Tattooed today

mimivac said:

Too much pressure
JuJu, you don't have to be positive 24 hours a day. In fact, no one can. The mapping for radiation can be long, tedius, uncomfortable, and depressing. Congratulate yourself that you got through it. It won't be like that every day. You'll settle into a pattern where you'll go in and out and the whole thing will take a few minutes. In the meantime, give yourself a break. You already are a cancer surivor as well as a person undergoing treatment. You are not a robot and having feelings of frustration, depression, anger, and victimization are all part of the process. Accept that you will feel all these things once in a while and don't let anyone tell you how you must feel. Hugs. You'll get through this.

Mimi

PS. I remember having similar feelings during my mapping. At one point, I was lying, breasts exposed on the table and medical people kept coming in and poking at me without even agknowleging that I was an actual human being and not just a pair of breasts. I remember feeling like a piece of meat. You are not alone.

Marcia527 said:

The radiation treatments are
The radiation treatments are really fast. The set up appointment is the long one. My treatment center scheduled people at the same time each day so I even got used to seeing the same people each day. Hang in there. I had radiation for just 6 weeks and that really goes by fast.

TraciInLA said:

I hear you, JuJuBeez
JuJuBeez, I felt a lot like what Mimi describes, and some of what I think you're feeling -- at first, radiation felt so dehumanizing. Marked up like a side of beef, laying there all alone in a huge, sterile room with my breasts exposed and arms over my head, while huge machines that sounded like alien probes hovered over me.

Because radiation didn't involve poking me with needles (like every other part of this cancer thing), I expected it to be such a breeze. I was very surprised when I sobbed my way through my first treatment, because it was just so big and strange and scary. Honestly, I felt about 5 years old that day.

I tell you this only to reassure you that I DID eventually stop crying, the treatments DID quickly become routine and familiar. It really does get better -- I promise you that you won't feel this way the whole time.

I'm going to disagree only slightly with MerleBee's advice, by adding: "...give yourself permission to feel those things and then after a good long cry or good long rant AND A PINT OF YOUR FAVORITE BEN & JERRY'S...."

(You know how strongly I recommend Ben & Jerry's therapy for all things on this journey.)

Traci

side note: Mimi, from your post, it sounds like you had radiation to both breasts, too? Many of you know that my rad techs were like the evil twins of Sue's techs, and one of the things they kept heavy-sighing about was how inconvenient it was to have to do radiation to both breasts, how much longer my appointment took than everybody else's....made me feel even more like a freak!

ms.sunshine said:

I got tatooed, I thought oh
I got tatooed, I thought oh great more needles. Wasn't that bad. First day of rad was kinda scarry, not knowing what to expect. This giant machine, looks like a big camera lens, moving, making these weird sounds. Good thing you're not on the table but a few minutes. I close my eyes. My first day I started laughing, I find humor in everything. The machine sounds like R2D2 from Star Wars.
My tech team has been great. I will miss them when I finish. I'll take radiation over chemo anyday, if I had to choose.

Betsy13 said:

Don't freak out. For me, no
Don't freak out. For me, no one mentioned it so I had no idea that is was coming. I received 3 pin pricks. One under each arm and the middle of my breast bone. They do this so they can align the rad machine easily each time. Mine are a bit bigger than a pin pricks, but it was like getting pricked when they are going to draw your blood. No big deal. Good luck!