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The club I never wanted to join

Posts: 28
Joined: Oct 2011

Hi everyone,

Have been here for about two months lurking throughout my treatment, soaking up the info and experiencing most of the same things you all have endured.

I, too, had the same reaction when given my diagnosis back in August...disbelief, fear, denial, and of course, shame. Who wants to admit they have ANAL cancer? Ick. Where are the pink ribbons, the fund-raising walks, the sense of sisterhood and unity while dealing with cancer? Does anyone campaign for us? What is our color? Don't say 'brown'! ;)

However, I have successfully completed treatment, (sore butt and all) made it through a hospital stay right after tx, and praying that I will never progress to the next stage of our disease.

I am lucky enough to have a caring, loving man who has been by my side throughout this whole ordeal, who took me to every appointment, took copious notes and asked pertinent questions when I was in a fog or too overwhelmed to do it on my own. If not for him, I don't know what I would have done. Since I am going through a divorce and my daughters have sided with their step-father, he has been my lifeline. No one in my family except my dad and sister know about my health, so it has been hard.

Anyway, I am grateful to have come this far; every day is a new blessing and I have so much to be thankful for. It's a relief to know that others have experienced the same things I have, and every snippet of knowledge is so helpful. My only real problem at the moment is dealing with mornings; I have learned not to schedule anything until at least 10:00, because I just don't know how my cranky system is going to act on any given day!

Thanks for listening. It feels good to put my feelings down in writing. I hope to hear from some of you!


Posts: 242
Joined: Feb 2011

Good for you that all is moving along! Take strength and comfort in how well you're doing. Love yourself today ... and gosh, how wonderful to have the support you have!

I'm sorry you are here and like you, none of us every thought we would be. Thank God for this support!

Warm hug your way! xo

mp327's picture
Posts: 4106
Joined: Jan 2010

I'm so sorry that your diagnosis led you to this site, but I'm happy to know that you've gotten some good information here and that you are finished with treatment. I hope your recovery is going well. It's great that you have someone wonderful in your life who has been by your side throughout this ordeal. It's not an easy journey and should not be taken alone, in my opinion.

As for mornings, I am over 3 years post-treatment and still hesitate to leave the house until I've had a BM. I think at this point, I could be okay, but it has become my mindset, so I try not to have appts. too early in the day. As you will learn, there are minor adjustments we all must make post-treatment, but I'm happy to say that in my case, these have all been minor and do not interfere with my life. I hope your transition into the post-treatment phase will go as well as mine has.

I wish you the very best and hope that you will continue to come here and update us from time to time. We are a special group of people who are always here for each other, including you! Take care.

Lorikat's picture
Posts: 680
Joined: Jul 2011

I started tx on August 26 .... Ended on Oct 13 ...... Went in hospital on Oct 20 out on Oct 27. I believe we have a similar timeline.

I don't make appointments in the morning either .. I hate surprises! I am, however, doing so much better than I expected. The folks on this site reassure me when something different or strange happens.. SOMEONE has been through similar if not the same! (I discovered exactly what everyone was calling "whale snot" today, and the name is quite appropos. Yuck!)

Anyway - I can now say " I have anal cancer" without embarrassment. I will never be totally COMFORTABLE saying it, but I am no longer embarrassed. I will never take good health for granted like I did before, I will live every day as a gift, and give thanks more often.

Cancer brought me closer to my siblings as we had all grown apart. We talk regularly and always say I love you. Why do we wait? I also have a wonderful husband who goes with me to every appt, test, and treatment.....much to be thankful for.."..

Sorry you are here but welcome...Lorie

Dee2005's picture
Posts: 24
Joined: Oct 2011

Love that name because I've found when I mention I'm a cancer survivor the first thing ppl do is look at my boobs! I feel the same way as you about where are the friggin ribbons, probably no walks cause with our cancer that is kinda hard to do at times! Your sense of humor has probably helped you tremendously and I too was blessed with someone by my side! That helps so much. I'm very thankful for this site because when I was diagnosed (11/2005) nothing like this existed, it was all for the more common cancers. Unfortunately I think Farrah's battle help bring some recognition to our cancer and eased some of the stigma that goes along with it. I've always said Murphy's Law loves me and it proved it when I got anal cancer. Literally a pain the butt!!! Hang in there and keep posting! HUGS!

Posts: 28
Joined: Oct 2011

Thank you, everyone, for the warm welcome. Finally I found a place where I can feel at home and share my concerns and fears with folks who know exactly I'm talking about!! (even whale snot!)

Seems like all I've done the past few months is pull down my pants and display my butt to one and all. Sadder still, I am used to it now. ;). You're all right, a sense of humor is required for "our" cancer. I am extremely fortunate to have wonderful doctors and all of them have the most caring and supportive staff members I have ever encountered. That, and my partner, have made the whole experience tolerable.

I just have to 'keep on keepin' on' and trust that things will slowly improve. Being here will be a tremendous help, too.

Thank you for all your help and advice.

Hugs to all!!!! ((((((hugs))))))

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