time to read a lot of the stories and posts on this board. With the size of your tumors you are joining our club with a lot less baggage than most of our members. After you have the surgery you can tell people that you had Cancer, not that you have it. We even tell jokes on this boaed to manage things easier.

    Now ours is a very special group with only 3% of the Cancers. Unless it spreads (which yours should not) we stay away from Chemo and drugs after the surgery.

    My wife tried to get me to relax in the month before the surgery and took me to a B&B on the Canadian side of Lake Huron. And then to dinner at the nicest British restaurant in town. Eveything was great until thaey brought out the featured menu items on the cart. You guessed it- kidney pie. Our emotions do tend to get the better of us.

    If I can get thru this anybody can,

    Icemantoo
  • garym
    garym Member Posts: 1,647
    Welcome aboard...
    Hi Bubbs,

    "You have cancer and need surgery." its the price of admission to the roller coaster ride of emotion you are now on, everyone here understands what you are going through and will help you get through it, there is a solid base of knowledgeable and compassionate people here, welcome to the club.

    What you are feeling is absolutely normal, most likely you are seeing only the negative sides of it, this is normal too. You can turn it around, you are extremely fortunate that it has been caught early, it doesn't feel like it yet, but you've just won the lottery. Compared to what most cancer patients must endure to survive this surgery is a very small price to pay, begin looking forward to it with great anticipation as the life giving gift that it is. The best way to keep those inner demons at bay is to stay busy, so poor yourself into work like never before, catch up on all the projects you've been putting off around the house, make preparations now that will ease your recovery when you get home from the hospital, start a new diet and exercise program, in short, stay as busy as you can for as long as you can every day, this will all be behind you before you know it.

    In time all the fear and bad emotions do fade, it has been nearly 3 years for me and I can tell you that it changed my life for the better, it will do the same for you, I promise. I encourage you to read our stories, ask questions, or come here to vent when you need to, we understand and we'll help you any way we can. Keep us posted.

    Good luck and Godspeed,

    Gary
  • Bubbs21
    Bubbs21 Member Posts: 47
    garym said:

    Welcome aboard...
    Hi Bubbs,

    "You have cancer and need surgery." its the price of admission to the roller coaster ride of emotion you are now on, everyone here understands what you are going through and will help you get through it, there is a solid base of knowledgeable and compassionate people here, welcome to the club.

    What you are feeling is absolutely normal, most likely you are seeing only the negative sides of it, this is normal too. You can turn it around, you are extremely fortunate that it has been caught early, it doesn't feel like it yet, but you've just won the lottery. Compared to what most cancer patients must endure to survive this surgery is a very small price to pay, begin looking forward to it with great anticipation as the life giving gift that it is. The best way to keep those inner demons at bay is to stay busy, so poor yourself into work like never before, catch up on all the projects you've been putting off around the house, make preparations now that will ease your recovery when you get home from the hospital, start a new diet and exercise program, in short, stay as busy as you can for as long as you can every day, this will all be behind you before you know it.

    In time all the fear and bad emotions do fade, it has been nearly 3 years for me and I can tell you that it changed my life for the better, it will do the same for you, I promise. I encourage you to read our stories, ask questions, or come here to vent when you need to, we understand and we'll help you any way we can. Keep us posted.

    Good luck and Godspeed,

    Gary

    On the Road to a New Me ?
    I thank you Iceman and Gary for your time, and support. You both have given generously with your responses. It has only been 5 days since I got the test results, but I feel like I have become a walking dictionary and already have a set of vocabulary, that never existed in my world before. I am anzxious to have the referal to the oncologist and to get on with this. Any denial, anger or bargaining is behind me. I am in a stage of acceptance and want to act.

    I have learnt as you both have pointed out, that an early incident and detection is a blessing and the difference not only in treatment but chances of survival. I am also learning that when I am busy I am not focusing on the negative aspects but continuing to live life...which this is all about. My husband and I took steps to improve our health with eating better and being more active over the last 2 years. We will continue together on this journey of self-care and self-improvement.

