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Does anyone else just get teary for no reason....

HollyID's picture
HollyID
Posts: 951
Joined: Dec 2009

Today is a I HATE CANCER day....

I'm talking to my onc before chemo. Really, I'm truly feeling great. My neuropathy hasn't even bothered me for about the last week.

Just one of those days that even the word cancer can make me tear up. Maybe just tired from working last night and having to get up early this morning for chemo. I don't know.

Last night I was talking to a co-worker friend whose dad died from cancer. She isn't afraid to talk to me or she doesn't avoid me because she doesn't know what to say. I mean, really, we're all in the I HATE CANCER club, or maybe I think we all are.

Not really down today, either. Just a I hate cancer day and I'm so ready to be done with chemo and everything else. I'm not even half way done. Today is treatment #5. My pseudo psychiatrist in me tells me that maybe I just have to go through a couple of days of feeling like crap and I don't wanna do it. It's crappy to feel so good and have to go in for chemo, ya know, just so I can be sick for 3 days? Of course you know. LOL

I think I'm more tired than anything.

geotina's picture
geotina
Posts: 2122
Joined: Oct 2009

Sometimes you just get sick and tired of being sick and tired. I know I get sick and tired of George being sick and tired and I am the caregiver. Go have yourself a good cry, get it out, heck, go have a screaming freak out. Sometimes you just have to get it out. I won't do it in front of George, don't want him feeling bad for getting sick, but sometimes on the car ride home from work I do find myself crying, it is just sadness, and it will pass. Take care - Tina

sfmarie's picture
sfmarie
Posts: 605
Joined: Aug 2009

I am sick and tired of my sister being sick and tired and in pain. Cancer sucks the life out of the patient and those around them. At least, that has been my experience.
I too cry all the time. Even watching some sad thing on tv. Marie

Jaylo969
Posts: 827
Joined: Jan 2010

Yes, I do but not as often as I did a few months ago. Like you, when I was on infusions I got to where I dreaded it and my mood would slowly get darker. But good news....it always went away after a day or so.I hope that will be the case for you too, but if not please tell your doctor. Stress, depression, fatigue all can slow down the healing process.

Hoping you are feeling a little better now.It won't be long. Just think, next treatment you can celebrate the half-way mark....maybe do one of those crazy dances all the folks on here keep talking about.Sending soothing thoughts your way.

-Pat

kimby's picture
kimby
Posts: 804
Joined: Oct 2007

Well, yeah! I have days that I just can't help but cry at everything. Most days I laugh at everything. You know, the laughing seems to make people (not family or close friends) more uncomfortable than the crying.

Sometimes I just get teary easily. Other days I need a really good cry. If I'm not alone, I take a long, hot shower and cry there. I have fewer of those days now, but I still have them. The "I hate cancer" days, the "am I going to survive this" days....well, you know.

I hope you cry it all out and feel better. Then go get a great, wonderful laugh. Good movie, good book, good friends. Whatever works for you.

Kimby
Outwit. Outplay. Outlast.

kimby's picture
kimby
Posts: 804
Joined: Oct 2007

Well, yeah! I have days that I just can't help but cry at everything. Most days I laugh at everything. You know, the laughing seems to make people (not family or close friends) more uncomfortable than the crying.

Sometimes I just get teary easily. Other days I need a really good cry. If I'm not alone, I take a long, hot shower and cry there. I have fewer of those days now, but I still have them. The "I hate cancer" days, the "am I going to survive this" days....well, you know.

I hope you cry it all out and feel better. Then go get a great, wonderful laugh. Good movie, good book, good friends. Whatever works for you.

Kimby
Outwit. Outplay. Outlast.

Kerry S's picture
Kerry S
Posts: 607
Joined: Dec 2009

Before retirement back in 93, I was the director of a customer service call center for a major credit card company for 8 years. I had 200 females, average age 22, that worked for me. The experience was priceless.

I would say this is a woman thing. You will be fine – this to shall pass.

maglets's picture
maglets
Posts: 2596
Joined: Jun 2006

Holly getting around treatment # 5 and 6 is hard.....you start to wear down...all that initial fear and rush is over and then it just seems likes more and more chemo looming.

