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Anchor has been cut and here I am adrift

herdizziness's picture
Posts: 3642
Joined: Apr 2010

My mother passed away yesterday morning Friday the 10th. I received the call as I was turning into my oncologists office.
I had tickets to see her one more time, I was supposed to have left at 6:30 AM today.
I was lucky, back in March I purchased tickets to see her from June 4th to June 7th to celebrate her 90th birthday which was June 1st. I didn't go until the 4th because I had finals and my son was graduating also on the 3rd from college. 6 months ago, my mother told me she was tired and ready to go, I said "Mama, your almost 90, can you make until your 90?", and she said well, yes, she could do that. Two months ago, my Mama said she was tired and ready to go. I told her well Mama, your 89 years old you can do what you want (I always said that to her, whatever her age at the time, because one of us would want her to visit or such and she'd say she was too tired etc., and I'd tell her that she was of decent enough age that she could do what she wanted, not what we wanted)but could you stay until I can get up there in June? She replied she would. Two weeks ago my Mama said she was real tired and she really wanted to go, I said Mama, could you please wait, I'll be up June 4th. And she said all right honey. My Mama knew who I was when I got there, her sentences were never finished though, she kept telling me I had the most beautiful eyes, we kept telling each other we loved one another so much. I kept thanking her and telling her what a wonderful mother she had been to me, she became my mother when I was 5 years old, she had already raised her children, then she married my Dad and had to raise 6 more from ages of 9 months to 7 years old. The next day she wasn't talking much anymore, I saw a robin outside and sang the song that goes "The red, red robin goes bob, bob, bobbin along" and she surprised me by smiling and singing it back. The morning of the 7th on the day I was flying back home she hadn't spoken at all and had a far away look in her eye. I told her, Mama, I've got to go back home today, you haven't talked to me at all, I need to hear you say something before I go, anything, just let me hear your voice Mama. She turned and looked at me and rasped out those three beautiful words "I love you."
I had expected her to live another week or two, so I had purchased another ticket upon arriving home to go back Saturday, instead I will go back Monday and attend her burial of her ashes at her step-daddy's foot of his grave. She loved her step-daddy so much, he came into her life when she was 5, she would tell of stories of sitting at his feet listening to him tell them (her sisters and her)stories. Her grave marker will read, "Here she lies at her daddy's feet"
She was my mother completely, she had my love, my respect and I always felt as if I had been born of her because she returned my love that well.
I miss you Mama so much already.
Winter Marie

ron50's picture
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PhillieG's picture
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Joined: May 2005

I'm very sorry for your loss.

pepebcn's picture
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Joined: Aug 2010

Feel sorry for the loose!

maglets's picture
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Joined: Jun 2006

I am so sorry winter Marie.....more hugs


pete43lost_at_sea's picture
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Joined: Nov 2010

dear winter marie,

this is lovelly tribute to your mum, i should say you are that tribute in a sense.
your mum sounded so lovelly.
she reminded me of my mum, who fostered me at 6 months.
something we have in common.
she is at peace and resting now.


tina dasilva's picture
tina dasilva
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Joined: Sep 2010

I'm so sorry to hear about your loss R.I.P mama <3

traci43's picture
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Winter Marie - It sounds like you have such wonderful memories of your mom. May these memories confort you as you deal with your loss. Traci

Sundanceh's picture
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Joined: Jun 2009

Well, we talked the other night about this and I was short of words as I always am with this subject.

I'm so very glad that you had love and encouragement and support from your mom - I think it makes a big difference in a child's life. It's what it's supposed to be about.

My condolences to you, Winter:)


plh4gail's picture
Posts: 1238
Joined: Oct 2010

I'm so sorry Winter Marie...hugs to you!


Posts: 188
Joined: Apr 2011

Sorry for your loss. What a beautiful memory of your last visit gave me goose bumps. Beautiful story. Kim

daBeachBum's picture
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Joined: Apr 2011

Winter Marie,

My condolences on the loss of your mother. I am glad you were able to spend quality time with her. She obviously loved you very much.

Annabelle41415's picture
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Joined: Feb 2009

So sorry for your loss. What a beautiful story you told. Sounds like you had a wonderful mother.


Posts: 965
Joined: Nov 2008

My condolences to you on the loss of your mom. She sounds like quite a woman and you were blessed to love her and be loved by her. May she rest in peace.


Kathleen808's picture
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Winter Marie,
What a lovely tribute to a beautiful woman. Thank you for sharing. My prayers go with you in the days ahead.


christinecarl's picture
Posts: 545
Joined: Sep 2009

I am very sorry for your loss. It is hard to lose a mom, no one loves you the way they do. Peace be with you.

wolfen's picture
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Joined: Apr 2009

She will be forever in your heart as you were in hers. And those wonderful memories that you have will always be your anchor. My thoughts are with you at this difficult time.


AncientTiger's picture
Posts: 130
Joined: Mar 2011

My dad just turned 94, and my mom is turning 84 in July. Each time we get a chance to go visit them, I always think to myself when I'm giving them a hug and a kiss goodbye, "Is this going to be the last time I get to do this". It's heartbreaking. And even though I've been preparing for it most of my life, I know it's going to be hard to let them go.

