How do you deal with the stress?

pinot
pinot Member Posts: 12
edited March 2014 in Prostate Cancer #1
My Dad has prostate cancer. In recent days, his blood pressure has crept up to extremely high levels - yesterday's reading was 177/107. I'm certain that it's related to the anxiety over his unsuccessful surgery and rising PSA.

How can he relieve his stress? I've given him some mediations to listen to on his iPod, but they don't seem to be making a difference.

What else can I do, as his 35-year-old daughter, to lessen his anxiety?
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Comments

  • marc1957
    marc1957 Member Posts: 79
    first thing I would do is
    first thing I would do is assist in getting his BP under control - he is likely to have heart attack/stroke if it remains that high. There are plenty of drugs to assist that.

    Honestly, I cried alot and played with my dog - she seemed to listen and have the same cheery facial expression whether I was happy or otherwise.

    The most humbling event was my daughter asking why I was teary eyed one night as she (10yr old ) and my wife were shoveling snow....... I couldnt because of the lifting restriction.

    So I told her that I was sad that I couldnt do the snow removal, as it was a dads place to take care of the family - she just told me it was okay and that it wasnt my fault. So after that, I took her word for it and discontinued the pity party of one I was having !

    Mind over matter is my opinion, and this is a manly disease that really/literally hits a man where it counts. Us chest pounders are not use to being subject to hear that we will be P'ing blood, that we cant work, that we wont be able to get an erection for 0 to 3 years, etc. It can be downright depressing ( like the economy ).


    Hopefully that will shed one males opinion/viewpoint so that you can better grasp what your father is going through.

    regards & good luck.

    -marc
  • infooverload
    infooverload Member Posts: 6
    Dealing with the stress
    Hi Pinot,

    Marc1957 is right - for a guy, this cancer isn't like any other cancer. Not only does it affect you physically, as Marc says, but it's also very difficult to talk about. You end up losing control over your privacy and your sexuality, and a lot of guys find it very hard to deal with that (ALL guys have problems with that - some more than others). I've read of women having similar problems when facing mastectomies: "Am I still a woman -- how much of my identity as a woman is in my breasts? Will my husband stop loving me? I've never had to think about this before!"

    I can imagine your dad may find it difficult to talk with you about it, given that you're his daughter and not his son or another man.

    Besides the embarrassing stuff, there's the tension of knowing that something deadly is growing inside you, but you can't see it or feel it, and the only evidence is numbers on a sheet of paper that the doctor says are significant.

    I'm like your dad - I had surgery a year ago, and was SURE that would be the end of my cancer. I could now get on with my life and forget about being a "cancer patient." But my PSA is now above the "zero" level, and my doctor says I need radiation treatments.

    So, now there's a whole new level of stress. My cancer is NOT gone, and now I must disrupt my entire life for six-eight weeks to get daily radiation treatments, which will (or may not) kill all the remaining cancer cells, which may (or may not) affect my bladder and colon, and which may (or may not) produce other cancer in the years ahead.

    If I were 75 or 80 years old, I wouldn't even think about this stuff, but since I'm 55, I have to deal with knowing there's still something inside me that may one day kill me, no matter how much the doctors treat it. Your dad is likely having similar thoughts go through his mind.

    If he's still dealing with post-surgery issues of continence and erectile dysfunction, he already has a lot on his mind these days. And if he's always been healthy, and has never had to worry (or talk) about his bladder or sexual functions, he's probably struggling a lot, which explains his blood pressure. You don't mention his wife, but one's spouse can either help or hinder a PCa guy's physical and emotional healing.

    If you're a praying person, I'd be praying for him, and encourage him to pray and place himself in God's hands for healing and peace. It's at times like this that we all discover our lives are not totally in our control, and that realization can actually be quite helpful. If his wife/significant other can provide support, so much the better.

    I'd also try to help him get in touch with other guys who have gone through what he's going through. You could get him active on an online network like this one, and/or ask his doctor for information about a local PCa support group or the contact info for several other patients who have agreed to talk with other patients about their experiences.
  • lewvino
    lewvino Member Posts: 1,010

    Dealing with the stress
    Hi Pinot,

    Marc1957 is right - for a guy, this cancer isn't like any other cancer. Not only does it affect you physically, as Marc says, but it's also very difficult to talk about. You end up losing control over your privacy and your sexuality, and a lot of guys find it very hard to deal with that (ALL guys have problems with that - some more than others). I've read of women having similar problems when facing mastectomies: "Am I still a woman -- how much of my identity as a woman is in my breasts? Will my husband stop loving me? I've never had to think about this before!"