You probably are really tired and really emotional....but I definitely remember a hump around number 6.

one step after the other girl and if you want a nice big cry just do that too

hugs
mags

msccolon's picture
msccolon
Posts: 1956
Joined: Oct 2004

I always cry when I'm tired and I was always tired on chemo. In fact, the addition of Sandostatin shots once a month helped TREMENDOUSLY with that! It helped with the diarrhea, which in turn helped with the tiredness, and hence cut back on the crying. I think the day I had to go in for a second day infusion because of issues with infusion on day 1, where I was crying like a baby and the doc decided to infuse me in the room he was seeing me in instead of sending me to the infusion room was the turn around! I am usually really tough and he knew something needed to be done when I was that worked up! The only other time I broke down like that in the office was my latest recurrence back in November. It really does just wear on you sometimes. I finally have gotten to a place where I just embrace the times when I am teary and don't let it get to me so much. We all have REASON to get down sometimes! Just so we remember to then pick ourselves back up and enjoy the good times! Tomorrow will be a better day!
mary

mark440's picture
mark440
Posts: 63
Joined: Jan 2010

I just cried a minute ago as I just made a mess in my pants sitting at the computer!! CANCER SUCKS!!!

dianetavegia's picture
dianetavegia
Posts: 1953
Joined: Mar 2009

I think I was lobotomized as a child by my mother. EEK. I seldom cry. I cried one time a week after my brother was murdered and I cried a few tears when the gastro told me about the tumor but that's it for the last umpteen dozen years.

HollyID's picture
HollyID
Posts: 951
Joined: Dec 2009

You're a tough woman Diane.

I didn't even cry when the surgeon told me I had cancer. All I wanted to know were the steps to eradicate the little bugger.

I don't cry very often myself. This was a new one to just break down like that for me. But then again, only a couple hours of sleep in a 29 hour day was rough for me.

robinvan's picture
robinvan
Posts: 1014
Joined: May 2007

Cancer certainly sucks!

I find that I am easily moved to tears. Often in response to beauty, the pain or suffering of others, or something very happy. It's a rare movie that doesn't elicit some misting!

I'm easily moved to joy and laughter too. Maybe we just become more authentic with our feelings.

Be well... Rob; in Vancouver

“But it’s hard to explain, Mitch.
Now that I am suffering, I feel closer to others
who are suffering than I ever did before.”
Morrie Schwartz

RickMurtagh's picture
RickMurtagh
Posts: 586
Joined: Feb 2010

They dropped my pizza the other day just as they were bringing it to the table - that made me cry. Cancer makes me mad rather than sad. I am with you Holly - I HATE CANCER!

ann2008's picture
ann2008
Posts: 119
Joined: Nov 2009

I do remember really dreading the next treatment because I did feel so good the few days before, I could eat anything and drink cold drinks again and the neuropathy was gone. That was when I would just have a good cry and then get up and go for my next treatment. It gets better but now I think I am menopausal and at it again. Ann

HollyID's picture
HollyID
Posts: 951
Joined: Dec 2009

Ann, this was my thoughts yesterday. I've been able to drink cold drinks again, have a little ice cream if I wanted. I hadn't had neuropathy tingles for days. I mean like 10 days. I'm sure the warmer weather here has helped with that.

I felt so good yesterday... then the thoughts of having chemo again and feeling crappy again was just too much for my nimble brain to handle. :)

thready's picture
thready
Posts: 475
Joined: Sep 2009

it is o.k. to cry, you probably are very tired and when I did treatment 5 it was a bad day! I cried all through treatment, even Ativan did not help. This stuff really wears a person out. I can say after a day of crying I did feel like I could move on and get this all behind me.

Holly hang in there you will make it! My Aunt sends me pictures of stick people with there biceps flexed, they are really fun, but when I am down I just look at her pictures and realize that I am strong enough to get through all this.

