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husband signed up to online dating

sweetvickid's picture
Posts: 459
Joined: Nov 2009

I am physically sick right now. Yes I don't trust him and have been checking his email.

Gabe N Abby Mom's picture
Gabe N Abby Mom
Posts: 2415
Joined: Sep 2010

I am at a loss for words...but I do have big heartfelt cyber hugs for you.


Posts: 2515
Joined: May 2009

Now that sucks! I am so sorry you're having to deal with this....I, too, don't really know what to say....but let it rip here! Vent away! Have you confronted him, yet? If verbal confrontation is difficult, perhaps you could put it on paper....by checking his email, have you been suspicious or was this a complete surprise?

Sending you hugs,

jnl's picture
Posts: 3873
Joined: May 2009

I don't know what to say either Vicki. What a creep!

Hugs for you,


CAchick's picture
Posts: 277
Joined: May 2011

I am so sorry that you are having to go through this. Nobody deserves this type of treatment. Confront him. Make copies of whatever you have as far as emails. He will try to deny it, or say that you are paranoid or something. Have evidence.
You are worth better treatment than this and you did not cause this.

Posts: 242
Joined: Apr 2010

Excuse my language but what an ***!!! You should sign up too with fake everything and meet up with him. I'd love to see his face when you sat down. Sending many {{{{{Hugs}}}}}}


DianeBC's picture
Posts: 3886
Joined: Jun 2009

I'm so very sorry Vicki that your husband did this. Big hugs to you!

DianeBC's picture
Posts: 3886
Joined: Jun 2009

I'm so very sorry Vicki that your husband did this. Big hugs to you!

Posts: 54
Joined: Jun 2011

what a great idea ..... I have a grin on my face just thinking of it. Go for it.

lynn1950's picture
Posts: 2574
Joined: Jun 2008

Dear Vicki, I am so sorry. Please see a counselor to help you navigate through this. xoxoxo Lynn

aisling8's picture
Posts: 1618
Joined: Feb 2010

This is very painful. I send you a big hug.


Alexis F's picture
Alexis F
Posts: 3602
Joined: May 2009

I am so sorry that this happened. I can't imagine how you feel. Sending you a big hug!


ldpettit's picture
Posts: 127
Joined: Apr 2011

I just don't understand how he can do that. I'm so sorry you have to deal with this... of all things.

My heart goes out to you!


RE's picture
Posts: 4641
Joined: Feb 2004

Oh Vicki I too am at a loss for words that kind of betrayal would be quite painful. I agree that counseling at least for you to help you find a way to constructively deal with this is a good idea. I am sending virtual cyber hugs and as you can see we are circling the wagons of support around you, hope you feel the love!



mwallace1325's picture
Posts: 806
Joined: Apr 2009

I'm so sorry to hear you have to go thru this on top of everything else. Please talk with a counselor about your sanity and emotional stability. I'm also thinking that if you've gotten emails or other evidence of what's going on, maybe you could gather that, copy it then stop looking for more. I'm afraid having to continue finding evidence will just be harder on you than you need.

Prayers and angels surrounding you as you navigate this issue.


aysemari's picture
Posts: 1596
Joined: Dec 2009

I know it must breaking into thousand pieces but if you ask me, it's DEFINITELY
his loss!!! You are such a sweet, caring and witty Lady. He'll be searching for
some time to find the likes of you. So you hold you head up high and don't let
him hurt you. YOU are our precious sister and we love you too much to see you
get hurt.

I am giving you a HUUUUUGE HUG!

PS: Would you like me to punch his lights out (;

natly15's picture
Posts: 1941
Joined: Sep 2009

I'm at a loss for words. All I can say is ditto to everything Ayse has said. I will join herin punching out his lights. How dare he!!

Kylez's picture
Posts: 3765
Joined: May 2009

All I want to do is give you a big hug and "him" a kick in the pants!

Hugs, Kylez

Noel's picture
Posts: 3100
Joined: Apr 2009

I'm with Ayse, want me to help punch his lights out too? So sorry

jessiesmom1's picture
Posts: 874
Joined: Jun 2010

Unbelievable. I just heaved a DEEP sigh on your behalf. My thoughts are with you. Like others have suggested I agree with confronting him with what you have found out. Be prepared for denials, lies, etc. Think 1st if you want to go to counseling or go the lawyer route. What an awful situation to be in.


Posts: 239
Joined: Nov 2009


Hang in there.. I know this is tough to take but we are all here for you.. please promise that you won't allow him to blame you for his actions.. I would also suggest that you seek counseling as it will help you deal with your feelings..

Take care..

