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mollyz's picture
Posts: 753
Joined: Sep 2010

I had a melt down today,as some of you know i live on a farm ,well i took a long over due walk today in the pasture,i haven't done that since last summer right after the mastectomy well it's a big hill of dirt in the pasture and i always stand on it, well today i cried when i stood on it because after all I've been through i made it back to my hill silly right? but it felt g o o d I am so thankful. MOLLYZ

missrenee's picture
Posts: 2137
Joined: Apr 2010

Glad you made it back up to that big hill of dirt and re-centered. We've all come such a long way--sometimes going back to what is familiar is therapeutic.

Glad you got there.

Hugs, Renee

fauxma's picture
Posts: 3581
Joined: Dec 2008

I can see that this was so much more than a hill of dirt. It was a reclaiming of life. There are so many songs and expressions about climbing mountains like It's The Ride, Climb Every Mountain, and one of my posters reads The man at the top of the mountain did not fall there. Life is a climb and sometimes like what you have been through a struggle but we just keep moving onward and upward. Standing on top of your personal mountain was life affirming. Tears are good also. Tears help to wash away our fears and give us strength.
Thanks for sharing this moment with us. We are always here for you.

cavediver's picture
Posts: 607
Joined: Apr 2010

I can visualize you on top of your hill and it lifts my spirits! You have reclaimed your place.......you have taken charge........ I can see you there in my minds eye.........Yeah!

aysemari's picture
Posts: 1596
Joined: Dec 2009

Isn't it amazing how the smallest things all of sudden seem so special?
All these things we used to take for granted. I am so happy for you. I love
the picture of you standing on your hill and crying tears of joy and relief!


Marcia527's picture
Posts: 2749
Joined: Jul 2006

No, it wasn't silly. You're getting back to who you are. Feels good don't it. I think nature is healing. I like the sky.

aisling8's picture
Posts: 1618
Joined: Feb 2010

You and your hill of dirt and the tears and the remembering the fear but today the gratitude pouring out of you -- oh, I get it!!!

Good story and good for you!


Megan M's picture
Megan M
Posts: 3001
Joined: Dec 2009

I think what you did was great. There was someone on here once that told about buying a bunch of cheap glass dishes and she went into her kitchen and broke them all, yelling, screaming and even cussing I think. But, it got the rage out of her that she had been holding onto. She felt great afterwords.

Glad you did it!

jessiesmom1's picture
Posts: 873
Joined: Jun 2010

Hi Molly,

It was absolutely NOT silly to cry when you made it out to that hill of dirt. Like others said, it was symbolic of the journey back to health. I think only someone who has been through what we have can truly understand what a big deal a seemingly innocuous pile of dirt can be. In my case, when I stood at the bottom of my daughter's dorm steps 5 weeks after finishing chemo and looked up toward her 2nd floor room (no elevator)and then got to the top, I also felt like a weight had been lifted from my shoulders.

Congratulations. May you walk to that big hill of dirt in the pasture often.

PinkPearl's picture
Posts: 280
Joined: Oct 2010

I can just see you on your hill in the pasture! How special! I grew up on a farm and used to love to roam all over exploring every corner. I miss that now--but I do have some pretty places to walk so I need to get out and enjoy them. You aren't silly - you know how beautiful and good life can be.

ladyg's picture
Posts: 1577
Joined: Apr 2010

a silly thing to do. You did it because you wanted to go back to being you again. I felt kind of like that when I was able to return to water areobics after rads. It was just something I needed to do for me. You needed to walk that hill for you.


Kylez's picture
Posts: 3765
Joined: May 2009

No, not silly, but, very helpful! Happy you did it sister!

Posts: 6587
Joined: Oct 2010

it's a safe place for you...comfort...we all have something...Happy you got to take the walk

cahjah75's picture
Posts: 2631
Joined: Jun 2010

That pile of dirt meant a lot to reach the top! You made it!
{{hugs}} Char

Gabe N Abby Mom's picture
Gabe N Abby Mom
Posts: 2415
Joined: Sep 2010

What a beauty there is this story, thank you for sharing it with us.



sea60's picture
Posts: 2617
Joined: May 2010

in a whole different perspective. NOT silly in the least. I sometimes can hardly contain my tears when I'm in a grateful feeling. And it can be the simplest of things.

That hill has meaning to you. It stands for something. Perhaps...maybe it was the realization that you stood at that hill, as you've done so many times but this time, you climbed that hill as a different person. It's overwhelming.

Thank you for sharing.



2Floridiansisters's picture
Posts: 382
Joined: May 2010

Not silly at all.

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