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Sometimes it just blows me away

just4Brooks's picture
just4Brooks
Posts: 988
Joined: Jun 2009

I don’t know about the rest of you but sometimes I'm just blown away that I HAVE CANCER!!! In life you kind of make plains on what you're going to do and when you're going to do them. THEM BLAAMO.... You have CANCER. What.. me have cancer? no, no no, Not me . this only happens to other people. But no, it's me this time. I'm working my way through this Cancer crap just like the rest of us are.. but some days it just BLOWS me away!!

Life is funny sometimes
Brooks

Shayenne's picture
Shayenne
Posts: 2370
Joined: Jan 2009

Sometimes I catch myself as well, thinking, wow, I have cancer, how different it was just a year ago, and am blown away as well. Now all I can think of is the fight being on ;)

Hugsss!
~Donna

maglets's picture
maglets
Posts: 2596
Joined: Jun 2006

yes it is truly remarkable is it not....me cancer who thought

I do not mean to trivialize your post in any way Brooks But here is my burning question of the moment. Where is it written..I ask where is it written

after you save up the black load of clothes to wash....where is it written that there will always be a kleenex in some pocket and your nice dark laundry is clean but covered in shredded stuffies....grumble :) :)

mags

coloCan
Posts: 1956
Joined: Oct 2009

while you're busy making plans." Who the hell plans for cancer to enter their life??????Try as you may to put the thought aside and get on with your life, its always there, lurking in the back of your mind (all I need do is look at my body, move a certain way that affects stoma, etc). And ,speaking for myself, I think I'll forever be on the lookout for additiion signs of cancer. Who would have though at the start of 2009 this is where we'd be at end of 2009 but look how much stronger we are having survived chemo/rad/surgery and more.....No matter how down one gets, one must get up and continue the battle-the enemy won't give up on its own......Steve

maglets's picture
maglets
Posts: 2596
Joined: Jun 2006

sorry Brooks....just had to vacuum my laundry.
I have been fighting away for five years now and every reoccurence is a blow. I think I feel most different when actually on chemo. I walk down streets and think...why I am so different...look at all these people going on with their lives.

and then I just get on with my life but I do not believe it ever feels the same as pre cancer. The beast lurks

mags

Steve Z's picture
Steve Z
Posts: 51
Joined: Sep 2009

I just saw your post on another thread about location. My in-laws grew up in Owen Sound. They still have a cabin up on the Bruce north of Sauble. We live in Philly, but I treasure the times at the cabin playing cribbage with my wife's grandfather. She still has cousins up there. Alexander, Kellough, and Morrison.

Hang in there and lean on whoever you need to get through. I'm only in my third chemo treatment and the physical annoyance is the constant reminder that eventually sends me into mental overdrive "why do I have to go through this?"

KathiM's picture
KathiM
Posts: 8077
Joined: Aug 2005

Wondered how many people have been touched by cancer...there were about 3,000 of us on the ship....

I could usually pick them out...these were the people that smiled alot, and complained very little...and looked around with a bit of gratitude...

I'm NOT saying that I'm grateful for having heard those 3 words...I would have rather not...but 'it is what it is'....and I have made adjustments (like not eating baked Alaska...sigh...chemo made me lactose intollerant....on the ship).

Hugs, Kathi

Steve Z's picture
Steve Z
Posts: 51
Joined: Sep 2009

This is what raddles around in my head . . . I had some cramps. Then you operate, I miss work for 6 weeks, you put this thing in my chest, you then put a needle in that for 48 hrs, then I feel like hell, and just when I start to feel better the needle is back. What did I have? Are you sure you got the right guy? Except for what you're doing to me I feel pretty good.

Paula G.'s picture
Paula G.
Posts: 596
Joined: Apr 2009

I try everyday not to think about it. But NOOOO it creeps in. I think my husband is handling it better than I am. We do what we can to keep things the same or better but I think that once you have cancer or someone you love has cancer things just aren't the same.
You look at everything different. Some of it can be good. Time together seems of more important than it did. Not that it wasn't before it just has a feeling about it. We know how you feel. Paula

usakat's picture
usakat
Posts: 625
Joined: Jul 2006

Cancer is not a thing one can overlook or just climb over and continue on when treatment is done...

It changes us, but we must be certain we don't define ourselves by it.

