I CANNOT quit crying, this is stupid, i don't know what to do. I just can't friggin stop!!!! Help m

idlehunters
idlehunters Member Posts: 1,787
edited March 2014 in Colorectal Cancer #1
There is nothing physically wrong with me now. I can even fart with no problems. My back feels fine.... I just cry about everything...and NOTHING. This is the stupidist thing I have ever been thru. My God.... this is so dumb. The onlu time I ain't crying I am either sleeping...which I do a lot...or just stare out the window.. I have NEVER been a crybaby. I look at them as weak people. Ever since my Onc started this tapering program from my Oxicodone it is getting gradually worse. He said to take the ATIVAN for the shakes..... I don't have the shakes...except when I cry. I am down to taking 2 oxy at 7am, 1pm, 7pm & 1am. I started using the Ativan as a kind of 'filler". I don't know if that is their purpose but it seemed like it was working yesterday. I am taking the Ativan at 11am, 5pm, 9pm, & 1am. I have no clue if this is plausable or not. It seemed ok yesterday but every day I have to take away more Oxycodone I just feel so depressed...not in pain... just so friggin emotional. Does anyone have any suggestions to get me out of this rut???? I finally drug myself outside and made me take a walk in the woods till I came across a mangled baby deer leg and all I could do was cry about that....OH MY GOD!!!!... I finally realized my legs were being chewed up with chiggars so I quickly returned and put my legs in the hot tub to burn the suckers off. Last time I went thru withdrawals with these oxys I just stopped...cold turkey.... I layed in a ball for 2 days...throwing up nonstop...crying...screaming...begging..it was horrible...but at least it was over in 2 days. His tapering program has me cutting down on the Oxy thru June 3rd. I will be crazy by then. (I know...short trip!) BUT REALLY.... What else can I do to make this easier. Has anyone else had to go thru this procedure???.. My husband asks me "whats wrong honey?" ,,and I just cry and say "I don't know"... I feel like a weak **** baby and that is so NOT me. Anyway, if ya got ANY suggestions I will try anything. Thank you

Jennie
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Comments

  • geotina
    geotina Member Posts: 2,111
    Jennie
    Sorry but I don't have a clue what to do. Sounds like you are going through withdrawl. Perhaps someone who went through withdrawl with either pills, alcohol or such can be of more help. I hate hearing this kind of crap like cancer and the poison was not enough.
    Kerry will probably come on and say sex and booze........and there is a tractor involved somehow.......
    Hugs- Tina
  • abrub
    abrub Member Posts: 2,174 Member
    Withdrawal sucks
    Jennie,
    I had to taper off of Tramadol over about 4 weeks - I understand. I cursed with every scheduled pill - I wanted to go cold turkey, but my body couldn't take it. I cut down by one pill every 5 days. We take these drugs because we need them to get through the pain, and then the pain of dropping them is hell on its own.

    You're not crazy - check with your onc, your primary care, your pharmacist, a psychiatrist about what you can take to provide mental support while your body releases its grip on oxycodone. Seeing a psychiatrist, who can work with meds as well as emotions might be advisable at this time. Btw, my insurance lists as a separate reason for seeing a shrink "cancer" - we need all the help in all fronts that we can get. You might even want to look into acupuncture or other alternate/complementary therapies.

    And sometimes, having had cancer, we just cry - it's the way of the beast. It's unfair. We've been through hell, why me, is it coming back, what's next....

    Explain to your husband that you are going through a rough spell, stopping meds is very difficult, and ask him to hold you.

    You will get past this, even tho it seems hopeless now.

    Big hugs, Jennie. This stage of hell will pass.

    Alice
  • Kerry S
    Kerry S Member Posts: 606
    Hey little buddy
    Hey little buddy, you have already made the first step. You know you have a problem with the damn pills. I would even bet money that as soon as you posted you felt better about the problem and yourself. Feeling good is damn nice with what we all have been through. But like most “feel goods”, we have to pay a price down the road. Two docs have told me, if you feel high after taking them you did not need them. If you have heavy duty pain and you take them, you will just feel normal. That has proven to be true with me.

    So the second step is to do something about it. Keep on tapering off the damn stuff. Talk to the doc about it. You are not alone in this. We are all with you darlin. You are going to climb the walls for awhile. Just understand why.

    Kerry
  • Jaylo969
    Jaylo969 Member Posts: 824
    geotina said:

    Jennie
    Sorry but I don't have a clue what to do. Sounds like you are going through withdrawl. Perhaps someone who went through withdrawl with either pills, alcohol or such can be of more help. I hate hearing this kind of crap like cancer and the poison was not enough.
    Kerry will probably come on and say sex and booze........and there is a tractor involved somehow.......
    Hugs- Tina

    Vitamins
    Their are some Vitamins that *might* help that are given at rehab clinics. As the daughter of a recovering alcoholic I remember that much but don't know what they are. Someone else might know? I want to say b-12 but I'm not sure...

