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One of those 'sick of it all' days as a 22 year survivor

bluerose's picture
Posts: 1112
Joined: Jul 2009

Know what I mean? Have been chasing an endocrinologist for a scarey message left on my service over a week ago now 'results are borderline' she said but not BORDERLINE WHAT???????????? Hasn't called to clarify after 3 messages left, two of which got more questioning as I have gotten sick and don't know if I can even get a retest for those 'borderline results', should I do the test if I am sick? No call backs to answer my questions. I am a 2 time long term survivor with many side and late effects from treatment - never have been able to return to work,now divorced - could it get any better? lol.

Usually I am a positive person but I feel close to just letting it all go, this specialist and the other one who is looking into another potential health issue. I have 4 types pages single spaced on health issues all are from side effects and late effects of treatments. I am sure alot of you can empathsize days when you have just had enough. Sorry to sound so gloomy but I believe it's healthier for a person to be honest about how they feel.

Hope you are all doing well. Blessings, Bluerose

Posts: 1862
Joined: Aug 2010

Your doctor is unbelievable, Bluerose, leaving a message like that and not following up with you immediately.

And it is almost Friday. I know you don't want to go through the weekend wondering what in the world is going on.

I hope you get responses very soon to your questions and can have a peaceful weekend.

Hugs to you. Lots of hugs.

bluerose's picture
Posts: 1112
Joined: Jul 2009

Sorry I was so ticked when I wrote this post I forgot to say it was 2 weeks ago I got that message on my machine. 3 messages later today in the afternoon her nurse calls me, the one I have been dealing with, and IT WAS WORSE, I mean how I was treated. First of all it was like she hadn't been listening to anything I was saying before about the message, like she was hearing it all for the first time and then the worst thing someone can say to a survivor 'well, you shouldn't be worried about this kind of thing. " WHATTTTTTTTTTTTTTT????????????? Ever have cancer twice lady? Ever been barfing for weeks from chemo, ever have your hair fall off twice, every been abandoned by friends and family? And we shouldn't be afraid that just maybe we are in for it all again???????????????? Oh that made me so mad. From a health professional yet. Professional my ...., well you know.

Didn't get my key question answered 'what is borderline?' The nurse 'suggested' it didn't mean diabetes but the next option, as I have investigated is way worse so now I'm even more worried. Happy Thanksgiving to me. The nurse started out by saying the doctor has left, of course, why not.

I looked up this doc on Ratemds.com and while I don't believe everything I read of course, it can all be padded, everyone said she was so caring and compassionate (the doc that is).

After the call I just turned around and laid down on my bed and fell asleep. Sick of it all.

I would apologize about the ranting here but survivors keep way too much inside, think they are bothering people and now again its perfectly fine -normal even - to just yell ' I want my life back'. Yes I am grateful for being a long term survivor and for all the breakthroughs that enabled me to live a very long time but it would be a lie to say it was all 'rah rah rah I am strong' cause I'm not everyday and weeks like this are a large part of the reason why. We have anough to deal with and when our docs fail us it's lonely out here by ourselves when our medical support fails and scarey.

Don't be afraid to let it out survivors when you have a bad day. It's healthier. Hope your bad days are few. Blessings and thanks for the reply Noellesmom. Hugs back.

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