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HeartofSoul's picture
Posts: 732
Joined: Dec 2009


Its 3:00am and my pillow case is filled with tears

I finally fall asleep & my thoughts & dreams are inseparable from the brave souls fighting cancer

I spend a weekend in a local hospital for physical & emotional exhaustion

I’m told I’ve been diagnosed with “Situational” depression”

I prefer to be alone with my thoughts, isolating the world out around me

I dwell continuously on what more I can do to make a positive difference to other members

Sadness settles upon my soul like a blanket of dense, dark fog

My heart reads every verse back to me from the posts I submitted to the Expression & Blog boards as a gentle reminder that my heart is on route to running off a cliff

I foolishly believe that by stepping down all the way on my heart’s throttle will not cause gears to lock

I think I’m stronger then I really am.

Some in CSN mention to me that I have left other member’s with a feeling of discomfort and worry

I sincerely feel the reasons for parting ways now in my life is because I know it’s the right decision

I try too hard to be there for everyone then feel guilty by forgetting to say hello to welcoming member

I finally realize that I’m not doing anyone any good when I’m unable to take care of myself.

I hear my heart beat as it begs with me that now is the time for the healing to begin and my conscious whispers in my ear that by becomming a more patient & wiser human being that when I do return to CSN, I will be able to contribute more.

I wish everyone in the CSN community and your families the very best health & happiness

I will miss you

HeartofSoul ‘Steve’

grandmafay's picture
Posts: 1639
Joined: Aug 2009

You will be missed, but you must do what is right for you. Take care of yourself, Fay

Posts: 710
Joined: Mar 2010


Take the time to care for yourself. Be kind to yourself.

Posts: 175
Joined: Nov 2009

Steve you will be greatly missed, especially by me. Please take care of yourself and come back when you are able.

Tina Blondek's picture
Tina Blondek
Posts: 1566
Joined: Nov 2009

My dearest HOS
My heart breaks as I am reading this. Yesterday it was ashley, hopingforlife, and now it is you.
You have been one of the best people on here. You have been my rock. You were the one I turned to when things were good, when things were bad. You were always there. I am hoping that your time away will be short lived. Do take time for yourself. I will be thinking of you and praying for you. Peace be with you.
Love and many hugs,

Posts: 188
Joined: Apr 2010

were not leaving. I have read many of your posts and have taken the advice you have given to others. Thank you
Good luck

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