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Feeling Lost

Posts: 1
Joined: Feb 2011

My father-in-law died of lung cancer in December. My mother-in-law entered hospice for her own cancer soon afterwards. It feels like we haven't had a chance to truly grieve my fil's death as we have started the process of recognizing my mil's death will be coming soon. My own mother died suddenly about 10 years ago, one month after being declared in medical remission from stage iv metastatic lung cancer to the brain. I am not extremely close with my father and my in-law's were truly surrogate parents for me for the last 20 years. I feel like I can't share how much the loss is affecting me because they aren't my parents - like I'm supposed to be more concerned about how my husband is feeling, but I think my own grief has affected my ability to truly be there for him. Shouldn't a time like this bring us closer in our shared loss/impending loss? It only feels like we've drifted apart as we each work through on our own and I don't really think that's working well.

My mil had a procedure the other that prevented bathing. When I visited, she asked if I'd wash her hair for her. In her wheelchair at the sink we were able to do it. Her hair was so thin, but I felt like I could not have done anything kinder for her at that time. Put a little mousse in it and blew it dry and she said she felt so much better. I felt honored that she would ask me to do that for her. I know a staff person would've done it had she asked, but she was willing to ask me. When she's gone it will be like losing my mom all over again.

Posts: 358
Joined: Aug 2009

Very sorry for everything you are going through. Cancer sucks! No one can predict how they will or should deal with grief. It sounds like you have a very close relationship with your In-laws. My husband died in June of 2010. There were times the kids and I grieved together and times we needed the space to cope in our own way. There is no right way.
In my thoughts,

skipper85's picture
Posts: 231
Joined: Sep 2010

Pumpkin - I am so sorry you are losing someone you love so much. I know it's very hard. I lost my husband last month. I know you have lost yours and now your mil is so ill. I can't imagine the pain you are feeling. I'm sure your mil loves you very much. I did see you mentioned you have kids. I hope they will be the comfort you need to get through this terrible time. Praying for you.



Pennymac02's picture
Posts: 336
Joined: Aug 2010

So sorry you're going through this. My husband was my rock when my mom passed of breast cancer last year. Then I lost him to liver cancer three weeks ago. My mother in law has been an amazing blessing and support during this time, I don't know what I would have done with out her.

Family is family, don't feel guilty for your grief.

hope0310's picture
Posts: 324
Joined: May 2010

My mother passed away Sept 23rd, 3 days later my MIL was put on Hospice care and passed away Oct 24th.

I was angry...very angry, I felt cheated out of my time to grieve for my mother, best friend, ROCK!! I went through the motions and was there as best I could be for my husband and his family, but I was in so much inner pain.

I'm trying to slowly move past that, but I still feel as though I have not completely dealt with my mothers death....I feel I was robbed of that time. I feel bad for admitting that, it sounds very selfish of me......but it is what it is.

Take care of yourself, find time to process.

Much love

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