The club I never wanted to join

Hi everyone,

Have been here for about two months lurking throughout my treatment, soaking up the info and experiencing most of the same things you all have endured.

I, too, had the same reaction when given my diagnosis back in August...disbelief, fear, denial, and of course, shame. Who wants to admit they have ANAL cancer? Ick. Where are the pink ribbons, the fund-raising walks, the sense of sisterhood and unity while dealing with cancer? Does anyone campaign for us? What is our color? Don't say 'brown'!

However, I have successfully completed treatment, (sore butt and all) made it through a hospital stay right after tx, and praying that I will never progress to the next stage of our disease.

I am lucky enough to have a caring, loving man who has been by my side throughout this whole ordeal, who took me to every appointment, took copious notes and asked pertinent questions when I was in a fog or too overwhelmed to do it on my own. If not for him, I don't know what I would have done. Since I am going through a divorce and my daughters have sided with their step-father, he has been my lifeline. No one in my family except my dad and sister know about my health, so it has been hard.

Anyway, I am grateful to have come this far; every day is a new blessing and I have so much to be thankful for. It's a relief to know that others have experienced the same things I have, and every snippet of knowledge is so helpful. My only real problem at the moment is dealing with mornings; I have learned not to schedule anything until at least 10:00, because I just don't know how my cranky system is going to act on any given day!

Thanks for listening. It feels good to put my feelings down in writing. I hope to hear from some of you!

Renate