Welcome to the new Cancer Survivors Network website! Existing members can click HERE to review the changes and new features on CSN.

If I could, I would erase this post....sorry for the feelings! Please, just let this go! Old posts

KathiM
KathiM Member Posts: 8,028
edited March 2014 in Colorectal Cancer #1
My suggestion is, that if you have something new to add, start a new post, please.

I just got the wind knocked out of me by a year-old post where our beloved Shayenne was posting, still full of life and optimism.

We just suddenly lost 2 beloveds on my other board, and all of us are reeling there...I am going to make the same suggestion there...

I LOVE all of you, and benefit greatly from your posts, and, of course, it is innocent...but it still hurts...tears are there for me...

BIG dutch hugs, Kathi

Comments

  • Nana b
    Nana b Member Posts: 3,030
    When someone passes
    Wonder if it would be better for CSN to remove the deceased's account. Old posts are at times good,
    To piggy back on, saves a lot of typing. But removing them seems disrespectful or sad... I don't know.
  • dmdwins
    dmdwins Member Posts: 450
    Nana b said:

    When someone passes
    Wonder if it would be better for CSN to remove the deceased's account. Old posts are at times good,
    To piggy back on, saves a lot of typing. But removing them seems disrespectful or sad... I don't know.

    Mixed Emotions
    Kathi...I certainly understand what you are saying. I have very mixed emotions.I have gained some valuable information from past posts but as you said it can be sad and painful to see posts from those who are no longer with us in body. But often times when I see their posts I smile.....remembering their spirit and their fight and their individual special qualities.....just a reminder who will forever live in my heart :)

    Smiles,
    Dawn
  • Crow71
    Crow71 Member Posts: 679
    I know exactly how you feel
    I know exactly how you feel Kathi, and I certainly don't blame you for wanting to protect yourself and other from more pain. But sometimes I have a different feeling. Donna's smile always made me feel better, and even though she isn't alive anymore, her smile still warms me. It's very weird to feel sad about someone passing; yet at the same time still feel encouraged by their words. I'm not meaning to argue with you here Kathi, you just got me talking.
    Roger
  • dianetavegia
    dianetavegia Member Posts: 1,942
    Or, leave them and put a
    Or, leave them and put a 'Deceased' banner across their avatar. Permanently close any thread they've begun but leave it for people to learn from.

    I just got notice that the American Cancer Society is the Official Sponsor of My Birthday from Kimby. Broke my heart! I remember us sending her birthday cards last year. Her youngest son ends every post on Facebook with KJH I love you. The hurt is still too fresh!
  • KathiM
    KathiM Member Posts: 8,028
    Nana b said:

    When someone passes
    Wonder if it would be better for CSN to remove the deceased's account. Old posts are at times good,
    To piggy back on, saves a lot of typing. But removing them seems disrespectful or sad... I don't know.

    Nana, I see your point!
    It DOES save typing...and remembering them is good...I guess I am just being ultra-sensitive from the losses recently on the breast cancer board...

    Dutch hugs, Kathi
  • KathiM
    KathiM Member Posts: 8,028
    dmdwins said:

    Mixed Emotions
    Kathi...I certainly understand what you are saying. I have very mixed emotions.I have gained some valuable information from past posts but as you said it can be sad and painful to see posts from those who are no longer with us in body. But often times when I see their posts I smile.....remembering their spirit and their fight and their individual special qualities.....just a reminder who will forever live in my heart :)

    Smiles,
    Dawn

    Dawn, remembering is grand....
    I just am sensitive right now from all of the losses, I guess!

    I, too, keep all of my CSN family safe in my heart! Thank you, my dear!

    Dutch hugs, Kathi
  • KathiM
    KathiM Member Posts: 8,028
    Crow71 said:

    I know exactly how you feel
    I know exactly how you feel Kathi, and I certainly don't blame you for wanting to protect yourself and other from more pain. But sometimes I have a different feeling. Donna's smile always made me feel better, and even though she isn't alive anymore, her smile still warms me. It's very weird to feel sad about someone passing; yet at the same time still feel encouraged by their words. I'm not meaning to argue with you here Kathi, you just got me talking.
    Roger

    No argument here, dear Roger....
    I see your point. I guess I have just had enough sadness for awhile...maybe a good time to take a break!