    Please hang in there Jennie. I have seen withdrawal and I know it hurts, mentally & physically, but I know you can do it.

    I'm pulling for you Jennie!!

    -Pat
  • AnneCan
    AnneCan Member Posts: 3,673
    Jennie,
    I am so sorry you

    Jennie,

    I am so sorry you are going through this. I think sometimes there is a "post traumatic syndrome" effect - you are in a good place physically + it may be hitting you just what you have been through. Take good care!
  • Sundanceh
    Sundanceh Member Posts: 4,392 Member
    Jen:)
    Hi, Jennie

    Words of wisdom abound in this thread. Everyone has very sound advice here. Withdrawal sounds like the culprit here.

    Just go with it and let your feelings out - will be better than trying to hold it all in.

    I'm sorry to hear you hurting so, but at least you've got an audience here where you can talk about it. As with most things, time will help this all pass.

    Just think about Palooza when you can - you know how much you are looking forward to that. You'll be a new woman by the time the dates roll around.

    -Craig
  • msccolon
    msccolon Member Posts: 1,917
    SOUNDS LIKE HELL!
    You are such a strong person, I hate to see you having such a hard time. I have to echo what others have said here, perhaps a visit with a psychiatrist to see what kind of supporting meds you can get to get you past this withdrawal will help! I think probably in addition to withdrawal, coming off the oxy is probably allowing your body to feel emotions you weren't able to feel before. Sometimes, everything just catches up with us and the body has to release the stress. I am with you on the hating to cry thing, but I have learned to go with it when it comes and just move on! I haven't died yet from crying, so I don't think it's going to happen in the future either ;) Keep at it one hour at a time and soon you will be where you want to be, no longer dependent on oxy. Ask your doc about your schedule on the ativan, you might be taking it too often. I find that Ativan is wonderful for handling anxiety and for sleepless nights, but I find myself weepy the next day after taking it; so this might be adding to your issues. Keep us posted, ok?

    P.S. coming up on that mangled deer leg would TOTALLY set me off too! EEEEEWWWWWWWW! :)
    mary
  • John23
    John23 Member Posts: 2,122
    Jennie -

    They had me on a constant Hydrocodone drip 24/7 and I could have
    even more, if and when I cared to hit the button.... (which was all the time)
    That was for the entire three+ weeks of ICU. I was superman! Nothing
    was about to keep me down.

    When they moved me into the "stepdown", they stopped the
    Hydrocodone "cold-turkey". They removed my water jug from
    my arm and left me alone in my room.

    Within three days of not eating, or drinking and crying, sobbing
    and wasting away from dehydration, they finally noticed that I had
    such a low BP that I had no pulse they could detect.

    The depression was overwhelming, and they offered me nothing for it,
    except counseling with a nurse that gave me hospice forms to fill out
    and hospice brochures to read. They even called in a minister to
    give me blessings for my "trip home".

    I prayed to what I thought was a cloud that never seemed to move
    from the corner of my window...... I found out later, just prior to
    leaving, that it was a blob of phlegm or something on the glass...
    I guess it had some sort of mystical powers tho, because I'm still
    here being the pain in the **** I've always been, and I don't think
    I could have made it without that blob of phlegm.

    It's the drugs, babe. Everything is depressing enough by itself,
    but coming off those damned pain killers will drive you down harder
    than a jack-hammer.

    Try to relax, you're coming from a spot where many, many before
    you have been. Just try to think of something funny, and cry about
    as much as you feel like. It will get better as time passed, trust me.

    So when you see a blob of phlegm someplace, think of me, ok?

    Get better.

    John.
  • John23 said:

    Jennie -

    They had me on a constant Hydrocodone drip 24/7 and I could have
    even more, if and when I cared to hit the button.... (which was all the time)
    That was for the entire three+ weeks of ICU. I was superman! Nothing
    was about to keep me down.

    When they moved me into the "stepdown", they stopped the
    Hydrocodone "cold-turkey". They removed my water jug from
    my arm and left me alone in my room.

    Within three days of not eating, or drinking and crying, sobbing
    and wasting away from dehydration, they finally noticed that I had
    such a low BP that I had no pulse they could detect.

    The depression was overwhelming, and they offered me nothing for it,
    except counseling with a nurse that gave me hospice forms to fill out
    and hospice brochures to read. They even called in a minister to
    give me blessings for my "trip home".

