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Angelsbaby

Julie 44
Posts: 479
Joined: Oct 2008

Hey Michele,
How are you mmaking out??? Have not heard from you in awhile are you ok????? JULIE

angelsbaby's picture
angelsbaby
Posts: 1171
Joined: May 2008

Saw your post thanks for thinking of me i went to the dr yesterday i have been playing with my hair to much and i am pulling it out,so my doc put me on a anti depressant. i took my first pill today. So we will see, i have to many stresses going on my 31 yrs old son who is living with me is starting to use crystal meth again he says the wierdest things now if angel was here anthony my son would not be at our house , the house is up for a short sale the harley is going back to harley. My pool is green i am trying to get a handle on that. my car alarm went off and i could not turn that off yesterday at work. Just to many things at once i can't even greive for angel because of all this other crap. Will be moving and my son is not coming or knowing where i am, I don't want or need and drama from the police about my son i know what i have to do and i am trying, I will be ok once things calm down . But i still have a positive attitude i have to . keep my brother in your prayers he needs them. brain cancer dr gave him a grim outlook yesterday but my brother wants to fight God bless him. Take care.

ps will not use my alarm again just lock the car i say. Ha Ha

have a wonderful day

michelle

kristasplace's picture
kristasplace
Posts: 956
Joined: Oct 2007

I think what you're doing is wonderful. Your kids should be helping you during this time, and not adding to your pain. I understand they're probably hurting too, but this is ridiculous! I'm glad you've chosen to sever your ties with your son. This is YOUR time, and you need it to heal. Surround yourself with people and things that bring you joy, not the opposite.

I'm sure it will eventually get better. I always think about you, and i consider you one of the bravest people i know.

I will be sending good vibes and prayers that you're out of your situation like lightening!

Many hugs,
Krista

angelsbaby's picture
angelsbaby
Posts: 1171
Joined: May 2008

Krista you have always been there for me and i love that.And you are my hero.

take care i will do the same
huggs
michelle I wish i could really hug you all.

PhillieG's picture
PhillieG
Posts: 4912
Joined: May 2005

I am saddened to hear about your situation. I had no idea any of that was going on. It certainly is that last thing you need to be happening at any time. Anti-depressants can do wonders. Sometimes it's just a matter of finding the right one for YOU. If this one doesn't quite do the trick maybe try a different one.
all my best to you
-phil

Buzzard's picture
Buzzard
Posts: 3073
Joined: Aug 2008

Phil's right. It may take a couple of weeks before you really start to notice anything but it does helps us cope a lot better without changing the person you are........Bless you and things do get better, promise...Clift

angelsbaby's picture
angelsbaby
Posts: 1171
Joined: May 2008

just another day in my life can't let it get me to down. And you do help by always reading and responding you are awesome . Have a good day talk to you soon.

michelle

VickiCO's picture
VickiCO
Posts: 934
Joined: Oct 2008

We are here for you, my friend. Please, if there is anything I can do, just ASK. (Except the alarm thing...I set mine off all the time!) Seriously, I want to help. Let me know how I can...

many hugs, Vicki

angelsbaby's picture
angelsbaby
Posts: 1171
Joined: May 2008

you just did help, another great person who has always been there for me and i can't thank you enough. I am at a big mountain right now once i get over the mountain things will get better i just no it. I hope all is well with you to vicki..

michelle

Sundanceh's picture
Sundanceh
Posts: 4408
Joined: Jun 2009

Michelle

We got a chance to talk a little bit the other night when you responded to my post and then I posted back to talk to you and then you responded back to that.

When I got here, it was right after Angel's passing...and I was new and did not know anybody or have a relationship with anyone at that time...I was just trying to see where I could fit in with my treatments and cancer experience and such.

I had posted my condolences, but left it at that, because I wanted to respect your space and I figured one day we would talk and then it would be appropriate to say something to you. All of you were friends and I just did not want to butt in - like who is this guy?

I was concerned when I read about your RJA issue with your granddaughter and I immediately got hold of a lady who knew about RA and that webiste link and got it to you ASAP. I really want to hear back from you on how that turns out - I'm hoping that will be an answer that will help treat her condition...children should not have to go through so much strife at such a tender age.

