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1 year ago today, I heard those three words

herdizziness's picture
Posts: 3642
Joined: Apr 2010

One year ago today, seems strange, the date I embarked on this new journey after hearing those three words, "You have cancer".
It causes reflection, since they didn't give me this long to live, and yet, here I am, and will be I hope for many more years. I thought since hearing those words, I would change, towards being a better kinder person. Yet, I find I'm still me. I still laugh, love, argue, sing, dream, have nightmares, get ticked off. Cancer hasn't changed me, just changed my world in the way I have to live it, such as around Doctor appointments, chemo appointments, surgeries, where are the nearest bathrooms.
I thought I would greet this day with sadness and a bit of depression, after all, I still have cancer, it didn't magically disappear, and even when my turn at NED will be here someday, (doing mop up chemo right now) I will still be anxious at every scan, every colonoscopy, wondering when the next tumor is going to appear. But I find myself waking up today, it's 63 degrees at 9:00 AM as I type this, and it's going to be a beautiful day, the sun is shining and I'm just plain happy.
Pete's party is today in celebration of his life, and I'm going to enjoy that, as I hope all of you will be enjoying the celebrating along with him and us.
Today is Nana B's Birthday and I'm sure everyone will be including that in the celebration too.
So hello February 6th, my "anniversary" date, I'm here, I'm still me, and it's OKAY.
Winter Marie

tina dasilva's picture
tina dasilva
Posts: 644
Joined: Sep 2010

Oh our dearest Winter Marie you have come a long way and you give all of us so much hope to go on . And just for that I thank you from the bottom of heart I love you hugs Tina

Posts: 3692
Joined: Oct 2009

You are on an absolutely amazing journey. I remember when you came "on board" + I do think there have been some changes in you. You post often, + confidently. Maybe it's just partly I have gotten to know you better, but I see someone leading a happy, rich life, supporting so many on this board along their own journeys. I love reading your stories, even when you are talking about sweeping the floors. I see such a can-do spirit in you. You have conquered so much in the past year + should be so proud of yourself. I am proud of you!

Kathleen808's picture
Posts: 2361
Joined: Jan 2009

Winter Marie,
We are so glad you are here. You are such a supportive member of our family here. I hope your NED title is coming up soon.
Here's to you, Pete and Nana B today!


Buzzard's picture
Posts: 3073
Joined: Aug 2008

Yep 3 great individuals all in the own limelight today. May this be a great day for each of you and for you Winter.....my rememberance of you will always be of your first avatar sitting on the beach with your back turned to me like my child does when shes upset at me, a woman of many thoughts and many rebuttals but yet sitting there like a storm brewing....and just as a storm erupts, it just as quickly becomes calm, serene, beautiful in itself.....That was you, is you, and will be you for as long as I know you....You are a wonderful story in yourself, keep sharing it........Love to you and yours, Clift

johnnybegood's picture
Posts: 1122
Joined: Oct 2008

i have not known you long but you have the kind of fight in you that a lot of us wish we had.to tell you the truth i am fixing to start my second fight with this beast and really need the people like you to push me.you said you have not changed just the world you have to live in did.i never thought of it like that and i respect you for saying that.i have fought for 2 years wanting the old me back,that will never be,but now i will sit and think about what you have said in hopes it will help me to fight once again...Godbless...johnnybegood

herdizziness's picture
Posts: 3642
Joined: Apr 2010

I have every bit of faith in you, that you will fight this newest round well and vigorously with all you've got.
You keep fighting hun, we're right here with you fighting along side.
Winter Marie

herdizziness's picture
Posts: 3642
Joined: Apr 2010

Thank you Clift, I love the memories of that day, thank you for reminding me of them, and your kind words.
Winter Marie

PhillieG's picture
Posts: 4912
Joined: May 2005

Things can certainly change can't they...
I'm glad you are doing well and dealing with everything that comes your way.
I've found it to be a series of "New Normals".

I'm a February Dx too.