For me, cancer taught me to be more aware of the true gifts that life and good health are, and most importantly, to be grateful.

thready's picture
thready
Posts: 475
Joined: Sep 2009

Cancer has made me more grateful. I think I will always look at things differently, cancer has taken so much, yet I am determined to look at what it can not touch and how it has made me be more grateful, more aware of those around me and how I focus on who is important, not the what in life.

When I'm worried and I can't sleep
I count my blessings instead of sheep
And I fall asleep
Counting my blessings

When my bankroll is getting small
I think of when I had none at all
And I fall asleep
Counting my blessings

I think about a nursery and I picture curly heads
And one by one I count them as they slumber in their beds

If you're worried and you can't sleep
Just count your blessings instead of sheep
And you'll fall asleep
Counting your blessings-Irving Berlin

butterfly23's picture
butterfly23
Posts: 257
Joined: Mar 2008

Today I was talking with my mother, and I still can't believe it's been 2 years since my battle! It doesn't seem possible! I still have a LONG way to go! I agree sometimes you think about it and it does blow your mind!

Karyn

christinecarl's picture
christinecarl
Posts: 545
Joined: Sep 2009

It is not like I never thought I would get it, just not 2 weeks after turning 40. I was all set to go in for my 1st colonoscopy, no plans to ignore it or the family history. I would stay on top of it so I would not get it, I told myself. Ha.

karguy's picture
karguy
Posts: 1024
Joined: Apr 2009

No one in my family ever had cancer,untill my aunt died of stomach cancer 4 years ago,that was a shock,then my brother died of pancratic cancer almost 2 tears ago.Then I was dx with colorectal cancer 2 months later.I still have days when I find it hard to believe,but it does change your life even if you don't want it to.You are very right,life is funny sometimes,and you have to live it the best you can.

tootsie1's picture
tootsie1
Posts: 5056
Joined: Feb 2008

Brooks,

I know what you mean. It overwhelms me sometimes. I think, "Whoa! Cancer!" I clearly remember, too, the day of my surgery. I'm one of 6 kids, and all my sisters were able to come that day, but not my brother. When I was coming out of the anesthesia, I told them, "I always figured one of us would get cancer, but I didn't think it would be me."

*Hugs*
Gail

robinvan's picture
robinvan
Posts: 1014
Joined: May 2007

You name this very well Brooks! Even after 5 years I am still blown away! Long range planning is out the window for me.

C'est la lie! Rob; in Vancouver

eric38's picture
eric38
Posts: 588
Joined: May 2009

It`s crazy. You know the question interviewers and other people sometimes ask? Where do you see yourself ten years from now? Long term plans are now out the window. When I hear that question I think I might not be around in ten years. So, my answer is the basic of all answers. It would be "Hopefully, alive."

Eric

angelsbaby's picture
angelsbaby
Posts: 1171
Joined: May 2008

cancer scares me .I thought we would grow old together But once the cancer word is used our life was changed forever thats for sure.

michelle

PhillieG's picture
PhillieG
Posts: 4907
Joined: May 2005

We are looking into refinancing our house. They offer 30 yr mortgage.
I snicker when I think of that. Even w/o cancer I'd be 82!

PhillieG's picture
PhillieG
Posts: 4907
Joined: May 2005

In the blink of an eye everything changes.
When I got cancer I first thought "why me and not Brooks!"
;-)
I can't believe it at times but why the hell not me? Someone's got to get it, as long as it wasn't my kids I don't mind (that much). What gets me from time to time is that I can't believe this is STILL going on after getting close to 6 years. It beats the alternative and there is hope (and life) living with cancer.

I did just find out over the weekend that a former classmate of mind from high school was dx with breast cancer last December and died two months later. It blew me away.
I consider us all very lucky in many ways.

just4Brooks's picture
just4Brooks
Posts: 988
Joined: Jun 2009

We are lucky Phill, We lived through today and we see the day as a gift. The others just see it as another day. What a blessing we have.

Life is funny sometimes
Brooks

thready's picture
thready
Posts: 475
Joined: Sep 2009

Brooks,
Today is a gift. The most important thing I am learning is to not worry about the small stuff. I know I irritate people when I tell them that what ever trivial thing they might be worrying/irritated about is small, but it really is. I really try to keep my mouth shut but sometimes after cancer diagnosis I speak up.

Jan

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