Like you Winter, I was brought into their lives from outside. Somewhere I have a biological mother and father, but I KNOW where my true Mother and Father are and I love them very much.

You'll be in my thoughts and prayers Winter, in the weeks and months to come. I'm very sorry to hear about your loss, and know that right now your heart must be in pieces... I pray that the good Shepard, and your friends/family helps you put those pieces back together over time.

Buzzard's picture
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much love and warmth to surround and comfort you in the days ahead...I'll keep you in my thoughts for all to be ok for you.......love to you, buzz

PGLGreg's picture
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Joined: Jul 2006

I'm sorry that your mother has died. My mother died at age 89 two years ago, and I cared for her the last two years of her life. I think your mother was fortunate, that her end came so peacefully. My mother was not so lucky. Let's try to take lessons for ourselves, as we approach our end of life.


marqimark's picture
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What a blessing you were to your mum, and she to you. Hugs...


tootsie1's picture
Posts: 5065
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I'm so sad for you. I wish you could have had one more visit.


emtwoods's picture
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Joined: Jan 2003

Sorry for your loss, great tribute so glad you got to see her again before she went home.

Posts: 457
Joined: Dec 2010

Dear Winter Marie,

I'm so sorry for your loss. I am so sad.

Take good care!
Hugs and love

Posts: 1154
Joined: Jun 2010

Beautiful words and memories. I am sorry for your loss!

johnnybegood's picture
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Joined: Oct 2008

story of your momma.i am at a loss for words.so i will say i am sorry and let time heal((((((HUGS)))))...Godbless....johnnybegood

KathiM's picture
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Joined: Aug 2005

What a wonderful tribute to your mom! I am glad you got the 'I love you' and the smile...hold those in your heart, little one!!!!!

We can share our year of 'firsts without my mom', if you would like, dearheart...

Hugs, Kathi

jjaj133's picture
Posts: 869
Joined: Mar 2011

Dear Winter Marie, I am so sorry for your loss. What a wonderful tribute to your mom. No matter how long we have them it's never long enough, i hope you feel all the love and strength being sent your way.Hugs, Judy

lisa42's picture
Posts: 3661
Joined: Jul 2008

Hi Winter Marie,

Sorry to hear of your Mama's passing. You take care of yourself...


lizdeli's picture
Posts: 570
Joined: Jul 2009

I am so sorry for your loss. I am glad you had the chance to hear your mother's voice and to know she hear yours. May your mother's memory be eternal and be with you always.

schnauzerheads's picture
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Joined: Jan 2011

Very sorry to hear this news.... you're in our thoughts, sending love your way.


greybeard64's picture
Posts: 254
Joined: Mar 2010

Big hug for you, I hope in time you find peace, and the memories of the wonderful woman who was your mother will bring you comfort for all the rest of your days.


herdizziness's picture
Posts: 3642
Joined: Apr 2010

Thank you everyone for your kind words. I'll be back in a few days, have to go catch a ride on that airplane to attend the graveside memorial.
Thank you again.
Winter Marie

Posts: 124
Joined: Mar 2011

I hope God gives you all of the strength you need to make it through the rough times. I hope, like the Footprints poem says, that it's now that He's carrying you.



One night I had a dream--
I dreamed I was walking along the beach with the Lord
and across the sky flashed scenes from my life.
For each scene I noticed two sets of footprints,
one belonged to me and the other to the Lord.
When the last scene of my life flashed before me,
I looked back at the footprints in the sand.
I noticed that many times along the path of my life,
there was only one set of footprints.
I also noticed that it happened at the very lowest
and saddest times in my life.
This really bothered me and I questioned the Lord about it.
"Lord, you said that once I decided to follow you,
you would walk with me all the way,
but I have noticed that during the most troublesome times in my life
there is only one set of footprints.
"I don't understand why in times when I needed you most,
you should leave me."
The Lord replied, "My precious, precious child,
I love you and I would never, never leave you
during your times of trial and suffering.
"When you saw only one set of footprints,
it was then that I carried you."

...Mary Stevenson

Nana b's picture
Nana b
Posts: 3045
Joined: May 2009

My condolences! So sorry for the loss of your Mama! Big Hug!

westie66's picture
Posts: 642
Joined: Jun 2010

Hi Winter Marie: I'm so sorry Winter Marie. I, too, lost my mom recently, just after Mother's Day. She was 94. Like you, I had at least been to visit her (she lived about 2000 miles from me) 1 week before she died. After I left, she stopped eating and drinking - she had seen me, spent time with me, and now it was time to go. She was in pain and really didn't want to go on. Just before she died, I talked to her on the telephone, told her I loved her so much, and miracle miracle miracle she told me she loved me. Those were the last words she spoke. I mourned her passing in her beloved forest with the birds and read a poem (do not grieve for me I am not gone...) for her. She, too, was my anchor for 67 years. I miss her so. My thoughts are with you.

angelsbaby's picture
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Winter Marie

Posts: 124
Joined: Mar 2011

how are you doing?

HollyID's picture
Posts: 951
Joined: Dec 2009

My deepest condolences, Marie.

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