Feeling Lost

My father-in-law died of lung cancer in December. My mother-in-law entered hospice for her own cancer soon afterwards. It feels like we haven't had a chance to truly grieve my fil's death as we have started the process of recognizing my mil's death will be coming soon. My own mother died suddenly about 10 years ago, one month after being declared in medical remission from stage iv metastatic lung cancer to the brain. I am not extremely close with my father and my in-law's were truly surrogate parents for me for the last 20 years. I feel like I can't share how much the loss is affecting me because they aren't my parents - like I'm supposed to be more concerned about how my husband is feeling, but I think my own grief has affected my ability to truly be there for him. Shouldn't a time like this bring us closer in our shared loss/impending loss? It only feels like we've drifted apart as we each work through on our own and I don't really think that's working well.

My mil had a procedure the other that prevented bathing. When I visited, she asked if I'd wash her hair for her. In her wheelchair at the sink we were able to do it. Her hair was so thin, but I felt like I could not have done anything kinder for her at that time. Put a little mousse in it and blew it dry and she said she felt so much better. I felt honored that she would ask me to do that for her. I know a staff person would've done it had she asked, but she was willing to ask me. When she's gone it will be like losing my mom all over again.