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my sister

jjaj133's picture
jjaj133
Posts: 869
Joined: Mar 2011

I am back and i need some advice. i buried my 58 yr. old niece a month ago. Today i get the call about my sister. She is 60 yrs old and fighting brain cancer. Now it is all through her. They are sending her home. She is in PA and i am in Florida.
I read how brave everyone here is and I pray when my time comes I will be too. But for her, I cant be brave, I don't know how to comfort her or my other sister. we all just met last summer. (adoption) she was supposed to come down here to rest and celebrate the end of her radiation treatments.
I am simply devastated and will pull myself together but, right now i am furious for all the pain this freakin disease causes.
Thanks for listening.
Judy

Lovekitties's picture
Lovekitties
Posts: 3372
Joined: Jan 2010

So very sorry to hear about your sister.

I know that losing her so soon after finding her is very difficult, but remind yourself and your sisters how blessed you are to have found each other at all and to have had a chance to meet.

If you have access to a video camera and your sister has a player, you could film your message for her letting her know how much you care. If you don't then call and let her hear your voice.

The most comfort to most comes in the form of knowing that others care.

Prayers for you all,

Marie who loves kitties

jjaj133's picture
jjaj133
Posts: 869
Joined: Mar 2011

Thank you Marie.

Sundanceh's picture
Sundanceh
Posts: 4408
Joined: Jun 2009

I like the way that Marie said it, Judy - so I'll let her speak for me tonight:)

Keeping you in thought - Life is just plain hard on so many levels - the older we get, the more challenges we must incur and endure...it is difficult even on the best of days.

-Craig

idlehunters's picture
idlehunters
Posts: 1792
Joined: Apr 2009

I am so sorry to hear about your Sis. Damn cancer! Hugs my friend.... I wish I had more to offer

Jennie

jjaj133's picture
jjaj133
Posts: 869
Joined: Mar 2011

Thanks Jennie, I feel your hug.

jjaj133's picture
jjaj133
Posts: 869
Joined: Mar 2011

Thanks Craig, Very true. sadly.

relaxoutdoors08
Posts: 520
Joined: May 2011

Judy,
I am sorry for loss of your niece and now the illness of your sister. You have our support and sympathy. I read your profile and am happy to read you are doing well. Prayers for your continued good health. Hug that beautiful dog and feel comfort from us.
NB

Nana b's picture
Nana b
Posts: 3045
Joined: May 2009

A step at a time and a day at at time. We cancer survivors learn real quick how to be strong, what other choice do we have. Just be there for her and make your days memorable. Laugh! We can laugh. Your sister is blessed to have you!

Feed the body, the right food that has to help with overall beauty.

Hugs!

jjaj133's picture
jjaj133
Posts: 869
Joined: Mar 2011

Thank you Nana b and NB, Your posts made me feel stronger. You have all reminded me why this is the first place I turn to. am so lucky to have found all of you.
Hugs , Judy

danker
Posts: 1282
Joined: Apr 2012

in the book THE ROAD LESS TRAVELED,THO OPENING LINE IS:"LIFE IS DIFFICULT." But when it's over, we die and go to heaven. That is not a bad outcome. I wish you my best

janie1
Posts: 753
Joined: Apr 2011

Judy, I've been thinking about you. Life is soooo hard.
I'm sure your sister feels the love, though. I am glad you all found each other.

jjaj133's picture
jjaj133
Posts: 869
Joined: Mar 2011

Thank you Janie, I appreciate your thoughts and I'm glad we found each other too.
Hugs Judy

jjaj133's picture
jjaj133
Posts: 869
Joined: Mar 2011

Thank you, for your response, so true.
Hugs, Judy

thingy45's picture
thingy45
Posts: 633
Joined: Apr 2011

Hi Judy,
I know how you feel. I have been there. My only sibling died within 5 weeks of diagnoses. I was so mad at him,and also mad at the whole world. However, there is nothing we can do about it.
Cry and yell if that helps you. It will get better with time. I have nothing left then my kids and I am so blessed with them.
One day at a time is it for me and I try to find blessings in the little things.
I see you have a dog, just hold him/her because they are the best friends in the world, pure love.
Hugs, Marjan

jjaj133's picture
jjaj133
Posts: 869
Joined: Mar 2011

Thanks Marjan,
I am working on acceptance and trying to find words of comfort for my sister. I appreciate your post and am so sorry for your loss.
Life really gives a solid sucker punch sometimes.,
Hugs, Judy

herdizziness's picture
herdizziness
Posts: 3642
Joined: Apr 2010

Dear, I don't have a lick of advice, just here for you, the shoulders of mine can handle a bit of a cry, their available. Thinking of you, prayers for both your sister and you.
Winter Marie

jjaj133's picture
jjaj133
Posts: 869
Joined: Mar 2011

Winter Marie, thank you. I appreciate your offer and may take you up on it some day .
I think of all the prayers being said and it warms my heart.
Judy

jjaj133's picture
jjaj133
Posts: 869
Joined: Mar 2011

Winter Marie, thank you. I appreciate your offer and may take you up on it some day .
I think of all the prayers being said and it warms my heart.
Judy

tootsie1's picture
tootsie1
Posts: 5065
Joined: Feb 2008

Oh, Judy.

That's a heartbreaking story, and it does see very unfair. Life seems to be that way sometimes, unfortunately.

I would try to maintain as much contact as you can, either through calling, sending cards, whatever you can do. What you do with the time you have will be the saving grace for you later.