    I can imagine your dad may find it difficult to talk with you about it, given that you're his daughter and not his son or another man.

    Besides the embarrassing stuff, there's the tension of knowing that something deadly is growing inside you, but you can't see it or feel it, and the only evidence is numbers on a sheet of paper that the doctor says are significant.

    I'm like your dad - I had surgery a year ago, and was SURE that would be the end of my cancer. I could now get on with my life and forget about being a "cancer patient." But my PSA is now above the "zero" level, and my doctor says I need radiation treatments.

    So, now there's a whole new level of stress. My cancer is NOT gone, and now I must disrupt my entire life for six-eight weeks to get daily radiation treatments, which will (or may not) kill all the remaining cancer cells, which may (or may not) affect my bladder and colon, and which may (or may not) produce other cancer in the years ahead.

    If I were 75 or 80 years old, I wouldn't even think about this stuff, but since I'm 55, I have to deal with knowing there's still something inside me that may one day kill me, no matter how much the doctors treat it. Your dad is likely having similar thoughts go through his mind.

    If he's still dealing with post-surgery issues of continence and erectile dysfunction, he already has a lot on his mind these days. And if he's always been healthy, and has never had to worry (or talk) about his bladder or sexual functions, he's probably struggling a lot, which explains his blood pressure. You don't mention his wife, but one's spouse can either help or hinder a PCa guy's physical and emotional healing.

    If you're a praying person, I'd be praying for him, and encourage him to pray and place himself in God's hands for healing and peace. It's at times like this that we all discover our lives are not totally in our control, and that realization can actually be quite helpful. If his wife/significant other can provide support, so much the better.

    I'd also try to help him get in touch with other guys who have gone through what he's going through. You could get him active on an online network like this one, and/or ask his doctor for information about a local PCa support group or the contact info for several other patients who have agreed to talk with other patients about their experiences.

    Excellent Post. You have
    Excellent Post. You have nailed it on the head what so many of us feel.
    I'm 55 also.

    Larry
  • LBlanks
    LBlanks Member Posts: 44
    Sorry to Hear About The Stress

    Worry and concern is normal, but getting to the point where it could negatively affect your health on another front needs to be controlled. Talking openly about the problem and the decisions to be made is a big stress releiver. Discussing with the wife, family, doctor, pastor, etc. is what most folks recommend.

    I guess I was lucky because I never lost sleep, was stressed out or overly upset when I found out. I just wanted to reach a decision and get it over with. Of course I was concerned on what to do and which option to take, but once my decision was made and the surgeon selected, I moved forward.

    It's part of life and you just deal with it.

    Good luck to your Dad and he just needs to know that odds are in his favor to survive it. My doctor told me that most guys die "with" prostate cancer, but very few die "because" of it.

    Larry
  • txbarton
    txbarton Member Posts: 89 Member
    I tried cognac and Irish
    I tried cognac and Irish whisky.

    A supportive family and this site was a greater stress reducer than anything I could wish for.

    Get your dad on this site directly rather than through you.

    VB
  • erisian
    erisian Member Posts: 107
    Stress Relief
    I think that getting stressed out is a pretty normal reaction. It happens to everyone after a prognosis like that. It's very difficult not to obsess over it. Something you could do for your father is to take him out and do something he likes, or even just take him out to dinner an a movie. Anything that will take his mind off it for a while would help. It's a huge stress relief just to not think about it. Then after he has done that sort of thing a few times, he'll realize that it is possible to just let it go sometimes.
  • hopeful and optimistic
    hopeful and optimistic Member Posts: 2,333 Member
    attend religious services.......where there it someone who gives an uplifting sermon....play or listen to music ( I play a ukulele which relieves stress) Get a jar of bubbles and blow...have fun. Consider yoga or tai chi.

    Go to a support group.

    Basically when I was diagnosed 10 months ago, I was in shock and had all the negative feeling that most of us do for a couple of months......now, I simply go on with my life.