    My challenge emotionally is that I am exhausted physically and emotionally from the numerous changes and challenges in our lives the last 3 years (care of aligning parents including cancer treatment appointments, and dementia; executing parents estates; loss of other family members; job changes; job loss; son in a motorcycle accident who is still recovering and needing help; relocation to a new community to remain gainfully employed; my own other health problems). It takes every once of my being to get going each day and to deal with the re-starts if I take a break. Once I get going I am fine...exccept, I don't have the stamina I used to have. I know balance is important as is keeping busy. But when you are burnt-out it is not a good starting point.

    On another related matter of emotion, perhaps because I have been limited in what I share with family and friends (I want to have a treatment plan), I find I feel really lonely, and isolated even when I am with a group of people.

    I hold a very senior position in an organization, and need to ensure that I do not loose the confidence of my boss or staff as this unfolds and hence one of the reasons for not disclosing until I have a treatment plan in place.

    On another note, a colleague, not knowing about the situation, shared a link with me. It is Steve Jobs, CEO and co-founder of Apple and Pixar: providing the address at the graduating class at Standford University: "Pursue your dreams and see the opportunities incl in life's setbacks."

    http://www.ted.com/talks/steve_jobs_how_to_live_before_you_die.html

    His perspective on cancer and the life chaning impact it had on him was eye-opening for me.

    Sorry for rambling...this is very theraputic and helps me to organize my thoughts and feelings. I look forward to engaging with everyone on the CSN. In time, perhaps I can give as much as you all do.

    Cheers.
  • DogRescuer
    DogRescuer Member Posts: 52 Member
    Hang in there!
    I think it's good that you're realizing how many life changes have each by itself has taken an emotional toll on you. The cancer diagnosis on top of everything else is overwhelming. Acknowledging this daily will help you give yourself some slack. Take breaks more often, designate someone else to carry some of your load, eat dessert FIRST!

    Now. I'm going to sound like a drug pusher, but here it is. If you were *ever* to deserve some Xanex (relieves anxiety), it just might be now. I don't take them often, but I know it's on the top shelf, if I'm having one of those days. Also, Ambian might help for the sleep issues.

    Go easy on yourself. Come here often and vent. We totally understand what you're going through.
  • vdm13
    vdm13 Member Posts: 47
    Hang in there
    Bubbs,

    Sorry to have you here, but it's a great group of folks here who have already helped me in my new journey. I was diagnosed in April with stage 4 grade IV metastatic RCC. Had my left kidney, adrenal gland, a slice of my spleen and a dozen lymph nodes removed. Now we're working on the mets in my lungs, near my spine and a spot in the other kidney.

    I was floored and devastated by the news. I am only 42 years old, have a loving wife and two little girls, ages 7 and 11, and need to do everything I can to live.

    In my case, I took a few days off to gain my composure, then worked up until the day of the operation. My job - God bless them - gave me all the time I needed to recover and have me on a very flexible schedule as I go thru my treatment. For me, work is an important part of my program. I need the mental challenge and it keeps me occupied. I also spend time meditating, as much as possible with the family, and more time than I probably should researching the monster and how to beat it.

    I too hold an executive position in a large company. I shared the news with my management, of course, but also with my colleagues and direct reports. So me, they make up an important part of my team.

    Not sure where I am going with this, except to try and give you encouragement and to let you know you're not alone. Your report sounds promising and I hope we will hear from you during your recovery and when you report back that you are free of cancer! You will beat the beast!

    Best of luck and Godspeed.

    Vin
  • Bubbs21
    Bubbs21 Member Posts: 47
    vdm13 said:

    Hang in there
    Bubbs,

    Sorry to have you here, but it's a great group of folks here who have already helped me in my new journey. I was diagnosed in April with stage 4 grade IV metastatic RCC. Had my left kidney, adrenal gland, a slice of my spleen and a dozen lymph nodes removed. Now we're working on the mets in my lungs, near my spine and a spot in the other kidney.

