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father has advanced prostate cancer

Posts: 3
Joined: Dec 2010

Hello ,I dont normally go on to these websites but my father is quite ill and taken a turn for the worst in the last 4 months. My fathery78 yrs started to fight his cancer in the year 2000. last year they gave him a total hip replacement after being on chemo and radiation for 7 months. That surgery was last january. He is still not able to walk and is in alot of pain. I saw him last month and he was on oxicotin a pain medication.He was taking so many going But it barely helped. Now we find out from a scan last week it is in his bones and they want to start chemo again. My mother says his psa is very high and He will start chemo right away.. I am not trying to sound negative but i dont think my father will survive the chemo. Our parents keep us children in the dark. Should we insist on being there? Is my father dying? Any support would be so wonderful.. God Bless Merry Christmas LInda in Michigan

Kongo's picture
Posts: 1166
Joined: Mar 2010


Many parents try to protect their children from worrying about their medical condition by witholding information. Many times, this only serves to increase the anxiety of the family as it seems to be occuring in your situation. From what you have described, your father appears to be in the final stages of his battle with prostate cancer. Most treatments at this stage are not curative but rather are intended to ease pain and preserve quality of life as long as possible.

Chemotherapy, as you may know from your father's previous treatments, is designed to attack cancer cells that are dividing but it doesn't discriminate between healthy and cancerous cells so there are many side effects associated with this treatment. Chemotherapy is usually the final treatment course for this disease. When prostate cancer migrates to the bones radiation is often used as a pain reliever but it is not going to cure the cancer at this point, only help to alleviate the pain. Without knowing what type of radiation treatment your father has had previously, this may or may not be working for him now.

Many men live with late stage prostate cancer for many months or years so it is impossible to predict, given the limited information you apparently have about his condition, when the end might be near. While your fears about not surviving chemo are understandable, it's unlikely that his medical team would put him through this if they didn't believe there was a good chance he would survive it and that his quality of life would not be too adversely affected. Having said that, if I were in a similar situation I would try to spend as much time as possible with your father while you can.

I am so sorry that you are dealing with this and wish the best for you and your family.

Posts: 3
Joined: Dec 2010

Hello Congo,

I appreciate your feedback and i believe you are right on.. My father has had so many surgeries radiation , hormone shots and has done everything possible. It is just so hard to see someone that love life so much in so much pain.. I am not sure what t hey are giving him now but it keeps him asleep most of the time which is probally good for him as far as pain goes.. I plan to go see my father again with my brothers and sisters even though my mother will not agree.

God Bless Merry Christmas,


VascodaGama's picture
Posts: 3371
Joined: Nov 2010

Hi Linda
I am sorry for the condition of your farther. Kongo above has given you a great opinion on his medical conditions. Unfortunately, cancer affects any one on its path including their loved ones.
As a cancer patient myself I do not like to see people around me worried, particularly my close family. But I like to see them caring for me. Any small action gives me joy. Your mother may be thinking that solitude is best to your father and most surely has no deep meaning against your visiting their place.
You may take the opportunity of this Christmas season to arrange for a family reunion and show affection.
Wish you find a good way. God Bless your family.

Posts: 3
Joined: Dec 2010

Hello Vgama,

Thank you for your kind words. I think it would be so wonderful if all of us children could see our Dad together. MY father has not seen us together in years only in photos. We all take turns visiting them in Florida only because that is the way my mom likes it to be . The only thing is my mother would say we were being negative and Dad is going to be fine. She wants us to wait till after he has his chemo treatments. We all are hoping he is going to be fine but in our Hearts we dont think he is. We talk on the phone with our concerns and worries and what ifs..We are hoping he will be b ack to himself.. Such a scary thought and surreal not to have Dad around..
I am so sorry to hear that you too are fighting the battle. I hope you can beat it.. You will be in my prayers.

Thank you again your words helped me and I will share this with my brothers and sisters...

God Bless and Merry Christmas,


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