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“The Trials and Struggles of This Journey That We Call LIFE” (NEW UPDATE to the UPDATE)

Sundanceh's picture
Sundanceh
Posts: 4408
Joined: Jun 2009

I have much I want to say – much I don’t want to say. Where do I begin?

My thoughts are racing around inside my head like the Indy 500. I wrote this post and a couple of others in my head on the way in this morning and now I can’t put my hands back on ‘em…they’ve sped away – out of sight – out of mind. Some good stuff too….I can’t tell you how many I write in my head that don’t get to the paper quick enough – probably a blessing to all of you that so many of them do not.

Let me try again with some new thoughts – okay, here we go….

Oh, wait…the phone is ringing…”which” business person wants a piece of me now? Oh, good, it’s Kim - okay I can handle that one…or can I? The message is, her scans are back and “she’s got several spots on her thyroid.”

I know:(

The call went out over the “Bat Phone” as I started this post - and immediately Big Billy and I donned our costumes and began playing our roles as “The Dynamic Duo.” We had a woman in tears over here, with fear and trembling in her voice. I had my significant other on the line and I was gonna’ have to talk her down ‘off the ledge’ as I have done with so many of you out there.

Of course, we know not to jump the gun and all of that…BUT…unfortunately, I do see things in ‘black and white’ and the handwriting is on the wall. What am I – stupid? We already know damn well, that these spots are more than likely, our old friend, C A N C E R.

Say it with me.

As always, I’ve got more data to gather before any definitive conclusions can be drawn, but a couple of the signs are pointing this way already. This has been ongoing for the past couple of years with no definite conclusions being drawn.

But, I’ve always found in my life, that where there is smoke – there is indeed, fire. And my life is quickly building to a “Five-Alarm Crescendo” with all of the demands I find at my doorstep. New packages of challenges are arriving daily - and not by UPS or FedEx.

She’s going to get another follow-up scan and we’re going to get the reports and I’m going to look over this one and the new one she does and get some insight as to what we’re facing…growth rate etc etc. They will be checking the ‘uptake value.’ Once I can get a handle on what we’re up against (if we are), then I’ll help her put a plan in place, get some good doctors and try and walk her through whatever she may or may not be facing.

This would be especially troubling for the both of us, should I come back with recurrence #4 in a couple of months. Here would be me possibly facing cancer for the 4th time – Kim looking at it for the 1st time maybe – my dad’s situation deteriorating with each passing breath – and with all of that still to play itself out in the coming weeks and months – and then when it is all finally said and done - having to be the executor of the estate and handle all the responsibilities that come with that.

Kim is my right-hand in a lot of ways – I rely on her and lean on her emotionally to help me take care of the business. Somehow, with her beside me, I feel like we’ve got a chance at anything we face…without her, slogging over Life’s Terrain, would just not be as secure or comforting. It's amazing how we construct our lives with one another - and then try and imagine the picture without them being in it.

A lot of these struggles with my Dad is actually bringing us a little bit closer together – “Misery Loves Company”, it seems. When we’re united and trying to fire on all 8-cylinders, then we are a powerhouse team to reckon with…I see flashbacks to the old days – with our old ways.

Actually, a couple of my dad’s “Adopted Daughters”, who are or were just people in his Bible Sunday School class, have decided to take me to task and have said some things to me, that I thought were inappropriate. This stems from the stories that my dad has told them – that are now coming unraveled as the truth slowly comes out.

Since my dad has kept me “on the outside”, he has been free to perpetuate whatever fantasy version of his life that he wants to portray – nobody to challenge him, so it all becomes ‘the truth’ – or the twisted version of the truth that he sees it from.

It’s like playing both sides against the middle – if one doesn’t talk to the other side, “Perception Becomes 9/10 of the Law.”

So, I’m breaking down those stereotypes and as always – the truth always comes out, no matter how much dirt you try to throw on top of it. Kim and I have been handling things behind the scenes…this w/end was especially productive…in gaining some control and establishing a foothold with all that is going on. We’ve cutoff a lot of the escape routes being used by dad’s ‘runners’ and are trying to secure our position and hold the line.

It seems that what these women have actually done to me is to “Awaken the Sleeping Lion.” And by doing so, they have filled him with a terrible resolve.