    I was floored and devastated by the news. I am only 42 years old, have a loving wife and two little girls, ages 7 and 11, and need to do everything I can to live.

    In my case, I took a few days off to gain my composure, then worked up until the day of the operation. My job - God bless them - gave me all the time I needed to recover and have me on a very flexible schedule as I go thru my treatment. For me, work is an important part of my program. I need the mental challenge and it keeps me occupied. I also spend time meditating, as much as possible with the family, and more time than I probably should researching the monster and how to beat it.

    I too hold an executive position in a large company. I shared the news with my management, of course, but also with my colleagues and direct reports. So me, they make up an important part of my team.

    Not sure where I am going with this, except to try and give you encouragement and to let you know you're not alone. Your report sounds promising and I hope we will hear from you during your recovery and when you report back that you are free of cancer! You will beat the beast!

    Best of luck and Godspeed.

    Vin

    A New Awakening.....
    Wow.....I certainly understand why they refer to it as a journey. With your encouragement and guidance, I am taking additional steps to take care of me and those who are important to me.

    Communication;
    I shared what I know (and don't) with my sisters last night. My son and husband are on a road trip and due back in a week. I have no need to sppoil their trip and time together so, I will update them when they get home. I have a meeting with my boss today and plan to fill him in and assure hime that other than treatment and recovery, that I am there for the organization and the team.
    For others, time will tell.

    Emotions:
    Thanks for the acknowledgement of my cumulative stress from all the life changing events. I have booked an appoitment with a family doctor to seek advice on the anxiety episodes. I also want to look into meditation or exercise such as yoga or tia chi.

    Taking care of the future:
    I realized that I have been delinquent in keeping my will and beneficiaries for insurance policies up to date and will take action to correct that as well. I have also started a list of questions (some from my sisters) to ask when I see the oncologist.

    Waiting is so hard. I know what to expect dp to all the great resources that are available. But until there is a plan, it is hard. Hell I get anxious from boredom. I am too much a tyoe A personality. Maybe this will help me become a recovering type A personality :)

    I know in my heart that the new year will be here in a blink of an eye, the surgery and recovery will be behind me and I will have passed my intiation. After which I can help others who are newly diagnosed.

    Wishing everyone a great day.
  • garym
    garym Member Posts: 1,647
    Bubbs21 said:

    A New Awakening.....
    Wow.....I certainly understand why they refer to it as a journey. With your encouragement and guidance, I am taking additional steps to take care of me and those who are important to me.

    Communication;
    I shared what I know (and don't) with my sisters last night. My son and husband are on a road trip and due back in a week. I have no need to sppoil their trip and time together so, I will update them when they get home. I have a meeting with my boss today and plan to fill him in and assure hime that other than treatment and recovery, that I am there for the organization and the team.
    For others, time will tell.

    Emotions:
    Thanks for the acknowledgement of my cumulative stress from all the life changing events. I have booked an appoitment with a family doctor to seek advice on the anxiety episodes. I also want to look into meditation or exercise such as yoga or tia chi.

    Taking care of the future:
    I realized that I have been delinquent in keeping my will and beneficiaries for insurance policies up to date and will take action to correct that as well. I have also started a list of questions (some from my sisters) to ask when I see the oncologist.

    Waiting is so hard. I know what to expect dp to all the great resources that are available. But until there is a plan, it is hard. Hell I get anxious from boredom. I am too much a tyoe A personality. Maybe this will help me become a recovering type A personality :)

    I know in my heart that the new year will be here in a blink of an eye, the surgery and recovery will be behind me and I will have passed my intiation. After which I can help others who are newly diagnosed.

    Wishing everyone a great day.