    You know you never need to worry about questioning my opinion....it's how I learn!!!

    Dutch hugs, Kathi
  • KathiM
    KathiM Member Posts: 8,028

    Or, leave them and put a
    Or, leave them and put a 'Deceased' banner across their avatar. Permanently close any thread they've begun but leave it for people to learn from.

    I just got notice that the American Cancer Society is the Official Sponsor of My Birthday from Kimby. Broke my heart! I remember us sending her birthday cards last year. Her youngest son ends every post on Facebook with KJH I love you. The hurt is still too fresh!

    Diane, my wounds are wide open...sigh...
    And I'm also facing my mom's decline and death nearing....sigh...

    I send my big hugs to you, sweet soul!

    Dutch hugs, Kathi
  • lisa42
    lisa42 Member Posts: 3,625

    Or, leave them and put a
    Or, leave them and put a 'Deceased' banner across their avatar. Permanently close any thread they've begun but leave it for people to learn from.

    I just got notice that the American Cancer Society is the Official Sponsor of My Birthday from Kimby. Broke my heart! I remember us sending her birthday cards last year. Her youngest son ends every post on Facebook with KJH I love you. The hurt is still too fresh!

    Facebook
    Kimby's picture floated across my facebook page not too long ago- you know how they rotate the pictures near the top of who your FB friends are? I guess I could go in and "unfriend" those who have passed away (4 or 5 people who have passed away are still there in my facebook friends). It's like a slap of sadness when I see it.
    I guess seeing Donna's face or anyone else's face here on an old post who have passed on is like a slap of sadness too but I also have mixed feelings on it- it's kind of bittersweet to read what they wrote and remember them by it.
  • lisa42
    lisa42 Member Posts: 3,625
    lisa42 said:

    Facebook
    Kimby's picture floated across my facebook page not too long ago- you know how they rotate the pictures near the top of who your FB friends are? I guess I could go in and "unfriend" those who have passed away (4 or 5 people who have passed away are still there in my facebook friends). It's like a slap of sadness when I see it.
    I guess seeing Donna's face or anyone else's face here on an old post who have passed on is like a slap of sadness too but I also have mixed feelings on it- it's kind of bittersweet to read what they wrote and remember them by it.

    weird
    Just after posting a bit ago, I went into my Facebook friends list to go through and remove Kimby and a couple of others who have passed away just to find they were no longer there. Maybe since facebook changed everyone to the new profiles, it got edited, or maybe the family members closed their accounts.
    I was actually hoping to see them again just as a memory- was actually a bit sad to see they had all been removed. Hmmm... don't know how I feel on keeping their profiles on CSN now.

    Lisa
  • dmdwins
    dmdwins Member Posts: 450
    KathiM said:

    Dawn, remembering is grand....
    I just am sensitive right now from all of the losses, I guess!

    I, too, keep all of my CSN family safe in my heart! Thank you, my dear!

    Dutch hugs, Kathi

    I know kathy
    I know it is so painful to see and remember the loses. That is why I have such mixed emotions. Please know that I am truly sorry for all the friends that you have lost from the breast cancer board and mourn with you those we have lost here.

    Smiles,
    Dawn
  • Sonia32
    Sonia32 Member Posts: 1,071
    Kathi
    As you are my online semi colon family member I went to your breast cancer board. Firstly you all seem so close like us on there. I'm so sorry for the friends you lost, I read about Lisa, and it shows how evil this disease is. Being tested for more cancer on the 8th Jan, then having chemo on the 13th, then passing away on the 14th. I don't know the people from your board apart from you, but I was so saddened by her passing and how its effected you all greatly. :-( Hugsss to you Kathi, and to all your sisters on the breast cancer board.
  • PhillieG
    PhillieG Member Posts: 4,866

    Or, leave them and put a
    Or, leave them and put a 'Deceased' banner across their avatar. Permanently close any thread they've begun but leave it for people to learn from.