    The blood pressure is very high.......see a doctor to control this, and if necessary a pill to calm your father down

    Ira
  • jminnj
    jminnj Member Posts: 129

    attend religious services.......where there it someone who gives an uplifting sermon....play or listen to music ( I play a ukulele which relieves stress) Get a jar of bubbles and blow...have fun. Consider yoga or tai chi.

    Go to a support group.

    Basically when I was diagnosed 10 months ago, I was in shock and had all the negative feeling that most of us do for a couple of months......now, I simply go on with my life.

    The blood pressure is very high.......see a doctor to control this, and if necessary a pill to calm your father down

    Ira

    Relieving stress! Wow that was a tough one for me. I am 47, diagnosed in November, having surgery in a week. Religious services are a help, support groups a must. The best stress reliever for me has been to talk about it. I will admit, easier said than done. But I found that the more I have been able to talk about it, the better I feel, the more relaxed I am. Show your dad this site and see if he is willing to log on. He will find some of the best folks ever here willing to talk or just listen. I cant tell you how much these guys (Sonny, Marc, Randy, Larry, Nick and so many more) have helped me feel like I am not alone.

    One of the earlier posts mentioned breast cancer and how a woman deals with that. I think over the last few years we have seen more and more women speaking openly about their condition and I really admire them for that. I believe that it must help them mentally and so much about this is mental. I am hopeful that as time goes on we can start to speak more openly about Prostate Cancer and all the side effects, emotions, that go along with it. This board is a great start for all of us who are affected and our families. What we need to do is get more awareness outside of our world. I tell all my friends who are in my age bracket to make sure they are getting their annual blood test and if their doc isn't doing it, have them do it.

    I wish you well and hope to hear from you father.
    Joe
  • lewvino
    lewvino Member Posts: 1,010
    jminnj said:

    Relieving stress! Wow that was a tough one for me. I am 47, diagnosed in November, having surgery in a week. Religious services are a help, support groups a must. The best stress reliever for me has been to talk about it. I will admit, easier said than done. But I found that the more I have been able to talk about it, the better I feel, the more relaxed I am. Show your dad this site and see if he is willing to log on. He will find some of the best folks ever here willing to talk or just listen. I cant tell you how much these guys (Sonny, Marc, Randy, Larry, Nick and so many more) have helped me feel like I am not alone.

    One of the earlier posts mentioned breast cancer and how a woman deals with that. I think over the last few years we have seen more and more women speaking openly about their condition and I really admire them for that. I believe that it must help them mentally and so much about this is mental. I am hopeful that as time goes on we can start to speak more openly about Prostate Cancer and all the side effects, emotions, that go along with it. This board is a great start for all of us who are affected and our families. What we need to do is get more awareness outside of our world. I tell all my friends who are in my age bracket to make sure they are getting their annual blood test and if their doc isn't doing it, have them do it.

    I wish you well and hope to hear from you father.
    Joe

    Joe,Could luck on your up
    Joe,
    Good luck on your up coming surgery! It will be behind you in no time and then you will have a totally different outlook on this beast. I'm anxiouslly awaiting my 6 month PSA check post surgery on Feb. 15. Hoping for another 0 in spite of my positive margin post surgery.

    Larry Age 55
  • gumbyrun
    gumbyrun Member Posts: 58

    attend religious services.......where there it someone who gives an uplifting sermon....play or listen to music ( I play a ukulele which relieves stress) Get a jar of bubbles and blow...have fun. Consider yoga or tai chi.

    Go to a support group.

    Basically when I was diagnosed 10 months ago, I was in shock and had all the negative feeling that most of us do for a couple of months......now, I simply go on with my life.

    The blood pressure is very high.......see a doctor to control this, and if necessary a pill to calm your father down

    Ira

    I'm tired...
    I'm tired about being positive about this and reassuring everyone that I am optimistic and that I am going to beat this and all will be OK. I am definitely a "half-full glass" type of guy, in fact, for Christmas my wife and daughters (13&15) bought me a "life is good shirt" with a water glass and the saying "half full." Its been deemed my official PCa shirt!

