I didn't go crazy

laurettas said:

Thank you so much, Winter
Thank you so much, Winter Marie, for sharing your story. You have touched me deeply with your passion.

We, like you, are eating normally. The onc said lots of protein so that is what we do and for us that is primarily meat. My husband says that meat sets well in his stomach, better than many things. Has found out that chocolate doesn't agree with him and a few other things so we avoid those. He was wanting something to quell the bad taste in his mouth yesterday and I had read that ginger was good for that. He had some capsules from a previous digestive issue, took one, and ended up throwing up. The only time he has thrown up since he started chemo. Seems like so many of the natural aids just do not agree with him--echinacea makes him really sick. So we just bumble along, eating like the farmers have for centuries and hope that all goes well.

I, too, am developing such an intense hatred for this horrible disease. I have had to watch too many people that I love deal with this for most of my life and I hate it! I have to admit as well that I don't like the treatment much either. I KNOW that there has to be a way to treat cancer that is not so devastating to to whole person. There must be things that are unique to cancer that can be targeted and attacked, rather than killing so many healthy cells.

I certainly hope that there isn't a "conspiracy" out there keeping the proper treatment from being developed as many claim. It is a disease that takes so many lives throughout the world--almost two million a year in China alone and half a million in the US. We have never had a war that took so many lives and yet we as a country contribute little to finding a cure. Five billion a year to research a disease that kills half a million people each year while we spend three billion a year on AIDS research that kills 17,000 a year. I have to wonder at our priorities sometimes.

Sorry for ranting on your thread but you touched me deeply this morning!

Sundanceh said:

Excerpt From Chapter XIII
One Year and Seven Months ago, I recall a friend of mine, who had a shade of bitterness and anger and asked us all succintly one morning, "why do we blow smoke up people's @$$ here on the board?"

Aahhh....where is that gal now?

Yours is an incredible turnabout of events from nothing - to something. Kudos to you on the success you've experienced. I know you hate cancer and hate what it does for all of us out there.

Whether you realize it or not, you have experienced Awareness - Enlightenment - Empowerment - and Personal Growth. You may not see it, but in the last One Year - Seven Months...I have:)

So, I offer you this excerpt from my latest chapter (still in progress).

Chapter XIII - "The Four Horseman"

Awareness acts as the compass that points us towards the path that we will have to travel tomorrow, armed with the knowledge that we gained from the road we walked down yesterday.

Awareness doesn’t force himself on you – rather, he is that gentle soul, who taps you lightly on the shoulder and imparts his knowledge by whispering softly in your ear like a rhythmic melody that mimics the sounds of a slow, trickling brook.

Awareness comes to us in his own time, but on our terms. He seems to have the uncanny ability to recognize when each of us is ready to get to know him. When you least expect it, you awake one morning and find that he is not only with you, but has also become a part of you.

BREAK

Enlightenment can also announce its arrival with a bolt of lightning and a clap of thunder that carries the message of ‘that’, which we have been searching for. It comes crashing over you with a sudden intensity that can only be described as an epiphany, as the waves of awareness – understanding – and acceptance wash over you.

BREAK

Empowerment is that swelling of pride in your chest that comes from the satisfaction that you feel when you stare down your fears without being afraid of what you will see, even when the odds look stacked against you.

BREAK

Personal Growth’s biggest accomplishment is getting us to a stage in our life where we now unselfishly think of other’s needs, rather than solely focusing on our own. Its truest gift comes from one heart reaching out to another and establishing that human connection, which in turn helps us to become a little bit more of a person than we were yesterday – and offers us the hope of becoming an even better person for tomorrow.

BREAK

It’s a beautiful process to see someone grow right before your eyes, isn’t it? I’ve seen them come to the cancer board time and time again. Initially, they arrive frightened and scared about their futures and what cancer really means for them, beyond the stereotypes that they’ve been taught to expect.

Over time, you watch them acquiring the knowledge they need as they take those first steps into their treatment programs and surgeries. You see how their attitudes begin to change as time goes by. It starts out slowly at first, and then gradually becomes bolder as they gain the confidence they need to be able to stand on their own.

