I KNOW ITS TIME WHEN......

I KNOW ITS TIME WHEN......

Its 3:00am and my pillow case is filled with tears

I finally fall asleep & my thoughts & dreams are inseparable from the brave souls fighting cancer

I spend a weekend in a local hospital for physical & emotional exhaustion

I’m told I’ve been diagnosed with “Situational” depression”

I prefer to be alone with my thoughts, isolating the world out around me

I dwell continuously on what more I can do to make a positive difference to other members

Sadness settles upon my soul like a blanket of dense, dark fog

My heart reads every verse back to me from the posts I submitted to the Expression & Blog boards as a gentle reminder that my heart is on route to running off a cliff

I foolishly believe that by stepping down all the way on my heart’s throttle will not cause gears to lock

I think I’m stronger then I really am.

Some in CSN mention to me that I have left other member’s with a feeling of discomfort and worry

I sincerely feel the reasons for parting ways now in my life is because I know it’s the right decision

I try too hard to be there for everyone then feel guilty by forgetting to say hello to welcoming member

I finally realize that I’m not doing anyone any good when I’m unable to take care of myself.

I hear my heart beat as it begs with me that now is the time for the healing to begin and my conscious whispers in my ear that by becomming a more patient & wiser human being that when I do return to CSN, I will be able to contribute more.

I wish everyone in the CSN community and your families the very best health & happiness

I will miss you

HeartofSoul ‘Steve’