    Plan???
    Bubbs,

    Sounds like you have a great plan to me, all that's missing are a few details about kicking RCC's butt and that most certainly will be falling into place very quickly. You are developing a survivors attitude at a faster pace than most, probably that type A thing, I like the phrase "ATTACK WITH EXTREME PREJUDICE!" it says it all for me. Waiting is the hardest part, concentrating on only the positive parts of all that is happening helps a lot, with a bit of practice it is a skill you can develop that will help you all the way through recovery and beyond. You might also check out the MAARS program by Gerald White, it promotes the use of guided imagery to help your immune system identify and destroy cancer cells and it also creates a sense of inner peace that you might find beneficial. Mr. White is a 20+ years RCC survivor who was once given 3 months to live, he has dedicated his life and personal resources to fighting this disease, the program is inspirational and inexpensive.

    Hang in there you are doing great,

    Gary
  • brea588
    brea588 Member Posts: 240
    garym said:

    Plan???
    Bubbs,

    Sounds like you have a great plan to me, all that's missing are a few details about kicking RCC's butt and that most certainly will be falling into place very quickly. You are developing a survivors attitude at a faster pace than most, probably that type A thing, I like the phrase "ATTACK WITH EXTREME PREJUDICE!" it says it all for me. Waiting is the hardest part, concentrating on only the positive parts of all that is happening helps a lot, with a bit of practice it is a skill you can develop that will help you all the way through recovery and beyond. You might also check out the MAARS program by Gerald White, it promotes the use of guided imagery to help your immune system identify and destroy cancer cells and it also creates a sense of inner peace that you might find beneficial. Mr. White is a 20+ years RCC survivor who was once given 3 months to live, he has dedicated his life and personal resources to fighting this disease, the program is inspirational and inexpensive.

    Hang in there you are doing great,

    Gary

    anxiety
    Bubbs, I too am waiting til Aug 28th to have partial neph. of right kidney and I get anxious a lot too. My family doc gave me meds for anxiety that helps a lot. The waiting time is horrible. Some days I am ready to go get it done and others I am very afraid. I too feel lonely even when I try to talk to my husband or sis its like they dont want to hear anything about it. Its as if you dont say anything it will just go away. Im ready to kick this cancer in the butt and get back to what I was doing before all this. You too will be fine. Praying for you.
  • alice124
    alice124 Member Posts: 896 Member
    vdm13 said:

    Hang in there
    Bubbs,

    Sorry to have you here, but it's a great group of folks here who have already helped me in my new journey. I was diagnosed in April with stage 4 grade IV metastatic RCC. Had my left kidney, adrenal gland, a slice of my spleen and a dozen lymph nodes removed. Now we're working on the mets in my lungs, near my spine and a spot in the other kidney.

    I was floored and devastated by the news. I am only 42 years old, have a loving wife and two little girls, ages 7 and 11, and need to do everything I can to live.

    In my case, I took a few days off to gain my composure, then worked up until the day of the operation. My job - God bless them - gave me all the time I needed to recover and have me on a very flexible schedule as I go thru my treatment. For me, work is an important part of my program. I need the mental challenge and it keeps me occupied. I also spend time meditating, as much as possible with the family, and more time than I probably should researching the monster and how to beat it.

    I too hold an executive position in a large company. I shared the news with my management, of course, but also with my colleagues and direct reports. So me, they make up an important part of my team.

    Not sure where I am going with this, except to try and give you encouragement and to let you know you're not alone. Your report sounds promising and I hope we will hear from you during your recovery and when you report back that you are free of cancer! You will beat the beast!

    Best of luck and Godspeed.

    Vin

    your advice to Bubbs
    Great advice Vin. The need of mental challenge is particularly spot-on.

    I hope this finds you kicking butt and taking no prisoners! Be sure to keep us posted on your progress.
  • alice124
    alice124 Member Posts: 896 Member
    brea588 said:

    anxiety
    Bubbs, I too am waiting til Aug 28th to have partial neph. of right kidney and I get anxious a lot too. My family doc gave me meds for anxiety that helps a lot. The waiting time is horrible. Some days I am ready to go get it done and others I am very afraid. I too feel lonely even when I try to talk to my husband or sis its like they dont want to hear anything about it. Its as if you dont say anything it will just go away. Im ready to kick this cancer in the butt and get back to what I was doing before all this. You too will be fine. Praying for you.

    anxiety
    brea,

    The waiting is horrible. For me, the caretaker, and John, the patient, that's the hardest.