As you watch from the sidelines like a proud parent, you see a stronger person emerge, like a butterfly does from a c o c o o n Gone is the scared, uninformed person whom you met in the beginning – in their place instead, is a wiser, more determined person, because of the experience they went through and the belief they gained in themselves for having stood up and accomplished what they originally thought was impossible to do on their own.

BREAK

On the flip-side, enlightenment has also showed me ‘the dark side’ of the fight. The side that shows us the danger and damage that the treatments do to our bodies – the side that shows us that our treatments of choice may inevitably fail us at some point – the side that shows us that our friends and loved ones can pass away, despite the best of intentions – and the side that shows us the harsh reality that we may not all come out on the good side of our fights.

Enlightenment is the truth and the way that shows us both sides of how things operate, because we can’t learn only the good, and not see the bad as well. For the knowledge that comes from enlightenment doesn’t discriminate - it educates.

BREAK

“The Road to Awareness leads to the Path of Enlightenment, which takes us down the Trail of Empowerment, where we finally reach our destination in The Land of Personal Growth.”

It can be a very long and winding road at times. You certainly won’t get there overnight. It’s taken me seven plus years now of self-discovery to find these out for myself. It’s going to take some time, some experience, and some pain and suffering, in order to fully understand what it is that I’m trying to tell you.

You can’t get to the land of personal growth through any shortcuts – it has to be earned, if you are too fully appreciate the changes that have taken place inside you. And the only way that you get there is to just keep taking those next steps and keep your mind open to seeing some of the good that can come out of cancer, when you step back and look at where you were then – and what you’ve become now.

Remember, at the start of the book, where I told you that we could take one of two paths when we are diagnosed? We could take the road of Bitterness and Resentment or we could walk along the path of Grace and Dignity?

BREAK

a post one day that was titled, “Has Cancer Been All Bad for You?” There were a variety of mixed responses, but most of them were overwhelmingly bitter and resentful. As I recall, the majority of posters who held those negative feelings were from caregivers, who had lost their spouse, or from family members who had lost a loved one.

From their perspective, I can certainly understand and see how they felt the way they did. They watched someone very close to them suffer for a long time and then ultimately pass away right in front of them. That feeling of being helpless and unable to change the outcome has got to weigh heavily on a person’s mind when there is nothing they can do to help their loved ones.

What surprised me more were the negative responses from the posters, who had cancer. There were a lot of ‘I Hate Cancer’ and ‘I Give Cancer No Credit’ responses as well as the ‘Nothing Good Comes From Cancer’ replies.

Of course, everyone has the right to feel they way they do about their cancer, because it’s theirs. That’s the way that they feel about it and I think it’s important to acknowledge and respect their feelings on the subject. There is certainly a whole host of unresolved anger and bitterness issues underneath all of those statements though.

For me, I see Cancer from a different viewpoint though.

First, I’d like to say that I don’t like what cancer has done to me physically and the compromises and concessions that I’ve had to make that go along with all of that. It’s definitely taken its toll and made me less of a man than I was before all of this started. I feel like a shell of the man that I once used to be.

I’m not fond of knowing that cancer is trying its damnedest to blow out my candle and dim my world earlier than I had planned or anticipated.

I dislike the fact that the specter of cancer always looms on the horizon and invades my thoughts, even when I’m in that ‘watch and wait’ state and should be trying to enjoy my victories. Or, that it haunts my dreams and taunts me with its ever-present threat of another recurrence for my future.

I’m not thrilled with the prospect of knowing that cancer will more than likely end up claiming me at some point of my journey, despite all of my best efforts, stubbornness and tenacity.

I know that given a choice, that none of us would choose to have cancer in our lives in any way - shape, form or fashion. I guess, you could include me in that list, as well. It is a “Country Club That Nobody Wants to Join.” And for those of us that do qualify, we find that the membership dues are one hell of a price to pay for admission.

It doesn’t change the facts one iota, though. We do have cancer and how we choose to go forward is ‘our decision’ and whether we’re angry or resolved to the fact, the meter is running and it’s going to run out, whether we have cancer or not.

It’s how we represent ourselves and show the world that we can still bring a little grace and dignity to a seemingly grim situation. It’s showing the world that the human spirit can never be squelched, but that we live on and strive for more – even in the face of such adversity.

