I'm DONE with chemo .. My story

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VickiSam
VickiSam Member Posts: 9,079 Member
edited March 2014 in Breast Cancer #1
First: thanks to all my breast cancer sisters for being out there. You women have given me more hope and valuable information than any of my doctors ever could. I just wanted to share my gratitude, feelings and thoughts.

18 weeks of consecutive chemo therapy -- ending on December 18, 2009 - dose dense chemo treatment plan .. I made it ... crawling to the finish line
1 year of Herceptin -- ending August 20, 2010
Lumpectomy -- 8-10-09
Breast Cancer diagnosis 8-14-09
Bilateral Mastectomy January 12, 2010
Vacation to Grand Canyon April 6th
Emergency surgery and 5 day hospital stay 4-18-10 to removed right tissue expander infection by staph (Staph infection and where or how I contacted is still a mistery to this day - My Infectious Disease Doctor has ordered me to stay in the US for the next 3 years // no traveling outside US)
5 weeks with 1 expander - Unbearable and emotional
Surgery to add a new right expander - 5-22-10
Exchange surgery -- 7-21-10 (no nipples, no aerola) Incisional scars very visible, and raised (due to the many cuts)

Severe reactions to my chemo drugs (TCH) -- insomina,depression and chronic fatigue appeared to be my only friends for so long. I cried daily, had many very dark days and nights, I did have family around - but found myself lonely and unable to convey my feelings. I was no longer the Vicki I remembered.

I am a Breast Cancer Survior, NED paid me a visit on January 17, 2010. I still find myself very emotional, I don't cry not as much, its just very hard to accept what has happen in my life. I try to be positive but that has its moments. I always wonder will it come back, the dreaded "C" word. My husband is very supportive of all of emotional craziness, as my Oncologist gave us statistics from my prognosis this past Friday. I face several reconstructive surgery, and no health insurance at the end of September 2010.

My next step and goal -- do all that I can to affect a good outcome (exercise, meditation, massage, foods etc) but I also accept that the outcome is ultimately not in my hands, and I am trying to“live in the here and now. However, I do worry that going back to my old life and work and pretending like nothing happened is denial rather than acceptance and that if I don't use this time "wisely" that I will regret it later. I am adopting my teenager's sense of invincibility, with slight caution!

Putting 1 foot in front of the other :-))


WE ARE WARRIORS!!!!

I adore and LOVE you all,

Vicki Sam
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Comments

  • Mama G
    Mama G Member Posts: 762
    #2
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    WOW! Some are a little more "warriors" than others...
    and YOU take the cake!!! What a battle you've had! I admire your attitude and spunk now more than ever. I would have thrown in the towel and just had them remove the expanders long ago. In fact I'm such a chicken that I never even put them in. The word "surgery" makes me cry like a baby.
    Please know how much we look up to women like you who have been through so much and still come on here to give others the help and advice they need to get through it all.
    May God bless you and keep you safe in His loving arms,
    Lorraine
  • natly15
    natly15 Member Posts: 1,941
    #3
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    Oh yes Vicki, you are one
    Oh yes Vicki, you are one heck of a warrior and survivor!! When we were both in the throws of chemo, you had one post that I'll never forget. You talked about the side efforts and had some simple solutions for me. You were so real and told it like it is/was. I found out from you that we can get severe constipation ( how flattering-- glorious chemo constipation) and I learned that apple sauce was certainly on the list of gourmet foods immediately after chemo. I lived on apple sauce, toast and crackers, and I thank you for that. :)

    I'm not NED yet, but hoping to hear something next week. I need some improvement in the food department, but I am exercising. I agree we do all we can do, enjoy every beautiful day given to us, and leave the outcome to a power greater than ourselves.

    Getting back to this new normal is a bit challenging for me. I as you, do not want to deny what has happened, I think I've accepted it, but I continue to have conflict with this "new normal". I was always a "doer" and I'm trying to adjust to sometimes just being a "be-er". Thank you for sharing your sequence of events. You are and have been very special to me and these boards.
  • faith_trust_and_a_little_bit_of_chemotherapy
    faith_trust_and_a_little_bit_of_chemotherapy Member Posts: 319 Member
    #4
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    natly15 said:

    Oh yes Vicki, you are one
    Oh yes Vicki, you are one heck of a warrior and survivor!! When we were both in the throws of chemo, you had one post that I'll never forget. You talked about the side efforts and had some simple solutions for me. You were so real and told it like it is/was. I found out from you that we can get severe constipation ( how flattering-- glorious chemo constipation) and I learned that apple sauce was certainly on the list of gourmet foods immediately after chemo. I lived on apple sauce, toast and crackers, and I thank you for that. :)

    I'm not NED yet, but hoping to hear something next week. I need some improvement in the food department, but I am exercising. I agree we do all we can do, enjoy every beautiful day given to us, and leave the outcome to a power greater than ourselves.