    I was diagnosed in November and I am scheduled for daVinci surgery on 2/26/10. I was on top of this. Did all the research, looked at all the options, and at 52, it seemed (and still seems to be) the right choice. Becky (my wife who is an RN and the best) and I met with the urologist and radiation oncologist in Pittsburgh last Wed and all went as we planned. No major revelations. Original pathologist in Danville, pa., scored 4 of 10 cores, one 7 (3&4), and three 6. Pathologist in Pit scored all four a 6 so that's a good thing.

    I knew I would be off 4-8 weeks (from reading these posts here) and had big plans - was going to burn that vinyl to cd's, old 8mm and vhs tapes to dvd, really spend some quality time with my guitar, long walks in the woods, etc.

    An old friend even published an article about "recovery" and how I am evidence that recovery begins in the depths of winter as evidenced by my attitude.

    But now that I have a definite plan and a date, I don't have that sense of peace that I thought I would have. In fact, I just want to curl into a ball.

    First support group meeting is tomorrow night.
    My first worries were impotence and incontinence but now on top of that, I am just tired of being the rock, ya know?
    Thanks for letting me vent. These feelings pass quickly...but are occurring a bit more often.
    Mike
  • randy_in_indy
    randy_in_indy Member Posts: 496 Member
    gumbyrun said:

    I'm tired...
    I'm tired about being positive about this and reassuring everyone that I am optimistic and that I am going to beat this and all will be OK. I am definitely a "half-full glass" type of guy, in fact, for Christmas my wife and daughters (13&15) bought me a "life is good shirt" with a water glass and the saying "half full." Its been deemed my official PCa shirt!

    I was diagnosed in November and I am scheduled for daVinci surgery on 2/26/10. I was on top of this. Did all the research, looked at all the options, and at 52, it seemed (and still seems to be) the right choice. Becky (my wife who is an RN and the best) and I met with the urologist and radiation oncologist in Pittsburgh last Wed and all went as we planned. No major revelations. Original pathologist in Danville, pa., scored 4 of 10 cores, one 7 (3&4), and three 6. Pathologist in Pit scored all four a 6 so that's a good thing.

    I knew I would be off 4-8 weeks (from reading these posts here) and had big plans - was going to burn that vinyl to cd's, old 8mm and vhs tapes to dvd, really spend some quality time with my guitar, long walks in the woods, etc.

    An old friend even published an article about "recovery" and how I am evidence that recovery begins in the depths of winter as evidenced by my attitude.

    But now that I have a definite plan and a date, I don't have that sense of peace that I thought I would have. In fact, I just want to curl into a ball.

    First support group meeting is tomorrow night.
    My first worries were impotence and incontinence but now on top of that, I am just tired of being the rock, ya know?
    Thanks for letting me vent. These feelings pass quickly...but are occurring a bit more often.
    Mike

    Mike
    Sorry to hear you are getting down. But really there is those moments that we all say..."why me?", "What did I do to deserve this?" That is certainly been on my mind...but also on my mind is ...wow...I have had such a lucky life, ALL MY LIFE, maybe this is God's way of throwing me a curve ball to see how I handle this. I know one thing....it's the people around me in my life that continue to force me to be optimistic, my RN partner like you, my mother, brother, co-workers...I could not believe the outpouring of support from my co-workers its been so touching to a point that I need to be positive for them so I don't let them down...and at the same time it really is healthy for me. I believe 95% of an outcome in just about any situation is the attitude going into the event. I also think a few jokes along the way about our predicament is healthy...don't get me wrong...I do my homework and research try to be realistic.... and very serious about this...but at the same time I refuse to stop having fun in my life! Hey you have the plan set....go have as much fun as you can prior to the surgery...then just know you will be in recovery mode following the surgery. And we are all here for YOU!

    Here's to YOU getting back in the boat...drinking that bud light and having the time of your life...once again!

    Randy in Indy
  • randy_in_indy
    randy_in_indy Member Posts: 496 Member
    gumbyrun said:

    I'm tired...
    I'm tired about being positive about this and reassuring everyone that I am optimistic and that I am going to beat this and all will be OK. I am definitely a "half-full glass" type of guy, in fact, for Christmas my wife and daughters (13&15) bought me a "life is good shirt" with a water glass and the saying "half full." Its been deemed my official PCa shirt!