    I just got notice that the American Cancer Society is the Official Sponsor of My Birthday from Kimby. Broke my heart! I remember us sending her birthday cards last year. Her youngest son ends every post on Facebook with KJH I love you. The hurt is still too fresh!

    Leave Them Be
    I do not think that a banner would be a good idea at all. It's like being "stamped" EXPIRED. I also do not think that previous posts should be closed. These people had much to offer while they were on the board and still DO have a lot to offer us through their experiences. I think most of us know who is no longer with us and to have it like they we are being checked off as we check out is not something that I would like done to me.

    It hurts when we lose someone but I like it that I can still enjoy many of the informative or uplifting posts our friends made. They live on in a way.

    I think that one could let family members know of what they wish happens to their Cyber-Life or Cyber-AfterLife. Ask someone to request to the CSN Staff that you wish your loved one's posts to be removed and I'm sure they could do that. The same would go for other social-websites. It's the world we live in and also many of us live part of our lives online.

    That's just how I feel about this
    -phil
  • Kathleen808
    Kathleen808 Member Posts: 2,342
    Kathi
    Kathi and all dear friends,

    I am sad when I see posts from friends we have lost but at the same time I love seeing those pictures. I treasure those pictures and the wisdom, humor, tears, love and memories that come with them. I know those feelings are raw at times but I also think it is so, so good to remember our friends. I don't like the idea of writing anything on their profile either. But, I do think their posts should stay up.

    Just one opinion.

    Aloha,
    Kathleen
  • KathiM
    KathiM Member Posts: 8,028
    lisa42 said:

    weird
    Just after posting a bit ago, I went into my Facebook friends list to go through and remove Kimby and a couple of others who have passed away just to find they were no longer there. Maybe since facebook changed everyone to the new profiles, it got edited, or maybe the family members closed their accounts.
    I was actually hoping to see them again just as a memory- was actually a bit sad to see they had all been removed. Hmmm... don't know how I feel on keeping their profiles on CSN now.

    Lisa

    I whole-heartedly believe....
    That their profiles can and should remain...

    My only point was that for old posts...maybe start a new one...reference the old one...

    Whatever, "Mag mij niet uit" (It doesn't matter, sorry I made a deal out of it...).

    Dutch hugs, Kathi
  • KathiM
    KathiM Member Posts: 8,028
    PhillieG said:

    Leave Them Be
    I do not think that a banner would be a good idea at all. It's like being "stamped" EXPIRED. I also do not think that previous posts should be closed. These people had much to offer while they were on the board and still DO have a lot to offer us through their experiences. I think most of us know who is no longer with us and to have it like they we are being checked off as we check out is not something that I would like done to me.

    It hurts when we lose someone but I like it that I can still enjoy many of the informative or uplifting posts our friends made. They live on in a way.

    I think that one could let family members know of what they wish happens to their Cyber-Life or Cyber-AfterLife. Ask someone to request to the CSN Staff that you wish your loved one's posts to be removed and I'm sure they could do that. The same would go for other social-websites. It's the world we live in and also many of us live part of our lives online.

    That's just how I feel about this
    -phil

    I agree, phil....
    I guess I should just get a tougher skin.....

    I, myself, will be more aware of a response being to an old post....and being prepared for seeing old family...

    Dutch hugs, Kathi
  • KathiM
    KathiM Member Posts: 8,028
    Sonia32 said:

    Kathi
    As you are my online semi colon family member I went to your breast cancer board. Firstly you all seem so close like us on there. I'm so sorry for the friends you lost, I read about Lisa, and it shows how evil this disease is. Being tested for more cancer on the 8th Jan, then having chemo on the 13th, then passing away on the 14th. I don't know the people from your board apart from you, but I was so saddened by her passing and how its effected you all greatly. :-( Hugsss to you Kathi, and to all your sisters on the breast cancer board.

    Thank you, Sonia!
    Yes, that coupled with my mom's dire condition...I am a bit over the top right now....

    So caring of you to check my other family's board! That was wonderful!!!

