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2 years

sharpy102's picture
sharpy102
Posts: 370
Joined: Apr 2009

Hi All: Well....*sigh* Today is 2 years that my Mom left...I don't know...I still don't know why. I still wonder why it happened, and whether it has any meaning at all, or not. If it does, what is it? If it doesn't, then how can I go through life without her? :*( It is soooo quiet without her that I can almost hear what she had to say the last time...
- Sophie

smokeyjoe
Posts: 1428
Joined: Feb 2011

(((hugs dear one)))

SisterSledge's picture
SisterSledge
Posts: 342
Joined: Feb 2011

I don't think we've ever had dialog, but I've read your profile and I've read many of your posts/comments over the past few months so I feel I know you a little...and like you a lot. I'm so sorry your Mom was taken from you.

Honestly, since I don't believe in a Christian God or the afterlife, I find it hard to find "meaning" in death. For me, meaning is all in what you do in life. I'm sure your Mom was proud of you and loved you greatly and would have wished to have more time with you in life, but she had no choice in the matter. What will create meaning, is what you do with the life she gave you. I hope you live well.

Love,
Janine

geotina's picture
geotina
Posts: 2120
Joined: Oct 2009

I'm sorry you are still hurting so badly. One never gets over the loss of a parent but I promise you as the years go by the pain eases. Sure, there will be times you think of your mom and the tears come, but those tears will also bring a smile.

Take care - Tina

Annabelle41415's picture
Annabelle41415
Posts: 6525
Joined: Feb 2009

So sorry that you are going through this. You are so young to have to deal with all you have. The hurt never goes away but it does get better as time goes on. My mom died 20 years ago and I'm still thinking of how much she is missed. I'm sure your mother is looking down on you and beaming with pride.

Hugs! Kim

AnneCan
Posts: 3692
Joined: Oct 2009

You have a tough aniversay here bur big things await you.

MrsJP
Posts: 157
Joined: Jan 2011

I'm sending a heartfelt hug your way. Some people say time will ease your pain. I guess after 35 years of my Dad passing I can say I don't cry every day or feel the hurt so much. But I miss him, I miss that my kids never new him and now my granddaughters. I have many happy memories that I have shared with my kids and will pass on to the grand kids. I pray that someday you can pass your memories of your Mom on too.

Jeanette

sharpy102's picture
sharpy102
Posts: 370
Joined: Apr 2009

Dear all of you:

Thank you for your kind words...I sort of needed them...I felt so bad today all day...I am not religious either, and I guess that's exactly why I try to understand and find out why my Mom had to leave. It's something my brain knows, and understands as I was right there, but my heart doesn't quiet get it. And like some of you mentioned about your parents (such as MrsJP about her Dad) I feel the same way. Who will be there when I'll graduate from high school? Who will be there when I finish college (some day)? Who will be there when I'll get married? Who will be there for my future kids? I feel like life cheated on me, and lied to me. All the things I believed and dreamed of seems to have gone away soooo quickly. And at every end of my thoughts there's a huge question mark...why? And no matter how hard I try to ignore it, it comes back and slaps me across the face. If I don't ignore it then it pulls me down, yanks me back, steps on me and shoves me to the bottom of the ground...Where did that life go that I thought I'd have for a long time? Where is the family I thought were my family? This isn't how it's supposed to be...Oh, I feel bad for complaining here since I'm healthy and I should just be "living my life", but...you guys are sort of my family. I feel like I'm growing up with you guys...I learn a lot from you, and I hope sometimes I can even help with some advice/ideas of things I did to take care of my Mom. Again, sorry I will try not to complain! And thank you for all of your responses!!! I really REALLY appreciate them!!!
Please all of you take care, I need every single one of you! You guys helped me to reach as far as 2 years!!!
Thank you and hugs to you all!
- Sophie

PGLGreg's picture
PGLGreg
Posts: 741
Joined: Jul 2006

You're not religious? Maybe you really are. It is the religious who ask this question Why? and expect an answer. Providing answers to the distraught is what religion is for. The truly irreligious (like me) either don't ask, or if they do, at least don't expect a sensible answer. Who could be around to reply authoritatively?

--Greg

tootsie1's picture
tootsie1
Posts: 5056
Joined: Feb 2008

That's so sad, dear.

*hugs*
Gail

Kathleen808's picture
Kathleen808
Posts: 2361
Joined: Jan 2009

Sophie,
My dear I wish I could give you a hug and then maybe go for a hike and find a place to have a good loud yell with you. (not at you, with you). I know you are in such pain. Of course you are, your mom was so very, very important to you. I know she still is. I am so sorry that she is gone but as you say you can still hear her.

You ask some good, very hard questions. I've asked similar questions in regards to the suffering that both Dick and our younger daughter have to endure. One of the quotes I find gets me through is from Elizabeth Edwards. She lost her 16 year old son in a car accident and struggled to find some peace afterward. Here is the quote:

"Resilience is accepting your new reality, even if it's less good than the one you had before. You can fight it, you can do nothing but scream about what you've lost, or you can accept that and try to put together something that's good."

Elizabeth Edwards 1949 -- 2010

I find that I go back to that quote when I have seen so much suffering and I try to put together something that's good. I hate that you have to do this at such a young age. I wish you had been protected against such sorrow. I'm holding you in the light Sophie.