    I prayed to what I thought was a cloud that never seemed to move
    from the corner of my window...... I found out later, just prior to
    leaving, that it was a blob of phlegm or something on the glass...
    I guess it had some sort of mystical powers tho, because I'm still
    here being the pain in the **** I've always been, and I don't think
    I could have made it without that blob of phlegm.

    It's the drugs, babe. Everything is depressing enough by itself,
    but coming off those damned pain killers will drive you down harder
    than a jack-hammer.

    Try to relax, you're coming from a spot where many, many before
    you have been. Just try to think of something funny, and cry about
    as much as you feel like. It will get better as time passed, trust me.

    So when you see a blob of phlegm someplace, think of me, ok?

    Get better.

    John.

    This comment has been removed by the Moderator
  • amyb15
    amyb15 Member Posts: 109
    unknown said:

    This comment has been removed by the Moderator

    Hi Jennie
    I work at a drug

    Hi Jennie
    I work at a drug and alcohol agency so I am familiar with these drugs. The withdrawal from the oxy is terrible for most people. There is a drug called suboxone which is used specifically to assist people in qutting the opiates (which is your oxy). I would ask about that. Many people have great sucess with that. As for the Ativan, it might be ok for now, b ut it is also a highly addictive drug and you might get off the oxy, but be addicted to the ativan. I would ask your doc if suboxone would be a possibility for you.
    Good luck. I know it is very hard. You can pm me with any ?'s if you want.

    Amy
  • Aud
    Aud Member Posts: 479
    Jennie
    Like Craig said, a lot of good advice here already. It certainly does sound like withdrawal is plausible. Have you talked to your doctor again yet?
    Wishing you the best and hope this doesn't take too long.
    hang in there.
    Aud
  • Annabelle41415
    Annabelle41415 Member Posts: 6,715 Member
    Awwww
    Feeling so bad for you and wish that this transition would just go away very soon. Glad you have a supporting husband though. Come on this board when you are able and post away that should help. You being able to take your mind off that will help somewhat, but you are doing the right thing in tapering off. My thoughts are with you dear as you struggle through this. Wish my hug could reach across the internet because you would have one big one from me.

    Kim
  • karguy
    karguy Member Posts: 1,020
    ativan
    You may want to talk to the doctor,I gave up the pain killer cold turkey,and besides the ativan twice a day,I take zoloft once a day.At first it was hard,and took a month to completely get off the vicoden,and it helped to be in open spaces as much as possible.It will take time,but you can do it,just don't give up.
  • Shayenne
    Shayenne Member Posts: 2,342
    karguy said:

    ativan
    You may want to talk to the doctor,I gave up the pain killer cold turkey,and besides the ativan twice a day,I take zoloft once a day.At first it was hard,and took a month to completely get off the vicoden,and it helped to be in open spaces as much as possible.It will take time,but you can do it,just don't give up.

    Honey Bunny....
    I only take one Oxycontin a day,(they want me to take 3), and one ativan at night. I used to take more, but started to just "lessen" the amounts, and it's been a little hard, not to bad, because now I sometimes get these headaches, and itchyness and know it's from trying to taper off, but I just keep thinking, it be best for the liver also to get off them. I seem to now try to take them only if I need them, I quit smoking cold turkey 7 years ago, and I will quit these cold turkey if I have too, I don't know how you take those ativans 4 times a day, those knock me out, maybe that's the cause of you sleeping so much as well, maybe cutting those down will help alot, and take it just an hour before bedtime.

    The cravings do go away though, give it a couple weeks, you'll get through this, just a little at a time, we all have our faith in you. I wish I was there to give ya a big hug! You'll have alot of fun at Palooza, and will make lots of happy memories and more friends, and can't wait to hear about it. You will kick this!

    Hugsss!
    ~Donna
  • lisa42
    lisa42 Member Posts: 3,625
    my dear
    My dear Jennie,

    I'm so sorry for what you're going through. Although I don't have any experience or info to offer on the withdrawal, I just wanted you to know I'm thinking of you, pulling for you, and praying for you.

    You hang in there- you WILL get through this!