Be strong Holly
Jan

HollyID's picture
HollyID
Posts: 951
Joined: Dec 2009

I love my chemo nurses. I was all done crying, went to the infusion room, and one of my chemo nurses I've knows for 15 years asked me if I was OK. Well, that just brought the tears on again. She asked if I got bad news, which of course I didn't... I'm tolerating this chemo like a champ. Nothing was out of normal on my labs. I just started crying again. I told her I'm so sure I'm tired. I know my eyes were red because I could feel my contacts screaming for NS. They get like that when they're dry and tired, which I was.

I know I'll make it. Really, I'm good. Actually, I'm great. It's amazing how a nice night of sleep helps.

PhillieG's picture
PhillieG
Posts: 4912
Joined: May 2005

I've found that since my diagnosis I am more emotional than I was before cancer.
I'm not a fan of cancer either.

HollyID's picture
HollyID
Posts: 951
Joined: Dec 2009

Thanks everyone. I'm so glad I'm not the only one that does this.

I'm sure my doc sees his patients in tears all the time. Me, I hardly ever cry, so this was a new sensation for me. I usually only cry over children and animals. *shrug*

I knew I could vent and be OK the next morning.

LOVE YOU ALL!!

Holly

coloCan
Posts: 1956
Joined: Oct 2009

I find myself starting to cry watching TV if someone does a kind deed for someone else, if someone expresses love (not sexual), (stupid things that when I was a kid I would laugh at my mother for crying over Dr Kildare and those other early soaps.) When I was more or less confined to indoors and was watching alot of CSI and Law&Order shows, when crime victim was helped, I would start to cry. I'll do it in public too and won;t care if people stare at me as I walk, in thought, crying, esp if thinking about my doctors who are keeping me alive.....Having gone thru what we have does something inside emotionally as well as physically.......Hope everyone gets to go out to enjoy the warming weather.....steve

msccolon's picture
msccolon
Posts: 1956
Joined: Oct 2004

You know, so many people have said that they hardly ever cried before cancer, but now are much more emotional. That reminds me of the day I returned home after my initial resection and had a bad reaction to the oxycodone. There my mother and I were crying and she was another lady who rarely cried, but I have a sister who was the "family cryer". Mother made a comment about how maybe Sue (my sister) had it right all along and we should allow ourselves to cry more often. Makes me wonder if the years of holding in the emotions just added to the whole cancer scene.
mary

Shayenne's picture
Shayenne
Posts: 2370
Joined: Jan 2009

Been very emotional! I cry when I'm happy, I cry when I'm sad, I cry when I'm mad, hell, sometimes I even cry at commercials! LOL! I'm not afraid to cry, I feel better when I do, there's nothing wrong with it. I try not to do it in front of the kids, but sometimes they catch me, and then they all start hugging and crying with me, that we all end up somehow just laughing about it haha...cancer sucks, but what are you going to do? just keep living, and don't let it change you too much! it may have changed me physically with my battle scars and colostomy, and hair thinning, but it will never kill my spirit, or who I was before!

Hugsss!
~Donna

lcarper2
Posts: 638
Joined: Dec 2009

I have cried more this week than I have in along time when I 1st had surgery I cired all the time and than it got better but this week just the thoughts of having another cancer just makes me cry. I am so tired of cancer and chemo and the hole mess I just cry...

dorookie
Posts: 1736
Joined: Jul 2007

I have always been one to hold everything in, rarely crying, and I wonder if the stress of that didnt somehow have some impact on the cancer. Now I am more emotional, cant seem to control it like I used to, I dont cry alot but I do still hold it back some, maybe I shouldnt. But if I didnt I would be a babbling fool all the time...

Beth

Doug_B's picture
Doug_B
Posts: 27
Joined: Feb 2010

Hi Holly,

About a third way into chemo I noticed my eyes would start to well frequently. The cold and wind seemed to agitate this condition. I assumed it was a reaction to the drugs. One evening I was talking to my employer about a relative of his who had an advanced stage of cancer and my eyes opened up and the tears poured. It looked as if I was crying. I may have been. This was 6 months after treatment ended. It was a very emotional conversation. Cancer is an emotional disease. If you need to cry, cry. No one will hold it against you.