    BIG dutch hugs, Kathi
  • KathiM
    KathiM Member Posts: 8,028

    Kathi
    Kathi and all dear friends,

    I am sad when I see posts from friends we have lost but at the same time I love seeing those pictures. I treasure those pictures and the wisdom, humor, tears, love and memories that come with them. I know those feelings are raw at times but I also think it is so, so good to remember our friends. I don't like the idea of writing anything on their profile either. But, I do think their posts should stay up.

    Just one opinion.

    Aloha,
    Kathleen

    Yes, Kathleen...there should be traces remain.....
    My reaction was made larger by my other recent experiences...I regret that I posted at all...

    I agree, their old posts should remain...they WERE filled with goodness!

    Dutch hugs, Kathi
  • Kathryn_in_MN
    Kathryn_in_MN Member Posts: 1,252
    How would anyone new know?
    I don't think this is something that can really be done. Someone new may post on an old thread never knowing that person has passed on.

    While it might bring some sadness, dieing is something everyone of us faces one day. If we live, we die. I still don't like how our society acts about death. Like some big taboo subject, and we should avoid talking about it, or thinking about it, or preparing for it. That is just wrong. What ever happened to celebrating life?! What happened to being warmed by the memories of wonderful people who shared their lives with us?

    I would hate to think that once we die everyone is afraid to see our photos or think about us, or has no use for anything we might have contributed while alive.

    Yes, sometimes it is sad. But sometimes not. The more time that passes, usually the easier it gets to move past the sadness and get more warm feelings remembering friends who have moved on. And so many of those that have passed shared such good information, that it would be a shame to lose it.

    In the words that my oncologist loves to tell me, "Suck it up." He does always get a chuckle out of me when he tells me that.
  • KathiM
    KathiM Member Posts: 8,028

    How would anyone new know?
    I don't think this is something that can really be done. Someone new may post on an old thread never knowing that person has passed on.

    While it might bring some sadness, dieing is something everyone of us faces one day. If we live, we die. I still don't like how our society acts about death. Like some big taboo subject, and we should avoid talking about it, or thinking about it, or preparing for it. That is just wrong. What ever happened to celebrating life?! What happened to being warmed by the memories of wonderful people who shared their lives with us?

    I would hate to think that once we die everyone is afraid to see our photos or think about us, or has no use for anything we might have contributed while alive.

    Yes, sometimes it is sad. But sometimes not. The more time that passes, usually the easier it gets to move past the sadness and get more warm feelings remembering friends who have moved on. And so many of those that have passed shared such good information, that it would be a shame to lose it.

    In the words that my oncologist loves to tell me, "Suck it up." He does always get a chuckle out of me when he tells me that.

    Good point, thanks for the lecture!
    K
  • KathiM said:

    Good point, thanks for the lecture!
    K

    This comment has been removed by the Moderator
  • maglets
    maglets Member Posts: 2,576
    unknown said:

    This comment has been removed by the Moderator

    kathi
    ahh kathi listen to gracie....she is so wise....do stop beating yourself up over this one.

    That being said...I agree with Phil....the idea of an expired banner across my mug shot does not appeal. We all feel shocked sad happy wistful....whatever when we open that thread and there is our darling Donna or Kimby shining back at us. I would not like to see them gone....

    but kathi please don't beat yourself.....I really would like to get beyond that on this forum. OK so you had and idea and you wrote it down....others maybe don't quite agree but that's ok too....we are not going to blame you or dislike you because you had an honest reaction and acted on it. If we have a forum that criticizes everyone else's post it becomes unpleasant.....we have been there too as you know .....so relax kiddo....

    we are here for one another

    mags
  • dmdwins
    dmdwins Member Posts: 450
    maglets said:

    kathi
    ahh kathi listen to gracie....she is so wise....do stop beating yourself up over this one.

    That being said...I agree with Phil....the idea of an expired banner across my mug shot does not appeal. We all feel shocked sad happy wistful....whatever when we open that thread and there is our darling Donna or Kimby shining back at us. I would not like to see them gone....

    but kathi please don't beat yourself.....I really would like to get beyond that on this forum. OK so you had and idea and you wrote it down....others maybe don't quite agree but that's ok too....we are not going to blame you or dislike you because you had an honest reaction and acted on it. If we have a forum that criticizes everyone else's post it becomes unpleasant.....we have been there too as you know .....so relax kiddo....

    we are here for one another

    mags

    Im glad
    Kathi,

    I am glad you shared your feelings. That is what this board is about. A place where we can share our innermost to those who understand our place and care about us without judgement.