    Hugs,
    Lisa
  • RickMurtagh
    RickMurtagh Member Posts: 586
    Hang tough
    Jennie,
    Hang tough girl. Life is good and you can even fart w/out a problem. I mean wowsers, count your blessings.
    Really, I hope your current mood passes quickly, you have enough going on without having to deal with emotions run amuck too.
    You know what might bring a smile to your face? Let one rip for each of us that posted in response to your entry, especially those of us who can't and perhaps in return we will respond with a bit of unbridled emotion of our own. Odds are it will be laughter and not tears, but we are a sympathetic bunch and you will have to take what we can offer.
  • greybeard64
    greybeard64 Member Posts: 254
    Well ****!!
    Pardon my french as they say, but this as you know suckss!!! I wish I could help ya, but I think as others have said and as is so often the case it takes time. Just what you wanted to hear right. I know you are hurting, frustrated, and the worse part is probably just the fact that as you said you know this isnt you! I dont have any magic wand, Lord knows I wish I did, but I want you to realize there are so many people on this board, and in your life, that believe in you, they know this isnt you, and you have to remember this is not permanent. Dont believe for a second that it is, Cry, kick your damn feet, go throw a hundred ice cubes against the wall outside (stress relief without the mess or injury), sleep and NEVER forget that while you may feel like you are losing a battle you are winning the WAR!! I wish there was something I could do, these types of posts tear at my heart, I get it, and it really infuriates me. sometimes you just feel like enough already! Hold on one more day, dont let the darkness block out the goal you have worked so hard towards. You will win this, you have proven countless times before this you are one tough cookie.
    If there is something I can do please dont hesitate to ask?
    sending you good vibes, prayers and hope for peace soon!
    Chris
  • greybeard64
    greybeard64 Member Posts: 254

    Well ****!!
    Pardon my french as they say, but this as you know suckss!!! I wish I could help ya, but I think as others have said and as is so often the case it takes time. Just what you wanted to hear right. I know you are hurting, frustrated, and the worse part is probably just the fact that as you said you know this isnt you! I dont have any magic wand, Lord knows I wish I did, but I want you to realize there are so many people on this board, and in your life, that believe in you, they know this isnt you, and you have to remember this is not permanent. Dont believe for a second that it is, Cry, kick your damn feet, go throw a hundred ice cubes against the wall outside (stress relief without the mess or injury), sleep and NEVER forget that while you may feel like you are losing a battle you are winning the WAR!! I wish there was something I could do, these types of posts tear at my heart, I get it, and it really infuriates me. sometimes you just feel like enough already! Hold on one more day, dont let the darkness block out the goal you have worked so hard towards. You will win this, you have proven countless times before this you are one tough cookie.
    If there is something I can do please dont hesitate to ask?
    sending you good vibes, prayers and hope for peace soon!
    Chris

    one other thing
    I do not know how the board feels about this, and since we dont live in a state that sees the advantages (although it is up for a vote soon) I feel compelled to tell you. Marijuanna is a great stress reliever, stomach calmer, pain reliever etc.. I had to throw that out there, if I offended anyone with this post....well I was going to say sorry...but I cant make myself do that.
    And of course if the powers that be are perusing this site: I only know this through what I have read, as someone once said, I may have tried it once years ago, but I never inhaled ;). After all its illegal and I would never do anything illegal even if it does, repress nausea from chemo, allows you to eat during treatments when other drugs wont, calms frazzled nerves, alleviates anxiety, allows your body to get the rest it needs through normal sleep, and does all of this with far less side effects then pharmacy concoctions, and with no possibility of overdose.
    PS I dont subscribe to legalizing it UNLESS it is for medical reasons, and it should be monitored just as strictly as the narcotics they prescribe now.
    again just my two cents take it or leave it.
    chris
  • msccolon
    msccolon Member Posts: 1,917

    one other thing
    I do not know how the board feels about this, and since we dont live in a state that sees the advantages (although it is up for a vote soon) I feel compelled to tell you. Marijuanna is a great stress reliever, stomach calmer, pain reliever etc.. I had to throw that out there, if I offended anyone with this post....well I was going to say sorry...but I cant make myself do that.
    And of course if the powers that be are perusing this site: I only know this through what I have read, as someone once said, I may have tried it once years ago, but I never inhaled ;). After all its illegal and I would never do anything illegal even if it does, repress nausea from chemo, allows you to eat during treatments when other drugs wont, calms frazzled nerves, alleviates anxiety, allows your body to get the rest it needs through normal sleep, and does all of this with far less side effects then pharmacy concoctions, and with no possibility of overdose.
    PS I dont subscribe to legalizing it UNLESS it is for medical reasons, and it should be monitored just as strictly as the narcotics they prescribe now.
    again just my two cents take it or leave it.
    chris

    amen
    that's all I got to say about that, Chris!
    mary
  • Shayenne
    Shayenne Member Posts: 2,342
    msccolon said:

    amen
    that's all I got to say about that, Chris!
    mary

    Amen Here too!
    You are so right Chris ;)

    Hugsss!
    ~Donna