There’s all of this typical ‘politics’ being played out and the dynamics of all of these relationships now on a collision course. “The Daughters”, which are nothing more than a sick substitute of my dad’s mind subbing these women to replace my sister, who was murdered, are both in financial hardships and need money…

Last night, I witnessed an Academy Award Winning Performance, but not from the starlets on the silver screen…”The One” who my dad turns to for everything…..here Kim and I spent Saturday (still sick with the crud) cleaning out more of the house until we’re exhausted.

Then, Sunday morning, I get a call from the new nursing home, telling me they called 911 and he was now over at another hospital in the ICU ward. So, Kim and I spent 8-hours yesterday, talking with doctors, checking vitals and dealing with all of that.

But, as soon as “The One” arrived, he dropped us all like a hot potato and just “oohed and awed” over her…..eyes intensely locking on hers, like a schoolboy in love…she walks in like some kind of princess and throws her arms around and starts holding him and stoking him and telling him how much she loves him.

A 40-year old woman that 'loves' an 83-year old man with this type of sickening public display? Or is she just in love with whatever monetary gain she can get from her visits, which are about 4 or more a week...she doesn't work, so that's a pretty good part-time job and a nice payout. And all of this, despite the fact that her own mom is in a nursing home, she has children and a jealous husband – but she still finds time for Dad – because he was such a good Sunday School Teacher?

C'mon! Give me a break…sick, sick, and more sick…just looking at them makes me want to puke. It was so difficult to watch and stand there and have to take it. Dad literally waved us out of the room so she could get to him.

35 minutes later and she was gone though….but Craig and Kim remained didn’t they? Not that it mattered to him – he could care less whether we were there or not.

And he won’t let me handle any of his financial affairs – has me locked out of everything…if he died tomorrow, I don’t have access to even write a check to BURY HIM….that’s going to come as a big shock to his church friends, who are expecting a nice funeral.

He’s left me powerless to help him – I’m being threatened by many of the new business people in my life in relation to his recent health struggles, to make him sign a power of attorney – but he adamantly refuses to do so…so the message to me from those folks who are wanting their money but dad did not set me up to do that is …”get it handled quickly – or the State is coming in to seize his house and his bank accounts – and without warning – and without notice.

And then it’s all over – it’s preventable – it’s sad that’s it comes to this – and yet, I’m supposed to sit there hour after hour and care about this man, who continues to make my life miserable every day of my life.

And the truth is, if he wakes up tomorrow and is ‘dialed out’, then legally, I can’t do anything until he passes – the way God has it going – he continues to punish me through him.

That old Bible saying, “The Son Pays for His Father’s Sins...”…certainly has a ring of truth to me….but here’s the thing…I’m tired of paying! I’ve paid for 50-years with all that I am. I can’t believe I have anything left to give to you guys, but anything I do have inside of me, will go for you.

I ask myself these questions:

“How can I continue to meet the increasing demands placed on me at every turn?”

“Doesn’t the Almighty see that my shoulders are sagging from the strain of this enormous responsibility that I face with my own healthcare and that of my wife’s healthcare and that of my dad’s healthcare and subsequent mop-up when he passes?’

I laugh when I hear the following phrases…

“If God brings you to it – He will get you through it.”

OR

“God never gives us more than we can handle.”

OR

My all-time favorite, “God is Good.”

Really?

That’s the biggest pile of horse dung I’ve ever heard in my life...because if He was paying attention, He would see that I’ve had enough for two lifetimes…just the same as so many of you have…but it seems we always have ‘more’ to go through, doesn’t it?

With close to 8-billion of us spinning on this rock, it would seem that we are on our own - but that's not news to me.

I think that these are the types of things that we say to one another to try and placate our feelings and make it seem like our lives and hardships are “Part of the Greater Whole.”

In this way, it alleviates that sense of burden and frustration that we feel, when we feel like we can’t help or resolve that situation and it becomes so overwhelming to us and we “Need Someone Else” of a higher authority to lay it all off on, so we don’t buckle and break under the strain. Somehow, we feel that this will ‘resolve’ the situation.

But, it doesn’t.

Right now, I’m drowning in an “Ocean of Emotion.” I’m sorry to put this all on you, but if I don’t talk, then I will certainly perish…I’m just a man, after all. I’m talking to my friends and to anyone else, who wants to be my friend.

I think that we all have this innate need to “Unburden Our Souls” at different times in our lives. And I think there is some sort of healing that comes from shouting it from the highest rooftop that we can find. There is a degree of healing that comes from that.