    Sit your husband and sister down and let them know how you feel (like you feel they don't want to talk about it). I'm sure they don't mean to make you feel that way, but--in many cases--people think that by recognizing the cancer, it empowers the cancer. But that's not true at all. By talking about the cancer and getting it out in the open, it empowers YOU and that empowerment makes you stronger and more prepared to fight.

    Make sure they know that. Believe it or not, talking about it is important for their mental attitude too. Keep us posted.
  • alice124
    alice124 Member Posts: 896 Member
    Bubbs21 said:

    On the Road to a New Me ?
    I thank you Iceman and Gary for your time, and support. You both have given generously with your responses. It has only been 5 days since I got the test results, but I feel like I have become a walking dictionary and already have a set of vocabulary, that never existed in my world before. I am anzxious to have the referal to the oncologist and to get on with this. Any denial, anger or bargaining is behind me. I am in a stage of acceptance and want to act.

    I have learnt as you both have pointed out, that an early incident and detection is a blessing and the difference not only in treatment but chances of survival. I am also learning that when I am busy I am not focusing on the negative aspects but continuing to live life...which this is all about. My husband and I took steps to improve our health with eating better and being more active over the last 2 years. We will continue together on this journey of self-care and self-improvement.

    My challenge emotionally is that I am exhausted physically and emotionally from the numerous changes and challenges in our lives the last 3 years (care of aligning parents including cancer treatment appointments, and dementia; executing parents estates; loss of other family members; job changes; job loss; son in a motorcycle accident who is still recovering and needing help; relocation to a new community to remain gainfully employed; my own other health problems). It takes every once of my being to get going each day and to deal with the re-starts if I take a break. Once I get going I am fine...exccept, I don't have the stamina I used to have. I know balance is important as is keeping busy. But when you are burnt-out it is not a good starting point.

    On another related matter of emotion, perhaps because I have been limited in what I share with family and friends (I want to have a treatment plan), I find I feel really lonely, and isolated even when I am with a group of people.

    I hold a very senior position in an organization, and need to ensure that I do not loose the confidence of my boss or staff as this unfolds and hence one of the reasons for not disclosing until I have a treatment plan in place.

    On another note, a colleague, not knowing about the situation, shared a link with me. It is Steve Jobs, CEO and co-founder of Apple and Pixar: providing the address at the graduating class at Standford University: "Pursue your dreams and see the opportunities incl in life's setbacks."

    http://www.ted.com/talks/steve_jobs_how_to_live_before_you_die.html

    His perspective on cancer and the life chaning impact it had on him was eye-opening for me.

    Sorry for rambling...this is very theraputic and helps me to organize my thoughts and feelings. I look forward to engaging with everyone on the CSN. In time, perhaps I can give as much as you all do.

    Cheers.

    New me
    Bubbs,

    I'm late in responding to your postings, but it looks like you've received some great advice here, and I'm hoping that advice has aided you in handling all this. I also hope your talk with your son and husband goes well. Make sure they understand you need to get this out and be able to talk about it.

    I saw your plan and I'm betting your "to do" lists are off the charts. I can see how very organized you are and how HARD trying to relax is going to be for you. But take the great advice you've been given from Vin, Brea, Ice, Gary, and Dog Rescuer. Take care of you. I personally think you should work as long as you are able to do so. Keeping that mental edge is important.

    I have a friend who many years ago was diagnosed with breast cancer. Even though her diagnosis was severe, treatment was available which she started. At the same time, she decided to leave work and spend all her waking moments with her family and her young grandchildren, which is fine if it is what YOU need. A few months later I met her for lunch. Before the appetizer was over, I said to her, "You need to get back to work. I feel like I'm having lunch with Mary Poppins."