    I was diagnosed in November and I am scheduled for daVinci surgery on 2/26/10. I was on top of this. Did all the research, looked at all the options, and at 52, it seemed (and still seems to be) the right choice. Becky (my wife who is an RN and the best) and I met with the urologist and radiation oncologist in Pittsburgh last Wed and all went as we planned. No major revelations. Original pathologist in Danville, pa., scored 4 of 10 cores, one 7 (3&4), and three 6. Pathologist in Pit scored all four a 6 so that's a good thing.

    I knew I would be off 4-8 weeks (from reading these posts here) and had big plans - was going to burn that vinyl to cd's, old 8mm and vhs tapes to dvd, really spend some quality time with my guitar, long walks in the woods, etc.

    An old friend even published an article about "recovery" and how I am evidence that recovery begins in the depths of winter as evidenced by my attitude.

    But now that I have a definite plan and a date, I don't have that sense of peace that I thought I would have. In fact, I just want to curl into a ball.

    First support group meeting is tomorrow night.
    My first worries were impotence and incontinence but now on top of that, I am just tired of being the rock, ya know?
    Thanks for letting me vent. These feelings pass quickly...but are occurring a bit more often.
    Mike

    Mike
    Sorry to hear you are getting down. But really there is those moments that we all say..."why me?", "What did I do to deserve this?" That is certainly been on my mind...but also on my mind is ...wow...I have had such a lucky life, ALL MY LIFE, maybe this is God's way of throwing me a curve ball to see how I handle this. I know one thing....it's the people around me in my life that continue to force me to be optimistic, my RN partner like you, my mother, brother, co-workers...I could not believe the outpouring of support from my co-workers its been so touching to a point that I need to be positive for them so I don't let them down...and at the same time it really is healthy for me. I believe 95% of an outcome in just about any situation is the attitude going into the event. I also think a few jokes along the way about our predicament is healthy...don't get me wrong...I do my homework and research try to be realistic.... and very serious about this...but at the same time I refuse to stop having fun in my life! Hey you have the plan set....go have as much fun as you can prior to the surgery...then just know you will be in recovery mode following the surgery. And we are all here for YOU!

    Here's to YOU getting back in the boat...drinking that bud light and having the time of your life...once again!

    Randy in Indy
  • randy_in_indy
    randy_in_indy Member Posts: 496 Member
    gumbyrun said:

    I'm tired...
    I'm tired about being positive about this and reassuring everyone that I am optimistic and that I am going to beat this and all will be OK. I am definitely a "half-full glass" type of guy, in fact, for Christmas my wife and daughters (13&15) bought me a "life is good shirt" with a water glass and the saying "half full." Its been deemed my official PCa shirt!

    I was diagnosed in November and I am scheduled for daVinci surgery on 2/26/10. I was on top of this. Did all the research, looked at all the options, and at 52, it seemed (and still seems to be) the right choice. Becky (my wife who is an RN and the best) and I met with the urologist and radiation oncologist in Pittsburgh last Wed and all went as we planned. No major revelations. Original pathologist in Danville, pa., scored 4 of 10 cores, one 7 (3&4), and three 6. Pathologist in Pit scored all four a 6 so that's a good thing.

    I knew I would be off 4-8 weeks (from reading these posts here) and had big plans - was going to burn that vinyl to cd's, old 8mm and vhs tapes to dvd, really spend some quality time with my guitar, long walks in the woods, etc.

    An old friend even published an article about "recovery" and how I am evidence that recovery begins in the depths of winter as evidenced by my attitude.

    But now that I have a definite plan and a date, I don't have that sense of peace that I thought I would have. In fact, I just want to curl into a ball.

    First support group meeting is tomorrow night.
    My first worries were impotence and incontinence but now on top of that, I am just tired of being the rock, ya know?
    Thanks for letting me vent. These feelings pass quickly...but are occurring a bit more often.
    Mike

    Mike
    Sorry to hear you are getting down. But really there is those moments that we all say..."why me?", "What did I do to deserve this?" That is certainly been on my mind...but also on my mind is ...wow...I have had such a lucky life, ALL MY LIFE, maybe this is God's way of throwing me a curve ball to see how I handle this. I know one thing....it's the people around me in my life that continue to force me to be optimistic, my RN partner like you, my mother, brother, co-workers...I could not believe the outpouring of support from my co-workers its been so touching to a point that I need to be positive for them so I don't let them down...and at the same time it really is healthy for me. I believe 95% of an outcome in just about any situation is the attitude going into the event. I also think a few jokes along the way about our predicament is healthy...don't get me wrong...I do my homework and research try to be realistic.... and very serious about this...but at the same time I refuse to stop having fun in my life! Hey you have the plan set....go have as much fun as you can prior to the surgery...then just know you will be in recovery mode following the surgery. And we are all here for YOU!