I continue to be saddened about your husband's loss...listening to you and everybody talk about him, I feel like I know of him...I know he liked his beer :)

Anyway, you are very courageous and were a wonderful caregiver, and a good Mom and Grandmother. I'm so sorry to read your post about your son...that stuff he's doing is very unpredictable and you have to look out for yourself at this point.

I'm saddened by you having to sell the bike and move out of your house...life is just not always fair, we've all been told. I wish I had a magic wand and sweep all of your heartbreak and anguish away - it would already be done.

I must say that your attitude is refreshing and you are handling everything superbly. I respect you and what you're doing - you've been dealt a bad hand of cards, but it has not got you down.

I know you have alot of friends here and I don't want to butt in, but I would also like to be considered a friend of yours too - if you got room for one more?

I've thought of your brother since I read that post too and hope that things turn around for him and you too. You have had enough for all of our lifetimes...a good woman like you will have more good days coming, I feel it.

Take care of yourself...I really do want to hear about how the RJA treatments work out.

-Craig

angelsbaby's picture
angelsbaby
Posts: 1171
Joined: May 2008

Haley my grandaughter did go to the jra dr the best in az And said the pros out way the cons in haleys case she is in remission but has to be that way 1 yr to be in remission 5 months to go. Then the dr will see about rducing her meds so we are all ok with that but still worried about the cancer . Craig i did go to that website got the info and haleys mom did show it to the dr. again thank you for that. And you are my friend and i am the lucky one. Angel did love his beer too , You are awesome to have remebered everything about my situation. God Bless you ,I will keep my chin up . but really you all our fighting a hard battle and i want everyone to win so bad. So talk to me when ever you want i will look foward to that.

michelle

lisa42's picture
lisa42
Posts: 3661
Joined: Jul 2008

Remember that old saying "when it rains it pours"? Well, it sure seems like you've been hit with way more than your fair share of difficulty in life lately. I'm so very sorry with all you're having to go through. I suppose if we follow the logic of the above saying, we could also go with the one "the sun will come out tomorrow!" (I could now break into full course on that song from "Annie", but I'll spare us all :)
Anyhow, I'm not trying to make light of your difficulty in any way, shape, or form- just that things have to start getting better.
I do think it sounds like a wise thing for you to move out and separate yourself from you son for a while until he can hopefully get his act together. (Maybe it would take an extended family intervention to get him the help he needs? Something to consider).

You take care and I'll be thinking of and praying for you and also for your son.

Hugs,
Lisa

angelsbaby's picture
angelsbaby
Posts: 1171
Joined: May 2008

We tried the ex family thing for my son didn't work but thanks angel and i have delt with this on and off for about 4 yrs now. I think i will be ok if nothing else big happens. And I really like your picture too. Thanks lisa for being there for me.

take care

michelle

tootsie1's picture
tootsie1
Posts: 5065
Joined: Feb 2008

Michelle,

I'm so sorry that things are so hard for you. And I'm sure it's doubly hard now, because you don't have Angel there to be a support system for you. I'm glad you're getting out and away from your son. That situation is just too destructive for you! I'm curious to know if you're moving to a place where you won't be responsible for yard work and such.

I'll keep praying about your situation. Please keep us in the know and lean on us whenever you need to.

*hugs*
Gail

sheri22
Posts: 278
Joined: Jan 2009

Michelle
Always have you in my prayers my sister has a friend whose brother did beat brain ca. also a friend of my husband has beat it also so hope that gives you positive thoughts on that . You ARE SO STRONG I know things will get better for you they have to
so take care just wanted you to know you are in my thouhts and prayers

Sheri22

Annabelle41415's picture
Annabelle41415
Posts: 6722
Joined: Feb 2009

Awww Michelle I wish I could hug you. It sounds like you have been overwhelmed for so long and still continue. Having trouble with your children is very hard on you emotionally and physically and I'm glad that you are going to get something to help you. Distancing yourself from your children is going to be hard, but in your situation it sounds like the best thing. I am praying that things start turning around for you. I pray that your brother start responding to treatment. My thoughts and prayers are with you.