Aloha,
Kathleen

newperson's picture
newperson
Posts: 76
Joined: Mar 2010

Sophie,
I wish I could say something to make you feel better. But I know there is no way to work. The hurt is there. The pain is there. I'm going through the same as I lost my dear hubby two months ago. I feel life is no meaning to me any more. I feel I lost my family too even though I have a son who is a good kid and is about the same age as yours. I too wonder why this happened. I too wonder what it is after that. I don't know. I so wish I knew. I would like to believe that my hubby is in heaven, somewhere in the sky. So is your Mom. One day I will see my hubby and be together with him again.
Sophie, I wish I could give you a big physical hug and have a good cry together. I hope you will get strength to get through this difficult time. I wish you the best.
Take good care of yourself.
-Lucy

johnnybegood's picture
johnnybegood
Posts: 1122
Joined: Oct 2008

Sophie i remember when you came on this board.i was going thru chemo.im glad you have stuck around on this board.i have got this stupid cancer back and doing chemo once again just keep hangin with us and holdin on....Godbless...johnnybegood

Fb489
Posts: 69
Joined: Sep 2009

Hugs and kisses to you and this very difficult day.
I am thinking of you and hoping you get stronger daily.

Fb489
Posts: 69
Joined: Sep 2009

Hugs and kisses to you and this very difficult day.
I am thinking of you and hoping you get stronger daily.

Fb489
Posts: 69
Joined: Sep 2009

Hugs and kisses to you and this very difficult day.
I am thinking of you and hoping you get stronger daily.

Saffie

pepebcn's picture
pepebcn
Posts: 6352
Joined: Aug 2010

Cheer up!

eightpawz
Posts: 28
Joined: Sep 2010

Sophie,

As a mom of a young daughter your post, and profile, struck a real cord with me. It broke my heart and made me cry. I'm going to fight as long as necessary to be with my daughter, and I'm sure your Mom fought as long and hard as she could. If given a choice she'd still be by your side. I'd really like to talk(email) with you.

-Dawn

Buzzard's picture
Buzzard
Posts: 3073
Joined: Aug 2008

its a day to remember for you...its a day to allow yourself to feel the feelings that you feel and express them so that they do not grow and become an issue...Its a day when nothing but good memories need to be first hand ...its a day that the two of you are together be it in spirit or soul. Its a day to reflect and be ok with yourself for who you are and who your mom taught you to be...She did a wonderful job in the time she has with you and that is who will be with you when you graduate, marry, have kids. She will forever be with you and that is who you will share stories about to your kids and husband and your classmates. She was and is a wonderful woman Sophie and nothing will ever change that. I am ever grateful for any length of time I have with anyone I care about...Look at the many in here whom have passed but a little of each one of them has conformed into me and I think I am a better person for knowing them even for just a little while. You as well have been another major part of my growing in which I decipher things from a youths view that I could never figure out for myself, as to how you feel, what you think. You are like one of my own in the fact that I (we) want you to florish in this world, do the things you want to do, accomplish great things that you speak about. As you grow we grow with you, in all aspects of your life. You, are our own, always will be. All these moms and dads are yours, waiting to be asked so that we can beam when we are talked to by our surrogate daughter.....We all love you in here more than you'll ever know, and we always will.........keep on keepin on sis...you are an inspiration to all of us........love to you today , tomorrow, and forever.......buzz

sasjourney
Posts: 395
Joined: Jul 2010

Sophie,

I am so sorry that any child has to lose a mom. I know you loved her deeply and miss her so much. She would want you to go on with your life and find happiness. I truly believe you will be together again someday. She will always be with you because she lives in your heart forever. Take it one day at a time.

Hugs,
Sara

christinecarl's picture
christinecarl
Posts: 545
Joined: Sep 2009

I know those anniversaries are tough. It has been 5 yrs since my mom passed, life will never seem to hold the same joy it had when she was here. I can say the pain is not that sharp cutting pain I felt when she first departed though. I do believe in Heaven and Hell, God, and that there is something after this that is better. It helps me to believe, even if in the end I find it to not be true. At least it has helped me to believe I will see my mom again, because when she first died, it was the only thing that helped get me through.

I remember when your mom passed and your posts, I always wished I could help you somehow, you are way too young to have to deal with this. I am sorry Sharpy. Peace be with you.

sharpy102's picture
sharpy102
Posts: 370
Joined: Apr 2009

Thank you for all of your encouragements...you guys are right: she'll be ALWAYS with me. I just have to get used to the fact that it will be a different relationship that I had with her in the past....not easy. Kathleen, I really liked your quote, and I wrote it down to a piece of paper and I read it occasionally...thank you! Buzz, as always, thank you, it feels great that you and others care so much. I'm so happy I found you all!! Dawn: thank you for your post too, we can definitely keep in touch over email. And thanks for you too, Christine...I'm amazed how you've made it through for 5 years without your mom...to me it almost seems I'll never make it that far. 5 years...hm...it will be 2014 for me...wow...that seems soooooo far.....
Again, thank you all of you!!! I love you all!!! And yes, you are all each of you my Mommy and my Daddy! :) I'm lucky, eh? :)

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