    She had changed from a professional woman to a Disney character, vocabulary, interests, everything. Once I said it, she just stared for a moment and then we both broke down into a cry and laugh hysteria. She admitted that she wasn't doing what she wanted to do but what she thought others expected of her. She said she was "trying to be a good grandmother so her grandchildren would remember her fondly." She admitted, however, that she was suffering from a lack of mental stimulation. I told her to "Get back to work, make more money, and increase your grandchildrens' inheritance. They will remember you more fondly."
    (I wasn't being harsh, we talked like that to each other.) Bottom line, she did go back to work and after not too long a time, she went into remission. I think mental attitude and clarity is an important piece of the puzzle in your fight to beat cancer.

    Good luck to you in your fight. Kick it!
  • brea588
    brea588 Member Posts: 240
    alice124 said:

    anxiety
    brea,

    The waiting is horrible. For me, the caretaker, and John, the patient, that's the hardest.

    Sit your husband and sister down and let them know how you feel (like you feel they don't want to talk about it). I'm sure they don't mean to make you feel that way, but--in many cases--people think that by recognizing the cancer, it empowers the cancer. But that's not true at all. By talking about the cancer and getting it out in the open, it empowers YOU and that empowerment makes you stronger and more prepared to fight.

    Make sure they know that. Believe it or not, talking about it is important for their mental attitude too. Keep us posted.

    anxiety
    He told me he listens but is so very scared himself he finds it hard to talk about. I understand that. He is there for me i know that. we have been married 39 years and we have always leaned each other and im sure we will continue too. Thanks for ur reply and concern.
  • Bubbs21
    Bubbs21 Member Posts: 47
    alice124 said:

    your advice to Bubbs
    Great advice Vin. The need of mental challenge is particularly spot-on.

    I hope this finds you kicking butt and taking no prisoners! Be sure to keep us posted on your progress.

    Beach house, BBQ, Bocci ball, Boating, ........
    Friends, family, frolicking on the beach, fantastic lobster Church dinners, fiddling, funny moments, fireside chats, fishing for tuna, fabulous moonshine, friendly and peaceful cottage...

    I just spent a week with friends and family, on the shores of Prince Edward Island. It was the best holiday ever and better than any therapy a doctor could have ordered. I also have started a really low dose anti-anxiety medication. I feel the best I have in years. I am back to work next week for that mental challenge.

    The hopefully the wait for surgery won't be too long (still waiting on a date). As my dad used to say, 'don't wish your life away'. So I am trying to find value in each and every day. My new motto is 'live today like its your last, but make decisions that make for a better tomorrow.'

    Thanks to all for your sharing and support to each other.
  • Texas_wedge
    Texas_wedge Member Posts: 2,798
    Bubbs21 said:

    Beach house, BBQ, Bocci ball, Boating, ........
    Friends, family, frolicking on the beach, fantastic lobster Church dinners, fiddling, funny moments, fireside chats, fishing for tuna, fabulous moonshine, friendly and peaceful cottage...

    I just spent a week with friends and family, on the shores of Prince Edward Island. It was the best holiday ever and better than any therapy a doctor could have ordered. I also have started a really low dose anti-anxiety medication. I feel the best I have in years. I am back to work next week for that mental challenge.

    The hopefully the wait for surgery won't be too long (still waiting on a date). As my dad used to say, 'don't wish your life away'. So I am trying to find value in each and every day. My new motto is 'live today like its your last, but make decisions that make for a better tomorrow.'

    Thanks to all for your sharing and support to each other.

    Managing emotions
    Sounds like a lot of b'ing and f 'ing you got up to - must have been a great trip.

    In only a fortnight or so since you started this thread, you really seem to have got it taped and the surgery and recovery will be a cakewalk with your new-found balanced and positive take on life. It's all going to be fine.
  • Texas_wedge
    Texas_wedge Member Posts: 2,798

    Managing emotions
    Sounds like a lot of b'ing and f 'ing you got up to - must have been a great trip.