More importantly though, is not what people think of us, or how we portray ourselves to them and our loved ones. It comes down to what each one of us can live with when we lay our heads down on our pillows every night.

Anger and Bitterness will consume us just as surely as the cancer will. And if we give in to that, then cancer ends up taking it all from us – and we even furthered its cause by the way we reacted and handled this quandary, when the spotlight was finally shined on us.

BREAK

Folks get inspiration from watching how you conduct yourself during the most difficult trial in your life and draw a sense of comfort and contentment from what they see through your living testimony.

BREAK

Maybe, it's me that's finally gone insane:) Thought you might enjoy taking a peek at the work in progress, Winter. I see some of you in what I wrote.

Love/Craig

Sundanceh said:

Excerpt From Chapter XIII
One Year and Seven Months ago, I recall a friend of mine, who had a shade of bitterness and anger and asked us all succintly one morning, "why do we blow smoke up people's @$$ here on the board?"

Aahhh....where is that gal now?

Yours is an incredible turnabout of events from nothing - to something. Kudos to you on the success you've experienced. I know you hate cancer and hate what it does for all of us out there.

Whether you realize it or not, you have experienced Awareness - Enlightenment - Empowerment - and Personal Growth. You may not see it, but in the last One Year - Seven Months...I have:)

So, I offer you this excerpt from my latest chapter (still in progress).

Chapter XIII - "The Four Horseman"

Awareness acts as the compass that points us towards the path that we will have to travel tomorrow, armed with the knowledge that we gained from the road we walked down yesterday.

Awareness doesn’t force himself on you – rather, he is that gentle soul, who taps you lightly on the shoulder and imparts his knowledge by whispering softly in your ear like a rhythmic melody that mimics the sounds of a slow, trickling brook.

Awareness comes to us in his own time, but on our terms. He seems to have the uncanny ability to recognize when each of us is ready to get to know him. When you least expect it, you awake one morning and find that he is not only with you, but has also become a part of you.

BREAK

Enlightenment can also announce its arrival with a bolt of lightning and a clap of thunder that carries the message of ‘that’, which we have been searching for. It comes crashing over you with a sudden intensity that can only be described as an epiphany, as the waves of awareness – understanding – and acceptance wash over you.

BREAK

Empowerment is that swelling of pride in your chest that comes from the satisfaction that you feel when you stare down your fears without being afraid of what you will see, even when the odds look stacked against you.

BREAK

Personal Growth’s biggest accomplishment is getting us to a stage in our life where we now unselfishly think of other’s needs, rather than solely focusing on our own. Its truest gift comes from one heart reaching out to another and establishing that human connection, which in turn helps us to become a little bit more of a person than we were yesterday – and offers us the hope of becoming an even better person for tomorrow.

BREAK

It’s a beautiful process to see someone grow right before your eyes, isn’t it? I’ve seen them come to the cancer board time and time again. Initially, they arrive frightened and scared about their futures and what cancer really means for them, beyond the stereotypes that they’ve been taught to expect.

Over time, you watch them acquiring the knowledge they need as they take those first steps into their treatment programs and surgeries. You see how their attitudes begin to change as time goes by. It starts out slowly at first, and then gradually becomes bolder as they gain the confidence they need to be able to stand on their own.

As you watch from the sidelines like a proud parent, you see a stronger person emerge, like a butterfly does from a c o c o o n Gone is the scared, uninformed person whom you met in the beginning – in their place instead, is a wiser, more determined person, because of the experience they went through and the belief they gained in themselves for having stood up and accomplished what they originally thought was impossible to do on their own.

BREAK

On the flip-side, enlightenment has also showed me ‘the dark side’ of the fight. The side that shows us the danger and damage that the treatments do to our bodies – the side that shows us that our treatments of choice may inevitably fail us at some point – the side that shows us that our friends and loved ones can pass away, despite the best of intentions – and the side that shows us the harsh reality that we may not all come out on the good side of our fights.

Enlightenment is the truth and the way that shows us both sides of how things operate, because we can’t learn only the good, and not see the bad as well. For the knowledge that comes from enlightenment doesn’t discriminate - it educates.