    Here's to YOU getting back in the boat...drinking that bud light and having the time of your life...once again!

    Randy in Indy
  • randy_in_indy
    randy_in_indy Member Posts: 496 Member
    gumbyrun said:

    I'm tired...
    I'm tired about being positive about this and reassuring everyone that I am optimistic and that I am going to beat this and all will be OK. I am definitely a "half-full glass" type of guy, in fact, for Christmas my wife and daughters (13&15) bought me a "life is good shirt" with a water glass and the saying "half full." Its been deemed my official PCa shirt!

    I was diagnosed in November and I am scheduled for daVinci surgery on 2/26/10. I was on top of this. Did all the research, looked at all the options, and at 52, it seemed (and still seems to be) the right choice. Becky (my wife who is an RN and the best) and I met with the urologist and radiation oncologist in Pittsburgh last Wed and all went as we planned. No major revelations. Original pathologist in Danville, pa., scored 4 of 10 cores, one 7 (3&4), and three 6. Pathologist in Pit scored all four a 6 so that's a good thing.

    I knew I would be off 4-8 weeks (from reading these posts here) and had big plans - was going to burn that vinyl to cd's, old 8mm and vhs tapes to dvd, really spend some quality time with my guitar, long walks in the woods, etc.

    An old friend even published an article about "recovery" and how I am evidence that recovery begins in the depths of winter as evidenced by my attitude.

    But now that I have a definite plan and a date, I don't have that sense of peace that I thought I would have. In fact, I just want to curl into a ball.

    First support group meeting is tomorrow night.
    My first worries were impotence and incontinence but now on top of that, I am just tired of being the rock, ya know?
    Thanks for letting me vent. These feelings pass quickly...but are occurring a bit more often.
    Mike

    Mike
    Sorry to hear you are getting down. But really there is those moments that we all say..."why me?", "What did I do to deserve this?" That is certainly been on my mind...but also on my mind is ...wow...I have had such a lucky life, ALL MY LIFE, maybe this is God's way of throwing me a curve ball to see how I handle this. I know one thing....it's the people around me in my life that continue to force me to be optimistic, my RN partner like you, my mother, brother, co-workers...I could not believe the outpouring of support from my co-workers its been so touching to a point that I need to be positive for them so I don't let them down...and at the same time it really is healthy for me. I believe 95% of an outcome in just about any situation is the attitude going into the event. I also think a few jokes along the way about our predicament is healthy...don't get me wrong...I do my homework and research try to be realistic.... and very serious about this...but at the same time I refuse to stop having fun in my life! Hey you have the plan set....go have as much fun as you can prior to the surgery...then just know you will be in recovery mode following the surgery. And we are all here for YOU!

    Here's to YOU getting back in the boat...drinking that bud light and having the time of your life...once again!

    Randy in Indy
  • randy_in_indy
    randy_in_indy Member Posts: 496 Member
    gumbyrun said:

    I'm tired...
    I'm tired about being positive about this and reassuring everyone that I am optimistic and that I am going to beat this and all will be OK. I am definitely a "half-full glass" type of guy, in fact, for Christmas my wife and daughters (13&15) bought me a "life is good shirt" with a water glass and the saying "half full." Its been deemed my official PCa shirt!

    I was diagnosed in November and I am scheduled for daVinci surgery on 2/26/10. I was on top of this. Did all the research, looked at all the options, and at 52, it seemed (and still seems to be) the right choice. Becky (my wife who is an RN and the best) and I met with the urologist and radiation oncologist in Pittsburgh last Wed and all went as we planned. No major revelations. Original pathologist in Danville, pa., scored 4 of 10 cores, one 7 (3&4), and three 6. Pathologist in Pit scored all four a 6 so that's a good thing.

    I knew I would be off 4-8 weeks (from reading these posts here) and had big plans - was going to burn that vinyl to cd's, old 8mm and vhs tapes to dvd, really spend some quality time with my guitar, long walks in the woods, etc.