    Getting back to this new normal is a bit challenging for me. I as you, do not want to deny what has happened, I think I've accepted it, but I continue to have conflict with this "new normal". I was always a "doer" and I'm trying to adjust to sometimes just being a "be-er". Thank you for sharing your sequence of events. You are and have been very special to me and these boards.

    *gulp*
    Wow...

    I haven't got a damned thing to complain about.

    Thank you, I'm nothing if I can't learn something from the sisters that have walked this road ahead of me. Thank you too, for coming back to walk along side those of us that find ourselves on this detour.
  • elm3544
    elm3544 Member Posts: 748
    #5
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    That is quite an ordeal! You
    That is quite an ordeal! You are indeed a strong survivor!
  • Jean 0609
    Jean 0609 Member Posts: 2,462
    #6
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    Dear VickiSam,
    As I have said before, you are one strong woman and I definitely admire you for that. You have definitely helped me through my journey here. I just wished I would have found you all a little earlier. I am sending positive thoughts & prayers to you. After these last couple months, I am a true believer that prayers are answered. Just try to keep a positive attitude. I know we can't do that all the time, but whenever possible. And yes, we are all warriors! Hugs, Jean
  • Bella Luna
    Bella Luna Member Posts: 1,578 Member
    #7
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    Girl... you are the true
    Girl... you are the true picture of Survivorship! I am so looking forward to meeting you in person come next Saturday! You and the other Sisters are such an inspiration to me. Thank you for sharing your story.
    Love & Friendship,
    BL
  • missrenee
    missrenee Member Posts: 2,136 Member
    #8
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    Bella Luna said:

    Girl... you are the true
    Girl... you are the true picture of Survivorship! I am so looking forward to meeting you in person come next Saturday! You and the other Sisters are such an inspiration to me. Thank you for sharing your story.
    Love & Friendship,
    BL

    Vicki--You Are Amazing!
    Your story serves as an inspiration to me and so many others. My treatment ended a couple of weeks ago as well. I'm feeling everything you are right now. We've been through a most difficult war--but, we're still standing. Our lives will never be like before, but they may be different in a very good way.

    As I've realized, all of us pink sisters continue to need prayers and compassion--even after treatment ends.

    Much luck and many hugs to you,
    Renee
  • New Flower
    New Flower Member Posts: 4,294
    #9
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    missrenee said:

    Vicki--You Are Amazing!
    Your story serves as an inspiration to me and so many others. My treatment ended a couple of weeks ago as well. I'm feeling everything you are right now. We've been through a most difficult war--but, we're still standing. Our lives will never be like before, but they may be different in a very good way.

    As I've realized, all of us pink sisters continue to need prayers and compassion--even after treatment ends.

    Much luck and many hugs to you,
    Renee

    Congratulations
    You have done it!
    Now the difficult task to accept reality and discover the new life after cancer.
    My company has internal job postings, you can write me PM. I might help you with job hunting.,
    Hugs,
    New Flower
  • BlownAway60
    BlownAway60 Member Posts: 851
    #10
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    Congratulations. You are the
    Congratulations. You are the best.

    I had to send Annabell Ant away. Couldn't have her licken on you. She might be from a foreign country or something.

    Hugs

    Donna
  • Kat11
    Kat11 Member Posts: 1,931 Member
    #11
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    BlownAway60 said:

    Congratulations. You are the
    Congratulations. You are the best.

    I had to send Annabell Ant away. Couldn't have her licken on you. She might be from a foreign country or something.

    Hugs

    Donna

    Congratulations
    I am coming up behind you. Last herceptin treatment Sept 8. It's been a long journey. Glad your done.
  • VickiSam
    VickiSam Member Posts: 9,079 Member
    #12
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    Kat11 said:

    Congratulations
    I am coming up behind you. Last herceptin treatment Sept 8. It's been a long journey. Glad your done.

    So many of our journeys started very close ... it's amazing
    how one's life and prepective change in 1 year! Annabelle Ant .. just my luck she would of given me something .. haha .. I know I will not have to live afraid for too much longer .. heck it's been a year of change and fun. Looking forward to this new year!


    Thank you all for your kind words ...