BREAK

“The Road to Awareness leads to the Path of Enlightenment, which takes us down the Trail of Empowerment, where we finally reach our destination in The Land of Personal Growth.”

It can be a very long and winding road at times. You certainly won’t get there overnight. It’s taken me seven plus years now of self-discovery to find these out for myself. It’s going to take some time, some experience, and some pain and suffering, in order to fully understand what it is that I’m trying to tell you.

You can’t get to the land of personal growth through any shortcuts – it has to be earned, if you are too fully appreciate the changes that have taken place inside you. And the only way that you get there is to just keep taking those next steps and keep your mind open to seeing some of the good that can come out of cancer, when you step back and look at where you were then – and what you’ve become now.

Remember, at the start of the book, where I told you that we could take one of two paths when we are diagnosed? We could take the road of Bitterness and Resentment or we could walk along the path of Grace and Dignity?

BREAK

a post one day that was titled, “Has Cancer Been All Bad for You?” There were a variety of mixed responses, but most of them were overwhelmingly bitter and resentful. As I recall, the majority of posters who held those negative feelings were from caregivers, who had lost their spouse, or from family members who had lost a loved one.

From their perspective, I can certainly understand and see how they felt the way they did. They watched someone very close to them suffer for a long time and then ultimately pass away right in front of them. That feeling of being helpless and unable to change the outcome has got to weigh heavily on a person’s mind when there is nothing they can do to help their loved ones.

What surprised me more were the negative responses from the posters, who had cancer. There were a lot of ‘I Hate Cancer’ and ‘I Give Cancer No Credit’ responses as well as the ‘Nothing Good Comes From Cancer’ replies.

Of course, everyone has the right to feel they way they do about their cancer, because it’s theirs. That’s the way that they feel about it and I think it’s important to acknowledge and respect their feelings on the subject. There is certainly a whole host of unresolved anger and bitterness issues underneath all of those statements though.

For me, I see Cancer from a different viewpoint though.

First, I’d like to say that I don’t like what cancer has done to me physically and the compromises and concessions that I’ve had to make that go along with all of that. It’s definitely taken its toll and made me less of a man than I was before all of this started. I feel like a shell of the man that I once used to be.

I’m not fond of knowing that cancer is trying its damnedest to blow out my candle and dim my world earlier than I had planned or anticipated.

I dislike the fact that the specter of cancer always looms on the horizon and invades my thoughts, even when I’m in that ‘watch and wait’ state and should be trying to enjoy my victories. Or, that it haunts my dreams and taunts me with its ever-present threat of another recurrence for my future.

I’m not thrilled with the prospect of knowing that cancer will more than likely end up claiming me at some point of my journey, despite all of my best efforts, stubbornness and tenacity.

I know that given a choice, that none of us would choose to have cancer in our lives in any way - shape, form or fashion. I guess, you could include me in that list, as well. It is a “Country Club That Nobody Wants to Join.” And for those of us that do qualify, we find that the membership dues are one hell of a price to pay for admission.

It doesn’t change the facts one iota, though. We do have cancer and how we choose to go forward is ‘our decision’ and whether we’re angry or resolved to the fact, the meter is running and it’s going to run out, whether we have cancer or not.

It’s how we represent ourselves and show the world that we can still bring a little grace and dignity to a seemingly grim situation. It’s showing the world that the human spirit can never be squelched, but that we live on and strive for more – even in the face of such adversity.

More importantly though, is not what people think of us, or how we portray ourselves to them and our loved ones. It comes down to what each one of us can live with when we lay our heads down on our pillows every night.

Anger and Bitterness will consume us just as surely as the cancer will. And if we give in to that, then cancer ends up taking it all from us – and we even furthered its cause by the way we reacted and handled this quandary, when the spotlight was finally shined on us.

BREAK

Folks get inspiration from watching how you conduct yourself during the most difficult trial in your life and draw a sense of comfort and contentment from what they see through your living testimony.

BREAK

Maybe, it's me that's finally gone insane:) Thought you might enjoy taking a peek at the work in progress, Winter. I see some of you in what I wrote.

Love/Craig

PhillieG said:

It's a Perfect Example
of how much "luck" plays a role in things no matter how one treats themselves.
-p

herdizziness said:

Luck
Is what I was stating.