Godspeed and good health to you Holly,

Doug

Buzzard's picture
Buzzard
Posts: 3073
Joined: Aug 2008

you deserve to be able to cry when you want ....its a simple anxiety the disease presents you when you least expect it. It is something to be on guard for but never ashamed of. Only we can know what it takes us through and if I want to cry then I have earned the right to do so and I am not ashamed of it, nor will I apologize for it. This opens us up to the real aspect of the mortality issue we never think we'll face. Now, we do, and its a brain wrecker. But as said in another post once I got ok with the fact that someday death will take me as it will everyone, I got over a lot of my emotional issues, and Prozac helps too !!!...Its fine to be emotional with yourself, it shows emotion, in which shows heart, graciousness, and caring....Love and Hope to you sweetie............Buzz

Julie 44
Posts: 479
Joined: Oct 2008

hey everyone,
Sorry I have not been on in awhile...Been through alot of depression and physcial and emontional pain..
Today I was fine on the way to treatment. The minuet I got to the building I started to sweel up..Over nothing but the rest of the day was just that way...I gues we are all just sick and tired of it all...working full time, dealing with family obligations,being sick all the time and just totatlly being fed up with dealing with cancer..I guess we just keep plugging along and crying along the way and we all shall get through it one way or another...Good luck to all..JULIE

HollyID's picture
HollyID
Posts: 951
Joined: Dec 2009

I know exactly how you feel. I'm still working, doing things at home, although, I have to admit that Dave does most things like cooking and laundry.

I think I got so emotional because #1) I worked the night before and didn't get enough sleep to be a reasonable human being. #2) I felt great. I felt great only to go in and get another dose of "Satan in a bag" and have to deal with the fatigue, bowel problems, tongue and mouth problems, neuropathy, and family issues that I need to deal with all over again. I don't feel sick, I don't feel like I have cancer. So when the two weeks are up and I have to go back in, I'm like a little girl being told to go to her room. I hate the oxi. I'll take it, but I hate it.

Buzzard said it well, too. It's facing mortality. I was reading a little pamphlet in the onc's office that talked about "What's gonna happen when we're done with chemo?" It's like our security blanket is taken away and that kinda got to me, too. More than it should have.

Cancer is an emotional disease, isn't it? I don't often cry, but Tuesday and Wednesday was just almost too much to bear.

HollyID's picture
HollyID
Posts: 951
Joined: Dec 2009

I'm not teary today, or even close to it.

I love you all, more than you'll ever know. Your words have meant more to me than you realize. :)

You're all angels.

Buzzard's picture
Buzzard
Posts: 3073
Joined: Aug 2008

and so are you love.........hang in there sweetie....someday soon it will all be a memory...Love Hope and dry eyes.....Buzz

abrub's picture
abrub
Posts: 2152
Joined: Mar 2010

I'm almost 2 years out of chemo and doing great,but still have what I call "cancer days" when I'll cry easily, and just feel crappy about the "why me's" and other cancer stuff.

Tears before/during chemo - of course. We finally feel decent again, and then we are slammed.

Never feel bad about crying - we're human, it's part of who we are.

Chemo - a lousy year of our lives to give us back the rest.

Idamama's picture
Idamama
Posts: 6
Joined: Feb 2010

Seems like everyday I cry at least once. I get frustrated at not being able to control the pain and then when it is, I am in bed because I am so tired. I get angry because I can't do the things I would normally do with my daughters. I cry because I don't want to be alone and I am. Cancer does suck! I want to be able to help people when I am well. I really had no idea what suffering was until now. I reach out now and try to be inspirational but I really want to be doing meaningful things. Love to you. It's such a journey. Crying means that you know the true meaning of life I believe. You can feel. I never cried too much before this. It's also such a good release.

Crow71's picture
Crow71
Posts: 681
Joined: Jan 2010

Hey mama in Idaho. I hope your are doing well. Sounds like it's been rough lately.
"Crying means that you know the true meaning of life." Thank you for that thought. It really means a lot to me.
Roger

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