And I think that comes from the fact that by releasing those frustrations and emotions from within us and proclaiming it ‘publically’ and in front of the world, that is has more to do with a liberating and freeing effect that cannot be equaled through any other medium.

And that by not being able to say it with those “closest to us” for reasons of ‘social taboo’ or whatnot, or at least having the ability to talk about it here with each other can have some profound effects on one another – it draws us closer with one another – it shows us that each of us is comprised of flesh and blood and feelings…and it has a uniting affect on all of us.

Because, we find that it is something that we can relate to – it may have happened to us or still could, so it resonates that common chord we all carry and we rally to one another’s defense, because we see the day where that person could be us.

And perhaps more importantly, it’s the simple PRIMAL sensation of saying, “I’m hurting – I’m in pain – but with each one of you standing with me – I will be okay again one day.”

That’s the Biggest Gift that we can ever give to one another – our first and true purpose lies there…it’s right in front of us, all we have to do is act upon it. Taking care of each other should be all of our top priorities – because we are the ones who we are living and breathing with today – and today is all that we’ve got – and the people here and in our lives, are the people that we have here this very second…we can’t go back and we can’t go forward…we must be with those that we have today – because that’s all we’re ever gonna’ have.

David Gilmour of Pink Floyd said it best when he sang the phrase, “All You Touch – and All You See – Is All Your Life Will Ever Be.”

I’ve been waiting a year to be able to write this phrase in its proper context, LOL!

Should I recur again, I’ll give you a heads up, because for many of you, “You’ll have to lock up your back doors – and run for your lives.”

LOL!

See, there is still come “Craig” left underneath all of this madness…I’m trying to smile – just for you. I’m at a difficult crossroads in my life right now….and I’m just trying to find my way through the maze and the haze.

You know that I know it is not always popular to come forth with such tough topics. But in my life, I’ve finally come to the realization about something that is of paramount importance – not only to me, but perhaps in your own lives as well.

And I’ll be more than happy to tell you what you might fear to say for yourself…I’ll take the fall for those of us that find themselves in a similar position.

And what I’ve learned is that abuses of all kinds that go unchecked for a lifetime NEVER hurt the one that’s doing the afflicting – it’s the one on the receiving end that takes the “Blame and the Shame” – and by living with it and keeping it all a secret….

“What are we really doing to ourselves?’

We are enabling the afflicter and perpetuating their behavior to control our lives and we end up as the victims, while the aggressors get away with it and walk away clean to destroy more lives. Well, I’m tired of carrying this ball and chain around with me five decades….I’ve had enough.

When you tell it – you are actually doing more good than harm. It casts the light in the other direction, where it needs to be shined. There must be a price to be paid. And unloading that burden off your soul has a cleansing effect and allows yourself the permission to be free of that anguish, to a certain degree. You just feel lighter – and that’s because you just dropped off a lifetime worth of pain, sorrow, anguish and bitter feelings by the side of the road.

Or at least, you’re in the process of doing so….

You can’t be anything but better as a result – painful though it may be for you, or the person for whom it is directed towards. In this life though, “The Bill Always Comes Due.” You can run for an entire lifetime, but eventually the account must be squared. And we can only be victims – if we allow the people in our lives to treat us in that manner and not call them out for it.

Thanks for listening.

On another note:

I’ve been slowly working on the story of Big Billy – I’ve got one in my head about the story of a Lion and his Chicky. And Big Billy, his badass self, wants to stop in for his yearly cameo appearance. And I’ve got some cancer topics I wanted to talk about this year.

It’s been hard to find inspiration – I’ve been digging deep where I always dig, but just can’t get there right now…it’s like mashing your foot to the accelerator, but the engine just sputters….I’m not in a period of growth right now as the conditions are not ripe for it – I’m in survival mode of a different kind right now, when all of the dust settles, that’s where the new growth will come from – after I’ve had the time to reflect back on what has happened.

I’ll close with this last thought…the real medicine that this life has to offer comes from talking and sharing deeply with one another – in this way, we all learn how to lead and conduct our lives and not make the mistakes that we and others have made. We accumulate various perspectives that we can turn to that may one day, help us in our hour of crisis.

By talking and sharing though, it acts as a sort of drug (organic of course) and puts us in connection with those commonalities that we all share and all have together. The telling is a huge trigger and one of the biggest adrenaline rushes and releases that there is.