    In only a fortnight or so since you started this thread, you really seem to have got it taped and the surgery and recovery will be a cakewalk with your new-found balanced and positive take on life. It's all going to be fine.

    Emotional self-management
    I've come to believe that one of the outstanding values of forums like this is the wisdom posters can impart about how to deal with the emotional issues.

    For instance, the posts above by Alice (her memorable lunch with Mary Poppins) Vin, carrying his work colleagues with him, and Bubbs, drawing on such narratives to put her personal plan in place, all supply re-assurance, inspiration and support that are of incalculable value. Even professional counsellors can't offer that sort of assistance (unless they've been there themselves as either a patient or a carer).

    The role of the plumbers, and the electricians is critical, of course, but it's all too easy to overlook how crucial it is to get the emotional management right and that's where family and friends and forums like this are so absolutely priceless.
  • Bubbs21
    Bubbs21 Member Posts: 47

    Emotional self-management
    I've come to believe that one of the outstanding values of forums like this is the wisdom posters can impart about how to deal with the emotional issues.

    For instance, the posts above by Alice (her memorable lunch with Mary Poppins) Vin, carrying his work colleagues with him, and Bubbs, drawing on such narratives to put her personal plan in place, all supply re-assurance, inspiration and support that are of incalculable value. Even professional counsellors can't offer that sort of assistance (unless they've been there themselves as either a patient or a carer).

    The role of the plumbers, and the electricians is critical, of course, but it's all too easy to overlook how crucial it is to get the emotional management right and that's where family and friends and forums like this are so absolutely priceless.

    Couldn't have said it better..Thanks Texas Wedge.
    Unfortuatnely this is my third time around seeking support from a discussion forum for cancer. The first was when my dad was diagnosed with Multiple Mylenoma in 2008 and then when my mom was diagnosed with Lung Cancer in 2009. The value of the forums whether about treatments, nutrition, post-op tricks or just a community of emotional support, the value is incredible and understated.

    There is such a huge footprint of knowledge and experience in the history of this forum. It is incredible. Each of us whether we have questions or answers, continue to weave the quilt of community support. I am rambling....I pray to have the strength and where with all to fight, keep my dignity, and my quality of life as so many of you do each and every day.
  • Bubbs21
    Bubbs21 Member Posts: 47
    Bubbs21 said:

    Beach house, BBQ, Bocci ball, Boating, ........
    Friends, family, frolicking on the beach, fantastic lobster Church dinners, fiddling, funny moments, fireside chats, fishing for tuna, fabulous moonshine, friendly and peaceful cottage...

    I just spent a week with friends and family, on the shores of Prince Edward Island. It was the best holiday ever and better than any therapy a doctor could have ordered. I also have started a really low dose anti-anxiety medication. I feel the best I have in years. I am back to work next week for that mental challenge.

    The hopefully the wait for surgery won't be too long (still waiting on a date). As my dad used to say, 'don't wish your life away'. So I am trying to find value in each and every day. My new motto is 'live today like its your last, but make decisions that make for a better tomorrow.'

    Thanks to all for your sharing and support to each other.

    Crashing on that damn Roller Coaster.....
    So, PEI was fabulous...but seems like a year ago already. The luster of the trip has worn-off quickly and life has set in again. The good news is that my pre-op is scheduled for Aug 29th. However, I have no date for my operation and the surgeon and his staff are on holidays until August 30th. Keeping my fingers crossed that the partial laprascopic nephrectomy (man that's a mouthful) will be in Sept. I know it is my priority. Can't help think about a group trip to Punta Cana that I have booked and paid for for Oct 19-26. I would hate to miss it or disappoint others if I wasn't able to go. So hoping for the surgery really soon :)

    Since being back from holidays and on to the normal routine, it has been nothing but normal. The anti-anxiety meds are helping. I have reduced the caffiene in my diet as it was making me squirrly. I pee often, break out in sweats, have facial whitches on the left side of my face, am agitated, anxious and pace constantly, have brain fog, forget even the most important things, am lethargic, sleep deeply and frequently, blood pressure is averaging 95/60. I find myself lonely and avoiding social and work interactions. With family, I find I am reassuring them, and it is soooo draining. Sorry for the rant...thanks for listening and being there.

