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In memory of Pam

tabur's picture
Posts: 71
Joined: Jul 2009

It saddens me to tell you that my Pammie passed away. Yet, I am also grateful that her pain is over. She has been in the Hospice wing of the Hospital since February 22nd. The nurses there took great care of her, bathing her, applying skin lotion and they even painted her fingernails. While she was able, she gave hugs to each of them.

On Sunday, her condition deteriorated and although I think she could hear us, she was unable to respond. My daughter arrived on Monday and from then on, one of us was always holding her hand and talking to her. The nurses also kept her very comfortable.

Each night, I slept in a recliner right next to her bed so I could hold her hand. Last night, just after midnight, I kissed her and wished her a Happy Anniversary. Today is our 32nd. I like to think she was waiting for this. Around 2:30 this morning I fell asleep holding her hand and around 4:00, she fell asleep holding mine.

She was 52 years old and a wonderful wife, mother and grandmother (Mimi). I wish you guys could have met her.

Rest in peace my darling. I love you so much.

I will continue coming to this board and provide input that I hope will be helpful. I owe that much for all the support that was given to me.

Bless you all. Keep up the fight.


Posts: 306
Joined: Jan 2010


My condolences. You wrote a beautiful tribute to your wife, and the love you have for her is very evident.

Take Care

lizzydavis's picture
Posts: 893
Joined: May 2009


My heart goes out to you. May God bless you and give you strength and comfort. May your heart be filled with wonderful memories of the joyful times together.

With sincere sympathy,


tina dasilva's picture
tina dasilva
Posts: 644
Joined: Sep 2010

I'm so sorry for your loss .hugs Tina

Posts: 72
Joined: Nov 2010


I am so very sorry for your loss. She sounded like a wonderful woman. May she now rest in peace. I am glad that you were able to spend another anniversary together! I wish you and your family the best!


geotina's picture
Posts: 2120
Joined: Oct 2009

Our deepest condolonces on the loss of your Pammie. You were an amazing caregiver to the love of your life, your Pammie. You were with her every step of the way in her journey and I'm so sorry she is now gone. Your memories with her will live on in your heart forever. May you find peace and comfort in the coming days, weeks and months. You will feel her love forever.


Tina and George

pepebcn's picture
Posts: 6352
Joined: Aug 2010

in this sad moment, you and Pam will be in my prayers today. You both will be always in my mind.
Sincere and deep hug.

LivinginNH's picture
Posts: 1458
Joined: Apr 2010

Al, I'm so very saddened by this news. My deepest condolences go out to you and your family. Rest in peace Pam... Cynthia

angelsbaby's picture
Posts: 1171
Joined: May 2008

i am very sorry


Lovekitties's picture
Posts: 3346
Joined: Jan 2010

I am so very sorry that you have lost the love of your life, but am grateful that Pam is no longer suffering.

May the coming difficult days be eased with sweet rememberances of your life together.

Hugs to you and all your family and friends,

Marie who loves kitties

TMac52's picture
Posts: 358
Joined: Aug 2010

You brought tears to my eyes reading your tribute. Your Pam and I are the same age and it breaks my heart to see your loss so vividly. You are such a nice guy I hope and pray that you can now find some peace. Best wishes.

dianetavegia's picture
Posts: 1953
Joined: Mar 2009

Al, You don't know me from Adam, but I have followed Pam's journey and had read how important it was to both of you to be together on your 32nd Anniversary. I really believe Pam held out to honor that wish. I know you'll forever miss her, but true love never dies.

Wishing you comfort and only happy memories from today forward.


idlehunters's picture
Posts: 1792
Joined: Apr 2009

This news really saddens me and yes, brought tears to my eyes too. I am glad Pam is out of pain now. How I hate this dang cancer! Please do keep coming back to the boards. Prayers to you and the family. Pam will be missed a lot!


Nana b's picture
Nana b
Posts: 3045
Joined: May 2009

I'm so sorry Al. How devastating to lose your wife! May you heal in time, so that the pain lessens a bit. Please take it a day at a time. Big Hugs!

Posts: 217
Joined: Apr 2010

our thoughts are with you both. You have handled yourself with dignity and grace and I am sure Pam knows that you were there for her. Bless you both. Pat

Sonia32's picture
Posts: 1078
Joined: Mar 2009

My mum was 53, and she saw her 32nd wedding anniversary too, then left us. Your post really touched me, I'm so sorry for your loss of your beloved Pam. I'm so glad she had you, a loving family and friends. Glad you will keep coming to the board, your knowledge and insight will be appreciated to anyone seeking advice.


lisa42's picture
Posts: 3661
Joined: Jul 2008


I'm so sorry you lost your beloved wife Pam. It saddens me, but I guess we can take a little comfort in that she's no longer in pain or suffering. She is at peace now.
That doesn't take away the terrible heartache you now have to bear, I know. I am praying for you today.