I think you will find that if we talk openly (and you know what I mean), that there won’t be a need to run for a Xanax or an Ativan – because we find that inside each one of us is nature’s drug to cope with the situation we are facing. The answer, the drug, is already inside us and available for use. We were born with it.

Our goal then is to find a way to tap into that medicinal supply that lives within each one of us – we just need to know where to look – and I’m giving you a heads-up on where to find it. I’m discovering all of this as recently as I’m typing this to you.

Oh, I understand clinical depression – don’t miss the point. The point being that we ALL can cope with the tools already inside us that have been provided for our use. It’s that primal urge to say to our fellow man – “I’m here, I’m lost, I’m hurt, and do you feel like that too?”

We just want to know that someone is out there – just like us – it’s the social instinct we were bred with…..security and strength in numbers. Something else I wrote about in the book….about how hard it is to be “Lone Wolf McQuade” all the time.

It is true that “It Takes a Village.” And that’s what this community represents to me. When I drill down past that, I see my friends and I see their lives – and while it’s difficult sometimes, I don’t want to leave them or turn my back when the going gets rough.”

All of you taught me what friendship meant when I first got here. I can’t turn my back when my folks are hurting or need someone to talk to. And I thank you for not tucking tail and running out on me.

I tell you what – we'll keep this open dialogue going and come to terms with the strengths that are in every one of us - and together, we could put the pharmaceuticals out of the depression business, LOL!

I want to thank you once again for listening – and understanding – or at least acknowledging what it is I’m trying to say to you. This is the way I’m seeing it and I’ve always thought that “I’ve Had My Finger Firmly on the Pulse” about a good many things.

All my best to each of you and good luck out there with the cancer fight.

I did not write this post for sympathy or anything like that, as you all know me. I merely am the messenger and reporting what I see from the firing lines.

It was the late Andy Rooney who taught me an invaluable lesson that I’ll never forget. It made such a profound impact on me that I wrote him into that mythical book we’ll never see. And what he said was this….. “It’s a Writers’ Job to Tell the Truth.”

All of you who have come to know me can fully understand how much a statement like that resonated with me and affected me on such a deep, emotional level. That’s the good stuff right there.

-Craig

Lovekitties's picture
Lovekitties
Posts: 3327
Joined: Jan 2010

You Roar not only for yourself but for all of us. Your spirit, strength and personal ethics show us that WE as individuals can still BE regardless of the adversities.

I think it is time to get out the Good Book and type up a few cards with some approriate verses to hand out the the "Church Folks". The attitude you describe them to have is certainly not part of any spiritual following that I ever heard of! Kill them with kindness, as the saying goes.

So very glad to hear of your renewed spirit and the renewal of your relationship with Kim. It shows that you are well matched...you both may get down for a bit, but then rebound to stand shoulder to shoulder to give the world hell!

Hugs to you both,

Marie who loves kitties

smokeyjoe
Posts: 1428
Joined: Feb 2011

Craig...just a note, when you go see an attorney, I'm in Canada and not the U.S., but maybe just check into whether you can get insurance coverage for your role as executor....just saying, if someone puts up some kind of stink over how it was handled this may help protect you.

Sundanceh's picture
Sundanceh
Posts: 4408
Joined: Jun 2009

That was very touching and meaningful to me, Marie...I never tire of your kind and thoughtful responses and always appreciate your heartfelt replies. You're a smart lady with a good handle on the situations of life.

You've gotten to know me pretty well, so you know how I am. It's a comfort to me to be accepted by folks like you - just for being me. There is not a price that can be put on that kind of friendship. And even if there were, I'm no sell-out - I've found that my friends are my riches - and I'm a wealthy man, as long as I have all of you in my life.

I thank you!

I'm glad you checked back in to read the update. You know I'm like a Weeble - "I wobble, but I don't fall down." (remember those?)

LOL! LOL! LOL!

-Craig

janderson1964
Posts: 2215
Joined: Oct 2011

That's what i like to hear is tbe lions roar. You are the ultimage warrior. What we don't let beat us will make us stronger. You inspired me to be strong yestedday during treatment an refuse to get real sick like i did on the last two treatments. Well i am happy to say my attitude through your inspiration worked my friend.

Sundanceh's picture
Sundanceh
Posts: 4408
Joined: Jun 2009

W2Go, big Jeff!

That cheers me up hearing you say that. You got my motor runnin'...

We'll all just continue to kick *** "The Sundance Way" - because if we're wrong - we don't wanna' be right.

LOL!