Big hugs,

jendrey's picture
Posts: 377
Joined: Sep 2009

I am so sorry you have to deal with this. Emotional infidelity is just as bad and worse than a physical one. Which it doesn't sound as if it's progressed that far yet?

Have you asked him why?

As painful as it is, you may be surprised by his answer if he's willing to talk about it. It could be the opener for much needed dialogue from him.

As for your snooping through his email - well, you're his wife that's kinda' just your job. Too bad if he doesn't like it, he knew that would be part of marriage. And if he didn't--he knows now!

Hugs and hopes for it all working out for you.

If not, then I'm up for punching his lights out too!!!

Aortus's picture
Posts: 967
Joined: Jan 2009

I know the term "decent guy" isn't a big part of your vocabulary right now, and I don't blame you. Still, I'm sorry to hear that he turned out to be such a Weiner. Kick his *** and move on.


Posts: 113
Joined: Jun 2010

I am sooo soorry!!! Carma will get him......

DebbyM's picture
Posts: 3293
Joined: Oct 2009

This is just wrong in every way! I am so sorry!

Sending a big hug,


mollyz's picture
Posts: 753
Joined: Sep 2010

I know your the only one seen his emails and I'm not taking up for him at no means is he actually "wanting" the person? or is it just conversational? Ladies I'm not sure if you realized it but our spouses go through also my Dr. told me my husband would have a harder time than me think about it they think they'll loose there life long partner maybe he's scared I mean I'm grasping at straws right now this is unbelievable what could be worst than the cancer,WE NEED TO LOAD THE PINK BUS FOR HIM AND GO BEAT THE "ASHES" out of him and ask him do he know what he's doing and boy the timing of a mid life crisis. I'm just saying ! this really gets my goat. mollyz

Posts: 140
Joined: May 2011

wow I dont care what they go through as well as us we are not looking for replacements you stick it out with the ones you love no matter what sorry for being so harsh but the truth is that is unacceptable behavior and im sorry

VickiSam's picture
Posts: 9085
Joined: Aug 2009

You take care of YOU, and only you. What a difficult time, and predicament to be in. I am so very sorry that you have to go thru this after all that you have suffered thru to beat breast cancer.

In difficult times, you know who will stand by you .. in the good times, as well, as bad. Our true colors show in our actions.

I am 100% behind you .... Do what is best for YOU!

Strength and Courage.

Vicki Sam

fauxma's picture
Posts: 3581
Joined: Dec 2008

I am so sorry to see you go through this. We are here for you and use us to vent whenever you need to. There is just no excuse for this, none.

Posts: 1522
Joined: Jan 2010

I am so sorry. I can't even think of anything else to say. We are here for you.


Ritzy's picture
Posts: 4382
Joined: Aug 2009

Like the others, I am short on words. Please know we are here to support you in anyway.

Very sorry this happened..

Sue :)

KathiM's picture
Posts: 8077
Joined: Aug 2005

obviously, he is too chicken to leave...so kick him out! You deserve better treatment from him, or from everyone, for that matter!!!

Hugs, Kathi

smalldoggroomer's picture
Posts: 1182
Joined: May 2010

I'm so sorry, You must be so hurt and feel betrayed!! I honestly don't know what to say.
We are here for you like some one else said Vent away. I personally would confront him. But you have to do what is best for you. How long have you suspected this? God bless you. Sending HUGS to you. Take care sweetheart we're with you. Oh!!Oh!! Would you like us to open a can of kick @$$ on him......just saying..

sea60's picture
Posts: 2618
Joined: May 2010

I AM so sorry. Confront him about this so you don't have to suffer this in silence. It's about YOU now...do what's best for you dear Sister.

Praying for you and sending my hugs,


Double Whammy's picture
Double Whammy
Posts: 2809
Joined: Jun 2010

I don't know what to say, and I don't know what I'd do if this happened to me. Do you think he wanted to get caught?

Sending hugs. Remember, I have a former son in law named Guido . . .


Posts: 896
Joined: Sep 2009

So sorry! As others have said, keep your head high! It hurts my heart to know yours is hurting as well by this kind of betrayal. I'm praying for you and please know we are all here for you - anytime!!!

Posts: 113
Joined: Jun 2010

I almost hate to post this, but you may want to print out some of the emails and put them somewhere safe in case you need them later.... As soon as you talk to him, he will probably change his email password and then you wont know what is going on....

I would almost be tempted to make my own profile under a fake name and contact him to see how he responds.....

CypressCynthia's picture
Posts: 4014
Joined: Oct 2009

This is an awful shock! What a jerk! I don't know what to tell you except that I am here for you 100%.