    An old friend even published an article about "recovery" and how I am evidence that recovery begins in the depths of winter as evidenced by my attitude.

    But now that I have a definite plan and a date, I don't have that sense of peace that I thought I would have. In fact, I just want to curl into a ball.

    First support group meeting is tomorrow night.
    My first worries were impotence and incontinence but now on top of that, I am just tired of being the rock, ya know?
    Thanks for letting me vent. These feelings pass quickly...but are occurring a bit more often.
    Mike

    Mike
    Sorry to hear you are getting down. But really there is those moments that we all say..."why me?", "What did I do to deserve this?" That is certainly been on my mind...but also on my mind is ...wow...I have had such a lucky life, ALL MY LIFE, maybe this is God's way of throwing me a curve ball to see how I handle this. I know one thing....it's the people around me in my life that continue to force me to be optimistic, my RN partner like you, my mother, brother, co-workers...I could not believe the outpouring of support from my co-workers its been so touching to a point that I need to be positive for them so I don't let them down...and at the same time it really is healthy for me. I believe 95% of an outcome in just about any situation is the attitude going into the event. I also think a few jokes along the way about our predicament is healthy...don't get me wrong...I do my homework and research try to be realistic.... and very serious about this...but at the same time I refuse to stop having fun in my life! Hey you have the plan set....go have as much fun as you can prior to the surgery...then just know you will be in recovery mode following the surgery. And we are all here for YOU!

    Here's to YOU getting back in the boat...drinking that bud light and having the time of your life...once again!

    Randy in Indy
  • randy_in_indy
    randy_in_indy Member Posts: 496 Member
    gumbyrun said:

    I'm tired...
    I'm tired about being positive about this and reassuring everyone that I am optimistic and that I am going to beat this and all will be OK. I am definitely a "half-full glass" type of guy, in fact, for Christmas my wife and daughters (13&15) bought me a "life is good shirt" with a water glass and the saying "half full." Its been deemed my official PCa shirt!

    I was diagnosed in November and I am scheduled for daVinci surgery on 2/26/10. I was on top of this. Did all the research, looked at all the options, and at 52, it seemed (and still seems to be) the right choice. Becky (my wife who is an RN and the best) and I met with the urologist and radiation oncologist in Pittsburgh last Wed and all went as we planned. No major revelations. Original pathologist in Danville, pa., scored 4 of 10 cores, one 7 (3&4), and three 6. Pathologist in Pit scored all four a 6 so that's a good thing.

    I knew I would be off 4-8 weeks (from reading these posts here) and had big plans - was going to burn that vinyl to cd's, old 8mm and vhs tapes to dvd, really spend some quality time with my guitar, long walks in the woods, etc.

    An old friend even published an article about "recovery" and how I am evidence that recovery begins in the depths of winter as evidenced by my attitude.

    But now that I have a definite plan and a date, I don't have that sense of peace that I thought I would have. In fact, I just want to curl into a ball.

    First support group meeting is tomorrow night.
    My first worries were impotence and incontinence but now on top of that, I am just tired of being the rock, ya know?
    Thanks for letting me vent. These feelings pass quickly...but are occurring a bit more often.
    Mike

    Mike
    Sorry to hear you are getting down. But really there is those moments that we all say..."why me?", "What did I do to deserve this?" That is certainly been on my mind...but also on my mind is ...wow...I have had such a lucky life, ALL MY LIFE, maybe this is God's way of throwing me a curve ball to see how I handle this. I know one thing....it's the people around me in my life that continue to force me to be optimistic, my RN partner like you, my mother, brother, co-workers...I could not believe the outpouring of support from my co-workers its been so touching to a point that I need to be positive for them so I don't let them down...and at the same time it really is healthy for me. I believe 95% of an outcome in just about any situation is the attitude going into the event. I also think a few jokes along the way about our predicament is healthy...don't get me wrong...I do my homework and research try to be realistic.... and very serious about this...but at the same time I refuse to stop having fun in my life! Hey you have the plan set....go have as much fun as you can prior to the surgery...then just know you will be in recovery mode following the surgery. And we are all here for YOU!

    Here's to YOU getting back in the boat...drinking that bud light and having the time of your life...once again!