I'm happy I was able to help you, buddy...you've given me the ultimate compliment and I thank you for that. You keep me in the loop and best wishes for healing from this infusion. You are very gracious and thank you for responding when I know you're not feeling as well as we want you to be. That takes guts - and I know it when I see it - and you've got that...and more!

-Craig

lauragb
Posts: 370
Joined: Aug 2011

Yes Craig, the light saves me. It is what I found when I was in the darkest recesses at the time of my diagnosis. Funny, it had been there all the time but I didn't see it until I was at the bottom of a dark hole.

I use light and affirmation and prayer to get me through. About guilt, remorse and regret, I have an affirmation about releasing from that, but being human it creeps in from time to time. I decided to indulge my inner guilt by allowing myself to think of guilt inducing scenarios for a very brief periods when they pop up, then clear it, and it's done. Acknowledging past mistakes can make us better people today but lulling in guilt only brings us to a negative space and is not a healing force in our lives.

Enlightenment does take time but it seems I've moved into fast forward with this fight. I guess I'm just one of those people who needs to be hit over the head in order to see. I have always been intuitive but not with myself apparently, hmmmmm.

An aside, my father-in-law had younger "friends" hanging around during his last years. It was annoying. I guess this is not uncommon. There didn't end up being any estate issues though. But I lovingly release and forgive all of the past so I won't think about that anymore! LOL!

And yes keeping you in the light and using that light to try to stay out of the black hole.
Laura

dasspears
Posts: 233
Joined: Feb 2009

Inspiring post! I got pumped up just reading it. You rock, Craig!!!

Sundanceh's picture
Sundanceh
Posts: 4408
Joined: Jun 2009

Just a big, big thank you again for responding to this post!!!

Just a quick funny:

Kim and I had cut off the free handing out of information regarding my dad's health condition...you know the HIPA act?

We set it up where only the 2 of us would receive any information and that if anybody called or asked, they are referred to the nurse's station and asked what the password is...

So, the most blatant "Adopted Daughter" marches up there the other day and 'inquires.' The nurses cut her off at that legs and said, "only family is to receive that information."

Apparently, she had a major fit on the hospital floor and stormed out of there - WITHOUT going in to see my dad...so no more money, no more access, and soon to be no more access to my dad's house....and I told my dad's friend to pick up his car because she drove up to his house in a HUMMER - what does she need that extra car for?

Well, so her daughter can 'have a car' to drive around in...we think she has read his will somehow and figured she was not written in - "So if she can't have it - she is going to make sure that neither will we."

That's got to be the plan unless she can find a way to make a claim on the estate, but I don't see how...but nothing surprises me anymore.

Anyway, she dropped her pants and showed her *** - her virtues, or lack of them, are on full display and it's not a pretty sight...I await the next counterpunch, but not before I throw a couple of my own.

I may not be good at much - but I know how to fight - and I know the correct way to do it - you never see it coming...

Thanks again, guys....if I need some character references from my atty, I hope a few of you might put in a good word for me and Kim, if it comes to that. I may need The Sundance Army to squash her like a bug before we're through.

Thanks again!

-Craig

LivinginNH's picture
LivinginNH
Posts: 1458
Joined: Apr 2010

Oh, good one!! :-D I can just picture her having a hissy fit and storming out of the hospital. :-D Btw, have you changed the locks on the house yet? My friend had to do that recently to prevent her father-in-laws "kids" from taking everything out of the house after he passed. The lawyer also slapped a court ordered No Trespassing and no harassment order on these people too, so maybe that's something you could use as well. But it seems as if you've won the first volley! :-)

Take care,

Cyn

nikkers
Posts: 25
Joined: Oct 2010

I read through your posts here and all I can say is that I am amazed at your ability to write and give help and assistance to me when you yourself were going through so much. I read with such recognition the relationship you had with your sister as it so reflects mine with my brother. Even though we live thousands of miles apart, we have stayed as close as two people can be and he is my most favorite man in the world after my husband, who is another wonderful man. We have worked hard to have our children be as close as brothers and sisters and feel each other's children close in our hearts, which is why my niece's prognosis and present situation cuts me like a knife.

I thank you deeply for your strength, straightforwardness, self analysis and example. I wish you and Kim a long, happy, and fulfilling life together and that your present stresses will seem like insignificant specks on a distant planet ----- seems like you're already shrinking them to a manageable size anyway... re: sisters as insects. Way to go! Nikky

smokeyjoe
Posts: 1428
Joined: Feb 2011

Awesome Craig!!

janie1
Posts: 753
Joined: Apr 2011

OH.....that was the OTHER thread (Goldie).
Dang, there's just greed everywhere.
However.....isn't it the best feeling to beat 'em at their own game. WINNING!!!!