    I just need to get on with this...
  • garym
    garym Member Posts: 1,647
    Bubbs21 said:

    Crashing on that damn Roller Coaster.....
    So, PEI was fabulous...but seems like a year ago already. The luster of the trip has worn-off quickly and life has set in again. The good news is that my pre-op is scheduled for Aug 29th. However, I have no date for my operation and the surgeon and his staff are on holidays until August 30th. Keeping my fingers crossed that the partial laprascopic nephrectomy (man that's a mouthful) will be in Sept. I know it is my priority. Can't help think about a group trip to Punta Cana that I have booked and paid for for Oct 19-26. I would hate to miss it or disappoint others if I wasn't able to go. So hoping for the surgery really soon :)

    Since being back from holidays and on to the normal routine, it has been nothing but normal. The anti-anxiety meds are helping. I have reduced the caffiene in my diet as it was making me squirrly. I pee often, break out in sweats, have facial whitches on the left side of my face, am agitated, anxious and pace constantly, have brain fog, forget even the most important things, am lethargic, sleep deeply and frequently, blood pressure is averaging 95/60. I find myself lonely and avoiding social and work interactions. With family, I find I am reassuring them, and it is soooo draining. Sorry for the rant...thanks for listening and being there.

    I just need to get on with this...

    Almost there...
    Hi Bubbs,

    Sounds like everything is running normal to the process most of us go through with the emotional swings, social avoidance, staying strong for those closest to you, all mixed together with a dose of fear and anxiety, ain't this a fun ride??? It is good that you were able to enjoy PEI and that you have Punta Cana to look forward to, (even if surgery isn't until mid September you'll be fine in time) I predict that the next few weeks will be no more than an unpleasant memory by the time you arrive. Concentrate on staying positive and keeping busy, this will all be behind you before you know it, I promise.

    Hang in there,

    Gary
  • Bubbs21
    Bubbs21 Member Posts: 47
    garym said:

    Almost there...
    Hi Bubbs,

    Sounds like everything is running normal to the process most of us go through with the emotional swings, social avoidance, staying strong for those closest to you, all mixed together with a dose of fear and anxiety, ain't this a fun ride??? It is good that you were able to enjoy PEI and that you have Punta Cana to look forward to, (even if surgery isn't until mid September you'll be fine in time) I predict that the next few weeks will be no more than an unpleasant memory by the time you arrive. Concentrate on staying positive and keeping busy, this will all be behind you before you know it, I promise.

    Hang in there,

    Gary

    Thanks Gary.
    I appreciate the honest perspective and gentle knudge. You Rock!

    I guess as a person who normally feels in control, this is challenging me and becoming a growth experience - in that I am hopefully will learn how to deal with things that I can't control....

    It is a shame that doctors don't have insight to this or make recommendations for managing emotions from the get go.

    THANKS FOR LISTENING.
  • Texas_wedge
    Texas_wedge Member Posts: 2,798
    Bubbs21 said:

    Thanks Gary.
    I appreciate the honest perspective and gentle knudge. You Rock!

    I guess as a person who normally feels in control, this is challenging me and becoming a growth experience - in that I am hopefully will learn how to deal with things that I can't control....

    It is a shame that doctors don't have insight to this or make recommendations for managing emotions from the get go.

    THANKS FOR LISTENING.

    BP
    Just a thought - you've experienced wild fluctuations in BP during this year - 198/103 in February and now around 95/60; do you know what causes this? Even young as you are, a pulse pressure of almost 100 was pretty scary! Your figures now are maybe a shade low? With that much variation it doesn't surprise me that you feel a bit lacking in control at times.

    Your op will be plain sailing and you should, as Gary says, be well up for that trip in October. You're going to be fine.