    Vicki Sam
  • SamuraiMom
    SamuraiMom Member Posts: 295
    #13
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    simply put...
    I love you Vicky!

    xxoo,
    JoJo
  • Moopy23
    Moopy23 Member Posts: 1,751 Member
    #14
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    Vicki Sam, I remember when
    Vicki Sam, I remember when you found us, all those months ago. Your fearlessness in doing what you thought was right for yourself, your endurance of pain and fear and uncertainty-- not to mention clumsy and clueless medical professionals--have awed me.

    You are undaunted, undauntable, if there is such a word. You do not whine or feel sorry for yourself. In you I can see the intrepid spirit of your native land. You are, simply, a warrior, and not to be underestimated. Misunderstood maybe, but never discounted, by any one, or any statistic. Whatever steps you need to take, I'm betting that you will make them, and go farther than you imagined.
  • sea60
    sea60 Member Posts: 2,613
    #15
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    Moopy23 said:

    Vicki Sam, I remember when
    Vicki Sam, I remember when you found us, all those months ago. Your fearlessness in doing what you thought was right for yourself, your endurance of pain and fear and uncertainty-- not to mention clumsy and clueless medical professionals--have awed me.

    You are undaunted, undauntable, if there is such a word. You do not whine or feel sorry for yourself. In you I can see the intrepid spirit of your native land. You are, simply, a warrior, and not to be underestimated. Misunderstood maybe, but never discounted, by any one, or any statistic. Whatever steps you need to take, I'm betting that you will make them, and go farther than you imagined.

    I'm standing up
    applauding for you my dear. No, there is NO way any one of us can be the same person we were before.

    Blessings and well wishes on your LIFE journey.

    Hugs,

    Sylvia
  • Dawne.Hope
    Dawne.Hope Member Posts: 823
    #16
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    Tough. Resilient. Fighter.
    Tough. Resilient. Fighter. Warrior. Tenacious. Courageous.

    You were in the midst of the battle when I joined and you were one of the sisters who was always there encouraging everyone else. Picking up the pieces and marching on is one of the things soldiers do ... and you're going to do it, like you've done this past year. Thank you dear sister in pink for your encouragement, your love and your support to me during my battle.

    Thank you, dear sister.
    Press on!
  • aysemari
    aysemari Member Posts: 1,596 Member
    #17
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    You ARE a true survivor!!!
    Vicki Sam,

    what an ordeal you have been through, I had no idea!!! You know what you have to do now right???
    Start plan that trip to Europe or Timbuktu... wherever your heart desire because with a mind set like
    yours you can do anything. I adore your positive outlook and admire your perseverance.

    Hugs,
    Ayse
  • cahjah75
    cahjah75 Member Posts: 2,631
    #18
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    Wow Vicki
    I was unaware of all that you have been through. You are truly a survivor! You have helped many newbies like myself in this journey of discovery & treatment. Thank you for being here for all of us. {{hugs}}
    Char
  • VickiSam
    VickiSam Member Posts: 9,079 Member
    #19
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    aysemari said:

    You ARE a true survivor!!!
    Vicki Sam,

    what an ordeal you have been through, I had no idea!!! You know what you have to do now right???
    Start plan that trip to Europe or Timbuktu... wherever your heart desire because with a mind set like
    yours you can do anything. I adore your positive outlook and admire your perseverance.

    Hugs,
    Ayse

    Ayse .. You are so right .. I am game for anywhere outside
    of the Southern California area is my goal by January. With the Holidays fast approaching us .. I think I need to conserve my strength and focus on having 1 big old Thanksgiving feast .. making the turkey, pies, potatoes -- which I missed last year due to chemo and fatigue. However, this year I am concentrating on the friends and loved ones who really support me, and stay with me during my journey -- my family of choice.

    Just started my Christmas shopping ... Christmas is all around us, here in Souther California // YES, already! It's August, right ?


    Vicki Sam
  • DebbyM
    DebbyM Member Posts: 3,289 Member
    #20
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    cahjah75 said:

    Wow Vicki
    I was unaware of all that you have been through. You are truly a survivor! You have helped many newbies like myself in this journey of discovery & treatment. Thank you for being here for all of us. {{hugs}}
    Char

    You are a survivor!
    You are a survivor! Congrats on all that you have gone through and have a great life ahead of you now!


    Hugs, Debby
  • cindycflynn
    cindycflynn Member Posts: 1,132 Member
    #21
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    Wow!
    I was diagnosed just 3 weeks after you were, and you have gone through SOOOOO much more during this past year than I have, I'm just shaking my head in amazement and admiration.

    As others have said, you are the epitome of a Warrior. I picure you with a big metal helmet, a shiny, if battle-worn, shield, weilding a sword to battle the beast. And of course you have a beautiful smile because you know you have faced the worst of the battle and come out the victor!

    Hope you have something planned to celebrate - You deserve it!

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