I'm so sorry, dear.

*hugs*
Gail

jjaj133's picture
jjaj133
Posts: 869
Joined: Mar 2011

Thank you Gail, I am going to do the best I can for her with whatever time left. What you say is so true. Plus, she is as sweet as they come and as stubborn as a mule. So I hope she is too stubborn to give in!
Hugs,
Judy

Sundanceh's picture
Sundanceh
Posts: 4408
Joined: Jun 2009

One other thing I might add, Judy...

Life does not play fair as we all know..."The What and the Why's" come into play at different times in our lives and we are simply left to wonder how they all coincide, like one of those thousand-piece jigsaw puzzles...

I would say that although Life has dealt you a harsh blow...the winds of change did put you in touch with one another - and now that you are togethger, you are making the most out of this unexpected opportunity. The other way that this story could have been written, is that neither of you would have found one another and the story would have turned out differently.

People come into our lives at different points - some stay with us a lifetime - while others stop by and help us through a difficult time in our lives....we never which way the wind will blow when "Chance Weds Opportunity."

I've found through this board that one can "Live a Lifetime - In a Short Time."

And both of your lives will be forever entwined - your hearts changed for the better - memories that were captured instead of the one that was never found. It is true that it is better to have known someone - than to never have known them at all.

And while I know this does not make it any easier for you, or ease the hurt you are feeling - and that we feel through you...let's talk about your feelings for a minute...

What you are feeling and what is beginning to wash over you and settle in, are the thoughts of "What Could Have Been" AND "What Should Have Been." This is surely where the tears will come from when all is said and done.

This is where the anger and pain and perhaps even bitterness are stemming from...you lost someone...you found someone...and now faced with the prospect of losing them again...I'm so sorry. Try not to turn to the dark side - I fell into that void and it cost me alot of time. Grieve and weep, but don't turn away from that, which makes you what you are to the people in your life - and to us - and to me.

Let me tell you a story that sort of parallels this...

My only sister was murdered 25-years ago by a 4x serial rapist. We had been separated by our parent's divorce for about a dozen years prior to that and we saw each other sparingly.

She was 6-years old when we split up and lost her life that fateful night at just 18...just a week or two shy of her high-school graduation and her senior prom...I can still her dress hanging on the door that she was to wear. It's such a haunting image, even all of these years later.

While that is not cancer related...loss is loss...and we lost each other though our parent's shortcomings...it cost us most of our relationship...just as she was maturing into a fine young woman, we got to go to the movies a couple of times and we talked deeply...I hang onto those memories, because they are all that I have left.

Her body was so badly mutilated, she was only recognizable by her class ring. At the funeral, the casket was closed - and when that happens, there is a part of us that "Doesn't Get to Say Good-bye." There is a part of us that understands what is happening, but we can't connect the mental dots that our person is gone, because we did not get to see the body.

That seems to be part of the closure process - and when you don't get that, it just leaves this hollow emptiness inside ourselves...

I guess, I'm just trying to say that I understand loss pretty well - and I understand how life does not always work out like we planned or wanted it to...I had a few short memories that I cherish and will hold close to my heart until I die...

And you will have some memories of the time you have spent with your sister...all too brief...but alot of times in life, things are just so far beyond our control...we all live with this illusion that we are in control of our lives - the truth and reality of such thoughts we find are fleeting and the thought of being in control rears its head when we truly find out that certain circumstances can change lives and alter the future one way or the other and that we can't always dictate the flow or the outcome.

Just enjoy one another and build as many memories as you can. And I'll leave you now with last thought in mind....

"Do we measure the quality of our relationships by the days on the calendar - or from the memories that we grasp and hold onto as we walk along the way?"

Love/Craig

Phil64's picture
Phil64
Posts: 839
Joined: Apr 2012

Craig, are you a writer? Thanks for sharing your story and thoughts and emotion.

Judy, I hope you have a million memories to hold onto as you share the time you have left.

And remember, no matter if we have cancer or not, ALL of our time on this great Earth is limited... We will all move on at some point... And I hope, when my time comes, I can be brave and take satisfaction in knowing that I have shared countless memories with Loved ones along the way! Some whom I've known for short times and some whom I have known my entire life...

May God Bless and Keep You Forever,
Phil

jjaj133's picture
jjaj133
Posts: 869
Joined: Mar 2011

Thank you Phil, and yes, Craig is a writer.
The people on this board are always here for us. It is truly a God-send. I am sorry you have to be here, but glad you found us.
I hope I can be brave too.
Judy

jjaj133's picture
jjaj133
Posts: 869
Joined: Mar 2011

How amazing you are.
Thank you for such a caring post. i am so sorry about your sister. I do understand what you are saying. Mary keeps saying God sent me to replace her. I told her no one could do that of course. God sent me to love her.
I was told today the cancer is going into the bone. I am preparing to drive up to PA. The dr. said maybe 3-4 months. I don't think it will be that long. They are having a terrible time relieving her pain. I believe morphine will be the next step.
So I go and take you all with me. I feel the love, and support. I don't know what i would do if i didn't have this board to come to. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.
Judy

pepebcn's picture
pepebcn
Posts: 6352
Joined: Aug 2010

praying for you !
Hugs my dear friend!

jjaj133's picture
jjaj133
Posts: 869
Joined: Mar 2011

thank you dear Pepe,
I am surprised when i open this site that hearts don't come "pouring out." So much support and caring from so many going through such heartache. I am so blessed.
Hugs to you,
Judy

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