Take care,

Lori-S's picture
Posts: 1287
Joined: Sep 2010

I am so sorry that you lost Pam to this dreadful disease but, am glad that you were there holding her hand and that you both got to see your anniversay in. My prayers are with you and the family in this time. HUGS

mukamom's picture
Posts: 402
Joined: Oct 2010

hear of Pam's passing. May she rest in peace.


Patteee's picture
Posts: 950
Joined: Jul 2009

Oh Al it feels like another link in our circle is gone with Pam's passing. You will get through this, you will! Rest, take deep breaths, hold tight to your kids and your grandkids. Please keep us posted on how you are doing. We all care about you! Pam's memory lives on in all of us, we all move forward everyday remembering those this beast has taken from our lives. Her fight to live and to be with her family will not be forgotten by any of us.

Sundanceh's picture
Posts: 4408
Joined: Jun 2009


I'm sorry on the passing of your wife, Pam. Everyone could feel the heartbreak in your voice leading up to this notification post.

A love shared is a wonderful thing - and I believe you, Pam probably hung in there until your anniversary did come so she could be with you in spirit.

Wishing you peace and calm during these upcoming days.


Posts: 395
Joined: Jul 2010

I am so sorry to hear about Pam. You and your family are in my prayers. Take comfort that she is in a better place and not suffering. You will be together again someday.

Hugs and love,

maglets's picture
Posts: 2596
Joined: Jun 2006

I am so so very sorry to hear of Pam's passing


CherylHutch's picture
Posts: 1399
Joined: Apr 2007

Al, I'm so sorry to hear this day has finally arrived. I know you were as prepared as you possibly could be and you shared that preparedness with us... but it doesn't make it any easier for you and your family... or even us, your cyber family.

I am happy that you managed to mention that you will continue coming to this board. Your input and your experience as a caregiver is so important to all of us here and the new folk who will be joining us.... not to mention, YOU are part of our family and always will be. Sometimes, after a loved one has died, the caregivers feel that they have nothing more to offer and we lose track of them... when in fact, all caregivers are as much a part of this family as are the folk who are the ones with the cancer. I am thrilled that some of our caregivers are still here after going through their devastating time of losing their loved ones.

So take your time, deep breaths and when you just want to talk or hang out with people who understand what you are going through... you know this is your cyber home!



Posts: 965
Joined: Nov 2008

The love and pain you expressed is so moving to me and I cried when I read your post, to know that your beautiful wife was taken from you. I believe that Pam delayed her journey to ensure that you shared your 32nd anniversary together on Earth. My condolences to you and your family.


Kathleen808's picture
Posts: 2361
Joined: Jan 2009

What a beautiful wife and a wonderful 32 years the two of you had together. I am so sorry for your loss. I will keep you in my prayers. She was blessed to have you as a husband.


Posts: 3692
Joined: Oct 2009

I am so sorry for the loss of your lovely Pam. I am glad she had such good care in hospice, and that you were there holding her hand. Thank-you for telling us you will continue coming to this board, it means a lot to me.

Posts: 827
Joined: Jan 2010

Dear Al, please accept my condolences for the loss of your dear Pam. I am so sorry to hear this news.I wish I could have met her too.

My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family at this sad time.


jararno's picture
Posts: 189
Joined: May 2010

May beauty live on
in your memories
and bring you peace.

With Deepest Sympathy


karguy's picture
Posts: 1024
Joined: Apr 2009

I'm sorry for your loss,I will be praying for both of you.I HATE CANCER!!

Posts: 109
Joined: Feb 2006

It is with the deepest sadness that I say I am so sorry, you and your family are in our prayers.

Patti & Dennis

ktlcs's picture
Posts: 360
Joined: Jan 2010

I know the pain you are feeling, I miss my husbnd every day. Know that you are not alone and know that she is at peace


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Buzzard's picture
Posts: 3073
Joined: Aug 2008

The two of you are in my prayers as well as in my heart. I hope that you know all of us are beside you in wrapping our arms around you during this time...She is at rest, take some consolation in that, take whatever you can so that your burdens are lifted and that your days ahead are as easy as possible.....May the memories made make you smile every once in a while, and know that she will always be a part of who you are. From where I stand, I see a strong man that knows what is important, and that is his family......Love, Hope, and Peace be with you through the next days ahead and for the rest of your life......Clift

Love2Cats's picture
Posts: 127
Joined: Dec 2010

What a wonderful man you are. Pam will live on forever in your heart. My best to you at this difficult time.