Lovekitties's picture
Lovekitties
Posts: 3327
Joined: Jan 2010

Just tell us where to send them and I am sure we can get many more than a few references from the folks here!

By the way, when do you expect to hear back on the tests for Kim? Please let her know, the family here is thinking of her and sending best prayers and wishes for her.

Hugs,

Marie who loves kitties

Sundanceh's picture
Sundanceh
Posts: 4408
Joined: Jun 2009

Kim said she will be redoing the tests at the end of the month and then should know something at the end of this month or the first week of April.

I will be sure to tell her that everyone here is thinking of her and hoping for the best.

Thank you!

-Craig

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tootsie1
Posts: 5056
Joined: Feb 2008

Thank you for making sure I would see this message! I've been so tied up with work and then feeling lousy the past few days, and I haven't done much on this board. I might very well have missed this fabulous post if you hadn't sent me a message to make sure I would read it!

You are right. I do have tears in my eyes right now. Tears of joy that a very, very dear man is feeling "his oats" again. I'm SO happy to know that you feel well and strong and manly and ready to take on anything. That's something I've wanted for you for so long.

And the best part, the VERY, VERY best part of all this is that your lovely Kim is once again by your side. Not there because she has to be, or because she hasn't yet figured out how to gracefully get out of something that is not working well for either partner. No, she is there because you WANT her there and she WANTS to be there. You're a team, a very happy team.

I've always believed in the power of prayer, and now I believe even more strongly.

Craig, I love you, and I'm starting to love your Kim as well (my facebook friend!). I am overjoyed at this lovely phase you two are in now. Happy, happy day!

Love you both!

*hugs*
Gail

thingy45's picture
thingy45
Posts: 633
Joined: Apr 2011

Hi Craig,
This is what I meant when I wrote to you privately. You ARE the better and bigger man. You can only be a victim if you let them make you a victim. YOU have the law at your side.
I have learned that it is harder to deal with the "so called" Christian people, although I am Christian my self, but a very free thinker and I love all people, not only the people in MY church. After all God is there for everybody, not only for Lutherans,Katholics Prostestants etc.

Yes your father made a mess of things, you have to protect him from himself also.

Great to read that you feel great, you can, with kim at your side move mountains. Awesome to hear that all is well in your world. Besides the on going problem with your Dad.
Yes, I deffinately regard you as family. On this board we are one big family, and we jump in to help one of our own. As I wrote earlier, if I was closer by I would come over and help.

Keep the feeling of greatnerss and power.

Sundanceh's picture
Sundanceh
Posts: 4408
Joined: Jun 2009

Team Sundance is kicking *** and taking names this past week..."From Worst to 1st!"

Well, after getting sucker punched and temporarily stunned, we've come roaring back throwing a couple of "Haymakers" of our own...and we landed 'em too - square on the jaw:)

We've got the mail controlled now so we can keep track of his bills due - post office stopped delivering to his house and holds the mail there at the station - we go pick it up weekly now.

Pulled the trigger and had all the locks changed on his house - unplugged garage door units to eliminate garage entry access - bolted all doors as well. There is stuff missing, but we've at least stopped the bleeding there and his house is secure.

My aunt and uncle came through with a great referral for a high-powered attorney and we contacted them and explained the situation...they immediately jumped on it and we did all the paperwork they required and gathered forms etc. etc. The big man himself showed up to make sure it was handled properly - a very nice guy and very intelligent.

What a relief to know you've got the "Long Arm of the Law" on retainer if things pop up. I had told Dad what we were doing to protect his estate and he was relieved. After he got over the initial shock, he asked me several different days when it was going to happen.

Since, he went to ICU and got over that initial hump, I find his memory and mind are coming back and he's remembering his money and where it is at - he knows the locks were changed and thought that was good, etc. etc.

Kim and I suspect that he was being brought 'meds' in addition to the regular ones that the facilities were giving...he's been way out there at times...but since we've cut off access and the money train, he's sobering up, so to speak.

While, he's not perfect, he's certainly alot more lucid and making more sense than he was...we are not sure who could have been doing this, if they were, somebody had to be bringing something by....he had several of us out "running" for him every day.

