Co-worker - need to vent a bit

sfan428
sfan428 Member Posts: 32
I apologize, but I need to vent for a minute and I am sure that some of you can relate. Anyway, I just finished my fifth round of FOLFOX w/ Avastin (one more round to go ... woo hoo) on Wednesday and had absolutely no desire to even attempt to climb out of bed yesterday. I send a quick email out to my colleagues explaining that I was not feeling to hot, but would be working remotely and would be available if needed. One of my co-workers replies with "geez, you get away with so much ... catch you later". Seriously? Feeling a bit a upset by her comments, I reply with "Well, perhaps one day, god willing, you will get cancer and be able to enjoy a few days off as well". So anyway, I come in to the office this morning and she in a very snide tone says "Your reply yesterday was completely uncalled for, I was just kidding". I just chuckled, shook my head and walked away. I really can't believe people. I, of course, wish no one would have to deal with this crap, but I also wanted her to realize that if I had my choice I would have certainly rather been in the office. Ok, I'm done ... I feel a little better.

Shane
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Comments

  • geotina
    geotina Member Posts: 2,111
    Hey Shane:
    First, congrats on working thru your treatments. My hubby did the same so I know firsthand how difficult it can be.

    Your co-worker sounds like my sister, when I told her George had Stage IV cancer she actually said, well, I hope he feels better, like he had the flu or a cold. Some people are just self centered on themselves and will never change.

    Next time you are out to lunch or something with some of your co-workers that have been understanding, tell them thanks, treatment has been rough. I'm guessing your co-workes would not look too favorably on her comment.

    Her comments were hurtful and that is soooo unacceptable, to be deliberately hurtful to someone undergoing cancer treatment, what was this woman thinking.

    If this broad continues along these tracks, ignore her and ask HR to intervene, that she is making your treatment very difficult with her comments. HR does not like to hear these things.

    Take care and ignore her, she is not worth it.

    Hugs - Tina
  • karguy
    karguy Member Posts: 1,020
    I'm glad
    I'm glad you feel better,it's never easy to go thru the treatments,then have someone act like that.Just tell her that if she ever gets sick,you will be happy to give her blood if she needs it.
  • abrub
    abrub Member Posts: 2,174 Member
    It reminds me of a comment made to a friend by her coworker...
    Beth was being treated for advanced breast cancer, and during chemo weeks, would only work half days, as she was too sick and tired to work longer hours.

    Her colleague: "You're so lucky that you get to take so much time off." I couldn't believe it - same thing as just happened to you, Shane.

    You have every right to feel peeved, and I think your response was on target. If hers was a joke, then she should have been able to see the "humor" in your comment.

    PS - my lucky friend Beth died a few months later - about 3 months before I learned that I was joining our "elite ranks" of cancer patients/survivors.
  • christinecarl
    christinecarl Member Posts: 543
    Ugh that is a stupid comment
    Ugh that is a stupid comment and instead of apologizing to you when she had the chance, she was still being stupid. I agree with taking it to HR.

    It sort of reminded me of a comment that a coworker made to me after I was first diagnosed, I was talking about the cancer diagnoses and she rudely states, "well everyone has to die from something" I just looked at her and said "it is different when you are facing it" I had another coworker same the same thing another time, I just have to shake my head thinking, how would you feel if you had your Dr tell you this news? Would you really just shake it off and go, Oh well I knew one day I would die?

    I am sure there are many of us that have had to deal with rude comments from people and I am interested it what others have to post regarding this topic and how they handled it.
  • ketziah35
    ketziah35 Member Posts: 1,145
    People are insensitive.
    People are so insensitive.
  • AnneCan
    AnneCan Member Posts: 3,673
    Shane
    You are almost there, congrats! Your co-workwer is very insensitive. I have shocked in my own journey to hear some insensitive remarks from people. I remember some time ago we had a whole thread on the insensitve + shocking things people have said to all of us. It can help to know you are not alone, but to think there are that many insensitive people around is scary!
  • MrsJP
    MrsJP Member Posts: 157
    Peace
    I truly believe people that don't have cancer or no someone with cancer can not comprehend what is happening. At first I discribed my son as being sick and he quickly explained he was NOT sick, he had a disease. Try to forgive the ignorance of people. Cancer sucks and I pray that most people never have to feel what we as victims have to go through.
    Be Happy in the moment, and try to forgive those who are ignorant.

    jp
  • pepebcn
    pepebcn Member Posts: 6,331
    MrsJP said:

    Peace
    I truly believe people that don't have cancer or no someone with cancer can not comprehend what is happening. At first I discribed my son as being sick and he quickly explained he was NOT sick, he had a disease. Try to forgive the ignorance of people. Cancer sucks and I pray that most people never have to feel what we as victims have to go through.
    Be Happy in the moment, and try to forgive those who are ignorant.

    jp

    Frustrating!
    Hugs!
  • Lovekitties
    Lovekitties Member Posts: 3,364 Member
    Suggested response to those who make such unfeeling comments
    Suggested response to those who make such unfeeling comments:

    I forgive you your ignorance and hope that neither you nor anyone you love comes to know the physical, emotional and financial effects of having Cancer.