Dharma girl
Posts: 40
Joined: Jan 2011

Very sorry to here your sad news. I have tears in my eyes as I’m writing this. I am happy for you and Pammie that you had 32 years together.

I hope that you find some peace in the days to come.


Paula G.'s picture
Paula G.
Posts: 596
Joined: Apr 2009

So sorry for your loss. My husband passed on Dec 31st. it will be hard up and down. I wish this cancer and all cancer could be cured. It is such an awful feeling knowing you can do nothing. My best to you. You had 32 wonderful years but I understand it itn't enough. Paula

Crow71's picture
Posts: 681
Joined: Jan 2010

I'm really sorry you lost Pam. It sounds like her last days were filled with good care and lots of love.
I hope you are okay.

pf78248's picture
Posts: 209
Joined: Jul 2008

Dear Al ,

I am so orry for your loss but know the time you had together was so precious. It's been almost six months since I lost the love of my life so I do feel your pain. Please know you are in our thoughts and prayers.
Hugs and Healing,

tootsie1's picture
Posts: 5056
Joined: Feb 2008

Oh, Al.

I do believe that she put all her strength into making it to that anniversary. What a lovely gift for you to have one more with her! I can feel how much you're hurting, and I know it's going to hurt so much for a long time. Praying for peace for you. You've been a wonderful husband and caregiver for Pam.


Posts: 67
Joined: Oct 2010

You both have been in my prayers.I prayed she would make it to today, I'm so glad she did for the both of you. I am so sorry for your loss.

Take care of yourself,


tabur's picture
Posts: 71
Joined: Jul 2009

I had to keep wiping tears as I read each response. I find it much easier to type about it than to talk about it so I truly appreciate my cyber family. I'm not the greatest at expressing my feelings but I do want each of you to know that your support has deeply touched me. I have seen the loss of a lot of good people since joining this community but I will not despair or leave. I grieve for my loss and this board is therapy for me. Cancer took my mother in January and my wife in March, one minute I am sad and then pi$$ed off the next. I pray they find a cure for this terrible disease.

Warm wishes to all of you...


JoyceSteele's picture
Posts: 146
Joined: Nov 2010

Dear Al:

My heart goes out to you. I am glad she is not suffering, but know this is so difficult losing the love of your life. Take comfort in the fact she thought and knew you were the best husband in the world. I will pray for you. Warm regards, Joyce

soccermom13's picture
Posts: 226
Joined: Feb 2010

To be holding your loved one's hand as they leave this life is so very special. Hold on to those memories and keep them in a special place for you to bring up at a moments notice. You are in my thoughts and prayers.
Many Hugs

Posts: 146
Joined: May 2009

so sorry to learn of your loss. May your precious memories comfort you in the coming days..

Annabelle41415's picture
Posts: 6531
Joined: Feb 2009

So sorry to hear this news, but glad that she is at peace and you were with her. You, her and loved ones are thought of and many prayers as you continue to move forward. You were a very loving caregiver and husband and admire you for the strength you have and of the courage you wife had.


okthen's picture
Posts: 232
Joined: Jun 2010

We are so sorry for your loss of what sounds like a wonderful, wonderful wife. You and your family are in my prayers and thoughts.
Chriss and Jack

Posts: 207
Joined: Jan 2011

My deepest sympathy Al...I'm so new on this board and I didn't have the pleasure of posting with you and Pam but I am deeply sorry for your loss. I too am "Pam" and my closest friends and family also call me "Pammy". I pray that you will find some peace in the fact that she is no longer in pain. I know those words are so little when it comes to missing her but I was caregiver for my Dad who passed from Parkinson's in 2006. He too was in Hospice and the people that cared for him became like family to us. It's wonderful that there are individuals that are that caring available to care for our loved ones. Even though I didn't want him to go and knew I would miss him more than I couldn imagine, there was comfort in the fact that he didn't have to suffer anymore. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers Al. Take care.


Posts: 1736
Joined: Jul 2007

I too wish I would have known her, but from how you speak of her I just know she was an angel. I am very happy that you had 32 years together, that in its self is awesome...I will keep you and your family in my prayers...

Again I am so sorry for your loss


Posts: 295
Joined: Apr 2010

Al, I'm very sorry for your loss. You message brought tears to my eyes. My condolences go out to you and your family.

462lt's picture
Posts: 118
Joined: Jun 2010

I', so sorry for your loss. Will keep you in my prayers. Laura


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