So, the attorney came to the hospital with the notary and dad signed the papers and legally put me over the estate, in the event he becomes incapacitated.

I can't tell you what a huge relief this is - Team Sundance did the hustle and our attorney gave us the muscle. Now, we're ready to fight if anymore cockroaches coming crawling out of the woodwork.

I expect more action - but at least we're ready for it...and this guy doesn't play...it's comforting to have a smart man who knows the law...we're very lucky to have access to a guy of his caliber. They are "movers and shakers."

Everybody knows that I can take my licks - and everybody knows that I can give 'em too. It's been a stressful time trying to navigate all the things we've had to do and make decisions and get it done. I may get knocked down - but I don't stay down for too long.

Dad is still being dad...he's been yelling at me some (loudly) and called me a derogatory name. My aunt and uncle came to visit him the other day and dad made me feed him - just to see if I would.....he's a control freak and is always 'testing' you.

He kind of got nasty with Kim - and a friend and his wife stopped by and he sort of got short with her. He's being belligerent with his speech therapist and won't look at her and won't cooperate - in fact, if he doesn't want to talk, he doesn't...he just points and expects you to figure it out what he wants...and if you can't do it quick enough or make the wrong choice, he lets you know.

They got him to sit up on the edge of his bed, but then that was it he wanted to lay back down...so with no rehab, I can't see him walking or even standing and thus, he's going to be somewhere he doesn't want to be...and somewhere he's going to make it very hard on me that he can't go home...but I can only go by what the doctor says.

And we all know to live independently, you need to be mobile in some degree - be able to go to the restroom on your own and prepare or heat up a meal or two...and he's got health issues at this point...he's on oxygen and his heart is still beating too fast. Pneumonia is getting better though. I would imagine if he gets well enough, they will release him back to the new facility that we got him too...it is nice 5*. It will probably get real interesting from there.

I'm tired and exhausted....work all day - go to ICU for the evening - get home grab a bite and straight to bed...our life has been his life...at least for now. At some point, when I can stabilize this, I'll have to set up some ground rules, because I just can't keep going at this pace...I'm gonna' burn up and Kim too.

I want to thank everyone for their support and advice. In this life, it always comes down to TIME and MONEY - and in cases like this one, BOTH!

-Craig

Buckwirth's picture
Buckwirth
Posts: 1272
Joined: Jun 2010

Sounds like your on the right track, and the best part is now the story starts to get fun! It is hard to read about someone getting kicked over and over, but it is great to see them rise up and hit back! Keep hitting them back Craig, and know your csn family is standing in your corner and rooting for you!

Btw, we all like to make fun of lawyers, but I bet it feels good to have one working on your behalf, eh?

nikkers
Posts: 25
Joined: Oct 2010

Wow. This looks like such good news and your father toeing the line and signing you as Power of Attorney in the case of his becoming totally incapacitated. My brother and I, after a lot of difficult discussion, managed to persuade my mother after her knee surgery at 88 (way too late to have surgery in life, but she was determined and did it when my brother was away) to do the same thing and it was a wonderful relief when she started having strokes that we already had everything in place. Old people can become so suspicious of family when they feel their independence fading, BUT they deep down know that you are there for them. It sounds as if your father, even though he doesn't seem able to control his negative ways toward you, acknowledges you are the one he can rely on! What a relief for you.

Now to work on finding some more time for you and Kim, eh?

Good luck, Nikky

janie1
Posts: 753
Joined: Apr 2011

Your update to the update.
Man, I wouldn't want to be face to face with Team Sundance (unless I wanted a thorough arse-kicking).
Would I love to see the "Goddesses" trying to use the garage door remote controls now. Probably they don't have a clue there's electricity involved. LOL.

thingy45's picture
thingy45
Posts: 633
Joined: Apr 2011

Hi Craig,

I can feel another book in the making. Many of us have been the road you are traveling regarding the care of your Dad. Reading these posts by itselve is a book.
Hugs, Marjan

lauragb
Posts: 370
Joined: Aug 2011

Way to go Team Sundance! You've been doin some serious butt kickin' Keep on keepin on.

In the light.

Laura

janderson1964
Posts: 2215
Joined: Oct 2011

Sounds like you are kicking some serious *** after being down like the legend John Force. I agrre with what you say at the end. At some point you need to start taking care of yourself. We all care about you hear and expect you to be around for a very long time.

Jeff

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