Kim

angelsbaby's picture
angelsbaby
Posts: 1171
Joined: May 2008

Life is not easy for me right now but i feel good today after reading all the post.And i will try to hang in there i am tough and whimpy at the same time , Thanks again i just love all of you.

michelle

donnare
Posts: 266
Joined: Jun 2009

I am so very sorry about the loss of your husband, and that things are difficult for you. I will keep you in my prayers Michelle. Please take good care of yourself.

Be well,
Donna

P.S. As other people mentioned - the antidepressants do help to take the edge off. I take Prozac - call it "Vitamin P" :-))))). It has really helped me cope with my husband's dx and treatment so far.

lizzydavis's picture
lizzydavis
Posts: 893
Joined: May 2009

Hi Michelle. I am sending my support and good thoughts to you. Please know we are with you in spirit and wish you strength and comfort at this time.

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Shayenne
Posts: 2370
Joined: Jan 2009

....here we are talking about our problems with our diseaase, and poor Michelle is going through her own hell, I'm so sorry to hear about your situation, tough love it on the son, it's the only thing that will work, even though it's hard to do, and my prayers are with your brother, there are so many people out there who have it worse then me, and you're one of them! I can't complain about my family, but those anti-depressants should help you out. I am on zoloft, and the dr. said it would take like a month to be all in my system, and it does help, so give it some time. I wish I was there giving you a hug, hope you can settle on my cyberhugs for now!

Hugsss and Blessings!
~Donna

angelsbaby's picture
angelsbaby
Posts: 1171
Joined: May 2008

But my problems really are nothing compared to all of you, and maybe some of you have some of my problems plus being sick that has to be sooooo hard to deal with,and you just getting out of the hospital and still wanting to help you are awsome too. huggs to you back, I will be ok and thanks for thinking of my brother and the prayers.

michelle

2bhealed's picture
2bhealed
Posts: 2085
Joined: Dec 2001

Didn't know you were going through such a rough patch. Glad you come here and get some lovin'.

angelsbaby's picture
angelsbaby
Posts: 1171
Joined: May 2008

And i do get the lovin thanks your another wonderful person who thinks fo me often and that is comforting to me take care be well

michelle

Kathleen808's picture
Kathleen808
Posts: 2361
Joined: Jan 2009

Michele, I am so sorry you are going through all this. I know you need to mourn the loss of Angel and it sounds like things are just so hard right now. It will be very good for you to have some time and a place for yourself.
I will keep praying for you and your brother.
Aloha,
Kathleen

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johnnybegood
Posts: 1122
Joined: Oct 2008

sorry you are having rough times but just remember we are all here for you day or night.i think about you often as you know i am originally from scottsdale and my mom still lives there.things will get better you are a fighter and i know angel is watching over you .Godbless.....johnnybegood

angelsbaby's picture
angelsbaby
Posts: 1171
Joined: May 2008

You give me encourgement to go on you are all so wonderful i can't say that enough you take care I will get threw this some how , Like i said my problems are minor compared to all of yours, you are fighting to live and i am fighting for you too

michelle

angelsbaby's picture
angelsbaby
Posts: 1171
Joined: May 2008

I think of all of you everyday and that makes me feel good. Thanks for the prayers for my little brother he got a battle in front of him but he wants to fight and i will be there for him. Take care