    My posts were just sharing my thoughts. You a very sweet, gentle soul and I would never want you to change anything about you or your compassionate feelings!!!

    Love and Hugs,

    Dawn
  • pete43lost_at_sea
    pete43lost_at_sea Member Posts: 3,900
    kathi I am guilty of this but it felt ok at the time !!!!
    I did put in a little query in my post if it was ok to bring up sundances amazing marriage post. I described it as lost treasure. Of course he is still and I don't know if all the replies are current or deceased.

    Obviously I simply wanted to make sure such a wonderful post got a second wind. What the point of all the treasure in the basement if we don't read and learn and enjoy it.

    I understand how and why you feel hurt and I thought I'd explain why i reposted sundances old post.

    Not sure what the standard is, but I for one appreciate all the time and effort we take to answer posts, some people make amazing contributions that I admire.

    I hate the fact that wonderful rich, valuable posts are lost. Its a such a waste.

    Strangely I sincerely believe that I read deceased peoples posts with a strange reverance and it reminds me of how precious and fragile our lives are in particular.

    Finally the deceased could be in heaven, hell or nowhere. They maybe looking down, looking up and not looking, but I also sincerely believe they would be enormously gratified that the contribution they made to this board lived on in their posts and replies. Even if they
    made a joke, its reposted, gets heaps of new laughs.

    Laughter from the hereafter, now thats powerful if you think about it. sorry about the rambling.

    BIGGER dutch hhugs back at you , Pete ( did I mention I am 50% dutch and alot of everything else )

    While trying to be inderstanding I think I have argued against your point. I hope we can still be friends ?
  • Nana b
    Nana b Member Posts: 3,030

    kathi I am guilty of this but it felt ok at the time !!!!
    I did put in a little query in my post if it was ok to bring up sundances amazing marriage post. I described it as lost treasure. Of course he is still and I don't know if all the replies are current or deceased.

    Obviously I simply wanted to make sure such a wonderful post got a second wind. What the point of all the treasure in the basement if we don't read and learn and enjoy it.

    I understand how and why you feel hurt and I thought I'd explain why i reposted sundances old post.

    Not sure what the standard is, but I for one appreciate all the time and effort we take to answer posts, some people make amazing contributions that I admire.

    I hate the fact that wonderful rich, valuable posts are lost. Its a such a waste.

    Strangely I sincerely believe that I read deceased peoples posts with a strange reverance and it reminds me of how precious and fragile our lives are in particular.

    Finally the deceased could be in heaven, hell or nowhere. They maybe looking down, looking up and not looking, but I also sincerely believe they would be enormously gratified that the contribution they made to this board lived on in their posts and replies. Even if they
    made a joke, its reposted, gets heaps of new laughs.

    Laughter from the hereafter, now thats powerful if you think about it. sorry about the rambling.

    BIGGER dutch hhugs back at you , Pete ( did I mention I am 50% dutch and alot of everything else )

    While trying to be inderstanding I think I have argued against your point. I hope we can still be friends ?

    No worries Kathi.
    Good to

    No worries Kathi.

    Good to get this out and think about our lost friends, but guess that what was you are trying to avoid. Really, no big deal, you don't even need to comment further, we can hold a discussion all on our own. lol
  • tootsie1
    tootsie1 Member Posts: 5,036
    I understand
    Kathi,

    I understand how you feel, and don't worry about it. Share your feelings and be proud. We love you!

    When Donna's old post showed up, I admit that it did take my breath away, too. I literally stopped in my tracks and had to regroup. But then her lovely smile saved the day, as always. I love, love, love her profile pic, and it always makes me happy.

    Yesterday I was going through my craft stuff. I always save Christmas cards and sometimes use them to make something new. I picked one out and checked it out. It was from Donna...I so gently put it back away, where it will stay intact, just as my love for her.

    *hugs*
    Gail