    Randy in Indy
  • randy_in_indy
    randy_in_indy Member Posts: 496 Member

    Mike
    Sorry to hear you are getting down. But really there is those moments that we all say..."why me?", "What did I do to deserve this?" That is certainly been on my mind...but also on my mind is ...wow...I have had such a lucky life, ALL MY LIFE, maybe this is God's way of throwing me a curve ball to see how I handle this. I know one thing....it's the people around me in my life that continue to force me to be optimistic, my RN partner like you, my mother, brother, co-workers...I could not believe the outpouring of support from my co-workers its been so touching to a point that I need to be positive for them so I don't let them down...and at the same time it really is healthy for me. I believe 95% of an outcome in just about any situation is the attitude going into the event. I also think a few jokes along the way about our predicament is healthy...don't get me wrong...I do my homework and research try to be realistic.... and very serious about this...but at the same time I refuse to stop having fun in my life! Hey you have the plan set....go have as much fun as you can prior to the surgery...then just know you will be in recovery mode following the surgery. And we are all here for YOU!

    Here's to YOU getting back in the boat...drinking that bud light and having the time of your life...once again!

    Randy in Indy

    Sorry about that...the stupid thing kept sitting
    So I hit the button...several times...LOL Yeah...I'm an A type personality..LOL
  • 142
    142 Member Posts: 169
    gumbyrun said:

    I'm tired...
    I'm tired about being positive about this and reassuring everyone that I am optimistic and that I am going to beat this and all will be OK. I am definitely a "half-full glass" type of guy, in fact, for Christmas my wife and daughters (13&15) bought me a "life is good shirt" with a water glass and the saying "half full." Its been deemed my official PCa shirt!

    I was diagnosed in November and I am scheduled for daVinci surgery on 2/26/10. I was on top of this. Did all the research, looked at all the options, and at 52, it seemed (and still seems to be) the right choice. Becky (my wife who is an RN and the best) and I met with the urologist and radiation oncologist in Pittsburgh last Wed and all went as we planned. No major revelations. Original pathologist in Danville, pa., scored 4 of 10 cores, one 7 (3&4), and three 6. Pathologist in Pit scored all four a 6 so that's a good thing.

    I knew I would be off 4-8 weeks (from reading these posts here) and had big plans - was going to burn that vinyl to cd's, old 8mm and vhs tapes to dvd, really spend some quality time with my guitar, long walks in the woods, etc.

    An old friend even published an article about "recovery" and how I am evidence that recovery begins in the depths of winter as evidenced by my attitude.

    But now that I have a definite plan and a date, I don't have that sense of peace that I thought I would have. In fact, I just want to curl into a ball.

    First support group meeting is tomorrow night.
    My first worries were impotence and incontinence but now on top of that, I am just tired of being the rock, ya know?
    Thanks for letting me vent. These feelings pass quickly...but are occurring a bit more often.
    Mike

    Venting -
    Mike,
    Trust me, you are not alone - I'm strong for everyone (almost) but I do have some old friends who come by to check up on me - they had the same sort of pressures years ago. We share gripes and pain, I lean on them to promise that it is worth the fight,we have a glass of wine, put the good faces back on, and keep going.

    If you have not already, get a copy of Michael Korda's "Man to Man" (1997 - a quick read - 254 pages). I read it a couple of weeks ago (well after the surgery). With the exception of the changes in surgery and some of the statistics, it could have been me. They might have it at your local library. I would not have even thought he could be talking about what I was going to go through if I had read it before surgery -
  • gumbyrun
    gumbyrun Member Posts: 58

    Sorry about that...the stupid thing kept sitting
    So I hit the button...several times...LOL Yeah...I'm an A type personality..LOL

    Thanks
    Thanks Randy. Thanks Randy.Thanks Randy.Thanks Randy.Thanks Randy.Thanks Randy. (I think that's about one "thanks" for each post!)
    Sounds like I'm a few weeks behind you from your other posts. I'll keep everyone posted and oh yes, I'll be back on the boat soon!
  • Trew
    Trew Member Posts: 931 Member
    Try the drug Xanax. For me,
    Try the drug Xanax. For me, very nice. And I only needed it a few itmes a month, but when everything started closing in and the bottom falling out, Xanax wroked very nicely for me.