Boppy_of_6's picture
Posts: 1138
Joined: Apr 2010

I like others really don't know what to say except I am sorry. I do know how it feels to have your husband of 27 years just decide he does not want a family anymore and walk away so I know this has to be very painful. God Bless
(((hugs))) Janice

Vigee's picture
Posts: 66
Joined: May 2011

Oh, I am so sorry to hear this.

I am playing devil's advocate, but it doesn't sound like he has done anything, yet.

He is probably feeling VERY scared and powerless. Hard feelings for men.

If you love him and he is worth it, talk to him. Tell him WHATEVER he is feeling is OKAY.
Tell him you love him.

Thinking of you,

Vigee's picture
Posts: 66
Joined: May 2011

Oh, I am so sorry to hear this.

I am playing devil's advocate, but it doesn't sound like he has done anything, yet.

He is probably feeling VERY scared and powerless. Hard feelings for men.

If you love him and he is worth it, talk to him. Tell him WHATEVER he is feeling is OKAY.
Tell him you love him.

Thinking of you,

grams2jc's picture
Posts: 756
Joined: May 2011

So sorry that he thought this was the right thing to do. Been through a divorce, don't wish it on my worst enemy (well maybe my ex) but you have to do what is right for you.

The thought of you going through this makes my heart hurt,


carkris's picture
Posts: 4554
Joined: Aug 2009

I am so sorry and yes we are all getting on the pink bus to support you and punch his lights out!

ladyg's picture
Posts: 1577
Joined: Apr 2010

How did he think he could get away with a thing like that. My theory is "Don;t get mad, get even!".


Posts: 167
Joined: Apr 2011

I am so so sorry to hear what you are going through. I don't know you or your relationship, but my gut response is that you should print the "evidence" (as someone suggested you don't know if you will need it), then confront him and talk about it. Depending on what comes out of the confrontation, you either work it out or kick him out. That is what you owe yourself. My thoughts are with you.


Posts: 633
Joined: Jul 2010

Can't begin to even try and imagine what it's like to discover something like that! I"m so very sorry. Prayers and hugs to you.


Lynn Smith
Posts: 1265
Joined: Mar 2011

I would confront him but wait just awhile.Make sure it is starting to go somewhere and then put a stop to it. Like someone said he can be more private about it and you will never know what is being said.

This is very dangerous.You have no idea who you meet on line.Those he may be e-mailing could be married also. What a dangerous situation or it could be a woman who prowels alot.All I can say is today women look for men who are secure in their jobs, have a home and money saved.Usually it is younger women looking for older men who are established.Why would they want a guy their own age???? They still have kids to support and usually don't own their own home.

Like others say I am very sorry too.Ive seen alot of flirting my husband does but I do know he won't cheat. We go everywhere together.BUT the women he flirts with thinks he will.Then I get their crap because I am in the way. They've even done things to try and get me to move out.I ignore it and turn the other cheek.I never give those kind what they want. I actually pretend they don' exist.It truly truly works and me and my husband NEVER go where they are.

Every one of them aren't pretty so I guess if a man give them attention they are flattered.LOL.

Maybe I missed something but wondered how long you have been married???And do you think the cancer thing is causing him to change???I know a man close to where I live dx with colon cancer.His wife a nurse left him.She couldn;t take it but yet he stood by her when she had breast cancer.She told him she couldn't bare to watch him die.Who said he was going to die????? May live longer than her.Nothing is for sure.

Lynn Smith

sweetvickid's picture
Posts: 459
Joined: Nov 2009

Married 31 years. He got caught. A friend of his sister is on the same board and told his sister. Sis came down the other day and had a long talk with him. His sister informed me of the talk but I won't go into it. He thinks I don't know anything and that is the way it is staying. sister said he was really embarrased to find out the friend (actually a friend of his too) knows what he did.

Kylez's picture
Posts: 3765
Joined: May 2009

I guess you aren't going to confront him then? Well, good luck to you Vicki and I am so sorry that this ever even happened.

Hugs, Kylez

Lynn Smith
Posts: 1265
Joined: Mar 2011

I think you are handling it good and I am glad you have some others that are concerned.I bet he is ashamed and humiliated and very sorry.Do what you feel is right.Remember what they say.Would you be better with out without him>???? 31 years is a long time.My husband and I have been married 42 years and NO one will break us up.

Lynn Smith

Clementine_P's picture
Posts: 516
Joined: Feb 2011

Sweet Vicki, I'm so so sorry that you are having to deal with this after 31 years of marriage. Nobody deserves this. Make sure you handle this in the way that works best for you. It is going to be hard but whatever road you choose to follow is perfectly okay. There are no right or wrong choices. Hang in there and try to remember how strong you are. You made it through cancer treatments and you will get through this whether you choose to end it, reconcile, or just to take it one day at a time.

I have to agree with Joe (Aortus) - he is a total Weiner.



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