Annabelle41415's picture
Posts: 6722
Joined: Feb 2009

Hey we all remember that anniversay date with those three words, it's a terrible funny how sometimes we can't remember our kids, or grandkids birthday at a second thought, but we always remember the anniversary we don't want to remember. Yup I'm still laughing, living, aruging, and being the person that people knew me as before - well maybe more redefined. I've given a lot of thought to what has happened and I'm sometimes not liking me from where I'd come from - putting my husband through He!! because I'd been feeling bad through my ordeal. I'm sure lucky he was so forgiving. Keep those special things about you. Love your posts and just remember that you are always thought of by me. Wishing the best for you. Stay happy :)

Hugs! Kim

tootsie1's picture
Posts: 5065
Joined: Feb 2008

Even though I hate that you have reason to be here, I've found you to be a wonderful addition to our group. I can't wait to celebrate NED with you!


Posts: 67
Joined: Oct 2010

Dear Winter Marie I'm so happy for you! You are such a dear sweet person. You were the first person to contact me with advice. I am going to have a liver resection tomorrow and I wanted to let you know. I will not be here for a little while (not taking my laptop to hospital). It all happened so quickly my head is still spinning but it is all good. I care so much for everybody here on this board. I will be in touch as soon as I can.



herdizziness's picture
Posts: 3642
Joined: Apr 2010

I know you'll do just fine. I'm glad you are having your liver resection. Yea!!! Take good care of yourself, and we'll all be thinking of you tomorrow and the next few days!!!
Please let us know when you can how you are doing.
Many Hugs your way!!!!
Winter Marie

Posts: 3692
Joined: Oct 2009

I want to wish you the best of everything with your liver surgery. When you are up to it let us know how you are doing.

soccermom13's picture
Posts: 226
Joined: Feb 2010

One year can fly by! I find that attitude makes all the difference. Congrats on making it to a better place.

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christinecarl's picture
Posts: 545
Joined: Sep 2009

I year of you kicking some cancer ***. Good job. Do I wish I was magically a better person after hearing I had cancer, sure. But it did help put things in perspective for me. I hope all of the coming years are nothing but amazing for you.

plh4gail's picture
Posts: 1238
Joined: Oct 2010

Winter Marie I hate those first 3 words.....but the next 3 I am okay...that's the strength I see in you on this site. Bless you and yours and be as strong and loving as ever!


lisa42's picture
Posts: 3661
Joined: Jul 2008

Hi Marie,

It is weird when you get to that diagnosis "anniversary" date. I've had three of them so far, and plan to keep on going. You will too!!

Take care,

mommyof2kds's picture
Posts: 522
Joined: Mar 2009

I don't think any of us will forget the aweful day, mine will be the 13th and it was a friday, go figure... almost 2 years ago.. every scan and appt is still stressful.. Congrats on doing so well. just a matter of time before you hear the best 3 works NED..HUGS

herdizziness's picture
Posts: 3642
Joined: Apr 2010

I'm amazed at how far all of us have come since those words. We didn't wallow COMPLETELY (I did wallow a bit) in the words and the diagnosis. We overcame those words, we did the chemo's or the other alternatives, but we did what we could to live our lives to their fullest to our best. We do what we can, to keep on going, taking in words of encouragement to hold us for a little longer, giving words of encouragement to help others go on and keep on being themselves. It isn't easy living around cancer, but we've done it, we're doing it, and we'll keep on trying to get rid of those tumors. Those words, it turns out will be with us the rest of our lives. After all, they were harsh words to our ears, words we thought we would never hear. So we will carry those words with us, remember the date we heard them, but we won't let those words define us, remake us, or change us for the worse.
We will strive on, we will not lie down and die, cancer can kiss our royal arses!!!
Winter Marie

Posts: 3692
Joined: Oct 2009

Those are very inspirational words, Winter Marie; badly needed by me as I have been feeling really exhausted + a little down recently. It doesn't help that it is freezing out.

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