michelle

sharpy102's picture
sharpy102
Posts: 371
Joined: Apr 2009

@Michelle: wow....I just wish you good luck...I truly don't know how you can handle all that. I'm already gone crazy, and whole life seems to be really bad at the moment...I have a quiet hard time, but nothing close to as you do. I don't have anyone to worry about anymore....but tell me one thing please: since you lost your husband a couple months earlier than I lost my mom....how did you get over it? How did you forget? Or...did you forget? I think I'm going crazy, but I cry every night, and just don't seem to be able to accept it....and people said it will be easier by time, but for me it seems harder. It's been almost two months now and I don't feel it is getting any easier....tell me the trick! Or...anyone! I don't know what I should do so that I can move on, but I am getting emotionally drained...I am just as tired as I was when I was fighting for mom and took care of her and when I no longer could kill her pain and she would beg me to help her and I couldn't....I am having the same tiredness here...and I shouldn't be nuts, as I've got new parents who adopted me, and I moved to the US and have a nice place to live (nicer than the place I lived back at my homeland), and still...I feel more alone than ever. And I catch myself turning my pain into anger....I'm not angry at mom...not at all...I'm just generally angry...to life..or I dunno how to explain this...but I want to move on, and cannot, and I don't know what would help me to forget and think of her when she was happy and healthy, and laugh again. All I want is to be happy again...it's been sooo long.
Ok, here I complained...again...sorry about that! And I wish all of you recovery, and please don't be influenced by my stupid whining...I just needed to get this out and hope to get some good ideas on forgetting....
Please take care everyone!

Julie 44
Posts: 479
Joined: Oct 2008

Hey there glad to hear from you again.Sorry I didn't reply sooner but I was in the hospital.....
I am so very sorry for everything that you are going through..I just can't imagine having to do tough love on your child..That must have been Hell to decide that but all in all it seems like it is the best to do for you....Like everyone has said you need to take time for MICHELLE!!!!!!
Take time to heal yourself from Angels passing..It sucks so bad but hopefully the meds will help you some...Michelle needs to do this...You have so much on your plate but you have proven how strong you really are and you will get past this too...Greive greive greive you can't get better until you do......
Your brother seems strong also so I am sure he will fight like crazy..You know all you can do is be there for him...
Your daughter seems to be on top of things and your grand baby is getting better too ..
Your son will have to deal with his own demons on his own.As hard as it it your are doing whats right for you...
Now you just have to work on yourself...Find the right meds for yourself and keep on plugging along...Keep busy and remember we are all her for you and praying for you and your family...Things will get better for you..I will and is a hard long road but you are not traveling it alone...You are always in my thoughts and prayers JULIE

Julie 44
Posts: 479
Joined: Oct 2008

Hey there glad to hear from you again.Sorry I didn't reply sooner but I was in the hospital.....
I am so very sorry for everything that you are going through..I just can't imagine having to do tough love on your child..That must have been Hell to decide that but all in all it seems like it is the best to do for you....Like everyone has said you need to take time for MICHELLE!!!!!!
Take time to heal yourself from Angels passing..It sucks so bad but hopefully the meds will help you some...Michelle needs to do this...You have so much on your plate but you have proven how strong you really are and you will get past this too...Greive greive greive you can't get better until you do......
Your brother seems strong also so I am sure he will fight like crazy..You know all you can do is be there for him...
Your daughter seems to be on top of things and your grand baby is getting better too ..
Your son will have to deal with his own demons on his own.As hard as it it your are doing whats right for you...
Now you just have to work on yourself...Find the right meds for yourself and keep on plugging along...Keep busy and remember we are all her for you and praying for you and your family...Things will get better for you..I will and is a hard long road but you are not traveling it alone...You are always in my thoughts and prayers JULIE

angelsbaby's picture
angelsbaby
Posts: 1171
Joined: May 2008

thanks I am trying things will get better they have to . One good thing i got the pool blue again they came and picked up the harley friday that was sad but a relief too. I hope you are ok i am sorry you were in the hospital wishing you a speedy recover. Thanks julie i think about you too take care

michelle

angelsbaby's picture
angelsbaby
Posts: 1171
Joined: May 2008

There is no trick, I am still crying i will never get over his death but that is ok .I am truely sorry for you loss but your mom is watching you and if she could help you she would. Every one is different and it does take time sometimes alot of time to move on but remember your mom loved you alot and you loved her , I am going to counseling and i have to take antidepressents I hope it helps and eveyone on this board has helped me alot. I am not angry just sad.,It helps to talk to people i wish i could give you more better info but i am just learning to live again by my self and i have to have other stresses too but I will try my hardest to go on and i hope you find peace ..take care

michelle

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