    Marie who loves kitties

    P.S. Ignorance is defined as lack of knowledge
  • RickMurtagh
    RickMurtagh Member Posts: 586
    witch
    burn her at the stake - she is obviously a witch. I am glad you are over it. Getting over things and not holding grudges always puts me in a better place - eventually.
  • Nana b
    Nana b Member Posts: 3,030

    witch
    burn her at the stake - she is obviously a witch. I am glad you are over it. Getting over things and not holding grudges always puts me in a better place - eventually.

    Trust me....
    Most joking around, is not joking at all. You are covered by Hipaa laws and she shouldn't even be making her statements. If you are taking intermittent FMLA, that could be bad for the Company. Start documenting. Start saving every email that deals with your illness. Take notes and file it away, should you need it!

    Believe me, I know first hand.
  • Kathleen808
    Kathleen808 Member Posts: 2,342
    Shane,
    Shane,
    I'm glad you are almost done with your treatments. Yes, your coworker was wayyyyyy out of line and as others said probably crossed some HR rules. I think your reply was spot on.

    Aloha,
    Kathleen
  • lizzydavis
    lizzydavis Member Posts: 893

    Shane,
    Shane,
    I'm glad you are almost done with your treatments. Yes, your coworker was wayyyyyy out of line and as others said probably crossed some HR rules. I think your reply was spot on.

    Aloha,
    Kathleen

    They can never know or understand unless they have been there.
    Shane,

    They can never know or understand unless they have been there. You know what you are dealing with and it isn't a picnic. Keep your spirits up and take the high road.

    Kind regards,
    Lizzy
  • plh4gail
    plh4gail Member Posts: 1,238
    Shane that was a rude
    Shane that was a rude sarcastic comment that she made. She should be ashamed of herself for not knowing better. Take care friend.

    Gail
  • herdizziness
    herdizziness Member Posts: 3,624
    Shane
    Yeppers, I loved your response, totally perfect. Wow, talk about an insensitive uncaring co-worker.
    Glad you got to vent, we all need to now and then again.
    My husband likes to tell me I'm cured of cancer since my surgery, there is no convincing him otherwise, ignorance is in the smartest of people (he's an electrical engineer), sigh.
    Winter Marie
    PS, no apology was necessary for venting, that's what we actually are all here for, education, love and venting, you were spot on(hmm, did I steal the "spot on" from Cheryl? If this was an English essay, I would have to show her as "work cited".
  • Vickilg
    Vickilg Member Posts: 281
    Don't Lose Your Sense Of Humor
    Hi there... I know I go against what is being said here but I really think your coworker was just treating joking and treating you like a "normal" person. Humor can help you get through the hard times and being treated "normal" helps a lot. My friends and I will joke about me having chemo head and things like that. It helps take the edge off of a serious situation. For me... I love and cherish when people treat me normal and not with kid gloves. When they treat me all tender it makes me feel weak. Oddly, I look at your coworkers comment as one of faith that you are going to beat this and they are just teasing you. God bless people that treat those with cancer as still alive humans. Also, just because someone has cancer doesn't give them the right to be mean and wishing someone else had cancer is just wrong.

    Hang in there and I hope you are having better days. Big hug!
  • MrsJP
    MrsJP Member Posts: 157
    Vickilg said:

    Don't Lose Your Sense Of Humor
    Hi there... I know I go against what is being said here but I really think your coworker was just treating joking and treating you like a "normal" person. Humor can help you get through the hard times and being treated "normal" helps a lot. My friends and I will joke about me having chemo head and things like that. It helps take the edge off of a serious situation. For me... I love and cherish when people treat me normal and not with kid gloves. When they treat me all tender it makes me feel weak. Oddly, I look at your coworkers comment as one of faith that you are going to beat this and they are just teasing you. God bless people that treat those with cancer as still alive humans. Also, just because someone has cancer doesn't give them the right to be mean and wishing someone else had cancer is just wrong.

    Hang in there and I hope you are having better days. Big hug!

    well said.
    "}
  • Nana b
    Nana b Member Posts: 3,030
    MrsJP said:

    well said.
    "}

    I think one knows a co
    I think one knows a co worker better then any else can, a joke is usually followed by lol or, teasing you...but the point has been made.. I however, don't wish cancer on anyone. She was insensitive and could get herself and the Company in lots of trouble. Sorry, MS HR here.
  • geotina
    geotina Member Posts: 2,111
    Nana b said:

    I think one knows a co
    I think one knows a co worker better then any else can, a joke is usually followed by lol or, teasing you...but the point has been made.. I however, don't wish cancer on anyone. She was insensitive and could get herself and the Company in lots of trouble. Sorry, MS HR here.

    Nanab
    You are spot on. When George called in a few times while on Folfox, he did get a few messasges on his phone from work, they were along the lines of "sorry you are feeling bad, need me to do anything for you on this end just let me know". Thats what a caring co-worker does and George is so very lucky, he has a room full of them.

    Hugs - Tina
  • geotina said:

    Nanab
    You are spot on. When George called in a few times while on Folfox, he did get a few messasges on his phone from work, they were along the lines of "sorry you are feeling bad, need me to do anything for you on this end just let me know". Thats what a caring co-worker does and George is so very lucky, he has a room full of them.

    Hugs - Tina

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